Being Human Recap: Significant Others

Previously on Being Human: Josh had lady troubles, Aidan wasn’t cut out to be a foster father to Bishop’s orphans, and Sally met a hot Serbian ghost with bad hair who, oops, was trying to force her soul to slip off this mortal coil, but reaped other souls in her place because they weren’t the stars of the series.

Sure, I leave a wake of destruction in my path, but have you seen my cheekbones?

Morning in Boston, and Sally’s poltergeisting the house. She’s trying to control it by saying he’s not coming for her and thinking of relaxing things like ocean breezes, Cabo…girls in white dresses? Did she suddenly start living in Paint It Black? Regardless, her attempts are futile as she sends a bowl of cereal (Who was eating?) flying on the floor and Aidan starts a particularly smarmy voice over, telling us that “Even in the most hopeless battle, there’s a moment when the tide can turn.” Clearly, Aidan’s never watched Ohio State play in a BCS championship game. (GO GATORS!)

While Aidan smarms on about supplies getting through and reinforcements cresting the hill, Sally sets her sights on more mundane battles, like cleaning up the mess she made by strenuously opening the trash can and picking up shards of the ceramic bowl. Aidan continues about how where there was no possibility of rescue, a way presents itself and Sally sees the Reaper, who took some time off to wash, but not cut, his hair.

Sally Sallys at him about what it’s like to make peace with being reaped and accepting her fate only to wait a week. Then she whines that it’s like being an inmate on supernatural death row and Reaper’s all “Yeah, whatever” and couldn’t care less if you paid him. Sally thinks he gets off on mindscrewing ghosts before he reaps them and calls it “classy” but Reapers all “Shut up, I found a loophole.”

Being a Reaper is no match for my annoyingness, Mister.

He has a way for Sally not to be reaped, but she’s still being sassy, wondering if it means an eternity of pushing a boulder up a mountain. Reaper ignores her and gives the salespitch: a life of travel, excitement, meet new ghosts. Be an army of one. Or take his job. Be a Reaper. Sally tries to find the appropriate quip, but Reaper’s tired of talking so he tells her she either becomes a Reaper or he shreds her that night, then he disappears because Aidan’s about to smarm the end of his voice over about how when help finally arrives, is it for you or then enemy?

Emily’s back in Boston to wreck Josh’s life while claiming to be there because Aidan called and told her about Nora leaving. She’s barreling around the room, trying to straighten up because Josh has been holed up there for a week and missing work, but when she points out that the room actually smells like a doghouse, Josh wakes up and gets squirrelly. Emily wonders exactly when was the last time Josh showered and he hasn’t a clue. She, the girl who is a morning drinker mind you, finds Josh pathetic and starts to rip the covers off to get him out of bed, but Josh is just such a sad, little doggy that he hugs her instead. He says he’s happy to see his “beautiful baby sister” because he needs someone who is contractually obligated to love him. To Emily’s credit, she is actually sweet to him while telling him he’s way worse than she thought.

You have to tolerate me, I’m your brother.

Aidan’s downstairs cleaning up Sally’s mess while she’s tweaking about the Reaper’s ultimatum. Aidan, who’s seen his share of supernatural hocus pocus in his day and knew the “iron” trick, recaps the Reaper’s progression, pointing out that at first he haunted Sally as smoke then materialized and saved her afterlife but was still going to kill her until he decided to give her his job. Sally realizes that sounds pretty ridiculous but decides it’s Aidan’s snotty tone and says, yes. Aidan thinks Reaper is just a poltergeist with poor social skills, but Sally keeps going back to him shredding Danny.

Being the good Big Daddy that he is, Aidan’s indulgent enough of Sally but before they can go further, Josh and Emily are coming downstairs and Sally doesn’t want Josh to know. Why? Who knows but Emily’s trying to convince Josh to get blackout drunk with her. She invites Aidan to join them but when Sally says she wants to go, Josh yells out “NO” in her direction, which is opposite where Aidan’s standing. They share an awkward moment, until Josh jokes that it’s brother/sister happy hour and hahaha…doesn’t she have class to attend? Nope, because she’s failing and she just wants to get wasted.

Now I remember why I preferred being a vampire for 200 years.

Josh and Emily leave so Aidan can continue patronizing Sally. She wants to know if he thinks she can really kill other ghosts to save herself and Aidan sincerely tells her he can’t answer that. Sally, being Sally, refuses to take sincerity as a response when it’s not the answer she wants and sasses him that he’s the “go-to guy” for these kinds of things. Aidan’s 258 years old, though, so he’s much kinder about it, telling Sally that each monster has his or her own threshold for violence, but if he were to kill any ghost, he’d start with the Reaper, since the Reaper’s the one trying to kill her. Sally takes his idea to heart because she never even considered that scenario, but there’s usually a good reason why people don’t consider trying to kill assassins. Just saying.

Aidan’s…somewhere…out in a Boston garage with a cop when Suren pulls up. He tells her that the police found two bodies exsanguinated which sounds so much nicer than “drained of blood” and that they were at a fringe blood den. The cop says he’s on it, but Suren suddenly decides she’s going to be all tough supervisor, reminding both men that the orphans were supposed to be dust weeks ago. Aidan tells her that Olson was Bishop’s top man on BPD and he’s doing a good job taking over Cecilia’s responsibilities but Suren nonsensically says she hopes it continues and he doesn’t find himself strung up in the woods like Cecilia.

Wait, what’s this about the woods?

Olson doltishly apologizes for Suren’s loss and even Aidan’s all “Dude?” but Olson drives off before he can make things worse. Aidan snides at Suren that she can be very charming when she wants but Suren’s got bigger things on her mind, mostly that Mother’s on her way back to Boston to make sure Suren wasn’t lying about executing all the orphans.

Oops, did she forget to tell Aidan that? Seems to be, but before he can get too righteous Suren asks what was she supposed to tell Mother? That they never fulfilled her order from months earlier because Aidan was too busy cleaning up after Josh? Aidan smartly chooses not to mention Henry in all this and Suren says they need to stick to the plan and stake all the orphans today. Aidan gets an Aidan face and Suren knows him well enough to tell when he’s vacillating. She begs him not to have second thoughts and says she needs him and suddenly Aidan has an idea? That’s new.

Ah, yes. Now I remember why I wanted to be human.

Aidan’s walking up to Will Hunting’s back door but someone far mookish in a track suit answers. They exchange manly Heys then Aidan asks to see Henry. The mook says it will cost Aidan $50 to cross the threshold, unless he “wants to get crispy.” Aidan realizes the mook knows he’s a vampire so the mook tells him he’s pale and Henry doesn’t have any other kinds of friends, anyway. This means nothing since Henry shows up to meet with Aidan, but asks the mook if he wants to die because Aidan’s his “oldest friend.” The mook doesn’t really care either way.

Henry steps out and asks Aidan where he’s been, thinking Aidan abandoned him. Aidan tells Henry that Suren’s on the warpath and she’s planning on culling all the orphans because Mother’s on her way back to town, but Henry only hears Suren and assumes Aidan told her about him. Aidan’s all “Bitch, please. You’d be dead already if I did,” but he tells Henry he has a plan to save everyone. They have to meet at the mook’s house that night. Everyone who shows up will be saved, whoever doesn’t will be massacred. Suren’s town car is watching all this, including Henry. The wind is blowing Henry’s hair exposing his aggressively receding hairline and poor Aidan doesn’t know where to look. Luckily, Suren drives off in time for Henry to ask what the plan is.

My eyes are down here, Aidan.

Emily’s knocking back a shot with a beer chaser all by herself in the middle of the afternoon when Josh joins her. He’s two hours early and she thought he was at the hospital, but he tells her that he realized that since so much of his relationship with Nora was tied to that hospital it’s become one big reminder of her so he blew off work. Emily’s not really listening to Josh, she’s just pounding her drink and looking around. Josh wonders if they’re under surveillance just in time for Julia to show up.

Josh gets miffed, wondering if Emily’s trying to “Parent Trap” them but she says her only plan was to get tanked twice, once with Julia then later with Josh. Josh thanks Julia for making sure “Emily didn’t have to day drink alone” (heh) but he tells Julia he can take it from there. Julia, continuing down the path she started with Aidan, tells Josh that he’s the one intruding since she’s having drinks “with her friend” and Josh has to point out that “her friend” is his sister. And I get that since she was engaged to Josh she probably got close to his family but this is the second person in Josh’s life she’s tried to claim. Does she not have any friends or family of her own?

Seriously, I’ll get you a puppy if you stop stalking my life.

Emily doesn’t feel the same loyalty toward Josh that Aidan does. She just wants to keep getting tanked. Julia still wants to claim all of Josh’s friends and family for herself and tells the waiter to bring two shots of tequila, one for her and one for Emily so Josh orders two shots for himself to catch up with the day drinkers. Julia, showing that boundaries aren’t the only thing she doesn’t respect, tells Josh that the last time he did shots he broke out in hives, but he’s staying and hives be damned, he’s getting shitfaced, too.

Down at the diner where Stevie used to hang with Dylan and Boner, and Stevie’s hanging out watching some live teenagers and showing signs of a growth spurt when Sally shows up. She wants to know how he’s doing and he asks if she means “After he shredded Dylan.” She says what he did was save her, but Stevie’s not really cheered up by that.

I did not grow…I’m a ghost.

Regardless, Sally’s not really there to see how Stevie’s doing, she needs help with the Reaper, and asks how to shred him since he’s trying to reap her. Stevie tells her that all you do is plunge your hand in and rip them apart. Sally can’t believe it’s that easy because you’re ripping a soul apart and then she tells Stevie “this ghost” is special because he’s killed before. Stevie gets tweaky but tells Sally that you can’t just do it. That he shredded Dylan because he thought Dylan would shred him first and instinct kicked in. By the way, they’re crossing the street as a car drives through them because, clearly, the show runners really love bad CGI.

This looks completely real.

Sally’s beginning to get it and remembers getting Danny to cut himself by willing it but Stevie points out that even if he’s the ghost of Charles Manson she’d still be responsible for killing him making her a killer, too. Sally’s not listening and wonders if she can even do it, but Stevie thinks it would be better if she couldn’t. He tells her that shredding a soul takes you to the dark side and now he’s all alone because Boner and Sally have abandoned him, except when she needs a “kill tutorial.” Sally gets angry because she sees it only in terms of her or the Reaper, but Stevie tells her to be sure she wants to “ring that bell because she can’t unring it.”

Back at the bar and Julia smarms “So….you and Nora. Busted up.” Josh is pissed with Emily for telling his ex-fiancée about breaking up with his current girlfriend and while I see Josh’s point, Emily’s too busy pouring salt on her hand for her next shot and blows him off because she didn’t think it was a secret and how could he expect her to keep it, anyway. I don’t know, because you’re his sister and Julia’s his ex? I get that she has poor impulse control but can’t she ever consider Josh if she wants him to consider her?

It’s not like you’re just learning I’m a self-absorbed little brat.

Josh is beginning to realize that monster or not, his family sucks worse than him, and wonders when Julia and Emily became drinking buddies. Julia actually has the nerve to say when they downed a couple of dozen bottles of Cuervo after he dumped their asses three years ago, but…isn’t Emily only about 21? And Julia’s mid to late 20s like Josh…so she was drinking with her ex-fiancé’s teenaged sister AFTER he left? CREE-PEE!

Realizing her work of destroying Josh’s fragile stability is done, Emily dismisses herself because things got serious and they have to work things out. Josh asks her where she’s going and now SHE has the nerve to say that when the shrapnel starts flying she doesn’t want to be collateral damage. Then why did she think it would be a good idea to schedule two drinking sessions with her brother’s ex-fiancée and then her brother right after? Did she think they wouldn’t pass each other, or did she just not care because all that mattered was getting tanked? I’m really not seeing how or why I should really care about either woman or blame Josh for how horrible they are.

I’m the actual monster. What’s their excuse?

Phew, back to the Reaper story. At least he has a reason to be an asshole. He’s wandering the living calling out for Sally, but wouldn’t he know where she is? Especially since she’s hiding on the stairwell and he looks about seven feet tall. He’s asking if she has an answer for him because he hasn’t touched his daily quota but when he looks up at the stairwell she’s gone. He turns back toward the dining room and Sally charges, plunging her hand into him. He doesn’t go quietly, telling Sally he’ll kill her, but she gets all badass telling him “You first.” That would have been AWESOME except they’re not even halfway through the episode. Derr.

Sally the Reaper Slayer

Back with Josh and Julia and I don’t really care about them. She’s enjoying humiliating him, saying she never thought he’d be reduced to cleaning up human waste and how it’s like her best revenge fantasy and Josh is pretty much over her as much as I am as he says, jovially, that it’s low-hanging fruit. Julia takes his bait and agrees and thinks she’s having a great old time at his expense until he points out that you know what else is low-hanging fruit? Banging Aidan. Julia swears she didn’t know but before they can hash that out, Emily shows up to remind us what poor impulse control she has because they have to leave after she licked some girl and her boyfriend didn’t like it. They pack up their stuff and hot foot it out of there as Josh continues to realize that even though he’s the werewolf, he’s the least odious one of the group.

But that was just comic relief, it’s time to go back to the house. Sally’s half angsty/half self-satisfied as she says, “That was real,” then turns around…right into Reaper’s chest and he’s pissed. She screams but he asks if she seriously thought that amateur hack job would work on him. He wants to know if she thinks she’s his equal but Sally’s begging for her life, telling him she knows he wanted to spare her that he thought she was special. Yeah, but you were a scared little kitten then. Attempted murder changes the equation. But instead of taking out any vengeance, he just wants to know how it felt, shredding him. Sally admits that it felt like a rush, like a rollercoaster ripping you apart. He just laughs and tells her that’s what it feels like to reap.

This is not at all disturbing.

He continues, telling her it’s like cutting out a “putrefying wound from the world” (ewww) saving other ghosts. Sally’s confused, and is wondering if it’s a good thing that she enjoyed trying to kill him. Reaper tells Sally that being a reaper isn’t the same thing as being a murderer. It’s a force of nature, a hurricane, a forest fire, and think how awful the earth would be if no one died. He says the afterlife is the same way.

Sally thinks it has to take its toll, but Reaper says that every day he knows what he has to do and that it keeps the balance and that he’s never felt more powerful or fulfilled, even when he was alive. But to be fair, he died with that hair so he couldn’t have been too fulfilled. Plus, it looks like they gave him blackout lenses to make his eyes look deranged in this scene. I didn’t notice it first, but he started looking like a vampire which seemed…wrong.

He asks Sally if she’s ever felt the same, but she tells him she never had the chance because who feels powerful or fulfilled at 23? Professional tennis players, but their careers are usually over by 30. But that’s neither here nor there. Reaper tells her this is her chance. Either he can take her, or she can take over for him. Sally seems resigned and tells him the whole time she’s been dead she’s been looking for a purpose. She tried possessing, haunting, and even she’s a little embarrassed to admit “a boyfriend,” but thinks maybe she can be a reaper.

This has to be better than dating that douche who drowned every day.

Down at Will Hunting’s house and the orphans are gathered in the basement, just like Aidan asked. Aidan confirms that they’re all there and Henry says yes, but asks Aidan to tread lightly because to most of them he represents the “Big Bad,” Mother and Suren and nice Joss Whedon shout-out. Aidan gets a guilty look, but Henry misses it as he walks through the door.

The orphans start to converge on Aidan and he goes into a speech that he knows they’re scared, that they’ve been hunted and feel betrayed. He can’t make good on Bishop’s promises but he can help them get out. He is offering to set them all up with similar lives to the ones they led in Boston but in Baltimore, which has no vampire authority and is beyond Mother and Suren’s scope.

Despite knowing that the one option on the table in Boston is getting staked, a vampire still pipes up to whine about moving to Baltimore, and doesn’t get why they have to leave, because he’s a newbie and still more human than vampire. Henry’s all “the hell?” but another vampire says Boston’s her home because she’s lived there for 30 years. Aidan reminds them that if they stay Boston will be nothing more than a resting place for their ashes, so maybe they should be more open to other options. He leaves that last part out, though.

Wait, can’t we have a third option where none of us get put out?

Down at the Halloway, Olson’s dragging in the mook and apologizing for being late, but the mook was making a killing charging the vampires to cross his threshold. The mook is tweaked and says he doesn’t know who Suren is and has never been anything but nice to vampires. She tells him to relax and just open the bag because it will feel like Christmas. There’s $200K, she wants to buy his house. He asks if she plans to put up condos, but Suren’s only interested in watching the clock, as it’s five to 11. She tells him she needs an answer in three minutes because they need to uninvite all the vampires in his house. D’oh!

Back in the basement and the orphans are getting angry because, well, because they’re idiots. They think that Aidan’s trying to screw them over and treat them like garbage and even Henry’s tired of their whining as Aidan points out he’s the only reason they’re all still alive.

The scene cuts back and forth between Suren buying the mook’s house and the orphans slowly realizing that they’re out of options and maybe moving to Baltimore is a good idea. The woman who “lived there for 30 years” is the first to agree, but back with Suren and she’s nudging the mook along to sign the deed.

Seriously, Baltimore may suck but it has to be better than death, right?

It’s 2 minutes to 11 and Aidan tells the orphans that the vans come at midnight to take them all to Baltimore. As some of the orphans still want to whine Aidan tells them to talk it over and hightails it out of the basement. Henry tries to stop him, telling him that the orphans still have questions, but Aidan couldn’t care less. They’re either on board or not and he wants Henry to come with him.

The mook signs the deed, but notices that the deed isn’t in Suren’s name. She says it’s a technicality as the deed needs to be in a human’s name and Henry offers to go with the orphans to Baltimore and stay as long as it takes to get them settled. Aidan gets his Oh…shit face but doesn’t say anything. It’s a minute to 11 and the orphans start questioning Aidan, again, but Aidan tells them it will all be decided when they get to Baltimore and drags Henry out.

Suren hands off the deed to her human lawyer to sign and says once the transaction is done, the vampires are uninvited, and Henry is not going quietly with Aidan. He wants to know how they’ll take care of the orphans and Aidan’s just trying to run him out of the house but only getting him to the top of the basement steps. As the clock strikes 11 the lawyer signs the deed and all the vampires, including Henry and Aidan, start burning up, but Aidan blocks the basement door and throws Henry out the back door to save them both. As the orphans are burning up in the basement, Henry tries to go back to save them while Aidan hold him back and it’s totally not gay at all.

Hold me back, you big manly man you.

Henry’s still angry with Aidan after the break, thinking all he did was play him. Aidan tells Henry the only way to save him was to tell Suren he’d deliver them the orphans in exchange for his life. Henry still only sees destruction and wonders what kind of monster would do that, but Aidan says he’s the kind of monster who would choose “his son” (sniff) over a bunch of vampires whose sentences were handed out a long time ago, and that he didn’t play Henry, he saved him.

He further reminds Henry that now Henry is free to go wherever and live however he wants, free from retribution, but Henry doesn’t want to leave Boston. Aidan doesn’t want him to stay because it would mean bringing him in to Suren and she’s probably not over being sent to ground for 80 years, ostensibly for his screw up, but she was over 700 and he was barely a vampire for 12 years at that point, so IT’S STILL ALL HER FAULT. But they don’t discuss that because the cops are on their way.

20-something resident Julia lives in a posh Boston townhouse where she and Josh plant Emily’s drunk ass in the guest room. Let’s ignore the mountain of student debt she probably has in addition to the relatively low pay she’s making and go with it, because it’s just meant to show how differently their lives turned out. Emily’s a belligerent drunk and thinks she’s not drunk at all, but Josh hands her the trash can while Julia gives her a container of aspirin. They briefly discuss whether ibuprofen would be better but Emily takes a handful and Josh asks if she’s trying to OD. Emily says you can’t OD on aspirin but Julia and Josh say “Yes you can,” and it’s supposedly a slow and gruesome kind of OD, too, or so I’ve read. Whatever, we’re just supposed to think they’re cute because Josh remembers this is how Emily’s prom ended and Julia remembers giving her the aspiring while Josh remembers handing her the trash can.

I’m still glad we broke up.
Me, too.

Back with Sally and Reaper, and he’s taken her to the diner so she can reap Stevie. Dude, way to break her in. Sally agrees and says she’s not going to axe murder her little friend. Reaper tells her that Stevie’s shredding other ghosts and that’s only for reapers. Sally refuses to hear this and says Stevie only did it to save Sally and he’s a gentle soul, but the Reaper’s like, really? You think that’s the only time? He reminds Sally how good she felt to shred him and that Stevie’s felt it, too. Sally thinks Stevie is tortured by it because his friends have abandoned him, but Reaper tells her Boner didn’t abandon Stevie, Stevie shredded him, too, and has now taken to stalking Van. And, damn, how does someone get that big and that thick a scar that close to an eye socket. No wonder the Reaper has such bad hair.

Regardless, Reaper reminds Sally that Stevie told her shredding took him to a dark place. Sally loses focus and wants to know how Reaper knows about their conversation but quickly moves on that she can help Stevie, she can fix him and that there are way sicker ghosts out there to reap. Reaper has to remind Sally that she’s not the same bubbly girl she was when she was alive. Not since she slashed Danny, or possessed Janet and scrambled her brain, or considered possessing a premature baby. That gets Sally’s dander up. She says she didn’t and that’s why he didn’t reap her, because she’s not evil.

Tell me the truth. Do I look like a praying mantis when I smile?

Reaper’s all “I know you’re not evil, I picked you because you’d be good at this.” He tells her she’s experienced the dark, she can judge it and then tells her that after her murder, she couldn’t have turned out any other way. She’s destined to be a reaper. It’s like he takes two steps forward in flattering her then beats her over the head with how messed up she is. Bold strategy, Reaper. Sally’s still quavering but Reaper tells her this is her destiny and if she doesn’t reap Stevie, he will.

Down at Julia’s townhouse and Josh is impressed with her EAMES (It’s with a long “E,” Josh.) chair. She can’t believe he could get excited over a chair but Josh says it’s a “guy” chair. Julia’s still drinking and sits at the dining table before going into a drunk funk and Josh gets awkward. He looks at the photos on her shelf and talks about how intimate it is to be in someone’s home and how he never expected to be in hers. METAPHOR!

One glass of wine away from sobbing uncontrollably.

While whiny piano music plays, Julia cuts through the metaphor and says what’s “weird” is that they used to be intimate and now they’re not and they have to talk about stupid things like overpriced chairs instead of talking about how they were going to get married but didn’t. Josh asks if he should leave and she’s like “Duh.” Josh brings his glass of wine over to the table and when it looks like he’s going to touch her…he just wants to get his jacket from the back of the chair she’s sitting on. Ouch.

Josh realizes that leaving like that would make him the biggest asshole he’s ever known, and he’s known Bishop, so he stops and tells Julia that what he’s going to tell her will probably enrage her but he’s known her since she was 17 and knows what a train wreck her family is and everything it took to get her to where she is today and he’s so proud of her for accomplishing everything she set out to do. Julia, rather than deck him, decides that since they’re being honest, and dumb, and she’s drunk, to admit she came to Boston looking for him. Josh does not seem happy to get the answer he assumed was true.

These are my sincere doe eyes.

Down at the Halloway and Henry’s awaiting his punishment. Suren tells Henry that she always thought that if she were ever to see him again she’d be plunging a stake in his heart. Henry says he figured he’d die that way, too, and tells her this is her chance. If she can’t accept him she can end it and Aidan’s little face in the background gets a sad as Suren remembers killing Henry’s little tart.

Aidan reminds Suren that Henry delivered the orphans and she tells Henry he’s a “useful little turncoat.” He’s also like a weathervane, spinning around following the prevailing winds. Henry swears he’s changed but Suren is incredulous that Aidan would really want him back. Aidan’s feeble “yes” pisses Suren off enough to flash her back to getting carried out of the grand ballroom.

Can’t we be like Butch and Sundance and Katharine Ross?

But Suren doesn’t take kindly to being their third wheel, so she tells Henry that because of his very small part in the massacre (still all her fault, sorry) and for organizing the orphans (okay, that was on him) Mother will want her pound of flesh but, for what he did to her, Suren will want to take some more. I hope she’s speaking metaphorically.

Julia’s telling Josh that Emily told her where he worked and she applied for the available residency, hoping to run into Josh but she didn’t. Then, when she took the job, she convinced herself it was because she wanted to be in Boston instead of admitting she wanted to see him, to find out why he left. She knows she sounds like a crazy stalker but she’s too drunk she doesn’t care.

I won’t remember this in the morning and if I do, I’m blaming the booze.

Josh starts telling Julia the actual truth, that the night he was mauled and Stu died changed him. He felt set apart from everyone, isolated, just watching the rest of the normal people move on. Julia tells him survivor guilt isn’t what drove him away. No, your shrewish behavior probably factored in a little, too.

Josh swears it’s the truth but Julia still wants to hear a different story and thinks he just didn’t want to call off the wedding so he ran. Finally, Josh snaps and asks if she really wants to know the truth. Julia’s full of a drunk’s courage and almost taunts him so Josh tells her that a month after the attack he found out he was a monster. Josh grabs Julia by the arms and starts yelling that he would have lied to get her to stay, he would have infected her with his rage and his violence and he would have dragged her down until one day he either killed her or hurt her so bad that she’d have run away from him, from her life and everyone who loves her.

Bad doggy

Julia finally gets the picture and Josh is sobbing from almost hurting her, asking if she’s okay. Julia says she is and she’s less upset by the whole scene than is Josh, who says the most screwed up thing about all this is that he’s relieved, that confiding in her feels almost normal. Josh gets it together, though, and realizes he needs to go and when he’s past Julia finally cries. Phew, I was beginning to wonder about her.

But not this one. Suren knows just the punishment for Henry. Her “father’s people” were Mongols and they loved their animals. They knew how…to skin almost anything? Whuh huh? And when it came time to torture their enemies they’d flay them in one piece, alive of course, and it was like peeling a shrimp. She gets practically wistful talking about how it was almost considered an art, but Henry was born around the turn of the 20th century and he thinks it’s repulsive. He says she’s making it completely personal and Suren admits she’d enjoy it, but it won’t kill him since he’s a vampire and his skin would grow back.

Ah, the days of wandering the plains watching my father peel the skin off his enemies.

Aidan tells her enough and no more horror stories, but batshit crazy Suren’s all “He asked the price and there it is.” Henry’s practically crying but when Aidan asks if he really wants back in Henry says yes. Aidan tells him this is his choice and if he lets her FLAY HIM this will placate her and Mother. Bishop would have five schemes in place to take out every vampire older than him and set up rigged elections making him king of the world, all with a smirk in his heart, but Aidan’s all teary-eyed saying he told Henry 80 years ago there would be a price to pay if he screwed around with a royal. Henry just accepts his punishment.

Suren opens her velvet-lined box of torture instruments and while she’s nearly in a fugue state, Aidan tells her that any fear Mother had about her being sentimental or weak, this will show her that Suren’s fit to rule, but…and Aidan gets sentimental and weak so Suren takes out one of the knives and tells Henry that she loves how simple it is. The blade is thin and razor sharp so it doesn’t tear the skin. She’s completely deranged and Aidan’s about to cry so walks away, but reminds her than Henry’s his blood and he better be alive when Aidan comes back. Then Aidan leaves and Henry cries like a wounded baby, begging Suren to just kill him. Where’s the Reaper when you need him?

I know you’re going to skin him alive, but don’t touch his face, k?

Sally’s frantic and trying to get Stevie to stop shredding other ghosts and not stalk Van because she thinks that will save him. Stevie swears the only ghost he shredded was Dylan but Sally tells him she knows about Boner, too. He’s not admitting to shredding Boner and Sally’s getting more upset because she thinks he’s unbalanced. This sets Stevie off and he tells her she’s the one who’s unbalanced since she passed up her door and was possessing other people and all he wanted to do was stop them.

Sally reminds him that Dylan might have been justified but not Boner. Stevie completely loses it and admits he’s glad Boner’s gone so he won’t be judged by him anymore and says Van is such a monster that he can’t wait for him to die so he can shred him. Sally’s realizing Reaper’s right about Stevie and tells him she can’t help him anymore when the Reaper shows up behind Stevie. Stevie doesn’t feel his presence, though, and tells Sally he doesn’t need her help because she’s crazy…right before the Reaper shreds him. Sally’s shaking and crying but the Reaper comes over and congratulates her, telling her she’s almost there. Then he gets stern and tells her she’ll reap her first soul tomorrow and disappears. Yikes.

Do fear the Reaper.

Emily and Josh are walking out of the hospital (in street clothes?) and he wonders how she looks so cute after getting so shit-faced. She admits it’s because she vomits it all up and gets a good night’s sleep while he has to actually process the booze. Then he thanks her for the intervention, and whatever happens with Nora, at least he and Julia won’t be hissing at each other in the hallway. Emily is still very young and stupid and thinks she saw sparks and asks if he banged her, because she didn’t hear him screaming at Julia while practically squeezing her arms to the bone. Josh just says no and Emily says it was his one chance at drunk, angry revenge sex, because she’s the sibling whose brain is in her crotch.

Josh says he has no interest in trying to get back with Julia but Emily thinks he’s lying. Josh says it’s not her, it’s what he used to be: normal, settled, successful. Emily is still in her youth in revolt phase and thinks a normal life is overrated but Josh has lived as a werewolf for three years and thinks it’s appropriately rated. People think they want to be rebels but all we want is a cozy home and someone we love to come home to.

Are Army jackets still rebellious?

Emily laughs at him, asking if this is Prairie Home Companion but Josh tells her Julia is safe from him. She tells him that’s good because no one deserves to be destroyed twice in one lifetime, not realizing what hell Josh has been through, but she hugs him and he thanks her before she leaves.

Some whiny singer starts strumming her guitar and singing in her high pitched baby voice about being lost and whatever as Josh looks off into the middle distance. Back at the house, the whiny singer is whining and Sally’s also staring off into space when Aidan comes home. He’s pretty shaken, but he sounds relieved that Sally’s still there. She doesn’t look at him, just says she’s still there…kicking it.

Everyone’s miserable!

He asks about the Reaper and Sally lies that he’s not a problem anymore. Aidan sits with Sally and tries to ask if she shredded him, but Sally cuts him off saying she doesn’t want to talk about it, but no, she didn’t. He asks what she learned about herself and Sally just whispers she’s still learning and disappears. Aidan thinks about everything that happened that night and slouches into the sofa saying, “Me, too.”

Wow. Bummer episode. Everyone’s miserable, Nora wasn’t there and there wasn’t a single twin to hate on. At least Henry was there to keep Aidan’s smurfy side alive. Only four more episodes and I can’t imagine where this whole Reaper thing is going because will Sally have to reap the Reaper to take his job?

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