Minicap: Baseball Wives

Baseball Wives

By PennyDreadful | Monday, December 5, 2011 | 9:06 am | 12 Comments
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Baseball Wives 2011

All of these “ladies” are not.

Hi, Gasmii!  By popular request, we’re now covering Baseball Wives, and it’s my punishment privilege to recap the show for you.

To get you up to speed:

In ep 1 we met the delicate flowers of American womanhood who star in this show, set in Scottsdale.  Almost without exception, they are vapid, vacuous, and devoid of any personality or character traits that would make them even remotely likeable – and worse, they’re not funny.

Chantel Kendall is the ex-wife of Jason Kendall – let me stop right here.  Why does this show feature 2 ex-wives, and one who was never even a wife? – is painfully thin, needs moisturizer, and has a lot of tattoos.

home_prevent_conquerThis might help.

Brooke Villone is the wife of Ron Villone and model, and has modeled in:  Milan, Toronto (center of haute couture, eh?), Miami and New York.  Just FYI – I modeled once, too, at the Sears Charm School.

Jordana Lund is an ex-girlfriend of Nyger Morgan.  Or rather, she says she is an ex-girlfriend.  I have my doubts about that “relationship”, and think it’s like the “relationship” I have with Hugh Laurie, which mostly me writing “Mrs. Hugh Laurie” over and over again, with a heart over the “i” in Laurie.

Tanya Grace is the ex-wife of Mark Grace.

Erika Williams is the wife of Matt Williams, and is also a news anchor, apparently.

So of course we start by someone throwing a party so the conflict can happen right away.  In this case, it’s Erika hosting.  Whom does she invite?  Anna Benson, wife of Chris Benson.   She’s one of those awful people who “speak the truth” (a/k/a instigate trouble).  She loves furs, guns, and apparently being – or at least looking like – the biggest skank in town.  Basura Blanca, that’s our Anna.  The party features both Chantel and Basura being inappropriate, and a remark by Erika that precipitates a blowup later.

There’s stalking, fur-buying, stripping (by the 2 gals who should never do so) and jumping in pools, and an argument at lunch.  Much more on all this in the ep 1/2 recap at the end of the week.

Until then, if you want to read about people who are actually pretty socially adjusted and probably not insane, check my A-List: Dallas recap here.

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Named for lurid serialized stories (so like today's reality TV) that sold for a penny a copy in Victorian Britain, former National Spelling Bee finalist and multiple Science Fair award winner PennyDreadful has been writing for TVGasm since 2011, and cites MST3K as inspiration.

Follow PennyDreadful on Twitter at @kcvinweho.

 

12 Comments

  1. 1
    lOS ANGELES 1993
    Posted December 5, 2011 at 9:17 am

    I am embarassed to say I watched this. The fat girl in the bikini with the cellulite dancing around almost made me puke. I think this “wives” franchise should be put out of its misery.

  2. 2
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted December 5, 2011 at 9:26 am

    Yes! I watched this and thought this is what I like to see because these wummin “seem” to have money. So I like to see the rich cry over rich people problems. It’s no fun watching middle class people struggle to make it. i.e all housewives franchises sans NY and BH but especially ATL.

  3. 3
    labowner
    Posted December 5, 2011 at 9:50 am

    Ha ha ha ha Penny. Thank you for recapping this dried out train wreck from Arizona. Can’t wait to see the crap that flies around this season. As Anna has already said Jordana doesn’t date baseball players, she fucks them. Yikes she is not that great looking to begin with. What is it with men?

  4. 4
    Faye
    Posted December 5, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    I thought chick who like the Kool-Aid Man’s before picture had striped down to her underwear? No? Because my thinking was, I would have stopped myself when I realized my underwear did not match and you could draw a map from Maine to California using my cellulite and stretch marks. The skinny one looked like she needed a sandwich and her D.U.F.F. (designated ugly fat friend) looked like the skinny one would have eaten a sandwich had she not ate them all. Just dreadful honey

  5. 5
    lOS ANGELES 1993
    Posted December 5, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    Bikini, underwear either way she shouldn’t have. Just no. Someone needs a reality check. Honey you don’t have it, keep your clothes on!

  6. 6
    chooch850
    Posted December 5, 2011 at 7:04 pm

    Occupy TVgasm!
    love
    chooch

  7. 7
    J-Mo J-Mo
    Posted December 6, 2011 at 10:35 am

    Heya PennyDreadful, I actually watched this show because I live in Arizona and I work in Scottsdale, and mostly I just wanted the cheap thrill of saying “Oooh, look, I know where that restaurant/bar/street is!” while watching TV…

    These bitches. I should just stop there with “these bitches”.

    These bitches were so awful and trying so hard to have real drama, but it just looked sad and desperate, it’s very clear they are UBER-aware of being filmed. Way to make Arizona look even more trashy…

    Can’t wait for the recap.

    love, J-Mo :)

    P.S. “basura blanca” is muy especial, LOVE IT!!!! :)

  8. 8
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 6, 2011 at 10:37 am

    When and what station is this craptasticness on please and thank you.

  9. 9
    shantigal
    Posted December 6, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Thanks Penny D. I meant to watch this as the previews were so enticing. I’m envisioning a nice cross of Lady Hoggers and Rock of Love girls.

    Can you still balance a book on your head? Yes, I attended Sears School for Young Charmers also. It didn’t take.

  10. 10
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted December 6, 2011 at 10:59 am

    Wednesdays at 9 EST Gypsy…

  11. 11
    LAC LAC
    Posted December 6, 2011 at 11:19 am

    May I just say….KLASSY!!!

  12. 12
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 6, 2011 at 11:20 am

    Thank you Classy.

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