Recap: Bad Girls Club: Meet the New Baaaad Girl

UGH. Who else is sick of these alleged “bad girls” not acting bad? Yes, it was another uneventful week on Bad Girls Club with nary a chair being tossed at all. Just about the only excitement was that a new girl came to the house, and that was about it. I’m starting to think this show should be renamed. Needy Girls Club? Passive Aggressive Girls Club? Unfaithful Girls Club? Whatever it’s called, we’ve hit a dull patch, and if things don’t get better, I’m gonna have to suggest something drastic for this show. Maybe letting lose a pack of rabid gerbils in the house (assuming I could go back in time an affect the production of the show. Which I can’t). Speaking of rabid gerbils, let’s get on with the show…This week’s show started off with the arrival of Ripsi’s replacement, a rambunctious blond girl named DeAnn. She explained that people always think she’s a stuck up bitch at first, but if we come to know her, we’ll see that she’s just swell. Also, she likes to drink a lot of beer. Unless “pulling hair” and “throwing furniture” are also part of her repertoire, I could care less.

Anyway, like me, Aimee was none too excited to welcome this new idiot onto the show. “Oh God,” she moaned. “Another blonde.” Apparently Aimee was searching for another girl with dark early ’80s hair. Well, while DeAnn got acquainted with her new roommates, our old friend Zara (remember her? Skinny girl, self-absorbed, intensely needy?) was still at Tomik’s house. That’s right, when we last left them, they were in the throes of passion — or something like that. The two were making out on his bed, but now, at this late hour, they were dipping their toes into his rather nasty looking swimming pool. Where’s Steve the Pool Boy when you need him?

Elsewhere in the City of Angels, Ty and Leslie were gorging on scalding fried chicken (at Roscoe’s House of Chicken and Waffles — a must for anyone visiting from out of town). The two girls were talking about boyfriends, specifically Ty’s man, Juan. It wasn’t very interesting; so let’s just move on.

Back at the house, Jodie and Kerry were alerting DeAnn that basically all the other girls hate the blondes. We could practically hear Jodie and Kerry droning, “One of us… One of us…” DeAnn then informed the ladies that she was the mother of a seven-year-old. Yay teen pregnancy! And just like the responsible single mother she is, DeAnn was living it up here on a reality show. Bravo!

“I don’t know what I’d do without him,” she said of her son, clearly not realizing that by signing up for the show, she was, in fact, without him.

Well, aside from that whole abandoning her son thing, everything seemed to be just dandy for DeAnn. At least until she encountered Aimee. Turns out Aimee was not a fan at all. She told DeAnn to her face that she reminded her of a girl she once knew. A girl who SUCKED. Great. Later, when Leslie and Ty returned to the house and met DeAnn, Leslie had a much more colorful description of DeAnn: “She looks like every ‘ho in the book.” Actually, she kind of looked like one of the Real Housewives of Orange County, but I guess that’s not really mutually exclusive with being a ho. We all win!

That night, the blondes and Aimee decided to hit up a dumpy sports bar in Santa Monica. As soon as they arrived, Aimee was unhappy, noting that the fine establishment looked like “an old person’s place.” Clearly she wanted a venue that would be more suitable to her Pat Benatar tribute hair. Well, next thing we knew, DeAnn was telling us how she simply did not like Aimee very much. She was just too negative. She had a cloud of darkness hanging over her. Fascinating.

Back at the house, Ty got on the phone with Juan, and immediately, the two began to fight. She accused him of being unfaithful and then informed us that he had cheated when they were together, so why would he not cheat when she was gone for four months. I’m sorry, but who’s fault is it that you stayed with a man who’s been a repeat cheater? That’s right. It’s yours, TY. Don’t waste our time with your drama (unless you plan to throw an ottoman).

Meanwhile, Zara was still at Tomik’s lair of seduction. She clearly was captivated by his oily charm. Eventually, Zara did return to the house, but knowing that the girls would assault her with judgmental questions, she snuck upstairs and went to sleep. “I could care less if she got a sexually transmitted disease tonight or not.” Here, here, sister.

The next day, Zara ignored an incoming call from her boyfriend, Jarad, and instead went ice skating with Leslie and Ty. I’m pretty sure she has no idea how much shit they talk about her behind her back. Nevertheless, while they braved the icy climates of an indoor rink, the blondes decided to get wet and wild. They unfurled a tiny Slip-N-Slide in the backyard and frolicked away. Honestly, it looked like the beginning of a Playboy video. I half expected to hear a lazy saxophone purr on the soundtrack.

Unfortunately for Aimee, she hated both ice skating AND Slip-N-Slide, which meant there was nothing for her to do except complain about the situation on the phone. Lame. Later, the blondes all took a drive into town together, which allowed DeAnn the chance to finally voice her opinions on Aimee: “She’s the devil’s daughter!” Please let this foreshadow a catfight.

Back at the house, Zara slouched around, showing off a fairly hideous tattoo on her stomach. Why, Zara, why? Oh, that’s right. You’re an idiot. Meanwhile, DeAnn called up her son to say hi. We learned that he played kickball that day, which was thrilling news for America, I’m sure. Yawn. Let’s go back to Zara.

Despite feeling guilty for having cheated on Jarad, Zara still wanted to hang out with Tomik. “We just have fun together,” she told us, adding, “We fuck like two idiotic bunnies.” Okay, she didn’t say that, but c’mon now. We all know it’s happening.

Well, while Zara enjoyed the company of Tomik, Aimee suddenly softened up and decided she wanted to dote on photos of DeAnn’s son. “His eyes are real squinty!” she observed, her heart melting with ever photo. Suddenly, DeAnn realized that Aimee was A-OK and happily rescinded any comments she may have made about her being the spawn of Satan and whatnot. Yay burgeoning friendship!

As for Zara, she finally inserted herself into a cab and returned to the house with her trademark goofy, guilty grin on her face. “She looks like she just got done getting fucked,” Ty commented, quite astutely I might add.

Zara then dialed up Jarad and told him “You know I’ll always love you, no matter what happens.” Well, if that doesn’t inspire trust in Jarad, I don’t know what will! Sure enough, he read between the lines quite easily and managed to get Zara to admit that she had kissed Tomik. Of course, “a kiss” in Zara-speak pretty much means “marathon dildo orgy”; so Jarad was left with no other option but to dump his whiny girl right there on the spot. Good for him.

Zara didn’t seem too crushed by this news. She dealt with it by telling us, “I just want to have as much fun as possible while I’m here.” Yes, it was Jarad’s fault that he didn’t understand this. She can’t help it if having fun involves being unfaithful!

As the show ended, Zara IM’d Tomik and announced that she was single now. What hedonistic activities will ensue now that the union of Zaramik can be made official??? I guess we’ll have to tune in next week to find out!