Last week on Beauty and the Geek - the Geeks performed standup comedy, the Beauties interviewed an author, and much like your average horror film, two of the four minority cast members were killed off as soon as possible.
Has anyone ever mentioned that this show has the worst theme song in the history of television? And I quote, “You’ve got the brain, I’ve got the looks, let’s make lots of money. You’ve got the brawn, I’ve got the brain, let’s make lots of money. MONEY!” Did it take an entire team of writers to come up with this? What other lyrics did this beat out? You’ve had plastic surgery, I use Linux, let’s make lots of money! Sad. I think the Facts of Life had a better theme song. Even Charles in Charge sounded better than this.
Anyway, enough with the song lyrics and on to this week’s show. We begin with Erin and Drew’s triumphant return after successfully eliminating minority team #1. They return to a chorus of cheers and shouts and Erin is glad that she proved everyone wrong, she indeed knows her stuff.
After the elimination, Scooter somehow finds his way upstairs and spends some quality time with Megan and Ceci. “Quality time” consisted of them rolling around on a bed and basically a lot of teasing because as Ceci so brilliantly tells us, “Come on, I’m not gonna like, do anything.” Scooter is apparently shy because of the camera so Ceci, in her infinite wisdom, attempts to cover up the camera, but instead manages to crash to the floor in a giant heap of stupidity and humiliation. I almost felt bad for her. Wait, that’s not true at all. The crash sends Scooter running for the hills, or at least his bunk bed.
The next morning the contestants head downstairs to meet our host Mike to find out their new challenges. Mike explains that the Beauties will be learning about aeronautics, the study of flight and space travel. Nadia fears that she’ll have to learn about Star Trek, because she apparently doesn’t distinguish science from science fiction and in turn insults everything Drew holds near and dear to his heart.
Mike also explains that the geeks will learn how to appreciate women. The entire time Matt looks on with a completely dumbfounded look on his face as if Mike had just told them he was an alien.
Everyone picks up their study materials which is apparently a binder with “a million pages in it” according to Ceci. One million, one hundred, what’s the difference? I’m officially convinced that she is the dumbest person in the house, and possibly in southern California. Jennylee is afraid that she might end up “behind the wheel of an airplane tomorrow. Or the moon.” If only we were so lucky.
All the girls spend the rest of the day studying. Wait, not studying. Lying at the pool working on their tans. Reading is like, hard. Back inside the house, Nate and some of the other Geeks try to write down some of the more important information for their partners because they are less than impressed at their partner’s study habits.
In another part of the house, Andrea and Sheree’s forehead discuss how gross Cecille is. Andrea thinks Ceci carries herself in an unattractive way and is just kinda stupid. And I agree. I like Andrea more and more every time she speaks, I think she might not be as dumb as she looks. It appears as if some cliques are forming, the blondes versus Andrea and Sheree. If I were Andrea I’d stay as far from Sheree as possible, considering her and her partner Piao are the only minorities left in the house. Haven’t any of these people seen a horror movie before? Stay as far away from the minorities as possible, everyone knows they’re the first to go! Have the lessons of From Dusk til Dawn, Strangeland, Deep Blue Sea, and Scream been lost on us all?
The geeks all decide to cook the girls a barbecue dinner even though they can’t figure out the intricacies of a grill. During dinner each of the geeks gives his partner a toast, starting with Caveman Nate. He says to Cecille “you have found something that you love to do and I would like to follow your example.” Found something you love to do? Lie around half naked every day? Blow wealthy men? What the hell is Nate talking about? Cecille apparently didn’t get it either. “What is he talking about? That I love to shop? That I love boys?” Yeah Cecille, I’m as confused as you are.
At dinner, Nate discusses his previous shortcomings with women. Someone should tell him that he should stop clubbing them and dragging them back to his cave. Women don’t like that. At least that’s what they tell me. Jennylee tells us that she’s started to really vibe with him. I’m predicting that once he stops looking like Cro-Magnon man something’s gonna happen there…
That night, Sheree and Andrea burn the midnight oil while the blonde crew, or “Gaggle” chill out in the hot tub. This does not bode well for the only two girls in the house who are putting in the effort to learn anything.
The next morning the geeks are led into a room with several easels set up. Mike tells them they’ll have twenty minutes to sketch their subject. Their subject? A naked woman! No way! Matt immediately reverts back to jaw-drop mode, and in one of his only sentences of the entire episode, Neils reminds us that he loves boobs. Yes Neils, we know. Boobs are spectacular. The geeks can’t stop smiling and laughing because for most of them, it was their first real, live naked woman not on a computer screen.
The geeks immediately get to drawing. Meanwhile, their model, Sophia, won’t shut up. She begins blathering away about her favorite movies and television shows and names of her middle school teachers and various STDs she’s contracted over the past year. Aren’t nude models supposed to shut up and sit still? What nude modeling school did Sophia flunk out of? In fact, Drew tells us how annoyed he was that she couldn’t let him concentrate. Mario thinks something is up and starts paying more attention to her than to what he’s drawing. After the time is up Mike comes back in the room and explains that their drawings weren’t the challenge. The challenge was how well they were listening to the model. Oh you sneaky Beauty and the Geek writers!
Mike then tests them on the things the model said while they were sketching her, and after only TWO QUESTIONS, Mario emerges as the winner. Seems as if nobody was really paying attention. This still seems a little unfair to me, given the fact that they were supposed to be drawing her and that nude models are supposed to shut the hell up. Oh well.
Back inside, Sheree is less than impressed at Piao’s drawing of a giant breast (basically a big circle) and begins to bicker with him about how he doesn’t listen to women. Sheree argues about how he shouldn’t be staring at women’s bodies and should be listening instead. I would agree with Sheree if it weren’t for the fact that the task they were given was to DRAW A NAKED WOMAN and not LISTEN TO HER BULLSHIT.
Nadia is excited to learn that Mario won the challenge. She’s also happy that the horrifyingly scary naked woman he drew wasn’t of her but instead of what appeared to be a goblin that couldn’t stop talking.
Across the city, everyone is brought to the California Air and Space museum where the beauties will have to give a tour to a group of museum visitors, with the curator of the museum as the judge, that poor bastard.
Andrea and Sheree’s forehead are feeling the pressure because they know that if they don’t win, they’re going into the dreaded Elimination Room.
Begin the montage of some of the worst museum tours ever. Nadia, Sheree, and Andrea are all competent for the most part, while the rest of the blondes are, well, blondes. Cecille gives a lot of “facts” like “riding a helicopter is fun,” and “old men are the easiest to sucker money out of cause they’re like senile and stuff.” Jennylee points out the Wright Brothers plane, which apparently was a supersonic jet. I never knew the Wright Brothers were so advanced. Thanks Jennylee!
Both Andrea and Sheree stumble a bit at the end of the tour, giving the competition to Nadia. In turn, Nadia and Mario sweep the day’s competitions and hold all of the power in the house. This pretty much seals Andrea and Sheree’s fate since they’re not part of the in-crowd in the house.
Nadia starts crying because she’s going to have to send her “good friends” home. Yes, most of my best friends are people I’ve know for three days as well. Mario says he wants to send Cecille and Megan in because they’re not really trying at all. I wonder where this is going…
To the staircase we go and it’s time for Mario and Nadia to announce who is being sent into the Elimination Room. Mario apparently had his balls cut off that afternoon because he chooses Sheree and Piao. Nadia then tells everyone she thinks they’re all great but has to send in Andrea and Matt. And my jaw dropped lower than Matt’s when he saw the naked model. Shocked. I’m shocked.
Andrea is pissed off she is getting sent in, and I once again find myself agreeing with her. It does seem kind of unfair that the two girls who studied the hardest are the ones who could be going home. If only Mario didn’t get castrated, things could have turned out differently.
Sheree gives a speech as she packs about how they’re setting a bad example by being so cliquish and childish. Yup Sheree, it sucks, but you and your forehead might be leaving. If only you were white, things might have been different.
And to the Elimination room we go!
The girls each go a perfect two for two when they answer questions about aeronautics. I’m almost positive that everyone but Nadia wouldn’t have gotten them all wrong. During their questioning, Andrea makes a comment about them being the best two teams, which doesn’t seem to go over well among the teams watching from upstairs. If Andrea doesn’t go home tonight I’m pretty sure she’ll find herself back in the ER again next week.
The Geeks are up next. Paio misses his first question about manicures, Matt correctly knows Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s daughter’s name, Paio correctly answers a question about purses. So it’s up to Matt’s last question:
“Michael Korrs is best known as a hair-stylist, fashion designer, interior designer, or composer?”
Matt apparently watches Project Runway as he correctly answers fashion designer and Paio and Sheree, the remaining non-white people in the house are sent packing. They leave us in a montage of them bickering and bickering, and bickering a little more.
Now that all the minorities are gone, who’s next to go? Can Andrea survive not being in the Gaggle? Will Matt’s lower jaw ever reattach itself to the rest of his face? With new makeovers in store, will Nate and Scooter hook up?
What did you think of this week’s episode? Are you as angry as me that the only people who tried studying were sent to the ER? Are Nate’s Red Crocs as awesome as I think they are?