Has anyone seen my sunglasses?

I tried sooo hard to watch BSG on Sunday night, but I only got through the previous scenes. I woke up to see some dude in sunglasses and thought I was hallucinating… thanks NyQuil! It was even harder to stay out of the forum on Monday and Tuesday.

There’s nothing like being sick at work and feeling so crappy on the inside, but thinking that you may be pulling off a semi-healthy exterior. Until that a-hole co-worker comes up and says, “Yeah, you don’t look so good,” with that distorted-looking sneer, like the flu has taken solid form and is growing out your forehead. Thanks for making me feel a trillion times worse — as if I thought I looked like Heidi Klum with a bit of a stuffy nose – I’m not that heavily medicated. Anyway, the flu sucks, but BSG doesn’t… Monday I tried coming home and putting it on… nope, I was out before the theme music.

So here I am, a couple of days later – lots of pills popped, fluid drank, and soup-consumed — I’ve mustered up the strength to watch the latest episode and write a few words about it. I’m hoping this week’s episode is just as nasty (nasty good, not nasty bad) as last week’s and I’m crossing my fingers about the Starbuck situation. I think we’re mostly in agreement that Starbuck cannot be dead. Hopefully, she’s just imprisoned by Leoben again on some cylon ship. Sucky for her, good for us… what’s in store this week Galactica? Let’s take a look…
The episode opens with Admiral Adama mourning Starbuck. Her thick file is opened and he’s rummaging through award citations and disciplinary notices with a fatherly, reminiscent grin. He opens a tear-jerker of a card from her to him… well, actually if she were alive it would be funnier than any Hallmark card available in the fleet, but in her death, the vivacious Starbuck sporting an Adama ‘stache and spectacles is just down-right depressing. Ugh, so sad.

Meanwhile, President Roslin is picking names out of a bowl for the Judge’s tribunal in Baltar’s trial. I’m hoping that she’s not going to try any funny business with this one because we know from past experience that she’s not too good at rigging things. But whose name does she happen to pull?? Admiral Adama, an ally and very convenient voice to have on the tribunal. The viewer didn’t see the actual name, so it’s possible that Roslin has a few tricks up her sleeve and improved her cheating game.

Over at Club Galactica – or is it just the hangar – Anders is drunk as a skunk, as any good grieving husband would be. He’s a very coordinated drunk, somehow managing to repeatedly flip a coin while straddling a viper and ranting. I can only do one of those things at a time sober, never mind drunk.

Elsewhere on Galactica, Starbuck’s (sometimes) friend and (part-time) ex-lover is carrying out her final wishes of placing her pic next to Cat’s in the Hallway of Death. Before he could do the task, someone calls him in to diffuse the Ander situation. Can’t you leave a grieving drunk alone to flip a coin on a viper? Is this a sign that Starbuck’s still alive? He hasn’t placed her pic in the final resting place yet – okay, I’m reaching, I know, I know…

RIP?

Why wouldn’t they grab someone other than the dude, who at one point was boinking (sorry, just watched Road Trip) Ander’s wife, to diffuse the situation? You know rumors are rampant onboard, everybody has to know everybody’s business – Seelix looks like a gossip whore. Anyway, just the guy Anders wants to see comes to his aid. I don’t know how much help Lee actually was because Anders wound up flat on his face. Poor Sam. I really hope he’s not a cylon because I like him too much… which probably means he is… damn you, BSG writers, how you tug at my heart stings.

Even crank-tacular Col. Tigh misses Starbuck. He breaks the news to an unknowing Adama that he’s been selected as 1/5 of the Judge’s tribunal. I guess Adama didn’t get the memo…

Baltar’s defense attorney is getting ready to board a raptor back to wherever he came from. The crew isn’t too pleased about carting his ass to and fro. Then…. BOOOOOOOSSSCCCCCCCCCH. Booby twap. He’s dead. This is what Zarek was talking about: mutiny, dissension, terrorism. Who happened to be the last person in sight before the explosion, who conveniently has a history of taking matters into her hands, is married to a former leader of the underground militia and whose name rhymes with Pally? Oh, one more hint: she has atrocious hair.

I know she said Baltar deserved a fair trial, but deserving and getting are two different things. Who wants to defend Baltar now, knowing there’s a giant bulls-eye on your forehead? That is exactly what the Colonial One press corps wants to know! Cylon threat, who cares?? Earth… what’s that? Another habitable, safe planet… we’ll ask about that another day… the trial of the century is going on! Who’s going to defend Baltar???

Pres. Roslin says she will not bow down to terrorism and the trial will go on! Yay! Who in their right mind would defend this hated man?

Back on Galactica, Apollo is giving out orders to the pilots, but his head is clearly not in the game. I guess there’s no bereavement policy because then nobody would be working EVER. Apollo then erroneously calls Racetrack “Starbuck” and the room goes silent. This choked me up, I swear! I’ve never been a fan of the romantic Starbuck/Lee, but I’ve always liked their friendship and banter – plus I’ve been heavily medicated and vulnerable in my sick state, ok?

In Roslin’s office, some dude in shades wants to be Baltar’s defender. My second pet peeve (#1=vanity plates) is people who wear sunglasses inside (exceptions are Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, et al; even Col. Tigh or Xander (BTVS) would get a pass… you get my point). The guy definitely isn’t blind and I don’t think he’s concealing any eye deformities, so he’s no exception. Plus, he’s in the company of the President of the Colonies AND Admiral Adama – how rude! I don’t like this guy already. He’s suspect.

So this Cool Guy in the Shades isn’t afraid of defending Baltar, in fact he wants to do it for the fame and glory, he tells us in his Irish accent that makes me rewind about a trillion times. It’s like watching Snatch, only this guy is NO Brad Pitt. Okay, the accent isn’t that bad, but he’s irritating.

He claims he hates Baltar… then his cat jumps onto Roslin’s desk. His cat is even rude.
A volunteer for the job that marks you for death? You’re hired!

Adama tells Lee that he’s on Cool Guy security patrol and he’s grounded. Not like stay-in-your-room-no-dessert grounded, the no-flying-in-space grounded… just wanted to be clear. Lee isn’t too happy with Daddy’s orders (as usual) and stomps out like a 10 year-old who’s grounded.

The reluctant bodyguard Lee goes to the Cool Guy’s office. He insists on meeting with Baltar in Lee’s quarters. More importantly, this guy knew Lee’s legal-minded grandfather. He “hated his guts” but “taught me everything I know.” Okay, something is very wrong with this man, and I’m not just harping on the sunglass thing – though it is increasingly annoying. Right before commercial break, we see another bomb being set up… uh, oh… hold onto your shades.

SIDE NOTE: First commercial is promoting sneak peeks next week on Sci-Fi for Quentin Tarantino’s new movie, Grindhouse…nice! Uh, oh… Kurt Russell?? Huh? My diminishing excitement was restored by the girl with the machine-gun leg. Woohoo. Can’t wait for that.

Cool Guy’s desired meeting came into fruition and Lee had to sign a confidentiality agreement in order to sit in. Baltar was not too pleased to see him and they exchanged lots of awkward glances as Baltar rummaged through his pants. He starts mumbling, “The nature of the modern life is obsession…”

He tells his Cool Lawyer that he’s worried that “they” could use Caprica to destroy him. He tells him to relay his love for her and to tell her that he’s constantly thinking of her, even though it’s clear that he’s only thinking of his manifesto and we haven’t seen Imaginary Six in a while. Oh Baltar, once a selfish prick, always a selfish prick.

The Lawyer starts quoting Baltar’s underground best-seller. Could he be on Team Baltar? I don’t trust this guy, have I mentioned that? He MUST be a cylon. He’s not afraid of being the most popular moving target, next to cylon raiders, in the galaxy – and who wouldn’t if you knew you’d be resurrected in goo… yup, I smell cylon!

Now, this potential Cool cylon needs some files from Colonial One. Lee’s going along for the ride, meaning this voyage is Doomed. A suspicious Chief looks on as they board and as the doors are about to close, the rude cat darts off and runs under the raptor. The nimble Chief chases the cut and… spots the bomb! Okay, maybe he and Cally aren’t the ringleaders in this, but with this last-minute flight, who could’ve put it there?

Adama’s reprimanding Lee over his lackluster performance on security detail. Isn’t sweeping the vehicle for bombs Bodyguard 101? We learn that it’s been two weeks since Starbuck’s ill-fated flight and they start arguing over who hurts more… damn these two just need to hug. Or not talk, ever.

While Daddy & Son were fighting over being upset, Cally, Chief & Others are meeting about the bombs. Cally believes that the cylons want the humans to destroy each other, so they’re planting bombs to create chaos and suspicion, causing humanity to self-destruct. Finally, Cally’s making some sense. Cylons love mind games. Mr. Serious of the crew is still pissed and going off on the fact that they have to cart attorneys back and forth. Athena interjects, telling Cally she’s wrong. But Cally’s on fire and retorts, “I don’t get a second… or third… chance.” Dayuum – low cylon blow, Cally!

In Baltar’s cell, he’s doing the usual pants-rummaging thing. He doesn’t look too pleased… he’s panicking and ranting on about the nature of one’s life… he can’t find a PEN!

The trusty pen turns up in the interrogation of Caprica by the Cool Lawyer. This guy is full of tricks. With Adama and Roslin watching on, at first they believe things are going there way. The scorned Caprica expresses her disdain for Baltar. The Lawyer then goes on about cylon love and human love and how even he, himself, the Cool Guy once loved and lost. Then, finally the moment I’ve been waiting for… the identity of a cylon? Nope. Earth? No. He takes his glasses off! I’ve got to say, he looks way cooler with them on.

He’s playing her. Isn’t this a cylon forte? How can she be buying his shtick? He gives her Baltar’s pen, telling her that he wanted her to have it (pretty sure he’s FREAKING out without it), and that he loves her and is hurting without her. Then, oh, no… she takes the pen and… smells it…ugh. That thing has been shoved into his sweaty drawers for weeks now – it can’t smell like roses, just ball sweat. She looks touched and doesn’t grimace… maybe cylons lack a heightened sense of smell.

Caprica admits that she loves him so much it hurts. Roslin doesn’t like the sound of it. Cool Guy puts his shades back on… Papa Adama must have been on hell of a lawyer. Adama checks something in his mid-section… is he bugged?

Lee is questioning the lawyer’s methods. Why take Baltar’s pen? Baltar would curry more sympathy when words leaked that he’s been silenced by the tyrant Roslin. So the lawyer learned all these non-conventional, unethical methods from Papa Adama – the great defense attorney who got murderers off and defended scum. Cool Lawyer said his grandfather did it to figure out the criminal mind and why they do what they do – hey, whatever gets you through the day, dude!

Just as the Lawyer is getting his desired files, he gets blown by another booby trap and finds himself in a hospital bed. Lee (the worst bodyguard EVER) pays him a visit with his belongings. He’s quite the clepto, his hot goods include:
1) Baltar’s pen
2) Roslin’s glasses that she was looking for earlier in the episode. He claims that this will make her look less serious in court, thus helping him.
3) Adama’s tarnished cufflinks.
4) Prosecutor’s flip-flop. She literally drags her feet. Who cares?

He calls his bag of goodies, “borrowed things”. He then puts Baltar’s pen in an envelope and tells Lee to deliver it. Is Lee going to the dark side? One last thing stood out to Lee, and it belonged to Mr. Serious from the bomb meeting. Mr. Serious is Mr. Secret Bomber. Good work Lee! Though he couldn’t have done it without his clepto friend.

Adama reinstates him as CAG, but he refuses. He wants to stay on the case. Does he always do the opposite of what Dad wants? Yes. Helo will remain as CAG and Lee’s on Team Baltar.

Lee then finished Starbuck’s wishes and places her picture next to Cat’s… so much for my earlier “meaning” theory. Sam hobbles into the Hallway of Death and the two are cordial. Sam touches the picture and I’m sad again…

Baltar gets his pen back along with a note from his lawyer. That sunglass-wearing/maybe-cylon is playing everyone! He writes, “There is no greater ally… than a son who chooses to step from his father’s shadow.” Then Baltar shoved his pen up his butt so no one could take it from him again.

Next week: Caprica v. Col. Tigh… nice! What do you think about this shady, sunglass-wearing lawyer? Is Lee going to the dark side? Where’s Starbuck?