All Along the Watchtower… Cylons Kept the View?

Holy crap. What a week to go on vacation. I came home to a DVR-filled with mind-boggling television revelations, like Sanjaya still kicking (because I can’t call it singing) on American Idol; John Lockes’ dad sitting bound and gagged in a magic box on LOST; and oh, did I mention maybe two of the BEST BSG episodes EVER. Ever. Ever. Okay, season one was pretty amazing… and season two… but come on: courtroom drama + the lurking five cylons + a sitar-sounding Watchtower cover + a dead Starbuck = frackin brilliance.

THIS is what I’ve been waiting for all season. Though I think the season hit a filler-fueled lull around Christmas, it came storming back in the past month or so. I don’t want to breeze past last week’s great episode, but I can’t help it… I just want to talk about the cliffhanger, a science BSG has mastered… let’s get to it.

Crossroads, Part I

In a Galactican nutshell: Lee has serious Daddy issues, if he were a girl, he’d be a stripper at Club Galactica by now. He may be doing the right thing, but all I see is a defiant-little-foot-stomping boy, doing the opposite of Dad. Although I usually side with Daddy Adama, I think everyone on Galactica is looking for a scapegoat in Gauis Baaah(get it, like a goat, hardy har, ok… dumb)ltar. Even though he is a selfish, arrogant prick who sold defense secrets and caused the near destruction of humanity, that’s not what he’s on trial for! Anyway, the mob is restless. They’re out for vengeance, not justice… just like humans, always wanting to place blame.

Col. Tigh is back to the bottle… no shock there, though one would assume that he’d hit it AFTER court, not before. Man, he is one angry drunk… and he’ll have more reason to drink later after the damn music won’t stop… he admits on stand that he killed his own wife, but blamed Baltar for making him do it… how convenient.

What the frack is up with the sitar-strumming that’s haunting Tigh within the ship? I think he’s hitting more than the bottle – perhaps he’s sipping some kamala extract from President Roslin. Yup, The Cancer has found Roslin again. Maybe she’s lying to cover up her drug addiction, but I’m fairly confident she’s not. As the prophecy said, the dying leader will bring them to Earth.

Back to the music: all I can picture is the last scene in Zoolander when the trigger song is played on the runway, and he almost assassinates the prime minister of Eastbumfrackia (I don’t remember the country)…

Relax don’t do it

When you want to go to it…

Relax don’t do it

When you want to come…

Relax don’t do it…

Oh yeah, you know you started singing it. Warning: it will be in your head ALL. DAY. LONG. Sorry. Is this melody in the ship a cylon-trigger song? Col. Tigh. and Anders hear the music in Club Galactica, yet no one else does. Not only do they hear it, but they are mesmerized by it. I’m not sure where they’re picking up the radio signals from, but that’s another point all together which I choose to ignore… maybe next to the Tylium ship is the XM/Sirius ship or something…

President Roslin got her glasses back and in a surprise non-dick move, Baltar’s lawyer took his sunglasses off for the trial. I like him so much more now. I’m still wary of his intentions, but he is one kick-ass lawyer… the kind you want on speed-dial…

Roslin’s having kamala-induced dreams/premonitions again. She and Athena are in an opera house lobby chasing Hera, who is then picked up by Six. This is going to mean something, sometime soon, to someone somewhere.

In court, the prosecution is sucking and the defense is soaring. Lee goes from security-guard military to suited-up star-defense lawyer in one day. That’s one day after a huyuuuuge fight with Daddy over integrity and cowardly acts, blah, blah, blah… Daddy had some harsh words for his son. Can they hug by the end of the finale? That’s all I want… oh, and to know the five other cylons…

Later, after a drunken Tigh’s terrible testimony and fisticuffs with Six (side note: I love how Caprica is imprisoned, yet still in her sexy, hot outfit), the weird song captures Anders and Tigh’s attention, plus one more… Tori, the president’s aide. She’s been a fixture since New Caprica but we don’t know much about her… cylon #3?

Back to Tigh’s interrogation of Caprica for a minute: she tells him that the cylons found a unique signature code on the Tylium ship and must have found a way to trail them from it. Is she lying? Is this a trick to separate the humans from their fuel?

The courtroom drama in this episode was better than any law show out there. I was livid when Lee was questioning Roslin about kamala and her cancer. Lee once put himself on the line for the President and now he’s making her crumble on the stand. Why? “To defend the system” Lee later tells Dualla. To me, it looks like he’s doing it just to be a frackin asshole. Roslin admits that her cancer has returned and clearly expresses her distaste for Lee’s maneuvering.

A pissed D doesn’t buy his “defending the system” bullshit and leaves Lee (finally). Has D ever been happy? Maybe with Billy… oh, poor Billy… the first part of “Crossroads” ends with Helo on deck, the Tylium ship has left the fleet (still don’t like the idea of that) and Helo has a bad feeling in his gut, “things are changing, storm’s coming…”

Crossroads, Part II

BSG opens with Adama shaving and getting all dolled up for court. Roslin calls (are these two ever going to do it?) and asks for a little motivation speech to get her cancerous butt out of bed. She doesn’t want to go to court; she has cancer and the fate of humanity on her shoulders… what’s my excuse in the morning?

Adama tells her to get “her FAT, LAZY ASS out of bed.” Effective. He could’ve dropped the “fat” part. No wonder he didn’t get along too well with his wife. Rule #1 fellas: Women don’t like to be called FAT, especially under motivational circumstances.

In Chief’s quarters, he wakes up humming that frackin song that’s been stuck in everyone’s head. By everyone, I mean: Col. Tigh, Anders, and Tori… is Chief the 4th cylon?? He’s hearing the very special cylon tune. Oh my gods.

Speaking of the possible cylons, Anders is getting some grief counseling, er, I mean ASS from Tori, the multi-talented presidential aide. I guess he’s getting over Starbuck sooner than I thought. They hear the special cylon-theme, while Chief is walking down the hall, humming the same tune, and knock, knock…

A disappointed Seelix is at the door wondering then realizing why the bunks were locked.

These Galactica women were just waiting for Starbuck to kick it… I guess hot guys are scarce on Galactica. Can you blame them? Look at the alternatives: Perverted Hot Dog, Felix Gaeta, Tom Zarek? I’d be waiting in line to frack Anders too.

President Roslin is in the infirmary getting her cancer treatment when she falls asleep. She has the same dream/vision of being in the opera house with Hera, Athena, and Six, until she freaks out… at the same time as Athena in a nearby bed. They go see Six and she had the same dream. Huh? Is Roslin the fifth cylon? How is she sharing visions with cylons?

Will the cylon-tune trigger Tigh, Anders, Tori, and Chief to steal Hera? If Chief is a cylon, then wouldn’t his baby be a hybrid and just as important as Hera? As we saw when D’Anna was in the Temple of Five, the current cylons don’t know the other five models either, so maybe they don’t know his baby is special too? Arg. I don’t know. So many questions, not enough time left in the hour.

The courtroom drama unfolds nicely as Gaeta takes the stand and his pants catch on fire. Yup, he’s a big, fat perjurer and tells the court that Baltar never tried to stand up to the cylons and signed the death warrant without incident.

But the Cool Lawyer has another trick up his sleeve. He calls for a mistrial because someone on the panel has already determined Baltar’s guilt… and he’ll give us a hint, his name rhymes with a delicious tropical drink: Bahama Mama. Who could prove this? Lee Adama is called to the stand.

In this next scene, Lee is absolved. He gets 100% redemption in my BSG book. He has always believed that Baltar should get a fair trial — even though he’s an arrogant prick, he’s not guilty of treason. Then, Lee exorcises his own demons and many from others. Everyone has been pardoned for their wrong-doings… why shouldn’t Baltar get a pass?

In those two minutes, I went from Anti-Lee to Pro-Lee. He’s all grown up now. Can Daddy and Lee just hug it out?

Oh yeah, where’s Starbuck?



The verdict’s in. After the much-needed schpeel on flawed justice and human error that differentiates humans and machines, the vote is read: 3 – 2… NOT GUILTY! Whoa. Baltar just pooped his pants. Is the Admiral one of the three or a dissenter? Mayhem breaks loose and Baltar is rushed away from the court a free man.

Baltar, so close to getting a one-way air-lock ticket to space city is back to his ass-y ways. Lee gets in his face and tells him not to push his luck, while the trusty cool lawyer parts ways with him. He tells Lee he’s “an honest man” unlike his grandfather, then put his stupid sunglasses on and walked out cane-less. Bag of tricks, that one. I thought more would happen with the whole grandfather/shady lawyer storyline. Maybe soon?

Roslin is fuming over the verdict, and is shocked to learn that her Admiral Ally voted for the acquittal. Adama’s not getting any now. He blew it big time. Next stop: Ionan Nebula!

Helo’s aforementioned storm seems to be brewing… the lights are flickering and that damn song is playing in the heads of the final four. The ship is on batteries only mode and the crazy legion of those who have been drinking Baltar’s Kool-Aid kidnap him. Six is in the opera house again (do Athena and Roslin see it too?). Baltar’s there and so are the five faceless cylon shadows. YES! We are going to find out right now… right this minute… I’m pulling my hair out… and noooooooope. Not one.

Cut back to Chief on deck. Everything’s in slo-mo and he’s hearing special songs again… “Must be some kind of way out of here”… huh? Tigh hears, “says the Joker to the Thief…” wait. This classic has stood the test of time! Though it’s not Bob Dylan or Jimi Hendrix, just one of the million covers out there… it has the sitar twang and future beat, but the lyrics are undeniablely “Along the Watchtower”.

Tori hears, “I can’t get no relief…” So the cylon-trigger song is “Along the Watchtower”, WAY better choice than “Relax don’t do it…” Where are they all going? Is there a fifth hearing the same tune?

The final four meet: Col. Tigh, Anders, Tori, and Chief. I correctly picked UCLA, Florida, Georgetown, and Ohio State in my Final Four brackets (go Florida!), but I was WAY off for these Final Four Cylons. I kinda suspected Anders, because of his likeability and hotness. I thought about Tigh as a cylon, but the age thing always got in the way. I never, ever guessed Tori or Chief. They are in as much disbelief as I am and all decide to go on about their work as if no strange song brought them together in the first place.

So, they’re cylons? They are cylons. Tigh explains he’s had 40 years in the service – the exact amount of years that the cylons stopped communicating with the humans. So it’s possible he was the very first cylon/human model created and implemented into humanity. Also, it explains the mysterious apology from D’Anna when she saw the final five faces in the Temple. If Tigh is resurrected, will he still only have one eye?

Sam, Tigh, and Chief all led the resistance on New Caprica, while Tori has been a loyal aide to President Roslin. What. The. frack?

Meanwhile, Lee is back to being Captain Apollo. He’s in flight when he sees a bogey. And who’s manning this bogey? Dun, dunnn, DUNNN…. Starbuck! I got serious goose-bumps when she turned and smiled. “It’s me. I’ve been to Earth and I’m going to take us there.”

Oh my gods. OH my gods. Oh my gods. Love this show.

Is Apollo hallucinating? Is Starbuck the fifth cylon? Or could it be President Roslin? I’m going to internally combust. Just when I thought all the surprises were over, BSG gave me one more sucker punch to the face: “Continued in 2008″… nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

I still think this season had its duller moments, but only because it’s held at a much higher standard than anything else I watch. The last two episodes made up for anything the earlier episodes were lacking. But 2008, seriously?? Arg. No matter how much time passes, I’ll be there eagerly awaiting the Season 4 premiere.

For the handful (4, 11? 20=personal best?) people that have read this since I took over from J-Unit, thanks! I love this show … 2000 and frackin 8… I could have a baby by the time the new season starts (Note to Self: Take Pill). I’ll be sitting patiently, hoping that Joss Whedon puts something out there for me in the meantime. Maybe the new Fox series Drive with Nathan Fillion will fill a little of my Sunday night void?

What do you think? Are these guys the final four cylons or something entirely different? If they’re cylons, at least they have good taste in music. Did you like the cliffhanger? Where the frack did Starbuck come from?