Now that the Dorks and the Whores are coupled up, game dynamics are changing faster than the group’s collective vocabulary –
Amanduh: “The girls and I wanted Jim to come back. That was the census.”
Take out your nail polish remover and start defragging your brain — this week’s Beauty and the Geek includes a MAKEOVER!!! Never seen one of those before, amiright!? AMIRIGHT!?At the next challenge meeting, Host breaks the news that the next challenge will not be announced until the day after. The general “census” in the room was one of shock and fear. Why a delay? Are the rules changing? Is the CW finding a new accountant? ARE WE UNDER ATTACK!?
AUGH HELL NAHHHH
Reason? It’s Geek Makeover Day.
Geek Makeover Day: It’s self fucking explanatory. I smell MONTAGES!!!
The Bitches will decide what style the Dorks will adopt. Because all girls are born with an innate sense of style. And men aren’t capable of growing fashion sense. Yep.
Even though his partner tells him that his pants are too tight and will likely give him a yeast infection, Gaysian is the only Geek seemingly excited about the makeover. He especially loves the exercise his partner Navy Diva made up to talk smack to other bitches in the clubs; “Say, ‘Back off, BITCH!’ ” she says.
The indian man cries at demonstrated social pedagogy. Don’t litter.
Cowboy Joe was stubborn as shit, being completely unresponsive to all criticism of his cowboy ways. You know what doesn’t get you laid, Joe? Conviction of self-made character.
Meanwhile, at a clothing boutique…
Sweatervest says he’s not experienced in shopping for clothes because his mom usually picks out his gear.
“I FUCKING LOVE THIS ONE!!!!”
Something tells me Sweatervest is the bastard child of that one guy who always does those infomercials.
Later, at the beauty salon…
The Dorks are getting their hair-did and, whattyaknow, they’re all transforming from geeks-to-members-of-Sum41-circa-2003.
“Pretend you’re in Creed.”
The Dorks even went through painfully unwatchable chest waxing (honestly):
AUGHHH CARRIE UNDERWOOD!!!!!!!!!!
Hilarious, I know.
Anyway, the guys were great sports and they went back to the mansion to show off their hidden hotness.
At the mansion…
The Bitches waited for the Dorks to come back, wearing their partner’s clothes to show their appreciation for their past styles (or lack thereof). It was pretty hot:
Geek Makeover Rundown:
Gaysian went from geek to…
Filipino wedding DJ
Sweatervest went from geek to…
Staten Island guido / NKOTB impersonator
Cokebottle Matt went from geek to…
Matt …with a new shirt.
Chris went from geek to…
BuffJason went from geek to…
Host at Les Deux / Fuckable after 75 sake bombs.
Cowboy Joe went from cowboy geek to…
Pat Sajak in his early ’20s, with lots of steroids.
Cowboy Joe was the only one who didn’t dig the transformation, and announces that his conservativeness was compromised by the show making him “sell out.” Though Joe took reign as the night’s official party pooper, the other Dorks felt a boost of confidence that could almost make them ask their partners to breathe in the same room. Makeover accomplished!
What’s learned is that Cowboy Joe didn’t like his cowboyness — his identity and his comfort blanket — taken away from him. Oy, someone call Dr. Phil in this hizzie…
At the challenge announcement…
Host tells the Whores and Dorks that only ONE team will decide nominations at the Stairemony.
But first, some stupid cross-promotion of “Prom Night” SCENES NOT APPLICABLE, CW.
The Challenge: Couples must make a winning “romantic scene” centered around a prom theme. (The gun’s in my top left drawer, ammo behind the socks; shoot me, say, after this recap).
The winning couple will get to attend the world premier of Prom Night and walk the red carpet.
YESSS!!!! C-LIST CELEBS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Challenge Rundown –
The love scenes will be on the set of The Young and The Restless, and the teams will be writing, rehearsing, and performing with guidance of some anonymous original cast members.
In each scene will be an EXPLICITLY STATED NO-TONGUE KISS.
The horror. The horror.
To illustrate how poorly everyone did, this scene won (with accompanying dialogue):
“OM NOM NOM NOM OMMM NOMMM NOMMMMM!!!”
The Stairemony –
Nominated last week and winners this week, Leticia and Cokebottle arrived at the Stairemony, scared as hell to nominate, until Host says, “NO ONE’S GOING HOME THIS WEEK!!!”
Instead of picking who to eliminate, Leticia and Cokebottle get to pick another couple to ride with at their C-list studded red carpet premier of “Prom Night”. They choose Gaysian and Navy Diva.
“I hope Dave Coulier is there!”
The bad news? The couples staying home have to decide who’ll be eliminated. And the couples going to the premier have immunity. So, yes, the remaining couples have to decide, OF EACH OTHER, who to actually eliminate. PARTY OVER.
Cue that record scratching sound!
The couples at home decided to stage their own challenge to decide who’s going home. The challenge: Eliminate the worst participant in a Geek Cross-dressing competition.
If he doesn’t go out next week, well, then, …yeah. To be continued, bitches.