Basketball Wives: That Will Get You Popped

I have to be honest with you Gasmii. I honestly had no idea what to expect with this show. Now that we are two episodes in, I do have to say that while these trashy hos aren’t nearly as entertaining as I hoped they would be, I absolutely LOVE your comments about them. I have a sneaking suspicion that I am going to need your support to get through this season. So, consider yourselves the girders of my loins, as I pray that you continue to have my back. Hopefully that wasn’t too disturbing of a mental image for you.

I have also decided that as a special treat, to those of you comment faithfully, I will be spotlighting the funniest comments from the Basketball Wives mini-cap somewhere in each of my recaps from now on. Maybe I’ll tell you who said it, maybe I won’t. I have to do something to keep this shit interesting, right? Now, let’s get to it.

RealWorldTami visits Jennifer to gossip about what’s been happening so far. RealWorldTami talks about those shitty t-shirts and Jennifer kind of agrees with her without coming right out and selling out Evelyn. This was actually pretty well played because Jennifer sided with both of them without playing them against each other. Meeka should take lessons from her.

SWEET JEEBUS!

I will swallow your soul!

Why don’t they ever give any warning before they show SillyPutty’s face? It’s just not right for them to sneak her in on us like that. My husband thinks that it’s her under bite that makes her look like that. I think that it’s the fact that her face looks like it’s made of wax or latex along with the under bite and dim, almost dead looking, eyes.

Anyway, SillyPutty meets up with TinyDancerRoyce and they discuss where SillyPutty stands with all of the girls. Thanks to my peeps in the comments, I now know that SillyPutty was ostracized because she said something about Evelyn’s ho-ish ways to a mutual friend when all the women were in Las Vegas. Apparently, while she didn’t come right out and say that Evelyn was stinking up the sheets with every man willing to shoot craps in Vegas, she did say that Evelyn “got her freak on” to the wrong gossipy queen and that shit got back to Evelyn. Now, SillyPutty wants back in the cool girls club and is willing to suck up to Evelyn to do it. TinyDancerRoyce has already made her decision that gardening is not her thing, so she is going to leave Evelyn to her hoing ways.

Meeka meets up with Evelyn, mainly because she wants to be in that group. Meeka says that TinyDancerRoyce thinks she will get along really well with RealWorldTami, but she is taking that as an insult even thought she hasn’t met RealWorldTami yet. What is interesting to note here is that Evelyn doesn’t talk shit about RealWorldTami, which kind of leaves Meeka wondering how to react. So she goes back to talking shit about TinyDancerRoyce. Meeka says that she thinks that TinyDancerRoyce is phony and has decided that she won’t let TinyDancerRoyce into her life or be her friend. She continues to talk shit about not wanting to know TinyDancerRoyce either. Funnily enough, Evelyn talks shit about Meeka in her interview. She says that Meeka is chatty and should just the fuck shut up. I think the heat of Miami is getting to Meeka, because she constantly looks as though her foundation is melting off her face.

Maybe after watching last season, Meeka decided she could only interact with Tami while wearing a face full of Vaseline.

Jennifer goes over to Evelyn’s to talk about her divorce. Evelyn talks about doing in vitro with Cinco de Mayo because they want to have twins. Is there even a date set for the wedding yet? They claim to be engaged but, considering her history, (engaged for 10 years, professional basketball groupie, never been married) this just seems like putting the cart before the horse, or the slut before the ring.

I only know how to ho, but I’m tired of the blisters and dirty fingernails that come with that.

Jennifer talks about the divorce and Evelyn is giving her advice, which again, Evelyn has never been married. I’m sure she has been the cause of many a divorce, but I don’t think she can really advise anyone who is going through the process.

Oh God!

What? This is my good side!

It’s SillyPutty again. She meets up with Shaunie to discuss what’s going on with the clique. Is Shaunie trying to phase her way out of the show? She doesn’t seem overly involved with any of the women so far, but she is the person they all go to in order to discuss their status among the other women. I don’t trust her.

The hat means I am in charge! Do as I say and don’t cross me! But, I’m above the drama.

I think because she is a producer for the show, she has to keep instigating drama, but she is also trying to pretend to be above it all so that she can claim to be classy. Anyway, she wants SillyPutty to make up with Evelyn and stay clear of the messiness. The Godmother has spoken, so now SillyPutty must make amends with Evelyn.

Meeka meets up with TinyDancerRoyce and SillyPutty at a boutique. Meeka claims that she heard that TinyDancerRoyce has been talking shit about her. This is classic shit stirring right here. This is Meeka, trying to find a way to put TinyDancerRoyce on the defensive while also making it look like she has every right in the world to not be friends with her.

You can tell by what she says she heard. She says that she heard TinyDancerRoyce was saying Meeka was just another RealWorldTami. It’s the phrase “Just another Tami” that is the BIG HONKING clue here. Does anyone think that TinyDancerRoyce would compare someone to RealWorldTami in a negative way? When TinyDancerRoyce and Meeka first met, TinyDancerRoyce flat out said that she thought Meeka and RealWorldTami would get along because they reminded her of each other. Meeka has already tried to make that into an insult with Evelyn, but it didn’t get any traction. Now, she is trying to make something of it with TinyDancerRoyce to cover up her stealth shit stirring.

Meeka could have only heard this from Shaunie, Jennifer, or Evelyn. But, TinyDancerRoyce isn’t talking to any of them. So, unless SillyPutty or Shaunie is doing some undercover shit stirring, I would be willing to bet that Meeka made that whole thing up. But now TinyDancerRoyce is wondering what those other bitches are saying about her. So, now Meeka has TinyDancerRoyce on the defensive and she has an out for the friendship when the popular girls decide to let her in their circle. What Meeka needs to do is invest in some shine control make-up and leave the shit stirring to the girls that know how to do it properly.

Meeka has Jermaine Jackson syndrome – greasy 24/7 and you would have to throw sand on her to grab her.

SillyPutty goes to Dulce, or as I am calling it from now on, “Tami’s, Bitch!” to suck up to Evelyn so that she can get back in to the cool kids club. SillyPutty talks about how much she missed Evelyn and how truly sorry she was; so, Evelyn pretends that she is the bigger person and accepts her apology. Evelyn hasn’t gotten this far in life just by sucking dick;  she knows she needs to get some alliances since Shaunie is sitting on the sidelines playing queen bee and she only has Jennifer on her side right now – at least until she and Tami decide they love each other again.

Just like Ike and Tina, without the music.

Jennifer, Shaunie and Evelyn go to a wine tasting. There are nuts on the plate and Evelyn makes an off color joke that Jennifer plays along with. The sommelier laughs while being embarrassed. I have to say that even with the nut jokes, it was still classier than the wine tasting Vicki, Tamra and Peggy did on Real Housewives of Orange County. So, score one for the Basketball Wives. Seriously, Tamra and Vickie have to be pretty damned trashy to make these bitches look sophisticated.

I can’t believe these bitches are outclassing us! Was it the bathtub scene?

Evelyn talks about how she forgave SillyPutty. Jennifer is glad that SillyPutty is back on their team. Shaunie is glad that they worked things out but can’t resist bringing up TinyDancerRoyce. Evelyn has some choice thoughts about TinyDancerRoyce. But, they decide to leave that alone. They don’t want the camera to catch Shaunie being present when Evelyn says something truly horrible about TinyDancerRoyce. If it does, Shaunie can’t pretend to be above it all anymore.

SillyPutty and TinyDancerRoyce go to the beach to talk about SillyPutty being back in “the circle” of popular kids. She talks about going to see Evelyn, and while TinyDancerRoyce thinks it’s retarded, she is still supportive of SillyPutty. She just wants SillyPutty to be careful because she knows that Evelyn is a stank ass ho and will turn on her again. So, she tells SillyPutty to be careful.

She’s on the beach and she isn’t completely melted. Maybe her skin is made out of a more durable type of wax.

Evelyn is on a mission to get Jennifer laid. She isn’t great with the advice on marriage or divorce but she knows how to ho. Yep, she probably has a garden full of cabbage and green beans by now. At least she will never go hungry.

A good ho will never go hungry. Cabbage for everybody!

She convinces Jennifer to do online dating. They look at some guys on the computer – I say on the computer because there is no online dating site that looks like what they showed (you know they just pulled up some pictures that were on the hard drive). What I do think is hilarious is that they are talking about these guys’ looks as though Jennifer wasn’t married to something that crawled up from under a bridge. I guess money really can make anyone seem attractive.

I may be ugly, but I’m rich bitch!

SillyPutty, TinyDancerRoyce, and Meeka are out at a grand opening waiting for RealWorldTami. RealWorldTami arrives and is all smiles and they introduce themselves. RealWorldTami gets right to it and asks SillyPutty what’s going on with Evelyn. SillyPutty admits they made up and TinyDancerRoyce wants to know what it is that SillyPutty even likes about Evelyn. Meeka tries to play it like everyone should be friends if they want to, and RealWorldTami sniffs something out. She takes Meeka aside to talk and get the real deal from her. She wants to know if she is going to be a mole for her side or a shit stirrer from the other side.

Meeka immediately talks about TinyDancerRoyce and wants to know how RealWorldTami got past TinyDancerRoyce being a dancer who hooked up with a player. RealWorldTami talks about how cool TinyDancerRoyce has been in her experience, but says that Meeka needs to form her own opinion. Interestingly enough that is the exact advice that every single person Meeka has met on the show has given her.

Meeka, however, has already decided that she wants in with the popular girls and is just going through the motions of getting to know the other women so that she doesn’t appear as though she didn’t give everyone a fair shake. She has decided that she doesn’t like or trust TinyDancerRoyce. She has decided that being compared to RealWorldTami is an insult. She is just now waiting for the nod from the popular girls to say that she made the right call.

Anyway, RealWorldTami breaks it down. She says that Meeka really doesn’t know her so she wants to be up front. She tells Meeka that if she has something to say, no matter what it is, just go ahead and say it to her face so that there is no misunderstanding about how anyone feels about anyone else.

I honestly don’t remember RealWorldTami being this entertaining on the Real World. Maybe, it’s because everyone else on this show is so boring?

All I needed was the right format to showcase my fabulosity!

The very next scene is RealWorldTami talking about how she found out that Meeka has been talking shit about how much she doesn’t like TinyDancerRoyce. So, RealWorldTami, being RealWorldTami, invites TinyDancerRoyce and Meeka to sit down with her so that she can find out exactly how Meeka feels about TinyDancerRoyce. RealWorldTami tells Meeka that she heard that Meeka doesn’t like TinyDancerRoyce and she doesn’t fuck around with bitches like TinyDancerRoyce.

This is a great example of a shit stirrer getting caught and how they try to bluff their way out of it. Because, Meeka immediately tries to make this into something that TinyDancerRoyce said. Meeka turns to TinyDancerRoyce and says, “I told you that I don’t like you?” As though TinyDancerRoyce has been talking shit about her. But RealWorldTami cuts that shit right off and says “No, you told someone on the other side that. And that person called me.” Meeka, having probably just pissed a little bit in her pants, puts on a (greasy) shocked face and immediately starts back peddling.

Blot bitch! Blot!

Meeka says that it was probably after she heard that TinyDancerRoyce had said something negative about her. But,  “you know me, Imma keep it real” and again RealWorldTami shuts her down with “actually, she doesn’t know you. That’s why we are talking to you now.” Thank the good lord for RealWorldTami! I can’t imagine just how boring this show would be without her. RealWorldTami does not want ANY shady shit. Meeka gets defensive and is putting her hand up and RealWorldTami had to stop that too. She explains that a hand in the face can really get a person popped.

Put your hand in my face again, and you will be pulling back a stump!

RealWorldTami has sniffed out that Meeka is a trouble maker and she believes that TinyDancerRoyce is being too trusting, or just plain dumb when it comes to her. RealWorldTami goes on to explain that she is cool with Shaunie, she is cool with Jennifer and that she and Evelyn have a weird Ike and Tina relationship where you never know what’s going to happen.

I think this is all news to Meeka. I think she figured that since last season, it was all the popular girls against RealWorldTami, TinyDancerRoyce, and SillyPutty. I think at the very least, she thought that Evelyn would be completely against RealWorldTami and RealWorldTami would feel the same way. So, she is now reconsidering her whole approach (if she is smart).

Anyway, RealWorldTami says that they all need to just have a sit down so that everyone can just say what they need to say. This has Meeka a bit nervous because now she has to remember who all she talked to about TinyDancerRoyce.

But, RealWorldTami has totally called Meeka out as a shit stirring liar.

Bitch doesn’t know I have nose for sniffing out shit stirrers.

SillyPutty meets up with Evelyn and Jennifer and she is so excited to be friends with them again. Poor, simple-minded SillyPutty. She really is a very dim bulb isn’t she? They talk about Meeka and how SillyPutty met her through TinyDancerRoyce and now TinyDancerRoyce is having drama with her. Evelyn says that when they first met Meeka, Meeka went on and on about how she didn’t trust TinyDancerRoyce (which now has me wondering if the Ike and Tina relationship Evelyn has with RealWorldTami was on again enough for Evelyn to spill the beans).

Evelyn and Jennifer pipe up with their shit talking about TinyDancerRoyce. They talk about how she dresses and how she is shady and can’t be trusted. Evelyn breaks out the “Non mutha fuckin factor” line and says that TinyDancerRoyce can suck 3 dicks for all she cares (which she would know ALL about multiple simultaneous dick sucking). So, now we get women for the first time telling someone to drop someone else as a friend. They tell her that she doesn’t need to be in the middle of anymore drama. To me it sounds like a threat. Like, if SillyPutty doesn’t choose them, she is going to end up on the outs again.

I need you to give up TinyDancerRoyce and be on my side.

SillyPutty is now walking a very fine line here. While she doesn’t completely throw TinyDancerRoyce under the bus, she is definitely giving her a few well-aimed pushes towards oncoming traffic. They show scenes for next week, which next week will be soon enough to discuss them.

So, now it’s time for our game. I have taken three comments from the last mini-cap and only slightly modified them and sprinkled them througout this post. If you have been commenting, this will be really easy for you if you haven’t you may have to go back and read the comments from the mini-cap. Either way, this week, I want you to tell me where the comment is and which member of the Gasm said it.

The winner gets a “Non Mother Fuckin Factor” T-shirt (but not really because I actually love you guys and wouldn’t wish that piece of trash on anyone).

Hit me back Gasmii and tell me what you thought of the episode, the recap, the comments – whatever you feel.