Project Runaway

This week’s episode of Beauty and the Geek was pretty solid. We got to see the Beauties experience life as a Geek (even it was only for an hour at a fake bar party), and the Geeks got to see their Beauties model handpicked lingerie. All in all, not a bad way to spend a couple hours on a chilly Sunday evening. (Yes, I know the show airs on Thursday, but I usually don’t get a chance to watch it until after the wife’s gone to bed on Sunday. Isn’t married life exciting?) Although to be honest, I could’ve done without the extensive coverage of Joe getting in touch with his inner rhinotillexomaniac. As always, the episode starts off with the remaining players waiting to see who won last week’s Elimination Ceremony. This week, however, the teams say they don’t really care who won, as they liked both teams in the competition. Halfway up the steps, Ankur trips and falls up the stairs, prompting Joe to ask if anyone remembered who was wearing what shoes. Hanging out with the Beauties is really starting to pay off for Joe, in a bizarre shoe fetish way.

Later, down in the library, Host Mike Richards tells the teams that this week they’ll have to learn to communicate with the other side on a different level. He also tells the Beauties there’s a special note in their study materials they should read in private. Fortunately, TVgasm’s crack investigative staff has obtained a copy of the note, which you can see here. Actually, the note just tells the Beauties they have to ask a Geek who is not their partner on a date. I wonder who gets dibs on Host Mike Richards?

Although she’s nervous, Jennipher asks Josh to if he’d like to go on a date with her. Josh says the fact that she was nervous asking him out showed him that women could be as nervous about asking someone out as a man is. Evidently, it never dawns on poor Josh that she’s only nervous because she’s asking him out. While he tells her he’s really excited about going on a date, as soon as she leaves, he says he feels sick. Yeah, who’s nervous now, Josh? Who’s nervous now?

Brittany asks Ankur to be her date, and Ankur is his usual humble self. “I’ve never asked someone on a date, and I’ve never been asked on a date,” he says. “But I think I can hold an hour long conversation about shoes if I have to.” Big talk coming from a guy who only owns three pair of shoes, one of which he describes as a “sneaker-colored pair of sneakers.”

Ironically Cher is really nervous about asking Wes out, even though they just bumped nasties the week before in Vegas. Finally, Sarah asks Joe if he’d like to go on a date with her. Of course, he says yes. Joe: “I’ve never been asked out before. It was a new thing for me. I couldn’t say ‘yes’ fast enough.” Sarah is relieved that Joe accepted her invitation: “I don’t think I could’ve handled rejection,” she tells him, “especially from you.” Wait! She didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that she and Joe are friends, and a friend turning her down would’ve made her feel bad. Yeah, whatever. Joe’s fine with it, though, and tells us this is his big chance. After a quick breath check, he decides he needs to double up on the gum and mints. It’s just too bad he didn’t double up on the Cold-Eeze, as we’ll soon see.

It’s time for the dates. First up are Brittany and Ankur. Brittany is amazed at all the little differences between the two of them: “I like Diet Coke and he likes this fruity stuff,” she says. “And he doesn’t like fruity perfume, and I have fruity perfume.” I bet this is just what the conversations during dinner at Stephen Hawking’s house sound like. Only more metallic and robotish. Speaking of robots, Ankur tells Brittany the reason he doesn’t date is because he’s been busy concentrating on this research and studies. “Making a small robot?” asks Brittany. “Yes,” he says, adding with a maniacal chuckle, “A small girl robot.” Brittany later tells Ankur she had such a good time tonight she’s going to start making guys take her to dinner instead of a movie on the first date, prompting millions of cheap single guys across America to weep openly. Thanks a lot, Ankur.

Sarah says she’s not nervous about her date with Joe, as she’s totally comfortable around him. Unfortunately, she’s not as comfortable around his runny nose. Joe doesn’t know the proper etiquette for blowing one’s nose at the dinner table, and decides to hock a few boogies into his expensive dinner napkin. Over and over and over again. Understandably, this throws Sarah off a bit. As does Joe’s offer to let her try some of his dinner; the same dinner he’s been blowing his nose over all night. (I believe he was eating Chicken ala Phlegm.) Sarah says this could really turn her off in the world, because if there’s one thing Sarah hates, it’s mucus.

It’s snot my fault.

Jennipher and Josh’s date goes a little better. She starts off by asking him about his murse. Josh says he doesn’t like to have “bulging pockets” and he just finds the murse to be more practical. Of course, he is afraid someone is going to steal it, and he’ll have to yell, “Stop! That man stole my purse!” First Woody Allen and now Jerry Seinfeld? Is there a Jewish comic this guy won’t steal material from? Josh tells Jennipher he hasn’t had a date in five years, to which she replies that he just needs to be more obvious. “Sometimes, women just don’t get it,” she says. I’m not sure, but I think she just told Josh to be a stalker.

Cher admits again to being nervous about her date with Wes, and it shows. At one point, she toasts to getting him drunk and him putting out. Wes says it seemed they were trying too hard to have a good first date, when they’re already well past that. Fortunately, the date is soon over, and they get right back to spooning.

It’s time for tonight’s first challenge. The Geeks still don’t know what the Challenge is going to be. As Joe says, “we’ve already done karaoke and decorated a room, so I have no idea what could be left to do at this point.” Obviously, Joe has forgotten about Lambada, The Forbidden Dance! Unfortunately, my hopes for a dance-off are dashed as the Geeks meet Host Mike Richards in a photo studio, where he tells them they’ll be directing a photo shoot with their Beauties. But not just any photo shoot. A fashion photo shoot, where the Geeks will serve as both photographer and fashionographer. (I made that up.) Not only will they be taking the photographs, they’ll also be selecting the clothes (an evening gown and lingerie), as well as deciding on hair and makeup.

When Joe shows Brittany the outfits he’s picked for her, she says it’s too bad she didn’t wear her “good” bra. “Uhm, yeah…” is Joe’s awkward response. Joe gets even soon enough, however, when he tells Brittany he wants to position the fan to blow her dress up, and later tells her since it’s a closed set, she should think about taking her clothes off. Needless to say, it doesn’t work. Maybe instead of pointing out it was a closed set, he just should’ve quoted the great lyricist, Nelly: “It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes. Bitch.”

Josh is up next, and it’s obvious he is totally out of his element. Although to be fair, I can’t think of a situation where Josh wouldn’t be out of his element. He does score points for best line of the night, however, when he gets so excited by Cher’s posing he tells her he “should’ve worn a diaper.” Cher, meanwhile, is not happy about wearing lingerie picked out by Josh, as he’s “next to last” on the list of people she wants lingerie from. Number one? A tie between her dad and this guy.

Ankur tells us the only experience he has with lingerie was ordering an orange thong from Victoria’s Secret for a mud-wrestling competition. Since he doesn’t say if he was in the competition or just watching it, I’m going to say Ankur has a thing both for wearing banana-hammocks and wrestling in them. Jennipher says no to Ankur’s suggestion of glittery green eye shadow, and is confused by his direction to run away from something while smiling.

Finally, Wes picks out clothes that make Sarah look like Madonna in her Material Girl phase. Only less slutty and more uncomfortable. Sarah has this to say about Wes’ photography skillz: “A stranger, who lives in Africa, who’s shooting from the U.S., could take a better picture of me.” I don’t understand it either, but she said it with such conviction that I believe her.

Now the Geeks have to choose one photo from each outfit to submit to the judges: Kal Yee, a celebrity photographer; Kristin Young, the feature fashion editor of Angelino magazine; Elycia Rubin, author of Frumpy to Foxy in 15 minutes Flat; and Todd Hallman, celebrity stylist. Joe has his work reviewed first. Everyone has positive things to say about his shot of Brittany. Todd Hallman is an especially big fan of Joe’s body. Of work! His body of work! They tell Ankur he picked a good color for Jennipher. Wes gets low grades because Sarah looks too uncomfortable. Finally, Josh also gets bad marks for not paying enough attention to Cher’s body positions. Joe wins by unanimous decision. That means he and Brittany are safe from the Elimination Chamber yet again.

The next day it’s time for the Beauties’ challenge. They’re told to meet Host Mike Richards sans makeup, nice clothes or hair product. He tells the gathered women it’s no secret they’re beautiful, and are probably used to getting drinks for free. “But what would happen if we took those assets away?” he asks. YES! Host Mike Richards is totally going to reenact the “Pride” scene from Se7en. I knew we couldn’t trust this guy! Unfortunately, he’s just going to make the Beauties wear some ugly clothes and beg for drinks at the House of Blues. The winner will be the one who gets the most free drinks at the end of an hour. (Unfortunately, I couldn’t get a very good shot of their outfits, so you’ll have have to take my word for it that they were quite fugly indeed. Although I’m sure Santino would’ve loved at least two of them.)

Random LA hipster doofus.

Jennipher goes all out, just ordering people to buy her drinks. Sarah offers to let a man tie her top. Judging by the creep factor of the guys in this bar, she’d have had more luck offering to let them tie her tubes. Brittany and Cher don’t do much better. Poor Sarah and Cher are the most upset by the challenge. Both comment on the lame excuses the guys give to avoid buying them a drink, and Sarah says it felt like she was getting her heart ripped out by strangers. The girls agree it’s a very humbling and depressing experience, and better understand how the Geeks must feel whenever they go out. Jennipher ends up winning the Challenge with a total of five drinks, despite looking like, in her words, a “librarian on crack.” So now she and Ankur are also safe from Elimination. Since there are only four teams left, that means it’s Cher and Josh versus Sarah and Wes.

Back at the house, the Beauties meet the Geeks in the backyard, still wearing their ugly outfits. The producers load this segment with a lot of talk about “feelings,” which I totally fast-forwarded through. Although this shot of Ankur half-wearing a dress was intriguing. We also get a montage of Wes and Cher’s time in the house, as one of these two star-crossed lovers will be going home after the challenge.

Is the dress coming on or off? Only Ankur knows for sure.

Time for the Elimination Ceremony. The Beauties will be quizzed on things guys like to talk about, while the Geeks will have to answer questions on fashion. This is usually the most boringest part of the show, and tonight was no exception. The only real highlight was Sarah guessing that “GQ” stood for “Men’s Fashion”. Seriously. Needless to say, Josh and Cher were victorious once again. We’re treated to one last montage of Wes and Sarah’s time in the house, and then Wes and Sarah are sent packing.

So what did you think of this week’s episode? Of the three teams left (Josh/Cher, Ankur/Jennipher, Joe/Brittany), who do you think will win?