First position, grand-plié.
But wait. I was in the meeting, and they said she had to be a ballerina by day… so why is she giving lap dances? And why have I watched over 20 seconds of them trying to shake their butts.
Second position, À la seconde.
Third position, Soubresaut.
Homewrecker Spice tells Sister Spice that she finds her sexy and that she’ll be there for her whenever she’s ready for some lady action. Ugh, straight or gay, Homewrecker Spice thinks way too much of herself. Which is why the next scene brings me even more confusion.
Homewrecker Spice is on her way to meet up with Old Spice at a tattoo parlor.
Clueless that she’s about to see a pig on a spit.
She walks in and rightly calls it when she says that we see Old Spice laying on her side with her “ham hock hanging out”. Apparently Old Spice, in her attempt to stay young/relevant/hip, is getting another tattoo. This one on her hip/lower back/muffin top/back fat…
Pig, spit, say hello to Draya.
Ham hock, meet TV audience (of one).
It’s of two hearts and an inverted triangle with the colors of the rainbow. Gay pride, right? Well, Homewrecker Spice doesn’t know what the rainbow is all about, which is odd if she’s gay or bi… but I don’t understand what Old Spice is doing getting it tattooed on her hip/lower back/muffin top/back fat. Does she really think that she’s making a statement? If you want to make a statement, make it. But the tattoo is just ugly. I mean, it’s just awful and makes no sense.
I’ll take what should NOT be in hi-def for $200, Alex.
Anyway, Old Spice thinks they’re all sisters and Homewrecker Spice tells her that she’s going to go back and report to Sister Spice that Old Spice is doing better and suggests that they all get together. Homewrecker Spice says she’ll try to set something up for them all. Old Spice muses aloud that it’s so weird that the person that made them all fight last year (Homewrecker Spice) is the one that’s bringing them all together this year. Homewrecker Spice eats this up, while wearing an acid washed shirt. She says that she was the one that had to go through the mud in order to drag these ladies out of the mud. Oh give me a friggin’ break. You’re an evil, spiteful person and you’re not even wearing a jaunty cap.
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