1. I’m a jump-off. and 2. I’m a cougar… and 3. well, there is no 3. That’s all I am.
She explains to him about all the ladies as her “new friends” and he seems to listen. That would make one of us. Opportunistic/Whore Spice is doing that “sotto voce” thing that the Kardashians do… talk really low and gravelly. It’s not sexy. My mother-in-law sounds like that. That’s a death rattle, not a turn on… Just sayin’.
I’m trying to look interested. Do I look interested? Eyes. Must. Remain. Open.
Oh great. It’s Old Spice and her beard Doug. Now this episode did give me a few more things to think about. I’ve always liked Old Spice’s husband and his gentle ways. But I couldn’t see how he could deal with the crazy that is Old Spice for 17 years. Now, stereotypes aside, he gives off a slightly stereotypical gay vibe. And I’m 98% positive that Old Spice is a man. And not an attractive one, either. (BTW, Doug is also sporting a pastel plaid jaunty cap.)
Someone didn’t have time to get a new weave. The other person is Jackie.
You didn’t get the jaunty cap memo? Weird, I totes got it.
Old Spice is whining in a baby voice (that doesn’t work for her) about missing her daughter. Yes, she hightailed it to DC as soon as she hit 18 and Old Spice hasn’t shut up about getting her back home since. This poor girl hadn’t even kissed a guy yet (besides her mother) and Old Spice still freaked out.
Oh sweet child… stay far, far away.
She continues to whine to Doug about how she needs her home and she’s worried about all the drugs, molestation, freaks and creeps and what-not out there… but I think leaving the grasp of Old Spice is the wisest thing a girl could do. Old Spice is an ugly crier. Oh, who am I kidding, she’s just ugly.
I’m an ugly crier AND my weave is a hot mess.
She’s trying to get her daughter’s phone records. Freak. My daughter is 20, I have her records. But I pay for her phone. And I don’t look at them. BECAUSE I’M NOT INSANE. Old Spice hears that Doug tells their daughter that he misses her and she pries if he tells her that she should come home and he’s like “no” and she’s all pissed off. (GADZ her hair looks AWFUL). Anyway, Old Spice wants Chani (rhymes with tranny) to come home.
Someone forgot their eyelashes… for shame.
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