This week on The Bad Girls Club, the girls get naked, drunk and have fights. Just like last week. Only this time someone will be leaving! And someone else will be arriving. Lets get to it!
This week starts off with the girls in a car. They are on their way to a place called the Bizzy B. Kayla tells us its a lingerie shop and that they are going there to make some money.
We’re a happy family.
See it seems Kayla has had a few run-ins with the law and she sucks at money management so she’s in need of some bills. There they will have a competition to see who can walk around half naked and sell the most itty bitties. Whoever can drag in the most people and sell the most slutwear will win a cash bonus!
The girls hit the streets half naked with vouchers to give out to all the dirty old men they can find. Simple no? NO! Some of the girls really get into it…
While others, not so much.
Nothing screams “buy me” like those last two pictures does it? Meanwhile Midget is running around grabbing every man woman and child she can find and bringing them into the store and making sales. Kayla decides that shit is too much like work so she just pops on into the store and decides to buy all the shit herself and win that way. Midget is pissed. Midget also has a credit card and decides she will go Kayla one better and buy MORE shit! After all, she has actually been working while Kayla mostly just scowled at people. Fair is fair right? WRONG!
Kayla is pissed. It’s not fair. She has tickets to pay off so the world should just get the hell out of her way and let her win. Here’s a thought. Why don’t you use the money you just spent on lingerie to pay your damn tickets or, and here’s a radical idea, actually WORK for it?
Even Amber feels sorry for Kayla at first. She thinks Midget should have let Kayla win. Uhh no, if I had walked up to as many people and worked like that I’d have done the same thing. And I would have maxed out my credit card in front of her. Kayla gets pissed off as usual and tells Midget not to speak to her anymore.
The lady behind the counter looks like she’s scared shitless and she anounces that yes indeedy Midget is the winner!
As you can see, Kayla is thrilled. Kayla also managed to sell NOTHING. As did Sarah. Midget wins $300. Kayla tells us that yeah she’s a sore loser but wah wah she has tickets to pay and oh by the way we can all kiss her ass. Suck it Kayla.
On the way home Kayla tells us that she should be in federal prison right now for the things she’s done. It seems she used some “fake bills” to buy some things, then returned those things to the store and got refunded real money. Amber says “You didn’t get caught did you?” and Kayla actually says “Nope” and then explains what she bought and how she did it. This girl is brilliant! Its not like this is being taped or anything. Midget is shocked that Kayla would do such a thing and Kayla says “Yeah I’m really a bad girl”.
Back at home Tiff is talking to Skeet. Or whats left of him. She asks him what’s he doing and he says “smoking a blunt and cleaning my gat”. Well at least he’s a multi-tasker! Tiff notices that he doesn’t seem thrilled to hear from her and also that he hasn’t tried to call her. He can’t maintain his side of the convo and she gets pissed. She tells us he’s unemployed and is whats known as a “hustler”. She thinks maybe this isn’t the life for her. Oh I see. She’s setting up a fight so she can have Marcus over and not feel guilty about it. She hangs up on his ass and goes to get back up from the other girls. For some reason Kayla is mostly naked and squatting.
Somebody call Stanley Steemer quick!
Tiff says he shouldn’t make her mad cause she’s a man eater and will go out and get 5 boys and bring them back all at the same time. And then she says she’s gonna go talk to Marcus. Told ya.
Boston is on the computer and she has found out that a friend of hers was killed in a car accident. I have absolutely nothing funny to say about that and now I’m seriously fearing for this recap.
She is in shock and tells everybody that she grew up with this kid. Ailea says haltingly “I am sorry, for your loss?” Boston tells us she doesn’t want to show weakness in this house. She also decides she needs a drink. Me too.
Later the girls are getting ready to go out. Except Tiff. She’s staying in. And inviting Marcus over. She cleans like crazy and then tells us how excited she is. See that argument came in handy. Mr. Bluntman has no one to blame but himself.
Marcus arrives after the other girls leave and Tiff gets all giggly and playful. They are standing over the hot tub and when Marcus puts his hand in the water she smacks his hand up towards his face splashing him with water. He then grabs her and acts like he’s going to throw her in.
Tiff tells us she’s battling herself. She doesn’t know whether she should just let loose or what. I think she looks pretty loose and happy already and Marcus ain’t exactly acting shy either.
Meanwhile the others are at a club. Boston is throwing back shots. Lots of them. Then she is seen telling the bar dude that she can bring in lots of business for him. She says she’s been doing this for years. He tells her he will give her some flyers and she says she needs 5000. Bar dude says “Huh?”
Midget tells us that Boston likes to act like she’s a bigshot and a big deal. Then she makes fun of her. Bad Midget! Sarah uses logic and says that Boston is drinking way too much and ignoring her grief. Once they get out to the limo Midget climbs into Boston’s lap and tells her that although she gets on her last nerve with all her name dropping, all Boston has to do is smile and it makes Midget happy.
Bostons says she’s been holding everything in and Sarah tells her she has to let it out. Boston says “Dude I’m from Boston. Nobody cries in Boston!” Bullshit that fat bastard Norm used to cry all the time on Cheers. Boston throws some shit in the limo vowing not to cry.
Boston wants out of the limo. Sarah says she’ll stay with her while the others go on into the next club. Inside Midget says she feels bad for her but Amber tells her not too. She says Boston doesn’t know how to mourn and she’s learning that now. Shut up Amber.
Outside Boston is still trying not to cry but its a losing battle and she does and Sarah hugs her.
Sarah tells Boston that its ok and she knows she’s a sweet girl and she won’t tell anyone. Boston is really crying now. If this keeps up I may have to squeeze a few out myself. Could someone please start fighting or screaming or having sex? Please?
Thankfully I start hearing porno music and this time its not coming from my neighbors house. Its Tiff and Marcus. Tiff tells us she’s not sure where this is going. Ha! I’m sure where’s it’s going. It’s going to get nasty! Bow chicka bow bow!
Suddenly the doorbell rings because the girls are locked out. As they see whats what there are screams and laughter and pointing at semi naked ass Marcus.
OMG its hanging out below the towel!
The girls are positive that something scandalous just happened but Tiff tells us no way. And since I didn’t see any opened condom wrappers on the floor AMBER, I’ll take her word for it. For now.
The next day a swollen eyed Boston is talking about how she is sorry for taking things out on the others in the limo. They are just glad she let it out.
Later the girls hit the road again. This time to go to a self defense class. Midget tells us that its to teach girls how to defend themselves on street corners or against bad bosses but she’s there to get tips on how to defend herself against her roommates.
I’m gonna grab ya tits and call ya names and yoos should kick me in da bawls.
Instructor guy David tells the girls that he’s gonna be calling them names and harrassing them and then they get to kick him in the balls. Yay! I want to take this class. Again. I’ve taken it about 27 times and that ball kicking thing never gets old!
The girls seem pretty happy about kicking balls as well. Instructor dude tells them that over the years they have had lots of success stories and a few busted nutsacks but all in all its a class worth taking. Midget starts off and the guy is mildly harassing her. She tells him to back off. Same thing with Sarah. Then Tiff. Finally they show Midget kicking the crap out of the dude while screaming NO! and then Sarah and Tiff do the same. They are loving this shit and really getting into it.
Ailea and Amber and Boston go next and they are just as kick and scream happy as the others. And then instructor guy approaches Kayla and says “Can I see your ass?”
To which Kayla says “Huh?”
Excuse me? What happened to Miss I’ll Fuck You Up? Where’s all that rage now? This is pathetic. Instructor dude starts scratching at his crotch and giggling dementedly. Kayla says “Excuse me but maybe you should go down the street to some hooker and she can help you.” Uhh LAME! Finally he approaches her and she half ass kicks at him all the while grinning like a tard.
She finally manages to knock his ass down although I actually think he fell over laughing. Midget tells us that Kayla is big and loud but basically acting like a wuss and she makes fun of her. And I laugh.
Instructor guy tries to teach Kayla that she needs to use her voice but she just sort of squeaks like my dogs chew toy. Midget tells us that if she and Kayla ever get into a fight she is gonna whoop her ass.
Back at home they are getting ready for a night out. And I see this.
Now I could be wrong but it looks to me like someone, Midget, doesn’t have their shaving quite together. Bad Midget! Anyhoo they continue to get ready as Midget asks the question “Wait if its a black club, am I allowed to go in there?” Excuse me for a second. Hahahahaha! No Midget! No whites allowed. They explain to her that more than likely there will be white folks in there as the races have begun to mingle in the last year or two. But Tiff warns her not to “act a fool”.
Midget tells us that she likes the idea of all of them going out together so that they can get into a street fight and she’ll get shot and die. Ok. Midgets being a little weird tonight. She then says she’s just kidding.
Off to the club they go. Turns out its where Marcus works and he gets them in. I am so sure he will not regret that. There’s laughing, drinking and dancing. Tiff tells us she loves to dance and every time she see’s Marcus she just wants to pull his braids and jump on him. When they were in the hot tub I wanted to see one of those braids get sucked into the intake valve. Not because I wanted him to get hurt. Just because I think it would be hilarious. More dancing drinking and laughing. No sign of trouble. Not even a hint. Even Kayla is happy.
Ruh roh I spoke too soon. Tiff asks “Where’s Amber & Amber?” From the bathroom we hear muffled arguing. Bitch this, bitch that! When the Amber’s come out we see this.
It seems some girls were not happy that there were two blonde girls in “their” club and one decided to choke Midget. One grabbed Amber and put her fingers up to her head to mimic a gun. Amber was telling all this to Tiff who promptly lost her shit as did the other girls. Even Kayla was fit to be tied that someone would put their hands on Midget. Midget however doesn’t seem to be too upset about it.
Tiff tells us that she’s very protective of her “two blondes” and they are like sisters to her. And she wants blood. There’s yelling back and forth and lots of shoving and name calling and it spills outside.
Amber does what comes naturally and shoves something in her mouth. Some girl says to Boston that her girls are gonna get there asses beat and Boston runs and tells Tiff and the TiffMonster is furious. She starts yelling about how they ain’t gonna do shit and she is messing with Chi-Town now and she will fuck a bitch up. Everybody throws their purses at Sarah for some reason and she’s standing there while all this is happening. Midget piles one more purse on her so she can join in.
Midget tells us that she doesn’t know whats going on but they are in a street fight and all she can think of is their purses and all their money not getting lost. Sarah wants everyone to take their purses so she can fuck a bitch up. Its chaos. Cussing and screaming and the girls being held back and dragged away.
The craziness goes on and on and Marcus looks like he wants to crawl in a hole. Remember this is where he works. They finally get them all to the limo when Tiff decides she has one more thing to say and crawls on top of the limo. Marcus is holding her ankle to keep her from launching herself into the group.
Tiff tells us she feels all empowered on top of that car and bigger than everyone around her. She says this is how they ride for each other in Chicago. Once off the limo she climbs inside and starts counting to make sure they are all there.
Back at home Midget tells the girls that she doesn’t see a need to fight when they could just calm the situation down. Tiff reminds her that the girl had her hands around her neck. Kayla says bitch you got marks on your neck you gotta fight. She tells Midget she’s pissing her off. Midget says she could understand if the girl hit her but she didn’t. I’m pretty sure choking counts there lil’ Midget. I’m gonna have to side with the others on this one. Kayla tells us that Midget needs to recognize when she’s in danger and she hopes she learns that before they leave there.
In the kitchen Midget is saying she would fight if she really needed to. That she will defend herself. And then she tells them of the time she had to “take down” a handicapped guy. You did not misread that.
Everybody cracks up and Sarah has the same look I do. Midget goes on to explain that he rolled up and threw his drink on her and she didn’t have a drink so she just stomped his balls. And she demonstrates.
Causing the girls to totally crack the fuck up.
Tiff says so you’ll fuck up a handicapped dude but not them ho’s? Midget assures them she will step up when she has to causing Kayla to roll her eyes.
Tiff decides that she’s going to go call Marcus again. She’s called him 3 times and can’t get him. Amber tells Tiff to tell Marcus she apologizes, for being white. Seriously, shut up Amber.
Marcus finally answers and all he says is “Wow that was crazy”. Tiff apologizes and says she feels bad. She asks if they are going to get in trouble, meaning would Marcus be in trouble and he says he doesn’t know. He tells her he didn’t like it at all. She asks if he’s mad and he tells her he has to go. That means he’s out. Midget gets it and looks shocked. Poor Tiff is sad.
Tiff tells us that she is embarrassed because Marcus put his job on the line and she doesn’t want to embarrass anybody.
Later she tells the girls that she tried talking to Marcus. She tells us that its his loss not hers. Its done. She misses home and needs a taste of home. That she was using Marcus to fill the man void and that now she will be calling Skeet and telling him that she really does love him. Ok, Skeet is what’s known as a “dick in a glass”. Break in case of emergency. It didn’t work out with Marcus so she’s gonna run back to Skeet.
Skeet wants to know who the hell Marcus is and Tiff tells him he’s just a friend. Marcus is all “Uh huh but he do like you though?”. She tells us she really does love Skeet and when she goes home she wants to have that “safety net”. See, dick in a glass.
So some girls decide they need more bar time and Midget, Kayla and Amber decide they need a nice quiet dinner. As they are getting ready Midget asks Kayla what she prefers to be called, Kayla or KC? She says KC. So Midget says “Ok Kayla”. and laughs. Kayla does this.
Off they go. At the bar, Ailea, Tiff, Sarah and Boston are having a ball.
Meanwhile Amber, Kayla and Midget are at dinner being all peaceful and sedate.
And back at the bar we see this.
Sarah tells us that the guy takes his shirt off and they start doing body shots and her panties get all wet. Thanks Sarah. No need to induce vomiting tonight after I consume a sleeve of cookies. I’ll just remember you said that.
Tiff tells us she just wants to party and not worry about the drama with Marcus and Skeet. She knows Skeets gonna see her licking that dudes chest right?
Meanwhile back in sedateville. All is happy happy. Nice old people music playing in the background. Good food. A couple of drinks. Midget even comments that they haven’t gotten into a fight tonight. Then the bill comes. And Kayla decides she doesn’t want to leave a tip. This embarrasses the Amber’s. As well it should. Kayla decides that since she has tickets to pay and there was hardly any people even at the place then she shouldn’t even have to tip. And she gets mad. Midget wants to pay 20% and Kayla is all hell no!
And Midget gets all pissed and embarrassed too.
Kayla asks how much more they want her to tip and warns that she’s about to get an attitude. Midget says nevermind and Kayla says no I’m gonna tip but I don’t like it. Kayla tells us that Midget is making a big deal over 2 dollars but that “bitch you won the competition, you have money”. Oh I see, because she’s low on funds people are supposed to bring her ass food for free. I hate when people expect to get paid for services. Its not fair I say! Cheap ass skank.
As they are leaving Midget keeps asking what the hell Kayla’s problem is and Kayla tells her to stop asking her questions. Midget tells her she’s being retarded. Midget tells us that she know’s she’s pushing Kayla but that she’s pissed and she wants to get her point across. “She’s wrong and I’m right.”
In the car the arguing continues with Midget saying she’s tired of the back and forth drama and Kayla saying she doesn’t want to talk about no more cause she ain’t no cheap ass bitch. Yeah you are. Midget is in the front seat, Kayla in the back and Amber is driving. This is the scene we saw in the very first episode. The one where I labeled them Skanks 1,2 & 3. Man that seems like a long ass time ago.
Kayla tells us that Midget is about to get a beat down over a two dollar tip.
Amber is texting and driving and almost runs a red light which Kayla blames on Midget and Midget blames on Kayla’s tantrum. Midget leans back towards Kayla and is yelling and Kayla loses it and reaches up into the front seat and hits Midget on the shoulder.
And its all downhill from there. Or uphill if you are Midget. She loses her shit and starts slapping back at Kayla. They are screeching and Amber yells for them to stop. Midget decides they need to pull over since Kayla so obviously wants to fight. So Amber pulls over and Midget jumps out and opens Kayla’s door.
And as usual Amber’s response to stress is…
Midget and Kayla keep screaming back and forth and again Kayla puts her hands on Midget.
Kayla and Midget start slapping at each other and kicking and Kayla keeps repeating “I ain’t playing with you.” Don’t look now but Midget doesn’t look like she’s playing either and she’s about to whoop your ass.
Finally they fall into the car with Kayla holding onto Midgets head and Kayla still repeating “I ain’t playing with you” when Midgets tiny little hand comes up and wraps around Kayla’s scrawny ass neck. And I have to fall out laughing. Because Kayla was mid sentence when Midget started to squeeze and Kayla’s voice suddenly sounded like she had inhaled helium.
After Amber screams stop it about 100 times Midget lets loose and gets up and Kayla tries to act like she wasn’t just choked speechless. And calls Midget a bitch. To which Midget says “I am so impressed Compton”. Kayla now tries to act like all she was doing was trying to help Amber drive safely. Huh? From the backseat. Don’t think so. Kayla climbs into the front seat and Midget gets in back. Kayla claims she’s still gonna fuck her up. Really? You had your chance Kayla. You got stomped by a midget. Dumbass.
Midget has scratches all over her from Kayla’s bad ass. Don’t ya love a bitch who claims to be so strong yet all she can do is scratch and pull hair? Midget tells her that she’s being stupid over a tip and acting all hardass and Kayla says “See you saying some shit thats gonna make me come back there and slap you. This is just me on a regular so don’t be telling me I’m trying to be a hardass”. Oh shut up Kayla. You tried to be a hardass and it was an epic fail.
Once back at the house, Midget hangs back with Amber while Kayla goes inside. Tiff see’s that something’s up. Midget tells Amber that she’s not just going to take Kayla’s shit and Amber agrees she shouldn’t have to. She thinks Kayla needs more than “just help”. I agree. She needs a jail cell and I’m pretty sure there’s one in her very near future. Amber tells Midget what if she broke your teeth out or hit you in your jugular vein? Say it with me now…Shut up Amber!
Midget tells us that Kayla hit and kicked her and she defended herself by choking her. And she thinks Kayla needs to go home.When she tells the others what happened, they all are shocked that Kayla would put her hands on Midget. Are we watching the same show? Sarah tells us that its the number one rule you do not put your hands on people.
Amber and Midget and the girls are talking about it and Midget says she thinks Kayla should go. Loudly we hear “Y’all ain’t got to whisper. I got ears behind walls bitches.” Ok now she’s on my last freakin’ nerve. Nobody was whispering. Sarah puts her face in her hands as Kayla keeps yapping. “I don’t care if nobody’s not on my side in this house. Thats what y’all want to hear right? I told you to shut up and you didn’t know how”. Midget tries to say something and Kayla says “I don’t want to hear it”. You gonna get me pumped up again and when I haul across this room on your ass its gonna be problems”. Midget says we’ve already seen the problems and she points to the scratches on her neck, chest and arms. Kayla says she’s glad she has marks on her because she doesn’t have a scratch. That’s because Midget wasn’t scratching like a bitch she popped you in your tater and choked your ass.
Kayla finally shuts the hell up and leaves to go upstairs and pack. Then Kayla tells us that Midget tries to act all innocent and she just wanted Kayla to go home and if it hadn’t been for some shit she would be six foot under and blah blah blah zzzzzz.
While Kayla packs the other girls all agree there’s no fighting each other in Bad Girls Club. Boston tells us if she wants to go home. Go home. I couldn’t agree more.
All my life I’z had to fight..
While she’s packing she’s mumbling fuck them. I’m going home. Then in confessional she starts crying like a baby and saying “Bitches in this house are fake and I’m tired of it”. As she’s blubbering and snotting it up she says everybody knows she’s a bad ass bitch. Hahaha oh wah wah you big victim. Don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya.
She mumbles some shit about having a D.U.I. and Tiff says so all the things you tried to change just fuck it huh? Kayla says I don’t care. More mumbling about fake ass bitches wanting her gone so she’s about to be gone. Sheesh leave already!
And with that she’s gone. As I’m watching the previews for next week, the girls are running to the door. It seems there’s a new girl already. And then I see her. And Elton Johns “The Bitch Is Back” starts playing in the sound track of my mind. Oh.My.God. Haha till next week folks!