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This Episode Is Brought To You By Jaunty Caps, Red Bull (you’ll need it), and Lithium (they need it.)
Have you ever been to an amusement park and after waiting in line for an hour to get on a ride, you get on and it totally sucks? But then you figure, well, that was awful, but the NEXT ride is gonna be insanely awesome… so you waste another hour of your life and the next ride IS INSANELY AWESOME? Well, this episode is NOTHING like that. Week 3 is Weak 3.
As always, if you need a refresher on any of the ladies nicknames, please refer to the first recap here.
We start where we stopped. We’re still on Gilligan’s Island. Wimpy Spice opens the show in a jaunty cap shopping with Homewrecker Spice and Scary Sister Spice. Guess who they’re talking about. Yep, Old Spice. Wimpy Spice still wants them to give her a second chance. (And surprise, Homewrecker Spice is still interviewing in that head chain.)
Big earrings are so last week… I’m into jaunty caps now.
Wimpy Spice suggests they do some fun stuff and they all one up each other about who is up for the craziest stuff. Like sky diving. I’m down with them all jumping out of planes. I’m not as down with them having parachutes.
Idiot says wha? I didn’t get no memo about jaunty hats.
Sister Spice is meeting with the producer of her YouTube video to discuss how much she has to learn. And fast. She has two weeks to learn martial arts, to throw knives, do ballet, and strip.
So you see, it’s not porn… because you’ll be doing ballet.
She lets them know that she’ll have no problem with it because she owns jeans. I don’t know why she thinks this makes sense, but I’m just here to judge recap. Ritchie, the YouTube producer guy sounds like Kermit the Frog and takes himself way too seriously. They’re all talking like someone is going to watch this video (okay, I probably will).
I wore my good grey t-shirt for our meeting. Respect the Frog.
Hey, is that Spike Lee? His hat isn’t v jaunty.
Sister Spice interviews how she has a calm exterior, but little do we all know that she’s a barrel of anxiety inside… really? Because you seem like you’re really boring on the outside, but then just really lame on the inside.
See, I may look calm… but I’m a basket case inside my head.
We join Opportunistic/Whore Spice with her boyfriend, Vernon Maklin. He’s in town for a couple days and he’s actually not too horrible. Turns out Opportunistic/Whore Spice is not only a jump-off, but she’s a cougar jump-off. Vernon’s got himself a twofer. (Which is slightly better than a heifer.)