Basketball Wives: The Splash Seen Round the Twitterverse

We are almost there Gasmii! The season is ending. Of course, there is the reunion. You just know that the reunion is going to be just entertaining enough to sucker us into trying to sit through another season of this shit waiting for something to happen.

As it is, I spent both the last two episodes trying to figure out what is going on with Jennifer’s face. I know I usually rag on SillyPutty, but I honestly can’t look at her that long. Jennifer’s face, however, has nuance. It’s like one of those magic pictures that you have to look at a certain way to see the 3-D image.

From the front, her face seems normal enough. She’s not exactly a beauty, but she isn’t ugly. But if she shifts just a little to either side, there is something very strange going on.

Now that I have planted that image in your mind, lets dig in.

Episode 9 was all about Jennifer moving on from Eric some more. But first, RealWorldTami tells TinyDancerRoyce about Rome and TinyDancerRoyce takes it in stride saying “you can take the girl out of the hood…” TinyDancerRoyce meets with Eric meet up to discuss his “movie” project. She agrees to read the script and makes it clear that she wants to talk to Jennifer to let her know that Eric approached her about the script. She is seeing it as a business opportunity. I assume its because Eric wore a hat that distracted from his lumpiness and rubbed his chin rather than pop his collar.

Maybe I will look less like a douche if I rub my chin all intelligent like.

SillyPutty can’t wait to run and tell Jennifer that TinyDancerRoyce met with Eric BEFORE she spoke to Jennifer about it. Jennifer agreed to meet up with TinyDancerRoyce but then worked herself up into justifying leaving just before TinyDancerRoyce arrives.

Personally, I think that Jennifer believes she will be disloyal to Evelyn if she actually listens to what TinyDancerRoyce has to say. So, it’s easier to wash her hands of TinyDancerRoyce all together so that she doesn’t lose Evelyn as a friend.

Speaking of Evelyn, this happened:

See why I hate recapping this relationship?

Also, her daughter graduated high school and ran as far away as she could from her ho-ish mother and her creepy meal ticket. Seriously, did anyone else notice the not quite fatherly looks Cinco de Mayo kept giving Shaniece? Ew!

Poor Shaniece. Not only did her mother’s vileness keep her father and sort of step father from attending her graduation, she had to spend it with “creepy uncle Cinco de Mayo” sizing her up.

After all of the heartfelt speeches at graduation dinner, Cinco de Mayo and Evelyn have some cigar shenanigans and grab-assing on the beach.

Now, take a deep breath and dive into the finale with me Gasmii. Let’s explore the splash seen round the Twitterverse.

Let me just say that I do not condone drink throwing. Personally, I don’t believe in wasting a perfectly good beverage. But, if I am going to be honest, the drink throwing was like the cherry on top of a ridiculous sundae.

And for that I am truly grateful.

So, it starts off with TinyDancerRoyce reading some of the tweets that Jennifer has sent. SillyPutty laps that shit up. Especially, when TinyDancerRoyce makes a crack about Jennifer still wearing colored contacts.

TinyDancerRoyce then tenders her resignation or gets to make a goodbye speech? That must be it, because we then cut to Shaunie making a bid for a shoe line without a care in the world. This is also the last we see of TinyDancerRoyce for the episode/season, so I’m pretty positive that it’s the end for TinyDancerRoyce, unless she is able to parlay that seizure into something that keeps her on the show. Otherwise, TinyDancerRoyce and InvisibleMeeka are pretty much done as Basketball Wives.

So long TinyDancerRoyce! Too bad you weren’t willing to play the game enoug to stay on the show.

Who is this guy?

He looks familiar, but I’m too lazy to research where I’ve seen him before.

Evelyn and Cinco de Mayo have a fight. Evelyn saw him having lunch with another woman. Or, in Evelyn-speak “[She] seen him sitting outside eating with a female.”

So, she plays that game where she tests him to see if he will tell her where he was and who he was with.

When they get into it, she wants to know if he slept with her before and he wants to know if all exes should forever be out of his life. She says that’s part of the process of getting engaged. Because she was once a young ho too and as an old ho she knows that those bitches don’t care if he has someone at home.

In all honesty I see both sides. I just don’t care. I don’t find them interesting together. The only interesting thing about that whole scene was Evelyn dropping the N-bomb.

What? Don’t classy people drop the N-bomb?

Or it was until TinyDancerRoyce had a seizure, but she’s OK now.

Anyway, they make up. And while the entire scene seems awfully scripted, I don’t think either of them are good enough actors to not have pulled it off without hours and hours of practice.

Evelyn and Jennifer talk about her divorce party. According to Evelyn, they filmed the divorce party after the splash seen round the Twitterverse; which totally explains why Jennifer was in the mood to show her ass at said party.

They talk about Eric and Jennifer meeting up because Eric hasn’t been returning her lawyer’s calls. Evelyn thinks it’s a good idea. They decide to get hammered at the divorce party.

Shaunie decides that the show will have totally been worth it if it means that her shoe line with Chinese Laundry takes off. Yes, she sold out her dignity and the reputation of every woman involved on this show. Yes, she has set back both the Women’s Movement, and black women by decades, but she has an affordable shoe line that will bank her big money. So, it was totes worth it.

Eric meets up with his business manager (?) to talk about the divorce. He says a lot of stuff about getting his name back and how Jennifer is only able to do the show because she was married to him. And he says some other stuff about lip-gloss and businesses and rolling stuff up in a private bank? But he is really difficult to decipher with any kind of clarity.

Don’t ask me. I don’t know what I’m saying either.

Jennifer gets her makeup done as Evelyn arrives and breaks open the Champaign. Evelyn gives a condom check to make sure that the rubbers aren’t expired. Evelyn is proud of her girl trying to get some ass.

Jennifer’s gay friend hired a professional escort to show up at Jennifer’s divorce party and she ends up making out with him.

Then, there is a piñata that looks like Eric and Jennifer beats the crap out of it. It’s filled with condoms and dollar bills. RealWorldTami wins a smile from me when she focuses on picking up the dollar bills.

Atta Girl!

Did they bleep Tami saying moist? Or did she say something else?

Because if “moist” is now on the list of bleeped words, Duncan Hines is in trouble. The ladies, sans TinyDancerRoyce, have a wild fun time at the party. Everyone, especially Evelyn, is happy that Jennifer is finally getting some.

Now it’s time for the splash seen round the Twitterverse.

Jennifer wants to meet up to find out why Eric is not responding to any of the letters her lawyer has sent to him.

Things start out cordially. Then Eric says that he is hearing her talking shit about his family. Jennifer’s only rebuttal to direct inquiry is to say “hello.” Eric gibbers about something with her not being cool with herself and wanting to hear her demands.

Jennifer inarticulates that she doesn’t understand him, but she phrases it as something to do with the wind. Then, suddenly she is talking about texts and he starts telling her she’s nothing and she will be 40 soon. Then it’s about not knowing herself again and they tell each other to turn it down. Eric believes he struck a chord; Jennifer thinks he sounds ignorant. Jennifer questions him talking to TinyDancerRoyce on Twitter and makes fun of his Brad Pitt pretensions. Then, he gets up and starts storming off and she flings a drink. He comes back and makes the splash seen round the Twitterverse.

I think we should analyze this because when the preview came out there were a ton of people who felt like Eric was not only an ass but a total bitch to throw a drink in her face. Then the show aired and people started siding with him because she threw a drink first.

Here is my take. Jennifer flung a drink in his general direction. I don’t think she even intended for it to hit him and for the most part it didn’t. There were some drops on the back of his shirt and you can hear the glass hit the ground. But, then Eric comes back gets all in her space and forcefully tosses a drink in her face.

While I think that both of them are immature assholes that need more respect for alcoholic beverages, I still think that Eric was more wrong.

I don’t think it was wrong because he is a man and she is a woman. I think it was wrong because there was a good bit of premeditation in his doing it. He stood there in her personal space for several moments trying to distract her from watching his hand go to the drink. Then, when he was sure he had her paying attention to what he was saying, he threw the drink in her face with enough force that the glass looked like it actually hit her chin.

Look, I think violence is just plain wrong. It doesn’t matter if it’s Amber choking out Gary “the refrigerator” Shirly on Teen Mom or Russell pushing Con artist Taylor (or Shana or Ford or Hughes or whatever her actual name is) around on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. It’s not cute. Sure it can be entertaining on an otherwise boring show, but it’s not cool.

So, while I don’t side with Jennifer or Eric on this, I do think that Eric was in the wrong on the drink toss. I know there are many who will disagree, but that’s ok. That’s why the internet was invented, so let me know just how much you disagree in the comments.

If you don’t hear from me in the comments, it’s because I am still unpacking from our big move. But, don’t worry, I will definitely be covering the reunion just so that we can all enjoy watching SillyPutty and MessyMeeka squirm.