Galactica Just Dropped in to See What Condition New Caprica Was in

I really wish that the producers of Battlestar Galactica made the “Exodus” episode two hours. Last week’s episode was good, but I thought it was kind of boring. Then again, I thought it was boring by design and had a feeling that part two would be what everybody would want to write home about. I’m pleased to say that part two is every bit as exciting as I had hoped, and now four episodes into the season it is clear that BSG has returned to the place that had so many people calling it the best show on television.There was a lot going on in this episode, but I have to admit that I was in such awe of the great action at times that my notes kind of sucked. They sucked almost as much as Lee Adama, and the way his fat ass has been acting this season, you probably wonder if I even bothered to take any notes at all. Now if what they say about great women being behind every great man, then it is clear that Dualla isn’t much more than a pretty face. I think she has been trying to motivate her husband into taking some sort of action, but it was clear that Apollo thought his father was on a suicide mission and he didn’t want anything to do with it.

Apollo had his orders, which were to take the remaining parts of the civilian fleet to a designated rendezvous point, wait a pre-determined amount of time, and if Galactica or any of the other ships aren’t able to return, continue on in the quest for Earth. It’s exactly what he wanted to do, but he still can’t help but wonder what is going to happen to his father and the rest of the fleet. The attack, as it is planned, is a suicide mission, and no matter how many times his father has pulled off a miracle, this may be too much. Dualla reminds them that the only thing he can do to help his father now is to make sure that the fleet stays alive so there will be people to remember Galactica and Adama and everybody else. He will soon be the leader of the fleet and it’s time to start acting like one. Taking his wife’s advice, he thanks her, says he loves her and calls a meeting for all the captains of the fleet.

The exchange between Dualla and Lee was actually really heartfelt, one of many this episode. Although there are a lot of love stories on this show that make sense, I never though that Dualla and Apollo had a hunka hunka burning love. It seemed like they got together because they were worried that they wouldn’t be able to find anybody better to deal with each other. I wonder the same thing about some of the other couples, like Saul and Ellen Tigh.

If you are new to the series, Ellen and Colonel Tigh were pretty much on the outs, but got together because suddenly their bickering looked a little lame in the light of the whole nuclear holocaust thing. Ellen was found on another ship, weeks after the initial attack, and there was a time where some speculated that she was a Cylon. Robots may be, uh, robotic, but whoever created the Cylons has some creativity. Model Six is a younger, hotter, version of Ellen Tigh. Anyway, Ellen has always been ambitious, and was always willing to do whatever it takes, even if it was semi-legal, in an attempt to further her husband’s career.

When it came to life on New Caprica, she would do anything in her powers (and her power these days is pretty much limited to “The Swirl” and any tricks she has hidden in her vagina. She finally told her husband just exactly what it was that got him out of jail, and I think it broke his heart, not because he thought she was a whore, but because she really would do anything for him, but he wouldn’t be able to do the same. Anders lost three men during the ambush thanks to Ellen’s meddling. The stakes were high then, but with the evacuation about to take place, the stakes are even higher. No longer able to trust his wife, Saul has to kill her. She didn’t suffer (she died after drinking some poison in her drink), but Saul cried anyway. He had given so much already; it was amazing to think that he had to give up even more. He can’t even give her a proper burial

Last week we saw Sharon steal the launch codes and she had to shoot one of the Xena model in order to make a clean getaway. I wish I had a better idea where that took place in the current time line, because I was wondering how all of the people in charge could be so clueless as to what was happening around them. Maybe she didn’t have any kneecaps, but she could have crawled someplace, no?

The leaders know something is happening, and you can tell it in their body language. It seems like they want to give up, but they can’t, even when the genius Gaius Baltar says that it would be a good idea. What happened on New Caprica isn’t going to go away. Even if the Cylons left and decided to never kill a human again, the children of New Caprica would remember, and they would pass on stories to their children, and to their children’s children. The Cylons would still be the enemy, and if they were to ever live in peace, they would have to make New Caprica work.

And then it begins.

Gaeta, who is doodling some incomprehensible drawing, hears some noises. I would like to continue, but what in the hell was it that he was drawing? It looked like something with a knife in its head, but I had no clue what it was. Can somebody who listens to the webcasts fill me in so I don’t go crazy? Thanks.

Like I said, it has started. The plan for evacuation was to cause as much chaos as possible to distract the Cylon security forces. We see Tory, Laura Roslin’s assistant, giving out orders for evacuation. You know, I think the success of any resistance movement is based on how many disheveled yet hot women you can recruit for your side to convince men to risk their lives. Hell, if I were evacuating New Caprica, I would ask my buddy to shoot me in the leg before we got on our ship. Worst-case scenario – this ship blows up and a bum leg doesn’t mean anything. However, the best-case scenario – Tory thinks you’re brave and wants to kiss it and make you feel better, makes the whole thing worth the risk. Actually, there could be a worse scenario than the worst – you shoot your leg, and due to lack of medical care need it amputated, and soon after you find out that Tory is shacking up with a guy who doesn’t need his friend to shoot him to look brave. Hmm, maybe I should just fake a limp?

So, while the evacuation plan is fine and dandy for everybody who can walk and run, there are still a lot of people in prison. Are they going to just leave them behind? Some may have questioned this line of reasoning, but not Anders. He was left behind on the first Caprica, and he wasn’t going to let anybody in the prison pay for what the people on the outside were doing. The humans have stockpiled weapons and are making a break for the prison to get those people out.

Some of you might say that this is still too easy and the Cylons can just pick them out of the sky. After all, they have two base ships patrolling the planet. Just send down some Cylon Raiders to pick them off right? Well, no. Galactica has a plan, and the first part of that plan is a little bit of a ruse. They know that they aren’t going to be able to match the Cylon firepower, especially with an old Battlestar with half crew, but they do have the element of surprise. The Cylons know that there are two operational Battlestars, so our boy Adama releases two sets of drones that will mimic Battlestars on the Cylon sensors. This will set the Cylons up perfectly for a sneak attack.

But a sneak attack where? I was thinking that the Battlestar would pop in behind, fire off a few rounds, perhaps release some Vipers, and try and cause enough of a distraction to let the people on the ground do their thing. Oh, how wrong was I? You know that scene from Matrix Reloaded where Morpheus and the Keymaster are on the truck when it explodes and Neo comes swooping in to get them and then Link (Michael Dawson for you Lost fans) raises his hands in the air and says “YES!” and, well, you get the picture. That was me on the TVgasm couch.

Try it for yourself:

YES!

The Galactica was a little late to the party, but boy do they know how to make an entrance! Instead of causing a distraction where they were outmatched, the Galactica jumped directly into the New Caprica atmosphere. We recently upgraded to a new 42-inch LCD in the TVgasm office, complete with new stereo and surround sound. Let me assure you, the sound of the Galactica as it descended into the atmosphere was amazing. And although I have yet to experience this in Dolby Digital and HD (fuck you DirecTV for making me wait a MONTH!), I assure you I watched it several times, although not as many times as Selma Blair kissing Sarah Michelle Gellar in Cruel Intentions. Mmmm. Brunette SMG. Those were the days.

OK, I know I get distracted sometimes. Anyway, it was amazing to see the Vipers launch through the fire of re-entry, and although Galactica jumped back out, it was mission accomplished. Admiral Adama knew that the resistance would need air support, and the Vipers were able to take down some of the more fortified locations to let all of the people on foot move more freely, and that includes Tigh and Tyrol at the gates to all of the civilian ships and Anders and his crew making the jail break.

Anders also found somebody he never expected to. The Kara and Anders love affair was a little bit more understandable, event though you I had trouble believing that she would get married. Leoben McCoy, Kara’s “husband” didn’t lock her up in some strange place near the Cylons; she was in prison like so many others. Yes, her prison was a little more plush, but it was prison. When the bombs were going off, she begged to be released, along with her daughter, but Leoben decided it would be safe to punch slap her in the face and keep her locked up. She was knocked out, and that is how Anders found her. I am not sure where Casey was at this point, because I think most kids would be scared of all the noises and try and find their parents, but she was nowhere to be found, and Anders picks up Starbuck and drags her out of there.

Not everything stayed so fine and dandy, however. Galactica had jumped into the atmosphere and was attempting to take on not two, but four Cylon Basestars. Galactica is powerful and Adama is smart, but things weren’t looking good. A lot of people on the ground were going to make it, but Adama could only hope that they make it to Lee. Bearing the full brunt of the Cylon attack, the Galactica lost its FTL drives, meaning it would be basically impossible to get away.

And then came the Pegasus!

YES!

Lee decided to grow a set of nuts and come and help out the fight. With the element of surprise, the Pegasus was able take the hits and the Galactica was able to make repairs. The Vipers from the planet made their crash landings and the Galactica jumped to safety. As for Lee? He would stick around and fight.

Back on earth, it had become clear to the humano-cylons that they were pretty much up a creek, and not even Borat in a slingshot one piece could make anybody laugh. They decided to evacuate, but before they were going to evacuate, there were some things to take care of. No, I’m not talking about Baltar; they actually had a plan for him. By now he wishes this were all over, but again, who is going to choose a cyanide pill or bullet to the brain over sex with Six? No, D’anna Bears needed to go set off a nuclear weapon, but that doesn’t mean that Baltar wasn’t in trouble.

When things started getting really bad, Gaeta’s conscience knew he had to help the resistance. He was one of the people who discovered the original fraud in the election and he really believed that there could be a life in New Caprica. Of course, he probably wouldn’t have signed up for Baltar’s administration if he knew about his nuclear proliferation past, and it’s hard to imagine that what he did when he was in power was actually worse. Anyway, Gaeta didn’t want to leave Baltar to live, and was ready to shoot him on the spot, but Baltar got out of it once more. Saying that he was the only person who could stop D’Anna Bears from setting off the nuke, Baltar took the gun from Gaeta and ran off. You know, Gaeta was always kind of a pussy, and wish he just shot Baltar anyway, or told Six to stop D’Anna or he would shoot Baltar and just shot Baltar anyway. But if Apollo was able to get his balls back, maybe he’ll be able to tell Gaeta what to do if he ever finds that he grows a pair.

Baltar rushes out to New Caprica which looks like a war zone, or I guess I should say that it looks like even more of a war zone, because it never really looked all that great to start with. He is looking for D’anna, but instead hears a baby crying. It’s Hera. Six knows it before Baltar can even think about it. Somehow, the two most important people on the planet, who were supposed to be protected, weren’t all that safe. You never know what is going to happen, but how did this happen? It looks like that crazy fortuneteller was right. D’anna did get to hold the baby, but the Cylons did lose everything that they had built. If we thought they were scary before, what does it mean now that we know they hold the keys to the future?

Overall, the evacuation was a success. Starbuck did wake up in Anders’ arms and ran back to get Casey. She got there just in time to meet up with Leoben McCoy. Although you would think he realized it was over now, he decided to finally exert his control. Kara was going to choose her baby. She said she loved him. Said it again, and even kissed him. But could they make a happy life together? Not quite. Although Kara was playing along nice because of her kid, she would never be a slave to a Cylon. She had grabbed a knife off of Anders, and used it to kill her “husband” again, just for old time’s sake. By this time, Anders had returned, Kara picks up Casey, saying she’ll explain later, and the run to get off of the planet.

Because of the baby, D’anna decided not to set off the nuke, but that doesn’t mean there wouldn’t be a lot of destruction in the skies. Pegasus was taking a pounding so hard, it wasn’t going to walk right for a week. But that was part of the plan. Lee left all the Vipers to protect the civilian fleet. He brought along just enough of a crew to distract the Cylons, then after getting up to RAMMING SPEED! the crew abandoned ship. They jumped to the rendezvous in their Raptors, and the Pegasus rammed straight into a Basestar. Lee knew just what he was doing! Getting rid of that second, awkward Battlestar that has sort of confused us viewers for a while now.

Ahhhh! Happy day! President Roslin get back on Colonial One, and pretty much everybody else was meeting on Galactica. Everybody started seeing familiar faces. Lee got a chance to thank his father, and probably wonders how long it will take him to turn his pony keg into at least tallboy, if not a six-pack. I thought Tigh was going to hump Adama’s leg when they saw each other. Admiral Adama became a hero and was carried away the shoulder of the people he just saved.

Not everything was rosy, of course. Kara was just about to explain to Anders about Casey when suddenly, somebody recognized Casey. It was Casey’s mom. I had always thought that Casey looked a little too old, but always thought the reason was because she was a Cylon. Never did I imagine that the Cylons would just steal a baby and try to pull off the ruse that way. As for Tigh? Well, he did a lot of work on the ground, maybe just as tough as Adama, and not only lost his wife, but had to be the one to kill her as well. I do like what this does for both characters (I think Tigh’s character has been the most interesting this season so far), and it will be great to see how they deal with everything that has happened.

Oh, and Maya and the baby were lost. Tory apologized for letting Roslin down, but she knew that this was “bigger than us. this is life”. Normally I would cringe at some cheese worthy moments, but I was so sucked into this episode, I didn’t care, even when it got a little more cheesy right afterwards. Adama started to shave his porno ‘stache off. I don’t even know why they chose to linger on its symbolism, but they did. I would complain a little more, but you know what. Battlestar Galactica is back, and it’s damn good.

Obviously, I am going to say that I love this episode. It was packed with plenty of action, and mostly plausible twists. They ended the New Caprica story line in a believable way, made the show about one Battlestar very easily, gave a lot of reason for a lot of people to get lot more complicated, and provided us with plenty of speculation for the upcoming season. That is how television is supposed to be done.

What did you think of this episode? What will Baltar’s position with the Cylons be? What will become of Hera?