Basketball Wives: MessyMeeka Is Screwed

Since I got so far behind on my Basketball Wives recaps, Flipit took pity on me and said that I could do a deluxe edition and combine both episodes. Which is perfect since all of the episodes have begun to run together in my mind anyway.

Episode 4 didn’t have much going on. MessyMeeka and SillyPutty meet up to try to discuss the drama that has been going on with TinyDancerRoyce and RealWorldTami versus everyone else. The whole point of the meeting is so that we can find out that there is a polo event that all of the women are invited to and that SillyPutty will be rolling with TinyDancerRoyce and RealWorldTami.

The fuck? Polo? What the hell do any of these bitches know about polo?

Then there was some bullshit about Eric trying to get SillyPutty to be in a “movie” he and his business partner are trying to produce. The whole thing is so retarded that I wonder for a second if he really does have some sort of mental disability. Then he made me wonder even more, when he posted some illiterate rants about the show on Twitter.

Twitter? Why in the fuck are these assholes on Twitter? They already show themselves to be ridiculous on a 4th rate reality show, then they take to the internet to showcase even more their ridiculous behavior?

Anyway, at the meeting Eric smarms some bullshit about SillyPutty and TinyDancerRoyce doing a nude scene and he’s popping his fucking collar throughout the entire thing. It would be funny if I didn’t feel like I was laughing at the kids riding the short bus.

It’s kind of like making fun of a special needs kid who just happens to look like a troll.

Then, Ashley shows up while TinyDancerRoyce and SillyPutty are hanging out at the beach. She is showing off her engagement ring. Ashley showed up some time last year amid some other internet related bullshit. Apparently, the guy she is engaged to was also engaged to a friend of Jennifer’s. That friend claims Ashley published her phone number on Craig’s List. Which, that has to be some of the lowest rent shit I have ever heard of anyone doing. Really? Craig’s List? These bitches frustrate me with their tacky ass ridiculousness.

TinyDancerRoyce and Ashley both want to know what the deal is with SillyPutty cozying up to Jennifer and Evelyn. And SillyPutty pretty much just wants to be in with the cool kids and is ready to cut TinyDancerRoyce from her friend’s list. Or, something. I don’t know and really can’t find an ounce of caring for this entire middle school plot.

The only interesting part of this entire episode happens at the Klassy polo match. MessyMeeka decided against going with the group that invited her and decided to roll with Jennifer and Evelyn.

Thank GOD for RealWorldTami! She, TinyDancerRoyce and SillyPutty roll up and they greet everyone cordially. RealWorldTami and Jennifer start having a conversation and then, MessyMeeka signs her death warrant. It is the best moment I have ever witnessed on this show. MessyMeeka can’t deal with the fact that RealWorldTami and Jennifer are friends. So, while the two of them are minding their own business and having a conversation, MessyMeeka interrupts to ask RealWorldTami if she has been drinking? It’s like someone pulled a needle across a record player to stop the music.

Is this bitch for real? Does she not know who I am?

Its completely out of left field and has nothing to do with anything that has happened in the previous five minutes. RealWorldTami responds by saying, “are you my mother?” Because it is just as obvious to her as it is to the rest of us, that this bitch is just the queen of WTF behavior. MessyMeeka didn’t expect that and doesn’t have a comeback. So, she says, “yes?” and it totally deteriorates from there. RealWorldTami gets in this great line about how beer doesn’t count as having a drink.

I love it because I feel the same way. Sometimes, I don’t even realize I’m drunk from beer until I am calling Flipit from a McDonald’s Parking lot explaining how my recap is going to be late because I hate these bitches.

MessyMeeka tries to tell everyone what RealWorldTami said the last time they spoke, but she can’t remember which lies she has already told so she has to stop and start over. And RealWorldTami tells her to “get it right boo boo.” Then MessyMeeka is bitching that RealWorldTami is trying to start shit between her and everyone else and RealWorldTami just flat out says that MessyMeeka is a shit stirrer. Then, she goes into all kinds of Awesome mode and tells MessyMeeka that she is only relevant because RealWorldTami is talking to her. She tells her that Evelyn and Jenn don’t even like her. And, seriously, this made me laugh for a really long time. MessyMeeka is looking to Jenn and Evelyn for support. She is almost begging them to say something to RealWorldTami, and they are looking around like they barely know who she is. It was amazingly well played. She got her ass handed to her by RealWorldTami and RealWorldTami didn’t even have to lift a finger. All she had to do was tell the truth.

Game. Set. Match. Winner = Tami Roman

So, now we get to Episode 5 and the reunion of Ike and Tina.

I’m kind of confused the way this episode started. SillyPutty wants to talk to MessyMeeka to find out what happened at the polo match, but since SillyPutty was there, it seems like a pointless meet up. MessyMeeka says that RealWorldTami is what happened. She says that RealWorldTami thinks that she can talk people in anyway she wants and she wasn’t down with that. I take that explanation as her way of saying that she didn’t like the fact that RealWorldTami and Jennifer were having a conversation that didn’t include MessyMeeka. It’s really the only explanation I can come up with for why MessyMeeka jumped all in RealWorldTami’s Kool Aid without knowing the flavor.

Mmmhmmm. The bitch DOES realize I was standing right there and there were CAMERAS filming everything right?

She claims that she just wanted to shut RealWorldTami down before she got started. But, it’s ridiculous considering the circumstances that we actually saw on camera. MessyMeeka has decided that she and RealWorldTami don’t mesh. The problem is that MessyMeeka never even tried to get to know RealWorldTami. She watched last season and decided that her goal was to get in “the circle.” Which, I’m sorry, but what adults refer to their friendship as “the circle?” Ridiculous bitches, that’s who.

If I spin this just right, I may still be able to get into the circle.

So, now Shaunie has decided that there hasn’t been enough drama on the show for her taste, so she is trying to broker a peace between Evelyn and RealWorldTami so that they can gang up on MessyMeeka.

I’m actually OK with that.

MessyMeeka sucks and her desperation is boring. So, bring on the Evelyn/RealWorldTami double team. Shaunie gets Evelyn to agree to meet up with RealWorldTami since all of them just so happen to be going to New York. Like New York doesn’t have enough problems without all of these bitches flying there to wreck shit.

MessyMeeka wants to hook Jennifer up with some dude – because she is so desperate to be Jennifer’s friend. Jennifer is worried because MessyMeeka doesn’t even know her and can’t possibly know her type. I don’t think even Jennifer knows her type she went from troll to GQ in less than a year.

Troll says what?

My guess is Jennifer couldn’t care less about what her ex-troll is tweeting.

MessyMeeka is totally that chick that goes from introducing herself to suddenly being your best friend. It’s annoying, and should be more entertaining when it comes to TV, but instead it’s massively boring.

If I get you laid, will you be my friend? Please, I need to know how you control your shine in this heat so be my friend. PLEASE!

Shaunie, Evelyn and Jenn are in NY and the two of them fill Shaunie in on what happened. Shaunie wants to know why MessyMeeka would come at RealWorldTami all crazy because that is just not smart. She talks to Evelyn about moving forward with RealWorldTami. Evelyn is amenable to that idea. I just love how Evelyn and Jennifer aren’t claiming MessyMeeka as a friend AT ALL.

Evelyn tours New School with her daughter Shaniece. It’s really just a chance to advertise the school because at this point, Shaniece has already applied and been accepted to other schools. It’s pointless, much like this show.

Shaniece doesn’t want to go to school on the same coast as her ho mother. She wants to be somewhere else, and even invites Evelyn to move to California because she knows Evelyn won’t do that.

RealWorldTami, Shaunie, and Jennifer take a walk in NY and RealWorldTami wants to make it clear that she did not start that bullshit at the polo match (polo? For real?). She calls MessyMeeka a fraud who is trying to be Evelyn. Which brings Shaunie around to trying to work out some peace between the two of them.

If Ike and Tina can get together just one more time, fireworks will fly and someone might be hospitalized.

RealWorldTami gets that Evelyn just wants to make money but it’s the wrong thing to make money from. The problem that I see is that how can someone make money from such a shitty product?

Who is buying these shirts? I need ta KNOW!

RealWorldTami says that if Evelyn is willing to sell what she has, and not make any more she can be cordial with her. As a matter of fact, she can be cordial with anybody except MessyMeeka.  I have to note that Shaunie is cackling with glee over all of the MessyMeeka putdowns and the anticipated drama that is sure to come from the Ike and Tina reunion.

I can’t figure out who I dislike more. I think Evelyn is straight up stank in both her attitude and her behavior – especially since she has a daughter who is about to go out on her own as an adult. But, I also think that Shaunie is just plain ridiculous with her “queen bee” act. I mean I get it. The women have to bow down to Shaunie or there goes that paycheck for being on the show. But, does she think the viewers are too stupid to see her for the fake instigator that she is?

These boobs aren’t the only fake thing about me!

I probably hate Shaunie more. It’s one thing to insult my intelligence but she also unleashed this trash on us in the first place. I simply can’t forgive her for that.

So, now RealWorldTami and her two kids are in the studio. RealWorldTami’s cousin is in the music business and has introduced RealWorldTami’s kids to a music manager. They are in the studio when one of the girls says that this guy is their manager. I’m sorry, but that shit is fucked up for so many reasons.

Obviously, RealWorldTami is not the person who should be their manager. But, why blindside her with that information in the studio in front of everyone? There is also the fact that both of RealWorldTami’s daughters are minors. There is no way they could legally sign a contract for this guy to manage them without her consent. Plus, who the hell is RealWorldTami’s cousin to put all of this shit in motion without ever consulting RealWorldTami about it?

This bitch is shady and so is the minion standing to her left.

It gets as ugly as you could expect it to with RealWorldTami showing her ass and her daughters trying to calm her down. While I don’t think that RealWorldTami would make a good manager for the girls, because she doesn’t know enough about the industry and she has too much of a temper to deal with the shit that would come with it, I do think that her cousin is shady for pulling that shit. And it’s ridiculous for the guy that is trying to manage them to act all surprised by RealWorldTami’s reaction. If he is a real manager, he has to know that legally he can’t do anything without RealWorldTami’s consent when it comes to her minor children.

Now we are in the Bronx, and is Evelyn’s mom living in the projects? I’m not casting aspersions; it just has the trappings of project housing. They talk about how Shaniece is a good girl and Evelyn shouldn’t worry about her being in California. The implication being that she, unlike her mother, is not a ho who will fuck somebody for a handbag.

Evelyn does some backtracking on her whole thing about Shaniece going to school in California. Now that her daughter has put it out there that she would be cool with Evelyn moving to California too, Evelyn has realized that she can’t be as a big of a fame whore in the same area as her much prettier and smarter daughter.

At least Evelyn is smart enough to know she won’t be able to compete with this and will have to stay her ass in Miami.

They talk about Cinco de Mayo and the “wedding” that is supposedly going to take place in Miami. Then, they get to whether or not Evelyn is going to invite her father to the “wedding.” She doesn’t talk to him because she doesn’t know what to say to him and she doesn’t speak his language (figuratively and literally). Her mom wants her to bury the hatchet. She wants her to let go of the past forgive her dad for not being in her life all that much.

Evelyn cries about how she only became a ho because her dad wasn’t around. What’s crazy is how Shaniece is comforting her and Evelyn doesn’t have the least bit of self-awareness in this entire situation. Shaniece grew up with a mother who was basically a groupie and who as showed her ass on national television for a 4^th rate reality show. She is going off to college as far away as she can get from her mother while still being the same country.

So, I watch with my mouth agape as Shaniece comforts a self centered Evelyn over the fact that she had an absentee dad. The same Shaniece who’s dad has yet to be mentioned by name and who was for the most part raised by some guy her mother fucked for material gain for about 10 years. So, I have a problem feeling sorry for Evelyn.

I mean I get it. I know it must suck to have a parent not want to be involved in your life. But, at some point you have to let that shit go and get the fuck over it. For most people that moment comes when they are suddenly responsible for the well being of their own children. You don’t have the luxury of blaming the absent parent for all of your mistakes when you have the well being of your own child to take care of.

This is Evelyn’s mom’s reaction as Evelyn is crying. She is trying not to laugh! Even she is wondering if this bitch is for real.

RealWorldTami sits down to talk to her daughters about what happened at the studio. She thought that this was something they should have come to her about and she was really hurt by it all. They called in reinforcements in the form of RealWorldTami’s mother. I haven’t seen her since that episode of the Real World when RealWorldTami had the abortion. Hi RealWorldTami’s Mom!

I love you, but we need to talk about your wardrobe.

Anyway, she comes in guns a-blazing saying that RealWorldTami puts too much pressure on everything and RealWorldTami wonders where she got that trait from. I like this scene because 1. It has RealWorldTami’s mom in it. 2. RealWorldTami never flies off the handle and is calmly discussing how she feels about the whole thing. 3. They all laugh about how RealWorldTami and her mom react to certain things. 4. I like the fact that the girls think that Grandma is awesome and Mom just doesn’t get it, while Mome is explaining that Grandma is totally different from what she was like as a mom. It’s very realistic and one of the few things I’ve seen on this show that comes across as genunine.

In the end, Tami knows she can’t win against her mom and her girls so she throws up her hands in defeat.

I also think RealWorldTami’s relationship with her mom is like the one that her daughters have with her. RealWorldTami has to be the calm one in her and her mom’s relationship. Her daughters have to be the calm ones in their relationship with her.

But, I still think that the whole manager thing was shady as hell and I would not trust my cousin after some shit like that happened. They are MINORS! RealWorldTami has to be consulted before entering into an agreement like that.

Now, Jennifer and MessyMeeka and Speedy are waiting for Jenn’s “date.” MessyMeeka is pissing herself over the chance to score a true friendship with Jennifer and Jennifer is dreading the entire thing. Because his name is also Eric, she is probably expecting another troll. Compared to the guy that she actually married, this new Eric is kind of (I stress the “kind of” part of that statement) cute.

At least he doesn’t live under a bridge and eat babies.

The whole thing is awkward and uncomfortable. Jennifer is trying to ask him questions to find out more about him and he is immediately trying to correct the way she is asking questions. Jennifer looks like she would rather be anywhere else. MessyMeeka is trying way too hard to make the whole thing work. She is like one of those little irritating yappy dogs that is all over you for attention and then pissing in the corner from the excitement of having been included.

Please be my friend Jennifer. We can hang out and Evelyn will like me and Shaunie will have lunch with me.

Shaunie, Evelyn and Jenn are having drinks on a rooftop. Shaunie pushes her peacemaking and tells Evelyn that RealWorldTami is coming to meet up with them.

RealWorldTami comes in and gives her solution. She thinks the problem is the T-shirt (as does anyone else with eyes). Evelyn admits that there were only 500 t-shirts made. Which is actually a pretty decent sized order when you have no idea how well the shirts are going to sell.

My husband, who screen prints for a living, said that if Larry The Cable Guy could sell shit with “Get R Done” printed on it, she might have a chance of selling all of them. But, she would really have to work the fact that she is on TV to make a real go of it.  Which horrifies me because, that would mean that there may actually be 500 people in this world that would buy that shirt based solely on watching this show and thinking that Evelyn is a worthwhile human being. Even if some of those people bought it as a joke, they would still lay down money for that piece of shit.

Anyway, RealWorldTami says that if Evelyn agrees to just sell the shirts that she already has and not print anymore, then she could be friendly with Evelyn again. And Evelyn jumps at the chance. Because, I’m willing to bet that she won’t want to have anymore made anyway considering the 500 she has are probably collecting dust and will be featured at a markdown price on E-Bay or Craig’s List pretty soon.

What I like is how RealWorldTami makes sure to play on Evelyn’s ego. She says that if Evelyn could sell out the shirts quickly, it would be more of a testament to her than it would be to the phrase. So, Evelyn could sell a shirt with anything she said printed on it. RealWorldTami is so shrewed – it’s like she is the only one who knows how reality shows work. RealWorldTami’s other solution was that she would forget everything if they could fuck MessyMeeka up.

I know they aren’t Ike and Tina, but the song popped in my head when RealWorldTami and Evelyn came to a truce.

Everyone is happy with that solution, including me. I wonder if MessyMeeka watched this episode and cried when they all made fun of her bug eyes?

Evelyn is going to meet her dad at her mom’s house to discuss the problems that she has with him. Her mom is going to be there to translate since he doesn’t speak a great deal of English and Evelyn isn’t completely fluent in Spanish.

This scene bugged me because it shouldn’t have happened on camera. Evelyn cries as she tells him that she made lots of wrong decisions and was “looking for love in all the wrong places.” It is at that moment that my husband comes in. He sees the appalled look I have on my face and starts laughing. He finally says, “Did she just quote the lyrics of a country song because her dad wasn’t around when she was growing up?” Then I started laughing at the idea that being a ho and being the heroine of a country western song all stem from absentee fathers. Then, we stopped laughing and he said “seriously, this show is ridiculous, why do you watch it?” Then I hold up a bag of Cheetos and he goes back to his office to watch Hulu, or possibly porn.

The things I do for Cheetos.

Evelyn’s dad tells her how much he loves her and how he will always be there for her and even offers to get down on his knees to promise that he will be in her life. And that selfish bitch makes an old man get down on his knees ON CAMERA to promise to be there for her.

I really don’t like Evelyn you guys.

Finally, the show ends with a preview for next week. Shaunie wants everyone to go to Italy and they decide not to take TinyDancerRoyce because she is the only one who is still on the outs with “the circle.” Too bad that MessyMeeka doesn’t realize that she is only dangling by a thread.

Do you think she is now watching these episodes and realizing just how desperate she came off? Or, do you think that she is still waiting to see her character redeemed at the end of the season? Is it possible that she is watching these episodes and honestly thinks that she played it perfectly?

To Derek Hazelton, I don’t hold a grudge against you for suggesting I recap this show. I don’t like this show, but I’ve never blamed you for my taking it on. Unlike Evelyn, I am a big girl who can own up to her mistakes. Of course, I’ve never fucked anyone for a handbag either, so maybe that’s where my life experience truly differs from hers.