Recap: Bad Girls Club: It’s Not That Zara Doesn’t Like Black People; She Just Finds Them To Be Incredibly Scary

What a wonderful week it’s been. I’ve watched 24, American Idol, The Hills, The Office, 30 Rock, and so on and so forth. Basically, I’ve watched “good” shows. That all had to come to an end as Bad Girls Club once again reared its ugly head tonight. Like the title says, this show is bad. Really bad. And yet, I’m finding myself drawn in against my better judgment. Maybe it’s because Zara reminds me all too well of a drama-magnet friend of mine. Or maybe it’s because I simply have very low standards these days. Either way, we’re only seven episodes in, and the knowledge that there are at least another fifteen or sixteen left has reduced me to a whimpering bag of tears. Why, Oxygen? WHY???This week’s episode was called “Miss Understanding,” which was a little dumb because no one showed even the slightest sign of “understanding.” I suppose the title could have been sarcastic, but I don’t have enough faith in that. Anyway, the show started off with Zara on the phone with Tomik, trying to figure out what the deal was with him and Amy. For those of you who may have forgotten, Tomik had made some moves on Amy, going so far as to profess his douchebag love to her in an email, but when faced with these transgressions, he firmly denied any wrongdoing. “Don’t make me out to be one of these asses that hits on your friend. You have a huuuuge misunderstanding, misconception about the whole Amy incident,” he insisted. Yes, Zara had it all wrong. When Tomik amorously called Aimee a fortune cookie, he only meant that in the most platonic way possible. And why would someone like Tomik, the heir to Peyton Manning’s penis-shaped head award, ever lie to Zara?

Well, somehow Zara was convinced that Tomik was into her, and they were back to bantering like the two idiots they are. “It’s a good, growing relationship,” she announced. And by “good” and “growing,” she meant “dumb” and “suicide-worthy.”

Later, we saw several shots of the mess Zara’s been leaving around the bedroom, culminating in a bottle of ketchup in the hot tub. Seriously, who needs ketchup in the hot tub? Oh, that’s right. IDIOTS. Leslie, Zara’s roommate and self-professed neat freak, seemed to be tolerating her disgusting surroundings, but she warned us, “If she crosses that line with me, it will get handled.” Hmmm… wonder if Zara will cross that line…

That night, Leslie and Ty decided to go to a black club, and for a moment, it looked like Zara might join too. She revealed that she was afraid to be the only white girl, but Leslie told her not to worry — they’d have her back. The three girls and Aimee then piled into the limo, but on the drive over, Ty managed to scare the bejesus out of Zara by saying, “Negroes can get real fuckin’ ignorant!” Uh oh! We can practically see the warning light flashing in Zara’s eyes, “White girl beware! White girl beware! ABORT ABORT ABORT!!!!”

Sure enough, at the last second, Zara decided to back out of the evening’s activities, instead taking a random Jaguar back to the house. She explained to us that she simply wasn’t used to hanging out with black people because she comes from a town of all white people, leaving me to wonder if she only hangs out with people who were represented in her home town. If that’s the case, there must a LOT of douchebags back home.

At the club, the three girls had a blast, and afterwards, Aimee confirmed that she did in fact have a ball. “I always enjoy myself wherever I go,” she said, clearly forgetting her nonstop bitching when the girls went to that sports bar in Santa Monica a few weeks ago. The girls then discussed the whole Zara situation, with Ty noting that she always goes to the white bars, even though she and Leslie are often the only black people there. And guess what? They still have fun despite the crowd. Ty did have a point, but in Zara defense, she is an idiot.

Well, when the girls got home, Leslie gave Zara a massive cold shoulder, causing Zara to complain to the blondes, “I thought she was one of my girls… I’ve always been by her side.” Yes, except for that time when you ditched them in order to get to Tomik’s club. Nevertheless, Zara continued, “It is just so funny how easily people can change.” Yeah, isn’t it weird how when you do something racially ignorant, people get mad? What’s up with that?

Anyway, Kerry and Jodie both suggested that Zara talk to Leslie right now and deal with the issue, but instead, Zara just moaned and wished everything would just go away. That wish came halfway true when Ty suddenly dropped her rage and began joking around with Zara in the confessional. This, of course, just made Leslie angrier, and she soon called out her friend, saying that Ty was fake. This led to bickering, and ultimately a commercial break.

Any fears that Ty and Leslie would no longer be best buds immediately went out the window, however, when we returned from the break and the two girls were already making up. Huh. That was a great, amazingly short drama. As for Zara, she was now in the phone room, happily yammering away to her penis head boyfriend. “You called me!” she squealed with delight, her neediness oozing off the screen. This prompted some always welcome Tomik-bashing by Aimee, and then we were back focusing on the Zara-Leslie rift. Zara was fed up with Leslie being mad at her. So what if Zara had hurt Leslie’s feelings. No one gets mad at Princess Zara! Anyway, Zara revealed that she used to sleep late, but now she was going to wake up early just to piss off Leslie, who’s also a late sleeper. Yes, this was a totally healthy way to deal with the situation. Glad to see you’ve got the maturity of a seven year old, YOU IDIOT.

Zara then promised, “I’m gonna be so annoying!” Going to be?

Later, Zara and Kerry hopped in the car, and what did they find on the floor? None other than Leslie’s water bottle. Ah ha! How hypocritical! Leslie was always bashing Zara for leaving her snot-filled tissues everywhere (because honestly, throwing germs away is way too difficult), but now Leslie had been caught red handed being a litterbug! Well, in a move that would certainly not incite anything, Zara scrawled “PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH!!” on the bottle, thus taking another bold step in the direction of healthy, positive discourse.

Speaking of healthy and positive discourse, the next morning, Zara lived up to her word and woke up early, making as much noise as possible to annoy Leslie. One of these days, Leslie will learn that you can’t get mad at a dumb white girl for being racially insensitive! It’s her God-given right, CLEARLY! “I am trying to provoke Leslie to piss her off,” Zara told us, again proving to be an expert when it comes to creating unnecessary drama.

Suddenly, DeAnn, who had been MIA all episode, appeared out of nowhere and spearheaded some dumb quest to look like total idiots on Hollywood Boulevard. The girls dressed up like ’80s Hobos and then pranced down the Walk of Fame for no reason other than to spice up their boring existence on top of the Hollywood Hills. My favorite part of this was that “Capitol Records” actually had to be blurred off the “Capitol Records” building. So basically no one wants to be associated with this show.

I guess I can understand these girls wanting to do something, anything, to liven up the day, but this was possibly the dumbest thing they could have done while sober. At least there was some minor cosmic justice though. The girls were slammed with a $35 parking ticket. Haha, suckers!

Meanwhile, Leslie decided to take a ride in the car, and what did she find on the floor? None other than her water bottle, or juice bottle really, with the special note attached. Livid, she returned to the house and asked everyone who had written the message. DeAnn, who had been asleep, had no idea what she was talking about, Kerry played dumb (even though she was something of an accomplice), and Zara full on denied having written it. Again, idiot.

After the break, Leslie and Ty told each other how much they loved each other and how their fight was good because that’s what friends have to do. Meanwhile, back at the house, DeAnn asked Zara why the hell she didn’t ‘fess up about the note. “I was on the toilet. I didn’t want to deal with it,” she moaned, taking responsibility as always. DeAnn earned some major points in my book for scolding Zara, saying she should have admitted to the note and talked face to face with Leslie. However, since she did not at any point smack Zara or inflict any sort of bodily harm, I could not wholeheartedly say that I now love DeAnn.

The next day, the girls held the inevitable house meeting, and DeAnn opened up the discussion by saying she never wants to be woken up from such a WONDERFUL nap for such petty bullshit ever again. Quite honestly, there’s nothing like the post-’80s-hobo-romp nap, and for that to be taken away from DeAnn is an out and out crime.

Leslie then asked Zara why she didn’t confess to writing the passive aggressive note, but Zara merely answered with, “Because I wasn’t in the mood to…” Oh. Great.

Eventually, discussion made its way back to how Zara had been insensitive to Leslie by saying she wasn’t comfortable around black people, but Zara explained, “I’m the one in my town that sticks up for other races.” WELL! Let’s just forget this whole thing and put her on Oprah. Ladies and gentleman, please meet Zara, the girl in her town who sticks up for other races! Defender of all God’s children!

Leslie then said that Zara was lucky because “Some people aren’t going to let [the incident] go.” Yeah, some people. Like you perhaps?

Zara proposed that the two of them have a serious talk about everything, but Leslie was in no mood. She didn’t want to talk to her, and she was perfectly happy to go the next three months without exchanging a word. But how will that help them grow, Zara wanted to know? It wouldn’t, and that was fine with Leslie. She didn’t want to grow and share with Zara. Wonderful. Maturity all around!

And with that Zara went up to the bathroom, closed the door, and sobbed. Delightful. Now let me release my pent up frustration: URRRGHH!!!!

What did you think about this episode? Who was right — Zara or Leslie?