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Here’s some good news: Bad Girls Club wasn’t totally lethal tonight. It was actually surprisingly fun, thanks to continuing clashes of Zara and Aimee. They’re a perfect combo: Zara’s a needy idiot with no self-esteem. Aimee’s a prickly firecracker who refuses to take any bullshit from anyone. Normally, the Zaras and Aimees of the world stay away from each other — Aimees can’t deal with Zara whining, Zaras can’t deal with Aimee barking — but on this show, they’ve been held in close quarters, and finally, we’ve seen the first noteworthy eruption since the Age of Ripsi. And who was in the middle of it all? You guessed it: our favorite penis head. Tomik.The first portion of the show was pretty much a bore. The girls went to Q’s Billiards on Wilshire Blvd., which just happens to be one of the very worst bars in Los Angeles. Some might call it a douchebag haven. Avoid at all costs, people. Unless, of course, you’re a douchebag. In which case, go there and stay out of the cooler spots. Wow, I’m such a snob. This show brings it out in me. Anyway, a bunch of guys tried to hit on Jodie, with one saying that her accent sounded like it wasn’t from anyplace in the country. Yes, that exotic Baltimore accent truly is beguiling!
While Jodie fended off the douchebags (caveat emptor at Q’s), Ty revealed to Leslie that she’s, well, bi. Bi-Ty! This was mildly shocking to Leslie (and probably more so to Ty’s boyfriend, Juan). Ty asked Leslie if she would ever turn sapphic, and Leslie was all hell to the no. Yeah, we’ll see about that, Miss Muffaletta.
Back at the bar, Jodie finally met a charming young paid actor man named Jonathan, who was ever so dreamy. She had no choice but to bring him back to the estate and show him the panoramic views — not to mention the window to her old bedroom. Fascinating tour! The two then reclined on a couch and talked about how they both were engaged to people at the same time, and how both relationships fell apart. Surely a love connection like none other!
Meanwhile, Zara stumbled into the house with Tomik, who finally graduated to VIP level, as evidenced by the special interview the producers gave him. Um, last time I checked, he wasn’t a bad girl. Why was he being interviewed? Well, if there was anyone who hated Tomik as much as us, it was Aimee. She not only despised him, but she greatly objected to the way he acted as if he ran the Bad Girls house. She told us, “He’s a nobody. He thinks he’s somebody, but Tomik’s a nobody.” Amen, sister. Amen.
Of course, Zara didn’t like all of Aimee’s negativity. She felt Aimee should stop bitching at everything, particularly the things that underscored Zara’s own stupidity. Surely, these two were headed for a catfight.
Meanwhile, new girl Deann got the post-Jonathan report from Jodie. The two did not kiss because Jodie does not kiss on the first hang out, but man did they have wonderful conversation. They were gonna hang out the next night! “How is it that in all of LA, you find the hottest, sweetest person?” Deann asked. Um, because he came from central casting.
Deann did have one critique though: “He needs to work on his handshake. It’s kind of pussy.” Dunh dunh DUNH! You heard it here first, America. Jonathan had a pussy handshake. Who would have thought?
Meanwhile, over in the living room, Zara and Aimee were finally going at it. Aimee didn’t understand why Zara defended everything Tomik did (um, because she’s needy on account of serious Daddy issues?). The two began bickering, and Zara accused Aimee of yelling all the time. “You’ll keep whining. I’ll keep yelling!!!” Aimee retorted. WHAT? Was she really implying that Zara whines all the time? That’s just blasphemous!
The next day, the fighting had subsided, and now all the girls were going to Tomik’s housoe for a party. Well, almost all the girls. Leslie and Ty were heading to a lesbian bar. Anyway, the girls all headed out to their respective locations — although, not before Jodie left a message on Jonathan’s voicemail. For those of you who forgot, they were supposed to go on a date that night, but Jonathan hadn’t called her yet. Sounds like someone’s in store for a royal snub!
Over at Tomik’s place, all the girls and the guys got drunk, played drinking games, and had a rowdy fun time. We saw our old friend Steve the poolboy/actor, and after a while, Aimee began warming up to Tomik. He wasn’t so bad after all. It looked like the two were gonna be fast friends after all. See, sometimes you just have to push past those tough exterior walls!
A little later, Zara and Tomik started making out, and she accidentally referred to her ex-boyfriend Jarad as her boyfriend. This pissed off Tomik for some reason — I think he was just looking for an excuse to a) push her away, b) make her feel guilty, c) be dumb. Funny how he didn’t seem to mind her referring to Jarad as her boyfriend when they were actually dating and Tomik was having sex with her too. Anyway, this newly needy Tomik told Zara, “I’m not going to be made a fool of!” Yeah, a little too late. I think you lost all your dignity when your face first popped up on this dumb show.
Tomik then told Zara that he simply didn’t trust her, something she couldn’t understand. Just because she cheated on her boyfriend didn’t mean she was untrustworthy! People are so judgmental!
We then headed over to the gay club to see a bunch of scary lesbians eyeing strippers. Leslie had a brave game face on, but honestly, she looked terrified.
Back at the party, scandal soon erupted as Tomik guided Aimee into his bedroom. Oh no. Were they actually going to hook up? Nope. Thankfully, Aimee had some sense of moral obligation to her friends, even if they were whiny and dumb like Zara. She kindly denied Tomik’s advances, despite how alluring they were. Once again, he proved himself to be a mighty wordsmith. “You’re a tough cookie. You’re a tough cookie,” he said. “I’m breaking the fortune cookie, and I’m reading the fortune.” So profound. Even better, he capped it off with that most original of lines: “I want to show you a good time.” Anyone else feel like vomiting?
Well, Aimee bolted, and at home, she felt totally vindicated. The fact that Tomik hit on her proved that he was a total sketchy douchebag, and in her mind, if Zara got mad at Aimee, Aimee could just turn and say, “I told you so.” None of the girls could believe that Zara would put up with him, and furthermore, they didn’t understand why she stayed later with him, even though he just told Aimee he wanted to be with her.
“I think it makes her look really stupid,” Kerry said. Other things that make Zara look stupid: EVERYTHING ABOUT HER.
Nevertheless, Tomik told Zara that “I’m getting a lot of red flags with you,” and then declared that he wouldn’t put up with fake girls. Unlike him, who’s the most real person ever. Of course, the tactic worked, and after begging to be taken back, Tomik told Zara he would give her a shot. Congratulations, Zar! You’re well on your way to objectification!
The next day, Jodie checked the answering machine and came to realize that Jonathan had moved on to greener pastures and acting gigs. She said it took a lot for her to like someone; so this rejection was particularly harsh. All those who care, raise your hands? I see no hands. Moving on…
In the living room, Aimee informed Zara that Tomik hit on her, but when Zara said she didn’t believe it, Aimee took it personally. “Am I a dawwwg?” she screeched. Zara pretty much shrugged yes (oh no she di’int!), but then she explained that Tomik his on everyone. GREAT! Of course, that’s why Zara stays with him because she’s the one he picked to be special. Anyway, Aimee could not believe that Zara thought she was an unfunny, stupid, dawwwg. “Are you from another planet, dude?” she yelled with amusing exasperation. “I feel like I’m talking to a mentally challenged person!” Aimee then told us, finally discovering what we’ve always known about Zara.
So why would Tomik hit on Aimee? “Maybe it’s because I have tits. Did you ever think of that?” Aimee barked. OH SNAP! This was getting brutal.
Well, Zara called up Tomik and asked what he said to Aimee. Of course, he denied any and everything, saying, “I’m pretty much with you.” That’s a vote of confidence if I’ve ever heard one.
Amusingly, while Zara breathed a sigh of relief, all the other girls were gathered around the computer, looking at Aimee’s MySpace. Tomik had just sent her a message saying that he really liked Aimee and that Zara was super annoying and they weren’t together, yada yada yada. Poor, delusional Zara. Truth was that even if she did see that message though, she’d still make excuses for him. She’s that sort of a girl.
And that pretty much summed up the episode. Memo to the producers: please focus on Aimee more. Thank you.
What did you think about the show?