Being Human Recap: BAMBOOZLED!

Previously on Being Human: Josh’s ex-fiancée, Julia, came back, slept with Aidan and was not a fan favorite, Sally met a hot Balkan ghost who reaped other ghost, Henry came back to town because Aidan wasn’t nearly ambiguously gay enough without Bishop, Suren wasn’t happy about that and skinned Henry, and Josh felt guilty.

The doorbell’s ringing and while Josh scurries downstairs, Sally’s just sitting on the sofa, staring at the wall. Josh asks who it is because Sally’s the nosy one who needs to know everything immediately, but Sally’s all “Whatever, that was the old Sally.” When Josh opens the door, it’s Aidan with Henry in a bright blue rain poncho. Aidan needs Josh to invite “them” in but Josh is all, “Back it up, Buster. You need me to invite him in and we don’t do that.” Aidan says this is different because he “made” Henry which is the exact moment Josh notices Henry’s flayed and wonders if Aidan “made” him without skin. Shouldn’t be funny, but how DO you respond to a skinless vampire standing on your doorstep? Even if you’re a werewolf? Aidan pushes past Josh’s Joshiness because he needs a safe place to keep Henry.

If he drips any more the neighbors may start to wonder.

This leads Josh into a voice over about how the bonds you form with some people will make you look past anything and hang onto the version you want to remember rather than who that person is now, as Aidan is forcing Josh to be more specific because just agreeing with a vampire to invite his progeny in doesn’t do the trick. Josh makes an elaborate show of the invitation so Henry, his rain poncho and his bloody spa robe and slippers (ew) walk in. Sally looks back while Josh tweaks over how insane everything is and says he’s late for work. Sally just yawns “Me too,” and Aidan briefly ponders just what the hell she’s getting herself into, now.

And we’re in a park. Sally and the Reaper are walking around a playground, while he gives her the sage advice that “Attitude is everything,” and that she needs to lose the ambivalence. Reaper, by the way, has managed to get a facial in addition to a nice blowout, making his bad 90s hair way more silky and manageable. Why can’t Sally go to his salon?

Sally’s not nearly as focused on his hair and skin regimen, she’s just stunned at how easily he can take another ghost’s soul. Reaper is resolute saying he never said it was easy, just necessary but Sally still thinks, regardless, a ghost is gone. As they watch a cute little boy playing on the monkey bars, Reaper reframes the argument that it needn’t be cruel because they’re “reapers” not “monsters” but Sally’s still Sallying about it being the true end of a soul and I wonder what a little boy like that could have done that would make his soul stay on this plane let alone make him reapable.

Other than die of cirrhosis of the liver because he was an abject drunk?

But the cute little boy is still alive. He’s just being possessed by Walter, the old weirdo ghost from Zoe’s group. Sally yanks him out of the little boy and says he promised he was done possessing. Walter says he only slipped once and Sally apologizes, but Reaper’s all “REAPERS don’t apologize,” and actually asks her how it will reflect on him, like his performance review is coming up and he doesn’t want “needs improvement” on his recruitment evaluation.

Clue one that things may not be as they appear gets dropped when Walter doesn’t know what Sally’s going on about…or notice the big guy with bad hair haranguing her. Sally tells Walter it’s time to go, though, and Reaper’s happy that she’s already got a catch phrase. He’s always been less about style and more about shredding.

Walter tells Sally to get lost because he can control it, but Reaper points out that he didn’t control it that morning with the little boy or with the waitress the other day or the bus driver last week and Sally tells him he’s never going to stop as Reaper eggs her on to do it. Sally reaches into Walter but the shredding isn’t going quickly. Walter’s suffering so Reaper steps in, yells “What did I teach you?” then quickly shreds the old ghost. Sally’s breathing hard from her failure but Reaper shrugs it off as “Not [his] best work but you get the point.”

It’s less scary on a bright, sunny day.

While Sally continues to tweak over what just happened, Josh voices over that we hold onto idealized images of people, even if it’s an illusion. Reaper not unkindly takes Sally away from the playground as Josh continues that if we don’t hold onto that illusion about others, what does that say about us, and man, this voice over was just one big ACME anvil beating all the different stories into our heads (Sally about Reaper, Aidan and Josh about Sally, Aidan about Henry, Josh about…everyone) but I didn’t pay it any mind until now.

Down at the hospital and while Josh gets confused by his coffee, he sees the staff gathered around a bulletin board and joins in, wondering what everyone’s looking at. It’s a mandatory sexual harassment prevention seminar and hahahahaha. I hope they still use the training videos with Wesley Snipes and Patricia Clarkson from like 1982. Those were awesome. Julia’s one of the staff members looking at the bulletin so she and Josh can act squirrelly.

Fancy meeting you here.

Julia walks over to the coffee station but Josh warns her off, telling her the coffee is toxic. She thanks him for the heads up but when he walks off she calls him back saying they “can’t be these people.” Josh isn’t sure what she’s talking about, but she doesn’t want to be the tense, awkwardly “casual” exes and Josh agrees “those people suck.” So Julia proposes that since Josh was “a lousy fiancé but a pretty decent friend,” she’d like to get back to that relationship since they were friends a lot longer. Josh jokingly “thanks” her for the backhanded compliment, and they’re mellowing out around each other.

As Julia drops another anvil telling Josh that she doesn’t see all the “rage” he was talking about last episode, because his “bark was always worse than his bite,” Josh’s voice over finishes up that remembering the best versions of our friends reminds us of our own “best version.” Josh’s peace lasts about half a second, though, as Josh spies someone who causes him to tweak. It’s JAY BARUCHEL (Squee!) but Josh calls him “Stu” the friend who died on the camping trip and Stu just twitches “Hey…Levs.”

NERDVANA!

Josh is happy to see Stu but Stu doesn’t exactly return the favor. Josh says he can’t believe Stu’s there and wonders how he’s been since… Stu, like everyone else in Josh’s real, rather than supernatural, life blames Josh for getting him killed since it was Josh’s idea to go camping,  and says “I’ve been dead, Josh. How about you?” No wonder poor Josh is such a bundle of nerves and guilt.

Doesn’t stop Josh from still being happy to see his best friend and telling him how many times he wished he could talk to him. Stu quavers that Josh could have found him. Josh feels guilty and admits that once he learned ghosts were real, he hoped he’d never find Stu. Stu’s all “Asshole,” but Josh says he’d hoped Stu would get his door so he wouldn’t be trapped on this plane. Stu reminds Josh of his own catalogue of quirks, including his father never told him he loved him and his mother cut his food until he went off to college so he’s “the king of unresolved issues in life and afterlife” so no door for him.

When I said I didn’t want to see you I meant…I…Shoot me now.

Josh wonders what Stu did, then, and Stu admits he stayed pissed at Josh for too long. For surviving, for leaving. Stu’s not nearly as tweaky and Josh tells him that he doesn’t know how he got past the anger, but he’s glad he did. Aw, nerds make the best friends.

Back at the park and Reaper’s evaluating Sally’s form. Near flawless in yanking Walter out of the kid, since the kid didn’t even notice, but she needs to apply that same precision to shredding. Sally is still chafing at it being so clinical, but Reaper reminds her it has to be because it gets awkward once they start pleading. This is all shot in late afternoon sun so we can admire how attractive they both are as they discuss terminating a soul’s existence.

We may be eternally attractive but no one wants to look at forehead wrinkles, Sally.

Reaper notices that Sally’s still unsure and she brings up that both Walter and Stevie swore these were one-time slips. She wonders who’s telling the truth. Reaper believes that anyone about to be shredded is going to lie to save himself, and asks Sally if she wouldn’t do the same thing. She’s beginning to see his side, but still wonders what if they made a mistake. Reaper doesn’t think there are mistakes and she just has to commit before she takes over. He wonders if that will be a problem for her and while she hesitates she eventually says “No,” and he’s pleased because the next reap is all hers. Sally looks at Reaper, but clue number two gets dropped when we see Sally alone.

Back at the hospital and Josh wants to know how Stu even found him. Turns out “DUI Dave” an old friend of theirs who killed himself while driving drunk, is a “supernatural clearinghouse” and Stu heard from him that Josh is a werewolf. Then he tells Josh he’s kind of a big deal back home. Josh jokes that he’s “huge in Ithaca,” but his guilt’s been pinged so he admits that sometimes he wishes he hadn’t run screaming into the welcoming bosom of Boston and minimum wage. Stu obviouses that “that night” messed up a lot of people. Josh’s parents got weirder and Julia?

Can one person not think I’m the reason their life is shit?

Josh defends himself saying Julia’s gotten better, and wants to be his friend. Even Josh is incredulous so Stu takes a moment to tell him that’s a really bad idea. Josh wants to know why. Stu tells him they’re both “all-in kind of people.” Josh stutters that he’s not, he’s not…anymore and Stu laughs at him. Josh insists that, no really, he’s over that because he went all in with Nora and now she’s gone. Stu asks if she’s just away or dead, and Josh says she’s alive “and a wolf.”

Stu twitches his big, pillowy lips around in disapproval as Josh tells him that Nora wants nothing to do with him, conveniently leaving out that it’s less the “wolf” and more the “he won’t join her pack” that made her leave. Stu thinks Julia got off easy by being completely abandoned and Josh agrees, dropping an anvil claiming nothing will change that because they’re ancient history.

Maybe if you stopped making people wolves we wouldn’t judge you so harshly.

Hey, how are Aidan and the bloody non-corpse Henry doing? Aidan’s peeling the towel off Henry’s sticky, bloodied head. Henry’s in pain and asking Aidan to stake him. Aidan gives Henry a “Buck up, little camper,” speech telling him he’s strong (Henry denies this) and that he made it 80 years in the wilderness he can survive a flaying. Umm, Aidan? Unless he spent the last 80 years skinless that’s an apples to oranges comparison. Henry thinks that if he survives he’ll just screw up and make Aidan’s life worse, like he always has, and the Foley artists must have been totally baked while working this scene because he’s squishing like a pair of foam flip flops in the shower. Heh.

Mmm.  Strawberry jam!

Aidan tells Henry he didn’t always make life worse and we flash back to France, 1918. Aidan’s being brought into a medical unit as two soldiers tell the doctor that he cleared an entire trench by himself but took at least a dozen bullets. The doctor figures it’s just a matter of time before Aidan dies so he pawns him off on Henry, who’s still just a mild Army medic. He sees Aidan’s been shot and tries to give him morphine for the pain, but the doctor tells Henry not to waste good morphine on a dead man and takes the syringe away from Henry who meekly tries to get it back.

Henry starts to walk off, but “dead man Aidan” grabs his arm, hard, and Henry’s all “the hell?” Aidan tells him to take the bullets out. Henry’s confused because “dead men” shouldn’t be so strong, but he closes the curtains while Aidan takes off his belt. It’s not at all gay, yet, because he’s just using it to bite down on while Henry digs the bullet out.

Here, let me help you with your belt…oh, never mind.

Back in the present, Aidan’s all emo over Henry (Imagine that!) and tells him to wait. He runs downstairs and Sally’s back on her perch on the sofa but stops him. She’s not interested in “babysitting the meatsicle.” Aidan’s tweaking and tells her it’s not like Henry’s going to throw a party. He isn’t healing and he needs to eat. Sally snides if it’s take out or the kind that comes with a pulse, but she’s not interested in busting Aidan’s chops like she’s Josh. He can bring as many people home for Henry as he wants and Aidan leaves.

Sally heads over to the kitchen, where the POV shows another person who says “Hey, Sally.” It’s Boner and he’s looking for Stevie. Sally flashes back to reaping Stevie and how he swore he didn’t shred Boner. Sally’s still in disbelief, telling Boner that Stevie shredded him and Boner’s all “Wait, whuh? Who told you that?” Sally flashes back to the Reaper’s big, gruesome scar telling her.

Seriously, look at the size of that thing.

Boner’s wondering if Sally’s okay and she’s like “Yeah, fine…” but asks about the other “guys” at Jasper’s, if Stevie shredded any of them. Boner confirms that the only ghost Stevie shredded was Dylan to protect Sally and Sally freaks. Boner wants to know who told her these things so she tells him it was a ghost reaper, wondering if Boner ever saw him at Jasper’s. Boner drops clue number three when he says no, and wonders if he’s after Stevie. A quick flashback to Reaper shredding Stevie and Sally says “Not anymore.” Boner will forever be 16 so he’s already moved on and tells Sally to tell Stevie to come back to Jasper’s, because no one’s seen him lately.

Josh is late for the sexual harassment seminar and walks in front of the trainer’s slide show. Rude! Josh takes his seat next to Julia as the trainer explains that “we know co-workers are going to have sexual relations” and is sure that some of them have and they’re both all “AWK-WARD.” As the trainer explains difficulties arise when there’s an imbalance in the “power dynamic”  Stu yells to Josh from across the aisle “Like, say, between a doctor and an orderly,” and Josh can’t not respond to his friend, who is dead and no one else can see.

Everyone around him is all “the hell?” and Julia’s a little embarrassed, telling Josh that everyone’s staring at him. He jokes that it’s the story of his life and she gets in a little dig about being left at the altar. The trainer is finishing up the introduction by telling the staff that if they have any questions they can come to him “for a private, one-on-one.”  Josh jokes about THAT not being creepy at all and only Julia laughs at this which, come on, that’s funny. The trainer gets his nose out of joint and says he’ll just wait until their co-workers are finished. Julia and Josh are properly shame-faced so he moves on.

A smile, from Josh. It’s like a sunny day in Seattle.

Aidan’s walking home with two very young women, one blonde and one brunette for easy identification, and they’re all laughing and having a good time, telling jokes, until Aidan starts walking up the stairs to the house. The young women are like “You said it was a party,” but when Aidan says “It is now that you’re here,” the brunette actually says “You’re cute, but you’re not that cute,” while the blonde is saving “threesomes for marriage.” Aidan runs down the stairs and puts a hand around each girl’s neck whispering that they can’t wait to give his friend Henry whatever he needs. He’s compelled them and they’re both eager to meet Henry, but before he can let them in Henry’s room he further compels them, saying Henry’s the most handsome man they’ve ever seen.

Throwing Aidan back to 1918 and Henry reading him…“Out of the Cradle Endlessly Rocking,” by Walt Whitman. Nope, still not gay at all. Aidan wonders if Henry has any Zane Grey, because he’s butch like that but Henry wonders if Aidan doesn’t like Whitman because he isn’t. Aidan cryptically says he liked him just fine.

What? Being read Whitman by candlelight is part of the healing process.

Henry’s a little confused by the comment but doesn’t dwell once he sees that Aidan’s gunshot wounds have practically healed. He wants to tell the doctor because it’s a miracle, but Aidan’s all, “Yeah, not going to happen.” Henry wants to know how Aidan survived and Aidan quips that “[he] killed them before they killed [him],” which only makes Henry feel inadequate. He says he wishes he had a tenth of what Aidan has (heh…still not gay, though) and asks what it’s like to kill. Aidan tells Henry he seems a good man and to be thankful he doesn’t know. Henry just wants to know how many Aidan’s killed. Aidan obliques that it’s too many to count but before they can go further down that road Henry’s called away to help with the new wounded that were brought in.

The doctor says he doesn’t think one of them will make it because of all the blood then throws a blood-soaked bandage at a bin, landing it near Aidan’s bed. While the staff have their backs turned to work on the wounded Aidan picks up the bloody bandage…and starts sucking on it. I love Sam Witwer and his lack of vanity, but that’s just nasty. Unfortunately for Aidan, a soldier turns around and sees him all vamped out and sucking on the bandage. Oh, NOES! What will happen?

Really?

We don’t find out because we’re back in present day and Aidan’s taking the young women into Henry’s room. The sheets are smeared with blood and the blonde gasps. Henry doesn’t realize they’ve been compelled and wants to know why Aidan brought them, but the blonde continues that “He’s so beautiful,” and thankfully the show’s decided to give us the compelled blonde’s POV and we see pretty Henry in a clean robe on fresh sheets as the young women giggle their way into the room.

Over at the hospital, Zoe’s tending to the newborns and telling Sally it’s not a good night as Nick says that with three sets of twins born in one night it’s “serial mayhem” in the nursery. Sally wants to refocus everyone’s attention on what she should do about Reaper, since he lied about Stevie shredding Boner. Zoe drops the fourth clue when she says that she’s no help because she’s never heard of Reapers then asks “Babe” if he has. Nick suggests that maybe someone in the ghost group might know and thinks Sally should go but Nick doesn’t need the group anymore because he lives with Zoe, now, and he’s not allowed to watch Real Housewives without her. Sally tells them to stop because no one wants to think too hard about how messed up Zoe is.

I’ve spent my entire life around ghosts but I’m sure you know more than me.

Pristine Henry’s still feeding on the young women, only drinking from their wrists, and tells Aidan he’s more persuasive than Henry remembers. Aidan is sitting in the corner like a pervert but tells Henry to eat…which leads us back to flayed Henry and the bloody mess that is the bed. Ew.

Aidan’s watching, but not nearly as grossed out as me. He just flashes back to where he left off. The soldier, a Frenchman, is going on about how they’re all going to die because Aidan’s a vampire but no one speaks French except Henry. Of COURSE he does. He calms the French soldier down, but when the doctor asks what he said, Henry just at Aidan and tells the doctor it was nothing, gibberish, and likely shell shock.

Me, a soulless vampire? Ridiculous. I’m an harmless, little, adorable soldier.

Down at the bar, Julia and Josh are playing pool as she’s wondering what to specialize in. She likes ortho but doesn’t think she wants to deal with the “fratty ortho guys” then jokes that maybe she’ll just chuck it all and focus on podiatry. Josh makes a Charles Nelson Reilly face but Julia’s too young to get the reference, so she gets all moody. Josh wonders if it’s because she lost, but she says it’s because she feels like an ass for talking about med school to Josh.

Josh is sweet, saying he loves hearing about it, and Julia says “Exactly.” Huh? Oh, it’s because Josh was such a bright, diligent and ambitious student who killed his MCATs and she can’t understand how he’s not a doctor, too. Josh says he’s focused on other things but when Julia mocks about “winning orderly of the year,” Josh says he likes his job. Julia tells him he doesn’t because he’s doing the tap thing, and points out how he’s aggressively tapping his glass of beer. Josh tries to stop and says he doesn’t do “a tap thing,” but Stu’s popped up to say he does.

Hey, didn’t we do this last episode?

Julia doesn’t hear Stu, though, so she points out that if he got stuck discussing boating with her dad or modern dance with her roommate he’d be polite and just tap-tap-tap away. Josh admits to Julia he reapplied and got into med school, but couldn’t go back because of all the stuff with Nora, conveniently leaving out all the stuff with Nora, so Julia’s put out that he just cried on her shoulder about the woman who dumped him. While Stu twitches so Josh says he’d like to erase, destroy, demolish the last 30 seconds. Julia doesn’t agree because she liked but not “liked” liked it. Felt like she had her old friend Josh back. Then she drops an anvil that he hasn’t changed nearly as much as he thinks, but says she’d like to see more of him.

They’re having the start of a moment so Stu rushes in to tell “Levs” to stay strong, keep it together and avoid eye contact. Josh, whose guilt-meter never turns off, anyway, sees where it might be going and tells Julia he should be leaving. Julia feels rejected, again, and says she didn’t see that coming but probably should have but Josh saves it by saying they’re friends, they’re good and he just likes having her not hate him. Julia appreciates the thoughtfulness. She gets up to hug him and he shakes her hand. Oh…Josh. Even Stu is all “the hell?”

As Josh walks out of the bar, Stu follows him mumbling about how maybe they should reassess. While Julia finishes her beer Josh comes running back saying “You know what…” and they’re back at Julia’s townhouse ripping each other’s clothes off. That was…abrupt. Julia briefly stops Josh to wonder if it’s the worst idea ever, but he stutters and tweaks that “No, no…no. It’s the best idea ever,” then they’re on the bed…and Stu’s possessed Josh, telling Julia he’s never wanted anything so much in his life. This will end well.

Wonder how he’ll make this all Josh’s fault.

Sometime later that evening and dirty blues music wakes Josh up. He’s a little confused and disoriented until he looks next to him and sees Julia, where he becomes really confused. He looks to his other side, and there’s Stu sitting in a chair, saying that it wasn’t his proudest moment. Josh is still uncertain as to exactly what happened, or hoping it’s not what he thinks, but Stu mimes fondling Julia. Josh needs to yell at Stu. As Stu runs out Josh takes a moment to tweak over how very wrong this whole situation is.

Out in the alley next to the townhouse, Josh wonders exactly when Stu decided it would be a good idea to possess him to have sex with Julia. Stu’s contrite, and you understand how these two were best friends, when he stutters about sometime around the goodbyes. Stu apologizes saying he couldn’t stop himself and Josh is all really? Because Stu was stopping him all day long, right up to when Josh left.

Josh just wants to know why it had to be Julia and knowing what a Smurf Josh is, Stu admits he loves Julia, too. Always has. Since senior year. Then the two old friends exposit their whole relationship with Julia and how they were friends but Stu loved her first, even though he never asked her out. He says it’s because he over thinks things to the point of paralysis and figured she’d just turn him down, anyway. He only encouraged Josh to ask because he assumed she’d shoot him down, too. No offense. But Julia didn’t and they became a couple and got engaged and Stu found himself dead and in the afterlife wearing a plaid shirt.

Wait, none of this is my fault so why do I feel guilty?

Suddenly, Josh cottons to the fact that Stu was never at the hospital to see him. He was following Julia. Stu admits that when Josh left Ithaca he felt like he finally had Julia for himself. This pisses off Josh and he wonders if Stu’s been possessing guys to have sex with Julia but Stu says “It’s so much lamer.” He just wanted Julia to look at him the way she looks at Josh. But not the way Aidan looks at Henry, or vice versa, because that’s just too much.

Josh gets all soft and says he would, too, but those days are long gone. Stu tells him that’s what he thought until last night. Stu says he saw that look in her eye, again, and realized that Josh was just going to walk away from it. Josh gets pissed and yells that that he only stopped because Stu was hounding him so Stu can remind him the neighbors are sleeping.

As Josh tries to tell Stu just how much he can hurt Julia if he’s not careful, Stu’s still stuck in his own little world of hurt, pointing out that Josh thinks he’s cursed because one day a month he loses it, but according to Stu, just like Sally, he’s still alive and could have Julia look at him like that for the rest of his life Stu would gladly give up his curse for Josh’s.

I’m not a pretty crier, Josh.

Josh doesn’t believe Stu because he can’t believe someone who loved Julia would do that to her. Now Josh is responsible for making this right. He either brings her in closer, and puts her in danger of becoming a wolf, or he breaks her heart. Again. But either way, he destroys her. Stu has no clever comeback.

Back at the house with meatsicle and the perv. Henry’s getting his strength back and wonders which one “goes first.” As he leans in to feed on the blonde’s carotid artery, Aidan steps in, telling him that he brought back two so that Henry only had to feed a little off both and everyone goes home happy. The brunette wonders why Henry’s still talking so Henry starts sucking on the inside of her elbow. Nice. The compelling starts wearing off and as Henry’s still feeding on the brunette, the blonde sees that her friend’s bleeding.

This isn’t how I pictured my first threesome would end up.

Brunette is still compelled and says she isn’t but as the blonde starts crying and asking to leave the brunette comes out of the spell and starts screaming. Henry seems to almost enjoy the chaos that’s swirling around him as Aidan’s baser instincts kick in and he snaps the young women’s necks. Whoa. Aidan immediately realizes the damage he’s caused, but hears a slurping/squishing sound coming from the other side of the room. Henry’s still feeding on the blonde and says “five second rule,” which leads Aidan back into another 1918 flashback.

Aidan’s trying to get out of his cot but is still weak from losing all the blood from his dozen or so bullet wounds. The French soldier sneaks up behind him with a stake and tries to kill Aidan but Aidan fights him off long enough for Henry to see what’s going on and pull the French soldier off him. Henry and the soldier scuffle for a bit but when they fall, the stake impales Henry through the abdomen. Aidan rushes to Henry, but as Henry pleads in a totally not gay way for Aidan not to let him die, Aidan slurps up Henry’s blood in clear view of the French soldier. And thus was born Henry’s sense of entitlement from Aidan, because that’s just wrong.

I love you…I mean, don’t let me die.

The French soldier is yelling in French that Aidan’s a monster and a vampire, but Aidan takes a moment to tell Henry he won’t die as he pulls the stake out of Henry’s gut. Finally, an American medic realizes that they probably should call the MPs right about the time Aidan completely vamps out and kills the entire medical unit. As Henry slowly bleeds out he watches Aidan staking and killing people and sees one soldier dead on the floor with his throat torn to shreds leading back to the present and Aidan realizing how well and truly he fucked up while Henry keeps feeding.

Down at the ghost group, Sally’s looking for Zoe as the room is strewn with papers. She’s calling out but Reaper says he had to start without her. Sally is frantic, wondering how Reaper knew about it. He tells her she couldn’t keep something that good from him. Then she asks where everyone is and he says “Gone, like they should be,” but we see Zoe get up from the floor and Reaper sneers, “Oh right. Not everyone.”

Zoe throws a great big clue number five when she doesn’t see the Reaper next to her but tells Sally she killed everyone. Sally asks how he could do such a thing but Reaper called it a “one stop shop” that filled his quota for the week. Sally yells at Reaper that the group was trying to get better and in case we missed clue number five (I did) Zoe wants to know what Sally’s talking about.

AWK-WARD

Reaper is angry with Sally and says no one gets better and then hilariously adds that sometimes he thinks she doesn’t listen…and that hurts. Aw. Poor, giant, Balkan, ghost assassin don’t get no love. Sally apologizes to Zoe who doesn’t want to hear her and drops clue number six when she says it’s all Sally’s fault. Reaper wants a little credit but Sally says she’s done. He can do whatever he wants to her, but she’ll never be like him. Reaper laughs at Sally, saying it’s cute when she acts like she has a choice, then drops clue number seven that the only path she takes is the one he chooses for her, before disappearing. Sally tries to apologize, but Zoe wants nothing to do with Sally anymore.

Sunrise down at Julia’s townhouse and as Josh stews in her “chair and a half,” Julia comes out of the bedroom to ask him to come back. Josh doesn’t think it’s a good idea but rather than be angry with him, Julia tells him to scoot over so she can join him on the big chair. Sensitive Mazzy Star knockoff music starts as she cuddles up next to him and ignores his full body clench. Josh wonders what she’s doing and she says she’s going back to sleep. He sees that, he’s just wondering why. Julia says because she’s tired and he’s warm and since he’s way more screwed up than she is, what is he going to do? Judge her? Girl has a point. Josh doesn’t disagree and starts kissing Julia, much to Stu’s consternation. Didn’t he? Wait…he’s confusing me.

How did that get there?

As the sensitive Mazzy Star knock off music keeps playing morning breaks in a field, under a tree, so we must be back with Aidan and Henry. Aidan’s standing in his uniform and looking rather disheveledly (?) handsome as Henry’s starts sputtering on the ground. His glasses are next to him but he no longer needs them and Aidan congratulates him. Henry wants to know why, and Aidan tells him he’s the lone survivor of Casualty Clearing Station 54.

Clinging to his gentler humanity, Henry wants to know what happened to everyone else, what Aidan did. Aidan says he used them to make him and Henry better. Henry looks for his wound but it’s healed over. Aidan gets a rakish grin on his face and nods to Henry’s side, where the French soldier is lying. Aidan says he saved one for Henry but Henry’s frightened and disgusted so Aidan has to totally not gaily subdue Henry.

He whispers in Henry’s ear that he wanted to know what it was like to kill a man, and that he went to sleep weak but awoke strong and that he’s going to have to feed to stay that way. Henry’s balking at the idea of feeding and killing, so Aidan appeals to his humanity, saying the soldier is wounded and in pain and will die anyway, so just this once. Henry doesn’t think he can kill the soldier and Aidan gently whispers in Henry’s ear that he knows “But that was before you met me.” Ummm… Aidan smiles and pats Henry on the chest, and as he walks off, Henry cries but vamps out to feed on the French soldier.

Just this once, Henry…no one will have to know. By the way, I’m talking about killing a guy.

Back in the present and Aidan sits on the steps as moving guys are taking two wardrobe boxes out of the house. Henry comes out in a hoodie and wearing a douchecap to cover his baldness, wondering if this is what it’s like to be a part of a well-oiled machine, and that Suren must be happy. Aidan’s withdrawn and says he has his reasons, but Henry says that Aidan did all this for him without feeding himself so he must be starving. He suggests getting “breakfast” but Aidan’ tells Henry to do what he wants, he’s out. Henry says this is the best he’s felt in decades but Aidan looks miserable and, as Josh walks up, a little terrified.

Josh sees the two men yet doesn’t put it together. He introduces himself to Henry and Henry shakes his hand, saying they met yesterday and thanks Josh for the invite. Henry’s still a little worse for wear but has all his skin back. Josh takes a moment to first be surprised that Henry looks so good and then by the guilty look on Aidan’s face realize how Henry healed so quickly. This doesn’t sit well with Josh, so Henry smarms his way off.

Well, now that everything’s screwed, I’ll see you two around!

Aidan won’t catch Josh’s eye so Josh comes to Aidan, telling him only one thing would make Henry heal that fast and wants to know what happened in their house. Aidan’s still not talking so Josh looks at the moving truck in time to see one of the wardrobe boxes with a tiny leak of blood spreading from a corner.

Meanwhile, inside the house, Sally’s anxiously spreading salt when she drops it all on the floor in one spot and starts hyperventilating. She tries to calm herself by saying “cleansing breath” as a man’s legs walk up to her. Sally looks up…but it’s Nick. PSYCH! He tells Sally that Zoe told him what happened and Sally says she didn’t know “he” would kill them all. Nick drops clue number eight that he doesn’t know who “he” is so Sally panics, telling him the REAPER and they need to salt themselves in for when he comes.

Nick tells her he’s there to get her help so she never does this again, but Sally swears she didn’t do anything. Nick tells Sally there is no Reaper as Reaper materializes behind him. Sally just stands there, mute, as Reaper closes in on Nick. OH…NOES!

BOO! Scary!

Outside, the moving truck drives off as Josh loses his shit on Aidan while Aidan’s eyes tear up. Josh admits he’s screwed up but he never brought his stuff home. Aidan snivels that Henry had nowhere else to go. Josh isn’t taking it anymore and tells Aidan that the only place HE has where just being isn’t exhausting is their home. Aidan whines some more that he told Josh that getting his freedom once and for all would be messy, but Josh isn’t buying it because there’s messy “and there’s this,” but Aidan unconvincingly promises it will never happen again and he’ll get it back to the way it was.

Back inside the house, and this is all so tense I can barely watch…AND I ALREADY KNOW WHAT HAPPENS! Sally is whispering that the Reaper’s behind him but Nick insists that there is no Reaper just as the Reaper plunges his hand in Nick’s back. Sally’s crying that Nick didn’t do anything but Reaper says Nick thought he could be with a human and flaunt it in their faces (?) and Nick begs Sally not to do this. Sally tells Reaper to stop, she’ll never be like him but Reaper laughs and tells her she is him as he morphs into Sally. DAAAAAAAAYUUUUUUUUUUUM!

That’s why he got the facial.

Sally flashes back to all the clues and hints that were dropped about where She was going and she remembers shredding Danny, Walter and Stevie, but while she’s shredding Nick, Aidan and Josh come in. Aidan tries to Big Daddy to her that she doesn’t want to do this. Sally says she thinks she really does and tells Josh and Aidan that, by the way, Sally isn’t there anymore right before she shreds Nick for good.

Josh can’t believe what he just saw and asks Sally what she did. She says he needed to go, they all did, but Josh gets his dander up, telling her she doesn’t get to decide. Aidan’s dealt with a powerful ghost or two so he pulls Josh back as Sally tells Josh that someone has to. Someone has to tell them to stop holding on, that they don’t belong. Aidan Big Daddy’s that Sally belongs there, with them.

Sally gets an Exorcist voice as she tells Aidan that’s so sweet and he sounds just like Nick. Then she’s poltergeisting the house asking if Aidan wants to be treated like Nick, too. She’s causing a tornado in the house, throwing Josh over the sofa and Aidan toward the fireplace. As Josh manages to quip that Sally’s “not kidding around, man,” Aidan grabs the fireplace poker and swipes it through Sally, dispersing her energy and ending the tornado. Ah, see…introduce that gun in the first act and you better use it in the third.

I didn’t realize they lived in Kansas.

Sally wakes up in the spot where she died…and she’s surrounded by salt. She asks what happened and as Josh and Aidan sit on one of the higher steps, Aidan still clinging to the poker, Aidan tells her they’re not sure, yet. Josh Joshes out and asks if she’s okay and Sally starts Sallying that she’s not sure and tries to ask him for help, getting yelpy and breathy. Josh doesn’t even hesitate to help her but Aidan holds him back. At first she’s whispery with her pleas to let her out then she’s a little growly then she goes full-on vengeance demon.

Where’s Buffy when you need her?

So wow, damn, hell, and every other expletive I can think of because that was intense. What’s funny is I noticed at some point that no one was seeing the Reaper except Sally but did I figure it out? Nope. I was still all “Whuh…huh?” when he morphed into her. Those last four minutes still surprise me. And Henry’s an interesting case. I have some sympathy for him because he was so young when he was turned (probably about 20, 22?) and was banished after he’d only been a vampire for 12 years. Suren was about 700 at the time and Aidan was nearly 200 but Henry was 32 yet baby vampire Henry is the one footing the blame for everything. Sure he’s smarmy and the cap wasn’t helping but he has to be as messed up as Suren without the centuries to work his stuff out.

But I’m definitely looking forward to the last few episodes. Sally’s stuff next week will be bananas but I saw a couple of possible spoiler photos that make it seem even more bananas than we think. Can’t wait.

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