Hey fans. Sorry about the late submission but I got assigned last and then my parents came in town so I’ve had my hands full. I haven’t had time for a full recap of the first episode but I will return next week for an official point by point recap. In the meantime let’s take a moment to get to know the staff based on their personal ads on yahoo.
Chris: SWM looking for a special lady who enjoys Hawaiian prints and mollusks. Would like to meet a girl with a prominent chin so that our kids stand a chance.
Amber: SBF seeking my Flava Flav. Please be short, so black you’re almost blue, and leathery. Giant clock negotiable.
Greg: GAM D/D free since Valentine’s Day, seeking a daddy who enjoys high fashion and puff pastries. No, I don’t know Margaret Cho so please don’t ask.
Jillian: SW Girl Next Door seeks mature benefactor who enjoys sponge baths and gumming pureed meat. There’s nothing sexier than liver spots and a big jar of Viagra. Trained in CPR and suppository insertion.
Jonathan: SW Momma’s Boy seeking beard-loving lady friend, into diapering and Deep Space Nine roleplay. Are you Seven of Nine enough?
Amanda: SWF totally freaked me out. This girl in my school totally stole my haircut and even bought the same dress and I was all like “screw you Jennifer Jason Bitch! You’re not going to kill my boyfriend with a shoe!”
Jim: Attractive SWM Segue enthusiast, which will be mine in only 18 more payments. Must enjoy quiet times as home as to not wake up my parents. Love long rolls on the beach and board games. I have my 20-sided die, do you?
Cara: Aspiring actress seeks producer to give me my big break into show business. Will do anything for a part. Seriously you can stick it anywhere. Anywhere.
Joe: 10-gallon stud looking for my cowgirl. Let’s rustle up some grub and then ride bareback into the sunset.
Randi: Nubian Princess into home decorating, crumping, macramÃ© and fantasy football. I enjoy comfortable evenings at home listening to NPR and Mexican speed metal concerts. Please be kind and comfortable with skat.
John: SWM seeking port for my external hard-drive. I have the RAM if you can support my platform. Not Mac compatible, although I did experiment in college.
Kristina: Daddy’s Girl seeking mature man. Not looking for a daddy, just a handsome, older man to support me emotionally and make me feel warm and safe in his arms.
Jason: S extremely WM seeking wealthy supermodel with sense of humor and sports car. Please be between 18 and 22, over 5’9″, 34DD+ and able to financially support my dream to play World of Warcraft professionally.
Leticia: Extreme sports fanatic seeking adrenaline enthusiast with a firm grip. Recently single again and ready to take the plunge. R.I.P Tyler. You didn’t reach the top of the mountain, but you reached the zenith of my heart.
Matt: Wild party boy seeks partner in crime. Please enjoy a well-timed Simpsons reference and appreciate outrageous T-shirts because I have 43 of them.
Tiffany: Single Italian American Princess with a taste for the finer things. I enjoy pink champagne, claw-foot tubs and Hummer limousines. Please be classy, well jelled and orange-tinted.
Tommy: “Daktul vrinng mahob.” If you understood that you are the Klingon princess for me.
Tara: SWF currently working as a hostess at a chain restaurant but aspiring to be head hostess. Seeking high-powered assistant manager or shift leader to help me achieve my dream. Must love dogs and hate cats with a fiery passion.