Best in Comments 2010 Part Eight

There was some fighting in July, but shit really hit the fan in August. It got to be a little much, but that doesn’t mean the month wasn’t still chock full of gold. I laughed putting this together, and then laughed even harder adding pics and all that stuff. I will probably read it now again with all of you and laugh some more. It’s a sickness. A sickness that I don’t want healed ever. Welcome to The Best In Comments 2010: August edition!

Dixie Normous on Master Chef: This dangerously chick is in touch with her inner (Julia) Child.

Dangerously on Master Chef: Chick?! wuh-oh, I’m doing someting wrong …

unwise on Hell’s Kitchen: He was Armando the flipper’s intern. He was a douchey disaster on that show. I see he hasn’t changed much since then.

WaffleBoy on True Blood: Hey guys, or should I say y’all in an amazingly unconvincing Southern accent just to stay with one one the central themes of the show?

cheez on Big Brother: I’d almost feel for the guy if he hadn’t so clearly spent all his disposable income on tats in a futile attempt to seem cool rather than on orthodonture for his cute little wife.

richard christys taint on Jersey Shore: Chris Cristie is wrong. This show is good for New Jersey.

jennjenn25 on The Real L Word: Are there really no blonde lesbians in LA???

missjacqmills on Jersey Shore: Pauly D and the Situation are such a showmance – you should name them “Sitchy D”

cansnuts on Jersey Shore: My favorite part was when Snookie said Obama doesn’t need to tan, “obviously.”

Derek Hazelton on Big Brother: Every time I see Kathy on my screen, I think of the short-lived sitcom “She’s The Sheriff!” starring Suzanne Somers.

k37744 on Jersey Shore: OMG sarcastire, remind me never to steal your spray tanner.

plockness monster on Big Brother: I can’t stand Boobs either. SHe drags out every word. “Brendennn and IIIII.” Brenden probably kisses her in the middle of convos so she will shut up. Obviously, she’s not getting the point. “Funbags” are a great word for boobs! I am also partical to “sweater puppets.”

Echo on Whale Wars: These people are truly special.

marijai on RHONJ: “…Teresa: “Why did you lose your job?” “The economy.” “Why did you chase Danielle around a country club?” The economy.”

betty lane on Bethenny Getting Married: car seats are awful, torturous contraptions of doom.

DonnaRonna on The Bachelorette: You’re perfect for this job (and I don’t mean that as an insult)!

twitches on Toddlers and Tiaras: Mark my words, in a few years Jillian will be the mom who dresses inappropriately for all the PTA meetings and encourages her daughter to invite all the football players over to their house for beer-bong parties.

Fnord on Whale Wars: This season is one fuckup after another. Makes you wonder if Greenpeace was ever this inept.

kloewent on Toddlers and Tiaras: The “mothers” this week seemed uncommonly slim, and unnaturally dumb!

KatesMom on RHONJ: Do you think they have any idea how they are coming across? Can apes think that deeply?

chemgal on RHONJ: If Bravo controlled the border, we would be paying $20 for a head of lettuce.

PJMA on Bristol and Levi Say it Ain’t So!: Let’s see: Bristol broke off her engagement after just announcing her engagement repairing the last engagement she broke off after announcing her engagement. Does this mean they have to now return the money they made from this recent announcement via the magazine?

TamTam on Toddlers and Tiaras: I always think of pagents as a southern/midwestern thing… but I guess stupid people live everywhere.

NotWithoutMyTV on Toddlers and Tiaras: My adopted Sudanese orphan will arrive soon in the mail, and I couldn’t be more excited. I asked them to pick me out a “pageant-cute” one, and they said they’d see what they could do. (At least, I think that’s what they said. My Sudanese isn’t the best.) I’m going to call him Mowgli, and he will win every Galactic Super Supreme Little Gentleman Starburst Over All title there is, from the Panhandle to the Appalachians! So, suck it, stage Moms! Get used to going home with Junior Minor Cubic Zirconia Needs Improvement Bronze Veneer awards.

Snootchy Bootches on Kanye: Tweetgasm: That guy is such a dick. And I don’t mean that in a good way.

swellmel on Kanye: Tweetgasm: I would LOVE if he tweeted ‘Why does everyone keep asking me if I like fishdicks?”

Anne McGill on Paula’s the New Liza!: Paula won’t really be like Liza until she marries at least one Gay man. But they both do awesome stints on home shopping and talk like they’ve taken enough Vicodin to make half of West Hollyweird high as a kite.

Mister Dangerous on Big Brother: What guy does AMERICA want to see walk around shirtless for the week? I want to vote on things that I care about.

DDD on Big Brother: I think it’s so funny how Brayden keeps throwing around the “L” word and Rachel just acts like she never heard it.

kdognatl on Real World: Meathead sums it up magnificently, as always: “I’ve seen chicks go at it harder than that.”

Gerrit Verstoep on About Last Night: I used to date an Ethiopian girl and two words I never said to her were ‘Eat Me’!

Coleen Schaefer on Bad Girls: Snorgan might also want to get her eyes checked because she definitley was not out with the “pretty girls”.

cat on Real World: I actually wasn’t going to comment either but my captcha code is “RE8F” Close enough to reef, which is close enough to reefer.

Faye on Scream Queens: I definitely agree about the cake..it’s how I decide what parties I will attend. I get on the horn and say “hey Little Timmy, go and ask that backstabbing slut you call a stepmother where she got the birthday cake from; I need to know if I should make alternative plans for Friday night. Momma loves you”

juddfan on Design Star: Was I the only who was shocked that Courtland has a female fiance?

jennjenn25 on Top Chef: I am deeply destressed that lobbyists have to give congress food on little sticks, but can give them millions of dollars under the table!! I would rather see them provide expensive dinners!

Yamil Piedra on Money Hungry: This is Yamil from Team Fraud. I know you’re not a fan of our antics, but either way I’d like to send you one of our “I Heart Nuts” t-shirts so you can wear it proudly.

LuLu on Money Hungry: I just wanted to say something boring.

Jamie on Money Hungry: I’d appreciate it if you’d check out the way I really sound at http://www.myspace.com/jamielitt – I think you’ll find I don’t sound quite as much like Cher as you think (although I happen to adore her). Thanks!

Josh Graston on Money Hungry: As a fellow triathlete, hopefully I can EARN a new nickname as the season goes on, I’ve heard I look like Drew Carey or Dan Evans, but never Corky!

Saint Claire of Assisi on The Real L Word: My shows never have hardcore porn

MSP4life on Money Hungry: Panda you little chubby button stretching animal, eat Me! Mission Slimpossible

chemgal on Toddlers and Tiaras: I myself am fluent in moron, so I will help translate if need be.

SexyPanda on Money Hungry: I’m glad you’re reading, and yet I cringe a little at the idea that I’m making these TVGasm-sized water-cooler jokes about ya. It’s because I love you, you know that, right? C’mere. Shhhh. It’s okay. I know, I know. It’s gonna be okay.

Philo on Big Brother: Another former houseguest comes between Boobs and “her man”???? That’s 4 for 4. Has the crime rate in Kathy’s town gone down since the show started? I have to think that less criminals are escaping the police during Kathy’s shift.

Moli on Nig Brother: Kristen looked like Carrot Top and Richard Simmons love child

shantigal on Rosie is Back!: In a nutshell, NO. She cannot be fun and uplifting anymore.

Ubiquitous on Did You Watch the Real Housewives of DC?: Hell no!

shantigal on Bad Girls Club: I’m pretty tough like Snout too. Especially when my target is nowhere around and I have all the doors locked. LOL, scary bitch.

Viane Slice on Mad Men: Nothing like watching the deterioration of a middle class family.

snappleaddict on Project Runway: Whenever I see Gretchen, I have visions of Season 5’s Leanne. In my mind, I’ve dubbed her Squirc Cubed.

Bluewater34 on Whale Wars: I hate thinking of these people harvesting whales because some 1000 year old proverb says that humpback meat makes your wang grow longer. Hey guys in Asia…you’re Asian…that’s as big as it’s gonna get no matter how many whale tacos you eat! Stop killing them, go watch some Hello Kitty re-runs already. I hate people.

memememe on Rosie is Back!: fail whale.

mrswigglesworth on The Bachelorette: That was sooooo funny I threw up…. love it! I laughed and lost weight!

Loula on Mad Men: it’s like writing an English paper, only with dick jokes.

marijai on Bad Girls Club: I predict in 20 years, we will be watching the little girls from Toddlers & Tiaras on this show.

CynTV on Big Brother: I have read that VIP cocktail waitresses in Vegas can make up to 6 figures a year. SIX FIGURES!!! Remind me why I went to college again…

Caroling on Project Runway: I actually did know a guy whose FIRST name was legitimately Casanova, but he managed to use his name without making people want to retch, unlike this one.

cheez on Big Brother: Best part, when she reaffirmed her love of science and desire to have “a science job.” Bwahahaha. Science job.

thajok on Project Runway: I WON’T watch Scarlett and Santino travel ala Paris and Nichole to small towns, Heidi Seal, and YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!!!!

Gerrit Verstoep on Big Brother: Brenda is a wimpy-ass man-bitch who cries every time he loses a competition because the producers have so obviously tailored the game to work against him and his size 13 feet!

shantigal on The Rachel Zoe Project: who takes this show seriously? Who even takes L.A. seriously? It’s not really going to matter who Rachel hires. Everything that happens in her day to day will be a “dis. ass. ter.”

valleygirl on SYTYCD: PM, would you like Janelle Monae more if I told you I think she was genetically engineered by splicing together the DNA from Dame Shirley Bassey and Terrence Trent Darby? I kept wanting to hear her sing a mashup of “Wishing Well” and “History Repeating.”

Moli on Big Brother: Please oh please someone tell Matt his chest is ONLY sexy to his wife(and thats iffy).

DirtySanchez on Big Brother: Hey Grodner, how about this for an interesting twist – Have a gay person in the house that is halfway normal acting.

Chooch on Big Brother: Thank you for Jesse

J-Mo on RHODC: Clearly the sport of polo burns about as many calories as bowling and/or video-gaming. At least for Tareq. His poor HORSE on the other hand…

Pixielated on Persons Unknown: Clearly the sport of polo burns about as many calories as bowling and/or video-gaming. At least for Tareq. His poor HORSE on the other hand…

pennmani on Big Brother: Not an evil Jenius, not a mastermind but just an average, if very short, guy with a little boy body who happens to think he’s a gift to the show.

Jess Chapman on Jersey Shore: is it possible for these twits to go one day without consuming any alcohol at all, least of all enough to make them have three-way makeout sessions with grenades?

Melissa Wray on Jersey Shore: Not only is Angelina more of a cockblocking c-u-next-Tuesday than ever, but it appears that Sammi and Ronnie are gonna be the Heidi and Spencer of this show…only with tans, booty shorts, roids, and IQs in the negative digits.

Mister Dangerous on Big Brother: I was wondering if you mentioned what you were wearing when you were called a pansy. (harem pants? daisy dukes? culottes? a beret?)

njgasmifan on RHONJ: I was more concerned that Danielle would think having her daughter’s first gyno appointment aired on TV was a good idea. Yikes

LAC on RHONJ: That coochie of hers has seen so much in and out traffic, she could set up a landing strip complete with lights and a small airport with a food court.

Maria Danton on Jersey Shore: I find it hard to believe that they didn’t shower. I mean, you gotta be fresh to death, right?

Mr. Reality on RHONJ: Teresa’s happy squeal and Ashley’s yelling & sarcastic voices are some of the most awful sounds ever heard on reality tv.

Bridget Miller on Teen Mom: I am not surprised that being a teen mom has become reality show fodder. There is a show about women on death row.

mick on Jersey Shore: Angelina reminds me of the fat girls from high school – Cock Blockers Supreme. What is her deal?? I get that she wants Sitchy D (loves it!) but girlfriend needs to back the fuck off. Or not, since this is all about my entertainment.

Baxter on RHODC: Top modeling agency in DC? Who the hell needs models there? That would be like saying, “Top swimsuit store in Alaska”

Jason on RHODC: Don’t you think Mary’s face is held together by bubblegum injections instead of a ton of Botox?

skatt on RHODC: Stacie thinks Obama shits rainbows and Cat loves Bush on the basis of an R.S.V.P. as much as anything else. What if Obama had R.S.V.P.’d too? Would she be an Independent?

Faye on RHODC: If anyone is uncomfortable around minorities and don’t know you can just hold a normal conversation without speaking loudly and slowly to them, it’s Ms. Mary Channing Warner Scott Thomas. She is the type of stupid white woman that says hello to everyone in the room and then gets to the lone black woman and shouts “WAAT UP GIRLFRIEND” Instead of saying “how’s your family been doing” she says “YO, how ma’ home-biscuit LeRoy been hanging” and instead of holding an insightful debate on the BP Oil Spill she asks “Chiiiile, have you heard that new song by Jay-Z” and then breaks out doing the that awkward move your hips clap off beat motion.

She is the type that every time you mention her name, it’s followed with “Bless her heart” Which is the universal phrase in the black community when you think someone was not born retarded, however,they have someone evolved into a complete retard “Look at Mary in that nice red dress, bless her heart”

(and again) Mary looks like the result of a drunken one night threesome with Stockard Channing, Blair Warner, and Melody Scott Thomas with her original nose

SexyPanda on Money Hungry: I’m just glad I didn’t have to pay $10,000 to write these recaps, or else I’d REALLY be feeling the pressure now!

NotWithoutMyTV on Teen Mom: Babies and toddlers need to learn that life is about risk and there’s no guarantee that they’ll live their full life span. Riding unsafely in cars driven by distracted, ADHD fame whore parents is one way that they’ll learn this fact early.

classy drunk on RHODC: I LOVE Lynda. The fact that she thinks she’s better than these wummin makes me tremble with glee.

AntSuck on Big Brother: If Brendon gets evicted, I wonder how Rachel is going to be able to say that he got “between me and my man!”

CynTV on Big Brother: If this is the future of chemistry, I fear for the planet…

Pixielated on RHODC: Did you ever hear this one: “What is a person called that speaks two languages? Bilingual. What is a person called that speaks one language? American.”

Getoverit on RHODC: I really miss the vapid conversations about the housewives dresses and bank accounts.

thajok on Project Runway: Join me in smacking Gretchen? Anyone?

Mr. Reality on Scream Queens: I don’t understand why you would go on a show about acting if you can’t even act…or hell, even speak.

Faye on TWOP: I have been banned from that site TWICE, bless my heart.

thiajok on Project Runway: A moment of silence for the Blu-Fly Wall.

RealityCheck on RHODC: I guess I will just try grow old gracefully because to be honest seeing the housewives (espically Danielle RHNJ) plastic, just been embalmed look is distracting and scary as hell.

itchy on Big Brother: Very glad Boobs has been booted. I was pretty sick of watching her weirdly frozen parrot face.

SexyPanda on Work of Art: It reminds me of a dude kissing me once like I was that Resuscitation Annie doll. The only thing he didn’t do was pinch my nose shut. Ew.

Pixielated on Newsgasm: Just think of all the money Lil Kim has spent on plastic surgery–only to look like Snooki. It’s sad, when you think about it.

Marti on The Real L Word: Hahah dildo chandelier.

reckless_saturn on Leia’s RHONJ cappy: I mostly read your recaps to see how you will shoehorn in a reference to being a teen model.

Robinez on RHODC: One day I was putting my dish on the table (collard greens with hamhock)and one of the “ladies” said to everyone “Robin always brings such homey dishes” I am still not sure if she meant that as a compliment or not.:-)

LAC on RHONJ: Who the fuck runs people down trying to find a Chanel store in Venice – is this bitch crazy?

jamiesommers on RHONJ: I have always hated Teresa and her disgusting children. Feral Lemur is a perfect nickname for that hideous, ugly little gargoyle.

Dirty Sanchez on Big Brother: Isn’t Enzo the same as Kathy, just with more personality and less hair?

Gerrit Verstoep on Big Brother: Maybe they should just rename this season of the show to “Brendon’s Creek”.

Faye on RHONJ: my family is quite “colorful” and has a way with words. That is the excuse I use for a bunch of rude snobs with no filter, or as I call them, my 6 older sisters and my dearly departed mother, who once wrote on the tip line at a resturant after a horrifyinly bad experience for the waitress to “drop dead or get a nose job, whichever one was cheaper”

pixielated on RHONJ: I’d love to see Teresa taking her kids to Chuck E. Cheese for their birthdays!

LAC on RHODC: Look, I like bitches too – but smart bitches know how to act. Perhaps she should get tips from Lynda. Now that is a bitch who knows how to act towards people.

chemgal on RHODC: Gotta do this in bulleted format. Too much to cover at once. *You don’t want advice, don’t pile your shit on me. *Cat must have been married and reproduced with a very ugly man. *Cat’s refrigerator sounds stocked with all that is necessary to cut down the mightiest tree. *I hate Teresa

Robinez on RHODC: These gals are much more high flatulent than any other HW franchise.

Faye on RHODC: Good Lawd I’m glad I have a place to go where my psychosis is not frowned upon

Samuel Brokowitz on RHODC: Is Tareq Salami pregnant? I thought that was an adams apple on Micheal.

Pixielated on RHODC: Who needs to measure a penis anyway? For identification purposes? Either it does the job or it doesn’t, amiright?

LAC on RHODC: Yeah, me and food have a thing for each other.

Moli on Moviegasm: I’m the only person in the world that is afraid of sick ET. Yup I was a blast at slumber parties

MaryF on Flipping Out: That cat needs to go to the vet. Something’s wrong with the diet for that cat.

LAC on RHODC: trying to focus the hate on any of these beyotches beyond Teresa. The highlight of which was when she defended her current mangling of the English language because she didn’t speak english until she was in kindergarten. Really, bitch? Just thought you were a mouth breathing moron, period…now, say this slowly…
BANK…RUPT…CY AUC..TION CRED..IT COUN…SEL..ING

tadow on Bad Girls Club: when Catnip started the “i’ll buy your family” bit, it was right after he said “i will buy your family a house.” my immediate thought was uh-oh she didn’t hear the “a house” part.

chemgal on RHOJN: Its only fitting that comment #100 is “I hate Teresa”. Thank you and have a good night.

sarcasatire on Project Runway: I also bought Skinny Bitch..but it was the preggo version. Like Skinny Bitch Mom-to-Be, or something like that. Again, the first few pages were hilarious but the rest was just vegan recipes!! Wha?! So glad I got it from the library, which happens to be on the same block as a McDonalds.

cherie on Bad Girls Club: Yes I have to take credit for the dog dump. But it was the actual turd that reminded me of the ex. And the fact that my alimony was late. It’s all good, the last I saw of him, he was in an Elvis costume holding balloons outside a Taco Bell. I was hoping Elvis’ ghost would push his ass into traffic. But then I’d feel guilty for all those people stuck in traffic…

HoneyGangsta on Jersey Shore: I have blacked out only one time and I was in far too crappy shape to have smacked anyone or said anything coherent. I never claimed to have the drinking stamina of a guido

cattyfan on SYTYCD: Duct tape Mia’s mouth shut

Holly on Interview with Josh from Money Hungry: Since his bio says he is from Kentucky how about calling him ‘Tuck’? I know it isn’t entirely original, but it has to be better than calling him Corky.

PJMA Jersey’s Welcomed Back Trio: And these three are the best NJ has to offer? A lying, thieving idiot with a forgery charge and a husband with a DUI? A whining, weeping moron crying in her kitchen over her “empty nest” when those three adults are still living at home? A fat butt airhead with a juvenile delinquent for a daughter who has no idea her husband keeps an arsenal under lock and key? Riveting!

Robinez on RHODC: I think that Cat just walks around asking for something to drink wherever she goes.I think her stupid ass would go to an AA convention and ask where the bar is and be mortified that she was invited to a social event that didn’t include alchohol.

tvaholic on Top Chef: Kenny must be one of those idiots who was suckered into buying & actually believing in “The Secret.”

itchy on Big Brother: I find no conflict whatsoever in hating both Boobs and Gaygun in equal measure. If only because Gaygun’s been sporting a shit-stain above his upper lip lately, and that’s as deserving as a the fetal-position devil-tail child.

classy drunk on RHODC: Question: Who are the Jones’ and why are we trying to keep up with them?

hlesczyn on RHONJ: She is so interesting to watch: her grammer, her struggels with random vocabulary, the way she looks to the crew for help in formulating basic thoughts.

Alene on Big Brother: To live in Ragan’s mopey Gonzo like brain.

valleygirl on Project Runway: She looks like she puts on her makeup with the Dragulator.

cattyfan on Project Runway: And Heidi looked like she had a growth on her head, not a hat. ‘Course, there’s no one to remove the growth now that the Plastic Surgeon To the Stars couldn’t stop texting long enough to watch the road. Idiot.

tvaholic on RHONJ: I think someone gave Danielle a word-of-the-day calendar. This week’s word was “proverbial.” I guess that was easier to pronouce than ethnicity.

Anne McGill on Teen Mom: Am I alone in thinking that Amber and Gary are only a couple of fights away from marriage? It seems like Gary is desperately trying to make Amber happy, which is hard because since she lost weight she thinks she has other standards of behavior. This doesn’t mean she will clean their sty, but it does mean she’ll force everyone to give her the best white trash beach wedding her Dad’s social security disability check can buy. I can see it now, Gary with his flop sweat in sandals, a gauzy shirt displaying his hairy back and Leah sucking back tequila shooters with Bentley in the corner.

(and on Real Housewives of NJ) Teresa’s blood relatives have foreheads.

LAC on Project Runway: Gretchen? Could that reject from every bad chick-flick looking bitch shut the hell up? I am so tired of her mouth running in that bony, giraffe sized head.

Pixielated on Project Runway: Diet Coke helps preserve zombies, Hivy. Just ask Nina!

singleinmymind on Flipping Out: What’s up with the camel toe on jenni? I have to say I was uncomfortable seeing that..

chemgal on Teen Mom: I’ve made some mistakes while a teenager, but never in the form of a fully formed zygote.

C on Teen Mom: watching some teenager get scammed out of their money without adult guidance isn’t so great that I would simultaneously call their mouth “dick canal #2.”

Pixielated on Teen Mom: Yeah, I got all serious on your asses. OK, let’s talk about boobs!

Memememe on Steven Tyler joins AI: With Paula gone they needed another guy who teeters on sobriety? whut. evah. dnw.

marijai on RHONJ: bless your hearts (I mean that in the good way)

sarcasatire on Sarah Palin Supports Dr. Laura: SHOCKER: (on Dr L’s nude pics) Wow.. no words. Okay, maybe a few. Eeeeewww..the spread-eagle shot was the worst. Made me think of old balogna flapping in the breeze. And, please..let’s hope she trims now. Because the carpet definitely doesn’t match the drapes! thanks to Nads for not dumbing us down with just one tabloid type news. Now.. *on to read about Speidi’s sex tape*

Pixielated on Sarah Palin Supports Dr. Laura: SHOCKER:Remember when they used to have a warning on TV about material not being appropriate for “more sensitive viewers.” I think that applies here. I mean those with sensitive stomachs, that is.

Bridget Miller on RHONJ: At the very least we are going to be witness Danielle’s extreme narcissistic paranoia when she brings a SUV full of gun welding bodyguards to dinner with Caroline.

notwithoutmytv on Real World: What do you tell Jimmeh when she has two black eyes? Nothing! You done told her twice already!! (and later…) I regard these kids largely the same way I regarded Coyote and Roadrunner or Tom and Jerry: they’re so cartoonish, it’s okay to laugh when they get hurt. Tell me you can’t see MTV editing an anvil falling out of the sky and landing on Hair, who then turns into an accordion. Or Jemmeh out in the yard, strapping her ass to an Acme Rocket, when then blows her to smithereens.

chemgal on Sarah Palin Supports Dr. Laura: SHOCKER: I lost the Dora debate with my 5 year old. He rested his case with a “Dora is fucking stupid. I told her 5 times the stars were in the tree!”

Rosie on Teen Mom: Self righteousness is best kept to yourself.

Sweet_Dee on True Blood: Forgive me if I’m wrong on this one, but I thought “balls up” was a good thing? You know, as opposed to “balls down?”

Dirty Sanchez on Big Brother: That whole cleaning out his ears while jerking off thing was really disturbing. Lane must keep Q-tips next to his bed instead of massage oil or sex toys for those romantic nights with his cousin back home.

Mr. Reality on RHONJ: Can’t say I blame Danielle for bringing security (who are really damn useless btw) wherever she goes. Danielle ftw

shantigal on Big Brother: Lane in his western wear is a dead ringer for Mongo from Blazing Saddles, and about as intelligent.

Classy Drunk on Jersey Shore: The good Lord blessed us with all those fun indicators like cramps and bloating. Thanks alot Eve…

Nikki Hughes on About Last Night: I would never judge, for fear that someone could see the contents of my DVR.

Moli on Jersey Shore: my comment is on the first page for all to see, I’ll go hide in my corner now until my cheeks are no longer purple

Classy Drunk on RHONJ: To continue the tradition…I hate Teresa. (100)

Alison Zimmerman on RHONJ: if they bring on Kim G next season, I may watch this show again, maybe if only to watch her go in and buy all of the Guidices “expensive” things

Devon on Whale Wars: Whale Wars is not supposed to be a comedy…is it?

Jess Chapman on Jersey Shore: If Sammi’s hair extensions weren’t weighing down her skull and making it squish her brain…

skatt on RHONJ: You know it’s killing her to have Kim point out what junk her “fine fuyrnishishnz’” actually are. I never new so many things could be labeled “faux”. It’s like it’s a point of pride to them. I half expected Faux Chess Set, Faux Grand Piano, …

k37744 on Jersey Shore: I dated a smoking hot (yet obnoxious) musician from NYC in my 20s. During one of his visits he was so drunk that he pissed all over my bed…aannnnd then went back to sleep. Needless to say I was MORTIFIED and that turned me off right then and there. Jobless, light on morals, butthisface, creepy…..all forgivable. Pee where I sleep? Check please.

Pixielated on Jersey Shore: I had to hike uphill–both ways! And we wrote on slates. We didn’t have a globe, because everybody still thought the world was flat.

georgiababe on Heidi and Spencer: What a dumb lie. Why on earth would they fly all the way to Costa Rica to figure out who gets the dogs? They both live in LA.

Pixielated on Jersey Shore: In my 20s, I had a BF who was a druggie. He didn’t shit his pants or pee in bed, though. I’ll give him that.

itchy on Big Brother: I hate him because he’s such a dislikable person. And he’s got that weird sideways lip-lift thing whenever he speaks. And he wears footsie pajamas on national tv.

Nads on Heidi and Spencer: who was filming the sex tape? spencer? is he now a cinematographer??

Just Desserts on Jersey Shore: Who knew, a small reality show about self-proclaimed guidos and guidettes, partying, drinking, and hooking up could be so lucrative. I do all the same things, I’m not making $60,000

tvaholic on RHONJ: My family may be emotionally stunted, but for some reason the topic of farting, pooping, and burping is not only talked about openly but is also a source of entertainment. It’s more taboo to discuss feelings than it is to talk about the latest BM you had or what bad gas you are currently experiencing! Makes for lovely family parties.

Iona Trailer on RHONJ: There wouldn’t be anything to watch if were not for Danielle and her insanity outside of Teresa and her disgusting ways. What is going to be the highlight of next season? Watching Teresa and Juicy live above the pizzeria while Ferel Lemur screams and yells? Watching Teresa have to shop at Target?

Joy1333 on Keeping Up With the Kardashians: I was actually kind of glad to see Melty Face back again, sometimes it occurs to me he’s the voice of Melty Face reason.

ohralphie on RHONJ: Caroline is someone not to be messed with, but I hardly see her whipping out a shank before the dessert course.

Snootchy Bootches on RHONJ: If that sort of dumbass logic worked, the prisons would be nearly empty. All anyone would have to say in their defense is: “I’m not as bad as hitler.”

(and again, on Big Brother) he was able to identify the three biggest idiots in the house. THAT is a pretty big accomplishment this season. Sort of like trying to find the three eggs that are the most oval.

Drew on RHONJ: I swear Theresa did a wet fart right before she threw the pillow @ Daniele.

tvaholic on RHONJ: can these women-from all of the RH shows-for once realize that the short hooker skirts/dresses they wear force us all too see things better left unseen? Keep your knees together fer cryin out loud!

LAC on Top Chef: Bloody Mandy with the sexy spy fantasies involving her cooking? Really? How are we going to trip up the KGB? – torture their spies by having them guess which type of meat she fucked up?

Classy Drunk on RHONJ: There are alot of people who talk shit behind people’s back, but wouldn’t bust a grape in a fruit fight.

Memememe on Project Runway: Kors was right about one thing. Chunky Mike’s dress was effortless.

And now for three hundred comments on the Great Real Housewives of DC Race Wars of 2010! KIDDING! But it wasn’t all bad…

Faye: I worked with a girl name Whitney and she was giving a presentation and the girl doing the slides spelled her name wrong so on the first slide of the presentation, it said “Presented by Whitey _____”

tvaholic on RHODC: After going thru 10 pages of Google search results for “singers named Diana,” the only familiar name that popped up besides Ross & Krall was De Garmo, & that’s quite the stretch. Which means…I have far too much free time & need a life.

chemgal on RHODC: We must save all our hate for those that deserve it, Hitler, Stalin, Teresa, and stillowemes. And soon, Alexis will be back, so some hate should be stockpiled for that bitch and not wasted.

skatt on RHODC: Do we all still hate Theresa?

Libithina on RHODC: I’m pretty sure TVGasm and Bravo are mentioned in the 15th Amendment, but what do I know? I went to public school. Now excuse me, my bong is calling me.

tvaholic on RHODC: We are losing site of the only truth we all seem to agree on….we hate Teresa!!! Oh shit, wrong show. I hate the Salahis!!

Anne McGill on Heidi Montag Wants Her Boobs Out: No matter what boobs are removed, she’ll still be married to the biggest one of all.

chemgal on RHODC: Freakin A!! I missed comment 100, breaking the family tradition. I hate Teresa!

tvaholic on Heidi Montag Wants Her Boobs Out: They could’ve used the implants to plug the oil leak in the gulf. We can still stuff Spencer in the pipe, right?

TCNC on Top Chef: Count Orlok at least ATTEMPTED the challenge. Bloody Mandy made french onion soup into…bad french onion soup. Great disguise work!

classy drunk on RHODC: Is this horse that we are beating dead yet? If not can we shoot it or would PETA be to upset?

itchy on Happy BDay Flipit: Why did I have the feeling that Flipit was 67 years old or thereabouts?

skatt on The Spin Crowd: I love how Mario didn’t want to take his shirt off. What the hell did he think he was there for- his I.Q. score?

tvaholic on RHODC: I hate Teresa!

Philo on Big Brother: This season is bad enough, now we get Mr. Testicular

notwithoutmytv on RHODC: I would like to point out that arguing on the Internet is like taking home the gold in the Special Olympics. Congratulations, you won, but you’re still a retard.

tvaholic: Besides, systematic bullying is an issue that any RH fan is astutely aware of, and that lesson has been learned thanks to Kelly’s PSA. Now I need to go kiss a colored homosexual man and visit an integrated beauty salon before I get seats for the butcher knife death match.

Iona Trailer on Bristol Goes on DWTS: Maybe she’ll hook up with The Situation and she pop out a little Alaskan guido baby!

valleygirl on True Blood: if you can’t even intimidate someone like Jason Stackhouse, you’re the worst vampire, ever.

Dirty Sanchez on Big Brother: Brendon looked good with the shaved head. I was so hoping Hayden would have taken that one, but I should have known better. He needs that hair to hide the dopey look that’s always on his face.

Lola 1971 on Big Brother: Hayden is ugly and that’s the dumbest hair helmet I’ve ever seen (next to Gene Simmons). He’s got no lips either. Anyone else think his mouth looks like a butthole?

Mattysaurus on RHODC: Hi! I’m new… well to posting anyway. And I hate Teresa! Am I in? *hides in Teresa’s single giant ugly vase* Don’t topple it over please, I don’t want Teresa to steal my forehead.

Loula on Mad Men: January Jones was just awful on SNL, bless her heart, but I think she’s done a phenomenal job with this character over the years. (Compare S1 Betty to Mommy Dearest Betty, holy crap)

Melissa on Money Hungry: If I don’t STFU will you tell me all about the holes you’ve dug that are bigger than me?

Schoonie on Big Brother: I’m pretty sure “scientist” isn’t a personality trait.

JasonR on Big Brother: America’s celebration of mediocrity in a nutshell. The thought of watching a sausage fest of guys hanging around saying dumb shit, scratching their balls and doing bench presses for two weeks is too depressing.

P-Baby Walker on Big Brother: And was I correct in seeing Brendan, a full grown man, wearing a sleeping mask, curled under blankets and murmuring to himself out loud about Rachel? He does realize that he’s going back to an actual job involving real life people after this show right?

KiKi on True Blood: He is kind of sweet in a runty white trash way!

baffled on Project Runway: When Tim came in and called her a manipulative bully I wanted to kiss him on the lips (and that would have horrified him!).

thiajok on Project Runway: Poor Passy’s engorged breasts–someone needs to get him a breast pump before he lactates all over his green cleavage sweater.

Mister Dangerous on Big Brother: I’m going to root for LANE THE WHITE STALLION only because I enjoyed watching him do push ups and clean his ear.

thiajok on Project Runway: She out-Kenleys Kenley!

Chooch on Project Runway: Tim should bitch-slap someone every week.

PinkLemonade on Project Runway: I know what Gretchen is hiding under those ill conceived “back flaps.” She wears those herself to hide the holes in her back where the bony demon wings come out when she can’t control herself. If you look closely you can see hell steam and nubs poking out of her back. If we wait long enough, her true skeletal demon-self will come clawing out of her mouth to be free, float above the work room, screeching, flapping her wings and dripping hell drool over the other contestants work.

marijai on Project Runway: My captcha code is WWJD LOL

tvaholic on RHODC: I think it was in a People article where I saw she said she was 39, and right away I thought there is no way in hell she’s the same age as me! Either she used to smoke A LOT, or she forgot to add a decade onto that number.

shantigal on Project Runway: Wretch is lucky she didn’t end up with a pair of Gingher scissors through her cheek and a dress form shoved up her arse.

SexyPanda on DVDgasm: I’d like to bang Ralph Fiennes. Hard.

Lost Brooklyn Girl on RHODC: xoxo… I hate Teresa ~always & forever~

SlifeGoesOn on Project Runway: what a delicious sleigh ride into LINDSANITY!

ambam on Project Runway: if i was that team i would have been singing like beyonce and calling gretchen out for pretty much making the team her little korean sweat shop workers. and then i would have punched her in her ovaries but that’s just me

Mister Dangerous on Big Brother: I have seen the LANE shower clip. I’ve watched it seven times.

Sugarbearly There on RHODC: I hate Theresa… With a little left over for Jill Zarin.

chemgal on RHODC: dreams of solid food! I hate Teresa.

AntSuck on Big Brother: In Chen’s defense, who on the planet says succubus? I don’t blame her at all for thinking he said sucky bitch.

LAC on Project Runway: loved that Tim told that shit for brains team off and dropped Ms. Wretchen like 1st period French.

Lost Brooklyn Girl on RHODC: Jill Z, aka the green with jealousy M&M

Marta on Big Brother: I think a BB season with only fat people would be great!

cattyfan on Big Brother: The Biggest Loser meets Big Brother… The Biggest Loser Brother?

Hayden #2 on Big Brother: the physical competitions would be HYSTERICAL!

rubinia on Bad Girls Club: I was confused about Dani’s drinking too, after hearing about the cirrhosis and rehab. We’ve seen her in previous eps completely hammered (when she was screwing those 2 dudes). She also looks like she stinks.

sarcasatire on Project Runway: why were the crotches so long? I guess even models need a day off from tucking.

k37744 on Real World: OMG Ruthie Jr. BLOW YOUR NOSE……ok, back to reading…

sarcasatire on Teen Mom: Teen girls may be a little reckless and impulsive but I’m sure they realize they have a better chance of winning American Idol than becoming famous just because they’ve been sperminated.

Savannah on RHONJ: the word “telebortion” was too exciting not to comment on.

Sweet_Dee on Real World: I can understand why she forgot the words to her song; it’s terrible!

ohralphie on RHONJ: I hope that some nice photographer/agent/hairstylist/homeless person will tell Christine about a little thing called ‘emancipation’

Jessica Mack on Bad Girls Club: Hmmm, let me invite over my wife beating, house trashing, puking friends and let them run wild while I make out in the pool. Good idea. But lol that she used the phrase butt hurt.

LAC on Heidi Wants Her Boobs Out: She should be more worried that the hamster on the wheel inside her head doesn’t die of exhaustion keeping those pistons firing….”WALK TO THE BATHROOM, HEIDI…NO! BATHROOM, NOT INTO WALL!!”

LAC on RHONJ: Jacqueline: Has written a diet and exercise book entitled “Bottoms up: What wine goes with what exercise?”

chemgal on RHONJ: Comment 200 – I hate Teresa!!!

WHEW. See you tomorrow. xo