Recap: Bad Girls: Bleached Blondes

I, like any person who’s been watching The Bad Girls Club, expected the same old dreary story on tonight’s episode. Zara says something dumb and everyone complains about it for the next twenty-two minutes. However, imagine my delight when the girls actually did bad things. Pranks went awry, fires blazed uncontrollably, and one scary-lookin’ park ranger felt the wrath of four drunken, scantily clad idiot girls. Wow, looks like there’s still some life in this show after all!This week’s show started with drama from the getgo. Aimee swore she saw a rat in the kitchen, and even though no one else knew what the hell she was talking about, Aimee insisted there definitely, definitely was vermin present. Turns out that Aimee’s big fear in life were rats; so as you can imagine, she wasn’t faring so well with this possible critter/hallucination dancing through her memories. She not only was shaking, but during the confessional, she became convinced that the rat was crawling on her back at that moment (I believe what she felt was the gentle touch of her ’80s hair falling on her shoulder blades).

There was a brief scare as Leslie announced that the rat was hiding behind the mop. This caused Aimee to go running out the front door (because there are no rats outside!), but it turned out Leslie was just playing a little prank. Not cool, man! Not cool! (Okay, it was very cool).

Later, we found the blondes (Kerry, DeAnn, and Jodie) planning out a camping trip. Why? Probably because the producers were sick of them sitting on their asses. Anyway, Aimee immediately refused to go — saying she used to want to cry for people who went camping. Jodie, also not a camping fan, said she’d go, just to be a sport. She was immediately saddened, however, when she discovered that their destined campsite did not come with a complimentary golf course. Man, what sort of rough terrain was this? At least give her some croquet!

Knowing that Jodie was a slight princess when it came to camping, Kerry and DeAnn decided they’d have some fun and play a prank on her. They’d get a scary mask and pop out of the woods, sure to cause shrieks and laughter all around. DeAnn then explained to us that even though Jodie was in the “secret club,” she still needed to get a good razzin’. By the way, it’s not such a secret club when you all look exactly the same (and hang out exclusively with each other).

We then had a boring detour for Ty, who was complaining about her boyfriend yet again. She still didn’t trust him, which was barely tolerable last time we focused on this relationship. Now, it’s either she dumps him or she shuts up. Besides, she didn’t even like boys; so why was she bothering?

Turns out that Ty had a felony on her record (forgery). This meant she owed $6,000 to The Man, and since Ty apparently thought it would be best to go on a reality show instead of getting a job, she had no money to her name. That’s where Juan came in. He paid for her shit, and in return, she deigned to let him be her boyfriend. I really like Ty; so I’ll refrain from calling her a prostitute or anything, but, um, yeah. Probably not a good situation for her to be in.

Nevertheless, Ty was so fed up with Juan; so announced, “I’m gonna turn into a fuckin’ lesbian.” Going to?

The next day, DeAnn, Jodie, Aimee, and Kerry were going to go shopping. DeAnn unwisely told Aimee about the prank, and of course Aimee thought it was dumb, but she swore to keep her mouth shut to Jodie about it. Anyway, the four girls drove into Hollywood, and while Aimee and Jodie shopped on Melrose Ave., the other two went to one of the dumbest stores in L.A. and shopped for masks. Of course, what was supposed to be a simple shopping trip turned into a full-fledged bonanza as Kerry and DeAnn pranced around the store as if this were the first time they’d ever seen costumes and fake snakes and whatnot.

Back on Melrose, Jodie and Aimee were done with their shopping, and now they were standing out on the street, waiting for their idiot friends to pick them up. Sadly, they had no idea that Kerry and DeAnn were currently plunking down $200 damn dollars on this stupid prank. Well, Aimee was now super pissed — rightfully so — and just as we knew she would do, she revealed to Jodie out of spite that the girls weren’t taking a tour of Hollywood, as they had said. No, they were buying stuff to prank her.

WELL! No one pranks Jodie! (Unless it involves the words “Surprise! There’s a golf course here after all!”). Jodie became all pissed, which I could understand considering how she found out. Truthfully, if she had never known, she would have viewed the prank as loving and fun and joyous. But the way Aimee described it, she probably thought a bucket of blood would be poured on her head at the prom.

Finally, Jodie and Aimee just took a cab home, while the other two kept shopping (even though they were only supposed to buy one damn mask). Probably the worst part of all this was hearing DeAnn shamelessly mimic Nicole Richie by repeatedly saying, “Love ya, bitch!” Hey, that was barely cool, THREE YEARS AGO.

When the shopaholics finally returned home, Aimee bitched them out for stranding them, and then Jodi decided to spring a passive-aggressive trap, asking for specific details on the alleged Hollywood tour. DeAnn sniffed that something was up, and so began a dumb bluffing game where each girl refused to say what info they had, even though they both knew exactly what each other knew. Oy.

Anyway, DeAnn sensed that Aimee had told Jodie about the impending pranks, and now she was pissed to think that she may have spent $200 for nothing. Well, who’s dumbass idea was it to spend that much money on one idiotic prank? You only needed one mask, not the latest technology from Stan Winston.

Well, the next day, the girls headed out for their camping trip, but not before DeAnn placed a fake rat under Aimee’s bed in retaliation. She, Kerry, and Zara then downed as much alcohol as possible in order to force Jodie into the driver’s seat, further making Jodie feel isolated from the group (when she probably wasn’t at all). Well, some hardcore self-fulfilling prophecy kicked in because then Jodie became snippy to her camping buddies, ensuring that she really would be the outcast.

Back at the house, there was more Ty/Juan drama (snore). Let’s just skip forward.

Well, the camping trip hit a major snag as halfway there, the car ran out of gas. Funny thing about road trips: they work best when you get gas before you leave, rather than when you arrive.

Luckily, these four were pretty hot; so they flaunted their stuff until some guy who may or may not have been Forest Whitaker pulled over and fetched them some gas. How dreamy!

Checking back in on Ty, she announced to Leslie that she had had a dream where she was kicked off the show, went home, and discovered Juan cheating on her. As a result, she woke up the next day determined never to be kicked off Bad Girls. Fascinating. Possibly foreshadowing?

Meanwhile, the blondes arrived at the campgrounds where a sign explicitly warned “No Campfires!” Of course, the girls simply ignored this rule (probably because none of them could read), and soon we were faced with the obligatory “How do you pitch a tent?” montage. Some weird lurking guy tried to help, but a drunken DeAnn slurred to us that she didn’t like him because he belittled them. And as we all know, they were certainly not doing anything that warranted belittlement.

Back at the house, Aimee’s night was completely ruined when she discovered the fake rat under her bed. “I didn’t know we lived with comediennes!” she told us, making me cackle way more than I should have. God bless Aimee. The only bright spot on this show.

Well, while Aimee brewed in anger, the campers finally erected their tent, with the help of a little boy who seemed to have more brain cells than all these girls put together. I particularly enjoyed watching Zara hammer in a stake with one cigarette primly ashing away in her hand. Oddly enough, the lurker was still lurking, thanks to Jodie who seemed to be flirting with him as a means to piss off the others. DeAnn pretty much told him to go away so the girls could all bond, and when she then told Jodie that she befriends everyone, Jodie replied, “I befriend everybody because I’m not a bitch to anybody.” EXCEPT YOU, BITCH FACE!

At the house, Aimee was absolutely furious about the rat joke. She announced that she was going to pour bleach on DeAnn and Kerry’s clothes to get back at them. Leslie and Ty, meanwhile, just stood around and made passive attempts to calm her down (not unlike earlier this season when they quietly let Ripsi go nuts on Jodie and Kerry).

Sure enough, Aimee was not all talk. She whipped out a bottle of bleach and went nuts on these girls clothes. It was crazy. And awesome. I just hope she doesn’t get kicked off because then there’d be no hope left for this show. You’d think Leslie, who was watching all this, would tear the bottle out of Aimee’s hands, but no, she just merely observed, probably secretly loving the whole thing.

Over at camp, Jodie complained to us about how she felt like a third wheel to Kerry and DeAnn, and she had never felt that way before. Welcome to the world of your own self-fulfilling prophecy. Anyway, a creepy park ranger, oddly dressed in only a bathrobe, pulled up and told the girls that they weren’t allowed to have an open camp fire. That could only mean one thing: git!

Well, just because they could have started a wildfire didn’t mean the girls had to stop. They then pranced around their little illegal campfire and ran around it, with one of them happily squirting propane into the flames. Yay! Third degree burns!!! Idiots.

They then decided to all strip down to their undies (?) and TP the park ranger’s house. Take that, you old bastard with your “safety” rules! Why they were doing this made no sense to me except that they were all self-entitled bitches and idiots who were all drunk off their ass. Kind of made me wonder how they’d be driving home. The lovely cherry on this sundae was that amidst all this cavorting, Zara actually lost her pants. For some reason, I don’t feel like this is an uncommon occurrence (Tomik knows what I’m talking about).

Back at the house, Ty got on the phone with Juan and immediately accused him of cheating. They bickered for a while, and then she had the balls to tell him to pay her fines and bills. That’s just obnoxious, shallow, and awful. At this point, it’s Ty’s own dumb fault that she’s stayed with Juan. Get a job, get a new boy or girl, and get on with your life.

And just like that, the show randomly ended. Huh. I guess we’ll have to wait until next week to find out what happens in the wake of BleachGate 2007.

What did you think about this episode?