It’s finally here y’all. Part One of the BGC Reunion. Oh look here’s our host now.
I seriously have no words.
Yes I do. Did Perez decide that since Rosie has her Big Gay Love Boat he’s gonna have and be the Conductor of his very own Big Gay Express Train? Elton John and Liberace would both have said “No thanks.”
Perez is backstage and he goes from room to room to feel the girls out. Before we got to this point they were showing a food fight that takes place on stage and Tanisha is pissed and yells that she’s calling TMZ and “Perez Hilton, You fucked up!”
I have a feeling this will be shown on Part Two but you know how the editors like to tease us.
Ok back to the show that refuses to actually start. Perez goes from room to room and asks each girl who they are pissed at and the recurring theme seems to be Char. I knew that last episode was a bunch of lovey dovey bullshit. When Perez finds Dickie he informs her that most can’t stand Char but a few of them aren’t too fond of her either. She cackles that she’s an original and they aren’t so she’s winning.She also claims she ran the house and she will run the Reunion.
Oh hell Tanisha has arrived and apparently she didn’t know they were scanning everyone and checking their bags. Tanisha is not pleased lol.
I think that’s a Gummi Bear she is eating.
She takes out this pink bag and says it’s her snack bag lol. She says she ain’t got no beef with nobody and they know her and also they better have some snacks in the back lololol.
Perez is still making the rounds trying to stir shit up. Family members arrive and are scanned. And then Perez goes and finds Char. He tells her she has the biggest dressing room of them all and they hug and kiss and blech. She loves his outfit (figures) and he says she is the Chief Executive Bitch and he is the Founder. Dude the only thing you founded was that hideous outfit in Bobby Trendy’s dumpster.
Can we please get this show on the road? I mean really, get in a car and drive away BOTH of you.
Finally Perez comes out and lies his ass off about how this season went from bad straight past good and landed on amazing. What show was he watching?
He announces that the girls ranged in age from 21 to 27, then whispers “Char…27″ causing the audience to laugh.
Here we go with more filler. They show each girl saying how she’s going to fuck up Char with scenes of fights in the background.
When they get to Char she says “I am still the Chief Executive Bitch and it’ll never change.”
Much like your underwear.
Finally Perez calls Char,Dickie,Tucky,Botox and Woof out onto the stage.
The farther away the view the better.
Perez starts off by congratulating the girls on being the first 5 original girls since season 3 to stay until the end. Seriously? You are congratulating someone for not being thrown out of a house? Next we’ll be giving out awards for murdering less than two people a year.
He tells them it seemed like they actually cared about each other at the end. Yeah that’s called editing, you should try it while getting dressed Mr. Sparkles.
He cuts to scenes of Woof saying she has a lot of mouth and is ready for anyone to bring it.
I see Oxygen brought their magic wand.
This followed by scenes of Woof fighting and then we turn to Tucky and her saying she is gifted at picking out peoples insecurities and using it against them.
Picking out these bitches insecurities is not exactly a resume builder.
Botox is next and she says she’s used to girls hating her every day.
She is obviously one of the girls who hates herself otherwise why have a giant elephant turd for a tramp stamp?
Dickie tells us she likes to make people cry. Looking at your face does that to me.
Rearranging Schnozzie’s face was one of your better moments.
More scenes of Dickie fighting and getting her ass whipped byWilma.
On to Char. She tells us she just wants to do her and blah blah blah…..causing Tucking to roll her eyes. They show the clip of Char saying everything she does she does from a mature stance followed by all the scenes of Char being anything but mature.
Scratching your ass on tv is NOT MATURE!
The audience cracks up and then Perez turns to Woof and Char who were the only ones to make it through the show without turning on each other. However since Woof has seen the show, she has changed her mind. Char starts trying to sound like she has good sense but then attempts to blame editing and Woof and Perez call her on that. Woof says she said what she said. Those words came out of her face. Perez asks Woof what happened between then and now to make her no longer Team Char. Woof says “Hold up there ain’t no Team Char.” Woof said Char knows what was said behind her back and Char tries to deny it and Woof yells “You said MINIONS!” Char claims she never called them minions. Ok.
Perez then shows footage of the time when Dickie and Char toasted to the fact that they were the only non followers in the house.
In the footage you see Char declaring that every single girl who entered the house were followers. Dickie claims she and Char are natural born leaders. Ha! There is nothing natural about either one of you. Then they show Char saying that’s what Kings and Queens do. They let their servants do their dirty work.
Wake up Granny the show is still on.
Char starts saying she was the Chief Executive Bitch and it’s Team Char and Team Nikkie all the way. Woof and Botox take offense and Botox says there is a difference between following and being a friend.
Char mumbles some incoherent shit and Tucky speaks up and says she doesn’t need followers to validate herself like Char’s crazy ass. Char calls her a joke and Tucky calls her a delusional bitch.
Char says “thank you, I will be crazy like I said, I will be intelligent I will be beautiful..” Tucky interrupts to explain to Char that she is not intelligent “because Nelson Mandela invented apartheid. “
That would give me a headache too Daniel.
As the audience laughs cut to Char saying exactly that except she said he “discovered” apartheid instead of he invented it.
To change the subject Char starts screaming that these bitches will never get an apology from her. Tucky screams that they don’t want one but the do want to beat her fucking ass.
Perez switches it to Dickie and Tucky’s relationship. Tucky says they are fine. As Char rolls her eyes Tucky explains that Dickie never told her what to do and neither followed the other or needed each other to fight their own battles. Perez asks if the friendship inside the house was real and she says yes. Dickie says it was because they both hated Char. Char takes this opportunity to exclaim “It’s always about Char!!” Dickie tells her shut up the question was about her. Char does not look pleased.
Please fight. PLEASE????
In the end Dickie says she and Tucky bounced back and are friends. Yay!
Perez then calls Dickie out on the fact that she went and sucked up to Char 3 freaking times. Char is enjoying this part. Dickie not so much. Somehow instead of these two arguing it becomes about having respect for each other and I’m going to hurl.
Perez reminds Woof and Botox that Char got mad at them for being nice to Dickie but then she went and did the same thing. Woof starts talking about it being a pancake move and everyone did what they did and then Char says she woke up every morning and did her own thing and Woof interrupts her and then Char says she thinks a lot of them are hurt and regretful. Woof quickly corrects her and Char claims she isn’t regretful either.
Perez asks if Woof and Char could ever be friends again and Woof says ,”No Char what the fuck?” Char says some shit about if Woof had picked up the phone just once and then all the girls are screaming and my head hurts. Char decides she is tired of defending her friendships in the house and also her Depends are full so she needs to take a potty break.
The next thing I know Botox is up and screaming and telling Char all she fucking does is talk. She also tells Woof she’s speaking for her because Woof’s lost her voice. Perez asks why and she said it’s her fucking birthday yo!
Happy Birthday Woof!
When she gets through explaining that ain’t nobody in this house gonna out the bang on her, Perez interrupts to tell her she’s sweating lol. She says she’s Sicilian, of course she’s sweating.
Next Perez intro’s the one girl who had to be dragged from the house kicking and screaming. Wilma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And she has the twins on display too.
They of course show clips from the season and her multiple ass kickings of Dickie. He asks her how she feels about Dickie and she says she doesn’t like her. Cut to a montage of Dickie and Wilma. And of course the only thing Dickie can ever say, “REPLACEMENT.” During this flashback Wilma warns that crying is not a weakness, it means she’s about to start swinging. And swing she did lol.
Still my favorite picture.
Of course Dickie laughs while they show this shit because she is mentally ill.
Too late for praying now.
Perez tells Dickie that all she talked about all season was how tough she was but she got her ass kicked by Wilma not once but twice. Dickie tries to claim all she did was pull her hair but then also says at the end of the day she gave her props. Perez asks Wilma what a Wilmarie is and she said “I showed that bitch what a Wilmarie is.”
Char tells everyone that once you stop reacting to Dickie she leaves you alone. Perez tells Wilma she ended up giving Dickie what she wanted. Wilma says she doesn’t care and wasn’t going to let Dickie ruin her trip to Mexico but she had already told Char that she was kicking Dickie’s ass as soon as they got home.
Perez asks Dickie what her relationship with Wilma is like now. She says they aren’t besties but she has no ill feelings for her. Wilma tells us that she, Dickie and Char are strong and if they had wanted to they could have made, Tucky’s,Botox’s and Woof’s life miserable. Instead of taking that as a compliment Dickie yet again uses the “replacement” word and Wilma says “Bitch we bad too!”
Oh jeez here comes the Schnoz.
Once she sits her ass down Perez hands her a present.
Schnozzie says ,”Thanks Mr. Conductor, where’s your choo-choo train?” I’m assuming in his pants.
Perez tells her of all the ones who quit her exit was the lamest. Dickie reminds her she packed her shit for her in trash bags and then Perez moves on to show examples of how classy Schnozzie is since that’s all she talked about.
Classy all the way.
Perez asks if she still considers herself classy and she says “Fuck yeah.” Dickie reminds her she talked shit on Wilma the first night but it seems that after the show they bumped into each other and are now friends.
Perez then says one thing he found interesting was that Dickie never made a move on Schnozzie until she had Wilma to back her up. More shit talking between the two but no fighting and we go to break. Again.
Perez now shifts the talk to sex. Even though everyone called Dickie a dude she got the most action. He then asks about Daniel and whether or not they ever hooked up. She says no, he’s her best friend. And the dude beside him is her boyfriend. Seriously.
He just likes her because her penis is as big as his.
And he then proceeds to show pictures of Dickie’s version of kissing.
Perez asks her who taught her how to kiss and then makes this face.
Ha! He tells her she looks like a lizard.
Woof joins in and makes fun of her too and her boyfriend tells Woof Dickie has a delicious tongue.
If you are into anteaters.
Next Perez turns to Char and says she couldn’t pick up a dude to save her life. She starts talking bullshit about how she dates men of staus and blahhhhhhhhhhhh and Perez says, “Girl please. The guys you did go after were losers.” Hahahahahahaaha!
Char claims she was there to have fun and then Tucky says no you were there to get a guy and when you couldn’t you then decided you were there to have fun.
Tucky tells us she thinks Char is beautiful but her personality is revolting and that’s what kept men away from her. LOL.
Perez asks if Tucky has a dude now and she says yes and he’s precious and Perez asks if that’s code for gay lol. She says no he’s gorgeous. Schnozzie is also no longer with her guy who she fought with constantly.
Next to come out is Boobs!
Someone looks pissed.
Perez tells her she looks angry and she says no she is disappointed in Char and Botox after what they said about her not being cute. That to her looks aren’t an issue and she (Botox) shouldn’t have been hating on her. Cut to when they were at the food place and Botox used Boob’s credit card and it pissed her off. Boobs, in her confessional said “Bitch I wish I could swipe that hair outta your head cause I surely would you bald headed Daisy Duke looking bitch.”
Later Boobs sucker punched Botox and all hell broke loose (in the way back machine clips) and they also show Char hiding in the phone room. Boob’s tells her now she should have been fighting her ass.
Everyone wants a piece of Char.
Perez asks Boobs what her beef was with Botox and basically she said she thinks she was jealous of her. As Boobs is trying to further explain why women don’t like her Char says if she thinks she’s prettier than Char she should give credit to God. Can someone please shoot her? NOW!
Char then says that everyone is mad because the show was all about her. Boobs tells her to shut up and the audience cheers.
Boobs starts touching Char’s arm and Char keeps telling her not to and I think there’s gonna be a fight but no. Nothing happens. Char asks Perez if he thinks she lives her life worried about what people think of her. He says “Yes that’s why you were so calculating on the show.” She denies this. Perez tells Char she is not a saint and her shit does stink. LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
Last but not least it’s time for Beet Head!
Damn she looks a lot better than when she was on the show.
They show scenes from the past. Then Perez asks if there’s anyone she isn’t looking forward to seeing as she stares straight at Char lol. Perez says she was one of his favs until she left not once but twice. She said she regrets what she did but in her state of mind she needed someone who wanted to be here. Huh?
Cut to clips of Char yelling “Goofy ass ho” and saying she runs this shit and other Charisms.
Back in real time she explains about her uncle being injured and also no reality show is worth that. He reminds her she came back and she said yes but everything had changed and no one was happy.
Perez asks Char why she thinks Beet left and she mumbles some shit about only being able to speak for herself but then Woof and the others tell her to say what she said in the house.
Char then says that in her opinion Beet had some crackhead tendencies. Beet stands up and says she looks nothing like a crackhead because she has curves and meat on her booty and titties. She says there is no crack in this body.
Perez asks Char if she’s a hater. Boobs says yes she is. Char blithers on about crap but Perez asks her why these girls have so much animosity against her. She has no clue. He asks if she thinks she should apologize and she says no. He tells her she comes across as a heartless bitch. The others agree. There is so much yelling going on and yet I can still hear Char yell she walked out the Head Bitch and it’s a wrap and will go down in history that way.
Or at least on some dude named History.
Perez then pisses me off when he agrees that Char ran the house. Dickie thought she did but she only ran Tucky. Perez better sleep with one eye open tonight.
Tucky reminded Char of when she slapped Char and she went in the closet to cry. Ha, good times. Char starts screaming about why is everyone so mad at her and Botox screams “Because you were supposed to be our friend.” Char then says,”My friends are sitting right here.”
I have no clue who that crazy bitch is. Never seen her before in my life.
Tucky announces that she dogged on those so called friends the whole time she was in the house.
Perez asks Beet if she thinks Char ran the house. That would be a no. She says she’s all bark no bite. More yelling back and forth. Botox tells Char it’s not about running the house it’s about the experience and having fun and learning. The audience claps.
As they just keep screaming Beet gets up and walks over to Char. She tells her she is a dumb ass bitch. She tells her she is delusional and does nothing with her life. She’s 28 and left a corporate job and then says, “Bitch you were an Administrative Assistant or a receptionist.” Then she smacks Char in the tater!
And then it’s on.
AND THAT’S HOW THEY LEAVE US!
Until next week,
Love and Smooches,