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Hey Gasmii! Hypnotoad here (Desperate Housewives, The City, various crappy reality shows that are no longer on the air), helping out our intrepid and hella busy Flipit. By this time y’all know the drill, so let’s get right to your funniest comments of April 2010!
njgasmifan on Real Housewives of New York City: Ah, Ramona. Why is it that this season her bipolar insanity seems refreshing?
njgasmifan on Real Housewives of New York City: Whenever we would talk about something in the future, like “I can’t wait till Christmas!” Mom would say “we could all be dead by then”.
jennaboa on FlashForward: I’m not sure if the world is ready for Sandy as a lesbian, but she *would* do great as a baby-craving lesbian stuck guarding an infantile British man.
fycin on Project Runway: Just wanted to share that last night I dreamed that Nina made fun of Michael Kors’ man boobs during judging, and production had to stop because he started crying.
NotWithoutMyTV on Oh No! Not A Golden Girls Porno!: Estelle Getty taught me how to please a woman–in EVERY way possible. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.
We do. And you sicken us.
cattyfan on Adam Lambert Guest Mentoring Idol: Adam can advise them on marketing themselves and sticking out their tongues while screaming.
schoonie on Survivor: Welcome to the internet. Hey, have you checked out Hamster Dance? I hear that shit is HILARIOUS.
itchy on Nat Geo Streams People In Solitary Confinement: Seven days? That’s it? And they give them furniture and things to do? What bullshit. This isn’t solitary confinement. This is a vacation away from my wife and kids.
cansuts on Tool Academy 3: And Ryan Reynolds? I’ve got something I want to give him… it’s called my vagina.
soapboxx on Survivor: Sarcasm is an indicator of the evolved soul. It was never made more clear than the time when the two cavemen were running from the T-Rex and caveman #1 turned to caveman #2 and said “Are we having fun yet?” When caveman #2 stopped to ponder caveman #1’s comment he was very quickly eliminated from the gene pool. What this has to do with Schoonie, Survivor, or this site I don’t really know, but I do know Russell the Troll has really short legs and I guess I’m just hoping for a little Island justice.
Hypnotoad on About Last Night: Lost totally raped my mind last night. And I loved every minute of it.
unwise on American Idol: I liked that President Hassan from 24 loaned out his pompadour to MexiGokey last night.
NotWithoutMyTV on Real World: A selection of Emily’s “poetry”:
Rose are red, violets are blue,
I am very creative, my roomates are too,
Except for Pandrew, who barely came through,
Had to pull an all-nighter ,
because he had a girlfriend
Boo hoo, Andrew, boo hoo!
When those DC dudes saw the cameras rolling, I could have had my pick,
But something in my psyche made me choose abusive black dick.
Nads on Persians Are the New Guidos: my classic joke i always say is in my stand-up, “Persians are like UGG boots…we’re brown, furry and sweaty, and nobody can figure out why we’re so damn trendy.
Gilty Plezzur on American Idol Results: His “Can’t Buy Me Love” was full of more cheese than a Velveeta factory . . .
NotWithoutMyTV on Real Housewives of New York City: I have just purchased two faux-marble, waist-high Roman columns, and placed them in the magnificent foyer of my McMansion. Once my minions have brought me the heads of Perez Hilton and Andy Cohen, I will place them atop the columns and serve fat-free DoubleStuff Oreo cookies out of them.
ohhhyeah on Dancing With the Stars: Kate is a gift whose weekly humiliation should be treasured, not thrown away out of sheer disgust for her person.
gnomecorp on Jessica Simpson’s The Price of Beauty: I think this is a stupid show.
“Oooooh, harsh. That was harsh. Also, apt.”
here4beer on V: Maybe Maury Povich will make a special guest appearance for us at some point, which would make the show only roughly 1% more ridiculous than it is now.
itchy on America’s Next Top Model: So there’s three teen pregnancies on one show? Well, I guess there’s hope for Bristol Palin’s career then.
Yeah . . . not really.
waffleboy09 on V: Then again, who says you can’t find mercenarys/terrorists by goggling? Just a second let me try…okay, I just got directed to 285,348 porn sites.
AnneM on Kate Gosselin’s New TLC Series: I was a better Mom to my Barbies when I was little.
jennaboa on V: Ah, but if the lizards have no human emotions, how then can they emote their distress of ill-fitting, color-blocked garments made of polyester?
firstname.lastname@example.org on Millionaire Matchmaker: That damned Full House house… it is ubiquitous!
Waffleboy09 on OMG, Conan Is Headed To TBS: Hey, when you get the chance to get that coveted Tyler Perry House of Pain lead in, you jump on it and jump hard.
here4beer on Lost: this week we get a Hurley episode– YAY! I just hope there are Hot Pockets involved.
“What are ya gonna pick? Hot Po — HOLY SHIT!!”
njgasmifan on Top Chef Masters: I thought Chubby Adorable Art was Oprah’s fav – or am I remembering that wrong????
No no, you’re right . . . Except maybe the “adorable” part.
messystation on Top Chef Masters: And speaking of Art…I thought he thought HE was Obama’s fave chef? Is Obama some kind of culinary slut?
cattyfan on American Idol: Tim sounded a lot like Ben Arthur last night.
here4beer on American Idol: I can’t believe you missed Tink dancing in the aisles with some random fat guy all through Tim’s song. That was hilarious. He was definitely drunk, and for that I am grateful.
cattyfan on American Idol: Everytime there’s a group number, my husband yells, “Mrs. Brady! Mrs. Brady! Come Quick! the kids are on TV!”
Mr Dangerous on Dancing With the Stars: Man, some guys should keep their clothes on. He looks like a big, flaming fruit loop in that first picture.
soapboxx on American Idol: When I see Sio my mind pronounces it See-Oh. Siobhan which is actually pronounced sha-VAHN is an ancient Irish name meaning “she of fanged mouth who screams like a banshee for the blood of small children”.
slumrville on Glee: God, I love this show more than masturbation!!!
leslilly on The Amazing Race: Generally speaking, lesbians are great. Just not THESE lesbians.
I just googled “generally great lesbians” and this is what came up. AFTER I turned my “safe search” to Strict.
cattyfan on Survivor: Danielle’s boobs are like Mary Poppins’ carpet bag. Wait ’til she pulls out a reading lamp…
chooch850 on Sober House: I blame this all on Danny Bonaduce.
carol on Project Runway: why were all of the models walking like they just farted and were fanning the air away from their ass??
dani2526 on About Last Night: You mean we’re not all here for fact and objectivity?? SHOOOOT.
itchy on Survivor: This show risks going the way of the Amazing Race, which is not at all amazing.
here4beer on The Countess LuAnn’s New Song Is Here: It’s a sad, sad day in when you can make Kim Zolciak look good in comparison.
hisroyalhighness on Real Housewives of New York City: Why, dear G-d –WHY, would she want to live on the boring upper east side? Her cocaine dealer would stick out like a sore thumb up there . . .
zerocool on Spencer Pratt: The Douchebag Predator: No one can out-douche Spencer. But I have to say “Fist Pumping for Love” is one of the best titles for a show I’ve ever heard.