Remember last week when I was saying that I’d been caught up in the Bad Girls Club drama despite myself? Yeah. That ended today. Gone were the cat fights, and in their place was a boring episode that focused on the career ambitions of Leslie and Kerry. Thrilling. As you can imagine, the travails of a failed country star and an exotic dancer were less than captivating. In fact, as cynical and awful as this sounds, I have a hard time thinking that either of these girls can get a noteworthy career, especially after appearing on a lowly reality show on Oxygen. But hey, they might as well test the waters, pretend like they want bigger and better things until they inevitably enter the world of Professional Reality Stardom.This week’s show started with Leslie mourning the departure of her partner in crime (and possibly sapphic activities), Ty. In a pathetic and sad display, Leslie took a huge limo to a black club where she drank and danced alone, occasionally ingesting shots — very slooowwwly, I might add.
Back at the house, Aimee tried to talk up a big game in the wake of her dust-up with Ty. “I ain’t scared of nobody!” she squawked. She then listed off all the reasons why she didn’t put up a better fight: she had no sneakers, she had short arms, her nails weren’t long enough. Curiously missing from the excuses: I’m tiny and small and fight like a Muppet.
Later, Kerry revealed to us that she had a meeting with songwriter Bobby Tomberlin, a man who might be able to resurrect her career. How very unexciting! I may have been less than thrilled, but at least Kerry’s fellow blondes were happy for her. They all hopped into the hot tub, liquored themselves up, and then took off their tops. Well, actually, I think only Jodie took her top off, but that’s okay. She had the best rack anyway.
Well, Kerry sang an original tune for the girls, and even though her voice sounded a bit creaky (even for a country singer), and even though the lyrics were a tad banal, and even though she kind of gave up on the tune halfway through, DeAnn and Jodie still squealed with joy as if Justin Timberlake himself had just serenaded them.
Meanwhile, Leslie returned from her night alone at the club. She complained about being out of her comfort zone (a.k.a. the strip bar) and called her mom to announce that she truly missed Ty and wanted to go home. Awwww. So sad. And by “sad,” I mean “boring.” Painfully so.
At this point, we hit our first commercial, which was astounding since NOTHING had happened in the episode yet. When we returned, we found Kerry dragging Jodie and DeAnn to Bobby Tomberlin’s house, a move I could already sense would lead to disaster. Would you ever invite your two ditzy friends to accompany you on one of the biggest job interviews of your life? Especially after seeing the way they acted at that camp fire?
While Kerry headed to Bobby’s place, Leslie decided to get her act together and focus on her career too. She called up a photographer who had been referred to her by Ty, and at first I thought she was going to inquire about working on a shoot. It seemed unexpected, but I respected it. Artistic, inspired, not stripping — maybe she was getting her act together. But then Leslie told us that she actually wanted to pursue modeling. Hmmm… okay… how do I put this lightly? You’re kind of, um, not thin. Or amazingly hot and beautiful. You’re not ugly by any means. But, well, have you ever actually seen a model? Hey, all the power to you sister. I just think you’re kind of delusional. How about you do something like, I don’t know, get a degree.
Nevertheless, modeling was better than stripping, even if it did give Leslie false hope that she’d be strutting on the catwalks of Milan and Paris. “I refuse to be thirty and still dancing. REFUSE!” she said, adding, “I should definitely be in soft-core porn by then.”
Elsewhere, the blondes were all talking to Bobby Tomberlin, listening to him yap on about “the industry” and his passion for music and blah blah blah. After a while, Kerry and Bobby split off to work while the other girls ambled on the beach. Jodie told DeAnn, “I think Bobby’s really cute. He’s a dolly baby!” Translation: “He’s very wealthy and knows celebrities. And that is attractive to my superficial needs.”
We then returned to Leslie, who had arrived at the somewhat unsavory photo studio of Fashion Paige. I’m no fashion expert, but something tells me that with a portfolio like this, this photographer wasn’t about to stumble upon the next Tyra Banks. Or even the next Jade.
Irene Marie, look out!
Yes, Fashion Paige was what I like to call “AN EXTREMELY GHETTO STUDIO,” but Leslie seemed to have no idea about anything, and so she marched into what looked like a costume shop, had makeup slathered on her, and then revealed to everyone that she’d been crying all morning. Let the exploitation begin!
Back at Bobby’s house, the songwriter performed the girls, thus prompting Jodie to give her patented “Fuck me” eyes. She then told us, “I’m kind of fascinated by his lifestyle.” A.K.A. his MONEY.
After the song was over, Bobby made a joke about how he wanted to get invited to hang out with the Bad Girls, and deciding to make intentions totally clear, Jodie then declared, “I’m single. So…” Awwwwkward. Kerry did not like this one bit for obvious reasons, but that didn’t stop Jodie from trying to divert Bobby’s attention, announcing, “I write poetry… BIG TIME!” Yes, this was a shocker, but luckily for you, dear readers, we have one of Jodie’s poems right here!
Flowers are pretty
So is the city.
I like pink. And blue. And green.
What's your favorite kind of washing machine?
I'm on a balloon. I'm a dancer!
Anyway, Kerry complained to us that Jodie was stealing her spotlight, which was true, but then maybe she should have thought about that before she brought anyone along on this supposedly important creative session. Sigh.
After the commercial break, we found Leslie posing for her photo shoot, commenting to us that she couldn’t wait to tell people that “I used to be an exotic dancer, but I’m not that anymore.” Yes, and I’m sure these hootchie-ass photos will surely reverse your image.
While Leslie became acquainted with her inner skank, Kerry complained to DeAnn about Jodie’s behavior, saying how something similar had happened with her ex. Apparently, during her first major audition, her ex boyfriend walked right up to the microphone and started singing immediately. A week later, he was offered a record deal. Ouch. That sucks. However… who’s dumb fault was it for bringing him in the first place? Seriously, who brings friends and significant others into the audition room or into a job interview? Idiot.
Soon, Leslie returned from her photo shoot, and all the girls cooed over her makeup and hair. The poor girl felt like she was on top of the world, saying, “My personal goal would be to be on the cover of at least three, four magazines.” Yes, I’m sure Vogue will be calling tomorrow! Thick girls with large booties and average faces are very chic these days.
The next morning, we found Kerry signing autographs, which was a bit odd, and then later on, she and DeAnn and Zara sat at a restaurant counter and talked about Leslie. It was scintillating. Fast forward.
Back at the house, Jodie was on the phone with none other than Bobby Tomberlin, who had actually penned a song for the buxom blonde. This really was incredibly inappropriate for both parties, mainly Jodie, if only because if things went sour, it could potentially destroy a valuable working relationship for Kerry. But I digress. Bobby’s song was fairly dumb, and it ended with the stunning lyric, “That’s the girl from Baltimore!” Jodie acted all blown away, even after he said, “I wrote that song in like fifteen minutes.” Yeah, um, it sounded like it.
Nevertheless, Jodie said, “It’s amazing!” and then after the call, she told us she wasn’t about to run around the house and tell everyone that he had written a song about her. Cut to Jodie running around the house and telling everyone that he had written a song about her. Okay, she didn’t run around, but she effectively put the word out.
Kerry merely stayed mum about the situation, causing Aimee to talk about how Kerry lets people walk all over her (which seemed to be true). Jodie, meanwhile, was totally oblivious to everything. “I think Kerry thinks it’s really sweet,” she said. Yup. She LOVES it! Cut to Kerry stabbing a voodoo doll of Jodie.
And as we saw Kerry break a string on her guitar, the episode came to an end. What do you think about Leslie’s career ambitions? Good that she has them? Or crazy misguided? And should Jodie have flirted with Bobby? Or was it her right?