And now for the updated and properly formatted final best of list!! Thanks so much for being here, friends. Also a huge thanks to TheMiki for teaming up with me on this month and to Hypnotoad and Bluzgirl for working on these commentgasms. They’ve been a joy and a wild ass ride. LOVE
Notwithoutmytv on Margaret Cho: Bristol Palin was forced to be on DWTS: Nah. I don’t buy this. I need my outrageous conspiracy theories to come from sources either more credible or A LOT more freaky than Margaret Cho.
Nikki Hughes on TVpatrol new Rehab season: What the ?? How many of these things is Leif going to be on? Who the frak is Jason Davis?
Vallegirl on Margaret Cho: Bristol Palin was forced to be on DWTS: Sarah’s been on a two year campaign to become the face of…well, Sarah Palin.
Beachgal on Margaret Cho: Bristol Palin was forced to be on DWTS: I guess Sarah Palin was so captivated by the view of Russia from her house that she didn’t think to educate her daughter.
C in Chicago on Margaret Cho: Bristol Palin was forced to be on DWTS: I want my Presidents to be smarter than me. Which, all things considered, isn’t that hard.
Proda on Skating with the Stars: Go home Kate, we hate you and anything you do!
Proda on Biggest Loser: I used to like to sit back and watch people fatter than me, it made me feel good about myself.
Tenormartin on The Fashion Show: Why is Morris Day wearing a Christmas ornament in the opening credits?
Kitty on Gossip Girl: This episode was painfully boring, mainly because everyone was painfully stupid
Cattyfan on About Last Night: I’m out of the loop. What makes Steve Perry creepy? (I need to know because as a teen, I had posters of him hanging in my bedroom…)
Sarcasatire on Top Chef All Stars: A lot of my favorites are back. And some that repulse like Marcel. I can’t wait until he gets sent home for making something douchy like cauliflower foam
LAC on About Last Night: he is working that “I should have won season 4″ boner like a hooker promised an extra tip
Curious on Married to Rock: Billy Duffy has man-boobs and AJ needs to move on, he’s never going to marry her.
C in Chicago on About Last Night: if there is an STD in the world he hasn’t been exposed to, it was probably because Keith Richards caught it first and cornered the market.
Swellmel on Celebrity Rehab: Sometimes I wonder if I’m being too mean but then I remember these are already caricatures of themselves.
Joan Hill on Top Chef All Stars: I will improve my dish by preparing it exactely the way I made it the first time because it was perfect then & I should never have been kicked off. Then u get kicked off again. HAHAHAHA Love it!!!!
Vallegirl on Celebrity Rehab: A junkie rhino with a raging case of entitlement and open sores?
Chris Velazquez on Amazing Race: Honestly, Vicki should’ve ditched Nick and continued the race partnered with that one clue-eating goat from Oman, cause it would’ve been a far better partner than Whiny McBitchypants there.
JC on The Ev3nt: It’s like the ‘Plan 9′ of TV conspiracy shows. It’s so bad that it’s actually become an unintentional comedy.
John Bender on Amazing Race: This episode officially marked the point at which I began rooting for some random person to stab Nick in the junk. What a piece of shit.
Sardine on Celebrity Rehab: It reminds me of that Lohan show about everyone BUT Lindsay, and they never mentioned her. Talk about a slutty elephant in the room!
Vallegirl on Bad Girls Club: In Cat’s defense, there may be some truth to the”Don’t mess with Philly” attitude since they did give Michael Vick a second chance and have been known to boo Santa Claus.
Yuck on The Kardashian Sisters: Once again someone from hollywood shows us why this country is doomed.
Awwwlene on The Kardashian Sisters: Ironic moment of the year: Girl who made disgusting sex tape to get famous informs her sisters talking about mayo on Twitter is inappropriate!! How about shutting both ends of your twits girls. Love..:D
Ed on Hellcats: It’s smoking hot girls in cheerleading uniforms or other skimpy outfits and they’re in college so we don’t have to worry about any pedophile worries.
C in Chicago on Big Brother: I … I could have gone my entire like without picturing Russel’s ‘Immunity (from Sex) idol’.
Rodneyclint on Hellcats: I’m sorry Ed, I think they used that as a way to get you straight boys to watch.
C on Chicago on RHOBH: for some reason TV loves the guys who have had more men inside them than an entire battalion of troop carriers.
C in Chicago on Big Brother’s Brendon Cheats: There’s a fine line between ’sexy’ and ‘anaconda’.
Notwithoutmytv on Bristol Vs Margaret Cho: I think we can add “just sayin’” to “I’m just keeping it real” as translating to “I am a douchenozzle”.
Fan-Ann on Bristol Vs Margaret Cho: In the realm of douchebaggery how does a twatwaffle compare to a douchenozzle?
Ashton C on Survivor: Screw You Suckvivor Suckaragua
2muchbravo on Highest Paid Reality Stars: Seriously, people, brain surgeons and cancer researchers don’t get shit compared to these twatwaffles. What a shame.
Ohemgee on Top Chef: GangstaDung 2.0 aka ThugNasty is making us Filipinos look bad. Just eat some rice and sit the fuck down already.
Sarcasatire on RHOBH: not only am I a girl, I’m a power bottom, too! Just ’cause I take shit lying down dosn’t mean I’ll take shit lying down, knowwhattamean?
LoLo on Top Chef: And now I will print out that last paragraph and tape it to my refrigerator as a reminder for the next time I wonder why I’m 28, single, and living with two cats whom are plotting to eat my face off my dead body as we speak.
Mister_Dangerous on Oprah Addresses Lesbian Rumors: She is such a liar. Come out of that lavender closet Oprah.
Sarcasatire on Rumor: Lindsay Lohan on DWTS: She hasn’t comminted to anything lately, except meeting her dealer in dark alleys and dank bathrooms
Kimberly on Grey’s Anatomy: Maybe we can call him McFistula. Sure, it doesn’t have the same swoon-inducing power as McDreamy or McSteamy, but I bet it’d make Bailey hot.
Mary Pearson on Oprah Addresses Lesbian Rumors: Joan Crawford called and wants her eyebrows back.
Notwithoutmytv on Grey’s Anatomy: At least all their current psychoses were caused by them getting shot at. Usually, these characters are in a tail spin because McWhothefuckever shot a load in their hair in the on call room, or the vending machine gave them a Milkway instead of a Snickers. I’m sure Meredith could do a bang-up voice over about either calamity…
Itchy on The Fashion Show: I knew Rolando would be eliminated as soon as he started referring to himself in the third person.
Matt Lam on RHOA: I watched the Shit Explosion 7 times! It was hilarious! I usually don’t like kids, but I’m luvvin’ that one.
Victory on Sarah Palin’s Alaska: Wow, way to naturally provide for your family, with the help of God, the aerospace industry, the petroleum industry, the shipping industry, ……
Bananas on Celebrity Rehab: Dear Rachel, You are famous for having sex with a married man, I am not sure rehab is what is killing you in the media.
Cattyfan on Grey’s Anatomy: Incidentally, McDreamy should have taken Christina shark fishing…and used her as chum.
Itchy on Glee: I’ve added this episode to my list of reasons for why I hate christmas.
Cattyfan on Skating with the Stars: Geez…my typing in my last post makes me look as drunk as Sean Young…who probably still hasn’t realized she was eliminated.
Gsensel on Desperate Housewives: that is yet another forgotten plot point… at least to the writers. Who needs continuity?
Pixielated on Millionaire Matchmaker: when I first hear of this show, I thought, “Why would a millionaire need a matchmaker? How bad could they be to have to get a matchmaker?” This show has shown me.
Jess Chapman on Glee: Sorry, nashuaf, but I can’t enjoy a smoldering pile of crap no matter how much glitter they pour on it.
JC on Duncan Hines Pulls Racist Ad: I am OUTRAGED and DISGUSTED by the singing cupcakes! This demeans all the cupcakes who are not able to sing.
Itchy on Duncan Hines Pulls Racist Ad: Okay, you guys realize you’re starting a catfight about cupcakes, right?
JC on Leftovers: - Vanessa Hudgens… I remember her. I saw her naked.
Moli on Duncan Hines Pulls Racist Ad: I’m coming to the party late but………….I can’t figure out what type of face the cupcakes would have? I’m a brown person and saw creepy cupcakes singing…….that’s about it. I don’t even consider them ‘racially insensitive’, there weren’t any head scarves, bamjos or watermelon involved!
LAC on Top Chef: Marcel continues to be a douchenozzle – i am waiting for the episode where he is stuffed into the liquid nitrogen canister
Itchy on Duncan Hines Pulls Racist Ad: I think some of the people were upset that the white cupcake couldn’t sing until they poured chocolate sauce on him. I took that as a Justin Bieber reference.
Maryedith on Top Chef: Also, I hate, loathe, and detest that satanic child in those car commercials too, and fear for our society if people really do buy cars out of respect for their offsprings’ opinion.
Dangerously on Hawaii 5-0: Leave your brain at the door and watch the pretty people/places/BOOMS!, and everything will stay shiny
mere2142 on Top Chef: Amazing how two episodes of this season have been way more entertaining than all of Season Seven Sux!
Sarcasatire on The Hoff Has Landed: Where’s my crackpipe and tacos? Oh wait, I should be famous first, before I get hooked on the bad shit. Or else, who cares?
Sarcasatire on Camille Threatens to Show Us her Junk: Her vagina is only important because Kelsey’s been inside of it.
Snootchy Bootches on Duncan Hines Pulls Racist Ad: Huh? This horse isn’t nearly dead enough! Look I saw it’s tail twitch!!
Unwise on Best in Comments 2010 Part One: Good job everyone! I’m too bland to make it on the list.
Pixielated on Best in Comments 2010 Part One: This is so meta. Commenting on comments.
itchy on Duncan Hines: Curse you, the demons behind the no comment editing function!
pokemyeyesOUT on Married to Rock: Skanky didn’t grow on me, she actually creeps me out as much as Mr. Creepy. I can’t help but focus on how she can’t physically close her mouth. She has the same blank look as the doll she had made. *shudder*.
Rebecca Fialkowski on RHOA: wondering if fakeadra got her lawer degree same place Ty-e (sp?) got his Dr degree?
Tamitha on RHOA: Kim has an office for what exactly? What is her office for? I just mighta missed something. My dad is the chief scientist for an engineering firm, but he doesn’t have/need an office at home. I’m assuming all the drawers are empty, and she uses it to make phone calls or something. Great investment.
See-Jay on Desperate Housewives: Who shot Mr. Burns — er, Paul Young?
LAC on RHOA: I am looking forward to someone giving that walking vagina tunnel a verbal beatdown, even if it is weavy o’hara.
NotWithoutMyTV on RHOA: I predict that she’ll do one (1) interview of a local semi-pro athlete, get halfway through the interview before mentioning her “titties” on the air, and the station’s Director of Infotainment Filler will stop taking her calls.
Bridget Miller on Commentgasm: Am I totally sad and pathetic that I had a moment of pride for being mentioned in this post? This ranks right up there with all my other mediocre accomplishments.
Stewinberri on Camille Threatens to Show Us Her Junk: Good Lawd this woman is awful. Can her irritable bowels do us all a favor and terminally malfunction?
georgiababe on Desperate Housewives: I don’t know and sadly, it’s not the “I am on the edge of my seat, can’t wait until January 2nd” kind of I don’t know. It’s the “I don’t know, but I guess I am going to keep watching in the hope that it’s NOT the super obvious choices and that this show can be salvaged, but it probably is a really lame killer because Cherry and co. lost their imagination somewhere around the 5th house fire” kind of I don’t know.
Hypnotoad on Desperate Housewives: You guys, it’s so obvious — Penny shot Paul. All the clues are there . . .
Jess Chapman on Desperate Housewives: Next season, I demand that Fairview be chosen as a nuclear missile testing site.
susanl on RHOA: Did you notice Fakedra wiping off the poop instead of washing her hands? Reminds me of Rachel “Salmonella” Ray
itchy on Commentgasm: Have you guys tried out Google’s new “reading level” feature? Tvgasm scores a whopping 76 percent basic reading level. And less than <1 percent at the advanced level. Hell, even Sesame Street kicks our ass.
sheesh on Snooki vs Snooki: Of course Snookie wears underwear. Saw them plenty last season.
Angela Parisi LaRoe on My Big Friggin Wedding: I had to take my son out of my Nanny’s funeral because of the drinking and fighting.
sheesh on Duncan Hines: I wish they would come out with a Jersey Shore cupcake. Vanilla inside with orange frosting, Ed Hardy sprinkles and sporting tiny fossil watches.
NotWithoutMyTV: Phraseology seems to be a source of agita.
JanetSmart on Biggest Loser: Allie looks like a Cro-Magnon cave woman, all that grey eyeshadow gave her an overhanging brow and did someone forget that she was in the spray tan booth? She looks more cooked than a thanksgiving turkey!
indcolts1813 on RHOBH: So has anyone else noticed that Camille doesn’t look at the camera when she’s lying? It goes something like this during the confessionals…(eyes up) “I don’t understand why she’s so mean to me. (Eyes down) She called me stupid and said I’m nothing without Kelsey (bobs head around to distract from the fact that she isn’t looking at the camera, eyes still down). (Eyes up) It’s like she’s (eyes down) jealous of me because (eyes up) I’m so (eyes down) beautiful.”
MtnMama on RHOBH: Before RHOBH, I was appalled that Kelsey would cheat on his wife and dump her so unceremoniously. After just one episode, I applaud him. My only question is why on earth did he wait so long???
LAC on RHOBH: And who the fuckedy fuck is that Allison bitch? I never watched Medium, but I hope that heiffa gets buried alive somewhere and has to rely on other psychics to save her ass – something tells me that bitch will be waiting a loooong time, smoking her fake ass cigarette…
Snootchy Bootches on Commentgasm: Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
Suck on that Sesame Street!
sarcasatire on Desperate Housewives: I support the Partnership for a Drug Free America. I don’t want my brain to look like eggs, sunny side up.
Tamitha on RHOBH: Kim cannot remember what happened 5 mins ago. LOVE. HER.
emilyhartly on Bama Belles: I forgot I taped this so I had to watch it first. I looked down and I’m pretty sure my dog was crying. Now I think I will have to read your recaps to him so he understands and stops judging me.
judygirl on Rosemary’s Baby: I saw this movie when I was a young bride, married to a man who I wouldn’t have put it past him to do something like Guy did. So I went home and hid my birth control pills where he couldn’t find them!
kittkatt on Commentgasm: Its nice to know that there are people on the internet who appriciated my humor instead of just calling me a bitch like out in the real world.
Jess Chapman on Sarah Palin’s Alaska: The entirety of Sarah Palin’s monologue on this show can be summed up in six words: “Look, there’s Russia! Ooooh, a gun!” Seriously, woman. Enough already. Unless you’re pointing the gun in Kate’s face, or mailing her whiny ass to Russia with insufficient postage.
Angela Parisi LaRoe on Sarah Palin’s Alaska: I can see Russia from my house too, when I am drinking a White Russian anyway. The worse part is, I kind of like her even though she is an idiot.
notwithoutmytv on Commentgasm: my only hope is that if God made us, he purposely gave me the sense of humor I have.
(and again on Sarah Palin’s Alaska): I honestly don’t know what to make of Kate at this point. Is she crazy like a fox? Has she (or her handlers) figured out that we only want to see her being a raving thunder cunt, and that we’d be bored and not care about her if she acted nice? Or, is she really so toxic that she can’t or won’t even TRY to act like a person?
kdfinjpn on Survivor: (Hey, my captcha code is A FAT – is there a camera on here somewhere???!!!)
kittkatt on Commentgasm: Wow, only 3 pages of snark for April? Were people depressed from tax time or something?
itchy on Commentgasm: Must have been because of Easter. Hard to be funny when you’re waiting for god to die.
2muchbravo on Sarah Palin’s Alaska: I am no Sarah Palin fan, but man you have to give her credit for not turning that bear rifle on Kate.
Fan-Ann on Duncan Hines: I have decided that I feel the same about singing cupcakes as I would about singing tampons. If it goes in my body in any shape or form I don’t want to be haunted by nightmares of perky tunes emanating from my insides.
I’ve got the world on a string!
cattyfan on Duncan Hines: Ranks right up there with that damn partying mucus family on the one commercial.
DKMom on Commentgasm: Does anyone know how to get breastmilk out from under laptop keys?
ohralphie on Sarah Palin’s Alaska: It is a shame that Kate left so early – I was hoping that she would get up in the middle of the night to use a latrine and either get shot by ‘mistake’ by Palins dad or meet up with an actual bear. I’m sure there were at least 8 kids who were wishing the same thing.
sarcasatire on Camille Threatens to Show Us Her Junk: look at all of the sacrifices their mother is making, to make sure they are well taken care of, by somebody else. Four nannies..that aint cheap! Suck Harder, Camille! Now bend…and arch! Atta girl!
notwithoutmytv on Sarah Palin’s Alaska: The “c” word IS really unpleasant. Both in sound and for what it means. You have to deploy the “c” word sparingly, and only when truly warranted. When you apply it in JUST the right situation, though, it’s really satisfying. So, thank you Kate Gosselin for this particular Christmas present.
LAC on Top Chef: The only thing Marcel the ass monkey is the victim of is one too many years of breast feeding by a doting mommy.
Faye on The Year Without That Lazy Bastard Santa: Santa fat lazy ass did the same thing in Rudolph; he was stirring up the Rudolph is not good enough shit pot and I did not notice until I was older. I was mad at Santa for years after that and started a rumor in my book club that he was having an affair with Mother Nature and that Heat and Snow Miser was his bastard children.
Bananas on Celeb Rehab: Janice Dickinson is still well..Janice Dickinson…Jason Davis needs a bath, Jeremy London needs a tin-foil hat, Eric Roberts is as dull as a spatula, Jason Wahler takes up oxygen, Rachel Uchitel…meh, Leif Garret is entertaining, but not on enough, and Keyshia Cole’s mom should probably stay on crack. That’s it. That’s the show.
oodle_noodle on Top Chef: I am waiting for the Chef who makes Pizza-scallops…..also known as bagel bites.
valleygirl on Top Chef: I also always thought he was an asshole with a pleasant enough facade that can make people think the big turd they’re about to eat is a Baby Ruth bar.
notwithoutmytv on Commentgasm: I’m worried about Sabrina. Wherever she is, I hope she’s okay
Pegster on Celebrity Rehab 4: I have no idea if I was thinking of Jeremy or Jason, to be honest – they’re kind of interchangeable Michelle Tanners to me.
pixielated on Celeb Rehab: I have always thought that anti-drug commercials should, instead of showing celebs who died from drugs, show how ugly drug use makes you. Kids don’t think they’ll ever die, but they surely fear being ugly.
georgiababe on Sarah Palin’s Alaska: Perhaps this question is rhetorical, but what kind of an idiot is Kate Gosselin?
C in Chicago on Top Chef: Oh yea. Serious Carla love. Her TV persona is absolutely adorable. Which probably means that she makes puppy frapes in real life.
sarcasatire on RHOBH: I’m not leaving my child with a babysitter until I find one that looks like Wendy Williams.
joshuajmack on 16 and Pregnant: this ones is like a old cuple. but wat mosta thos girls gotta leran. they wana have fredom on there body & chose 2 kepe a baby. OK. but the boy jus chose 2 hook up. ur chose not his prolbum & u got ur baby so STFU & leve him alon.
classy drunk on The Year Without That Lazy Bastard Santa: My Mother never let me and my brother believe in Santa because she didn’t want “some other man” taking credit for all of my father’s hard work.
JC on Hell’s Kitchen: Ramsay should have pushed them both off the roof, grabbed the prize money, jumped in the helicopter and screamed, “To Mexico! And freedom!”
A10C4EVER on 16 and Pregnant: To bad the baby is half terrorist but the good part is he can get it trained out of his blood and sign up in 17 yrs. In terror countries the girls start when they are 12 or 13 and America has to catch up. 16 is to long to wait. She could of had 4 by now. Its a good show anyways and proves how teens can help the war on terror.
jimbobjones on Hell’s Kitchen: the producers will continue to pick people of such criminal ineptitude that they’ll make the girls on Rock of Love look like five-star Michelin chefs.
nashuaf on The Challenge: Maybe I’m giving them too much credit…I mean, these are the same people who greenlighted the show “Silent Library” and “Jackass”.
thiajok on Tabatha’s Salon Takeover: I think if Ms. Alexis is so inspired by and supportive of corporate life, then she shouldn’t take it personally when the bank repossesses her salon and house–it’s just the free market doing its thang.
valleygirl on Top Chef: I’d rather my assholes be upfront then sly and give themselves plausible deniability.
Victory on Sarah Palin’s Alaska: Learn to Return sounds like a class that teaches the finer points of bulimia.
(J)ustPeachy on The Challenge: Maria looks worse each season. Looks like someone left her in the toaster too long.
AntSuck on Hell’s Kitchen: So what is that, now, 5 different Russells who have recently lost reality shows?
sarcasatire on Larry King’s New Career: Don’t really see him on this career path for the long term. To do stand-up, I’m sure people are going to expect you to be able to, well, stand up.
Lainie on Top Chef: saying things with a smile and a wink is why some messengers live and others are killed.
Bridget Miller on 16 and Pregnant: Would it be against the law to start putting birth control in the drinking water?
ohralphie on Fashion Show: Is Theresa pregnant? If she isn’t (and god how I hope for the collective gene pool she isn’t) then Bravo Cal Tran for making Theresa look like the cow she is!
Pegster on Jersey Shore Trailer: I really hope that Sammi gets punched more than once.
Clair on Christmas Commercials: Ugh, I HATE the Seymour ass inspired pieces of crap. Ditto for the stupid Journey necklace and those kindergarten inspired bead bracelets.
MisterDangerous on Crystal Bowersox Comes Out on Top: I don’t really remember much about Crystal except that she looked like she needed to take a bath.
mere2142 on Christmas Commercials: Every time the Folgers commercial says ‘you’re my present this year’ I get a little uncomfortable. The commercial would make way more sense if it was her boyfriend or husband. If my brother told me I was his present I would tell him to back the fuck off!
Fan-Ann on Christmas Commercials: My father ordered a Snuggie and when they offered him a second one for the cost of shipping and handling he bought one for me in electric blue. When it is very cold here he calls and asks if I am wearing mine and I always lie and say I just love it. I actually gave it to a homeless guy and have since sighted him several times wearing it like a coat!
C in Chicago on Crystal Bowersox Comes Out on Top: I don’t it comes as a surprise to anybody who watched last season that Lee has a problem topping… the charts.
itchy on Married to Rock: I do believe I lost several IQ points readings this. It’s okay, I mean, I’ve got a couple extra to spare. But we’re really cutting close to the limit now. When does this shitfest end?
fidget on Married to Rock: I think there’s 1 more epi after New Year’s. I’ve noticed all the episodes are rerunning on the day after Christmas. Is that a nightmare or what? The Nightmare after Christmas.
kittkatt on Biggest Loser: well-groomed nails really does make your hands look thinner. it’s a hell of an optical illusion, so I’m now on my way to the store to buy some Lee Press-Ons and slap a bunch of them to my ass.
LAC on Christmas Commercials: Thank you about the friggin’ jared, kay, etc junk ass jewelry commercials. I need to check to see if my vajayjay is still with me, because I loathe them. I hate the guys in them, the girls in them, their friends ooohing and ahhing in them. All the commercials have this threatening air about them – “buy this bitch something shiny!!”
cattyfan on Christmas Commercials: Kenneth the Blue Elf is the latest entry in the cartoon characters who seem to have a bad case of hydrocephalus. The creepy Poptart kids with their huge heads and miniscule feet affect me the same way.
mulecitybabe on Lindsay is Still a Hot Mess: they’d have found a pharmacy if they could have squeezed a half-ounce of piss out of her.
bioscotto on Hell’s Kitchen: Everyone knows that chain-smoking, gangsta-posturing, whiny-ass steam table chefs are known for their ability to run 5-star kitchens…
here4beer on 16 and Pregnant: if I ever have girls, as soon as they turn 10 I’m gonna start taking them to the doctor for a special “vitamin” shot every 3 months. They’ll never even have to know it’s birth control. Bonus: I’ll also save money on playtex
Hypnotoad on The Event: I also saw “Revenge of the Bridesmaids.” TWICE. So this shit is Shakespeare performed by solid gold robots compared to that.
JudgyWudgy on 16 and Pregnant: I personally loved when Nathan said he didn’t want to “settle” for a fast-food job. Hahahahahahaha. Nathan, you’re lazy and irresponsible with lip daggers, ugly greasy bangs an a stupid wardrobe. I’m pretty sure McDonald’s would be settling on you.
urfavegirl on Married to Rock: Why why why did I google Josie’s porn name???
mick on Celeb Rehab: Imagine how awesome this show would be with LiLo, Janice D, and Carrie Ann all in rehab together. No one would, you know, make any progress or anything positive like that, but I for one would be highly entertained.
sardini on Celeb Rehab: Why is Jason Wahler there? Is he depressed that he prevented LC from going to Paris that summer? What the hell? Where’s his big confession / moment?
SexyPanda on Christmas Commercials: Every punch begins with Kay.
itchy on Married to Rock: damn, I finally found a pair of breasts I don’t like. Ick.
kittkatt on Antoine Dodson Sings: I wish I could get famous for being a hood rat. Damn my education!
pixielated on Top Chef: A new strategy has emerged for winning Top Chef: don’t serve anything. Better yet, don’t even cook. You’ll slide right through to the finals that way.
valleygirl on Top Chef: I like how they had to make “holiday” stuffing and then went to the US Open. I didn’t realize stuffing was a traditional side dish for Labor Day.
itchy on Survivor: When Aline was giving her “I want a real man” speech, I had the feeling I’d stumbled onto a bukkake video.
AntSuck on Survivor: She is essentially a female Rupert with less beast hair and rainbow tyedye tank tops.
thiajok on Chooch’s Best TV Moments: Goodbye, Rita. Don’t let the door hit your dead ass on the way out. (I never liked her. Obvious?)
truthsquad on The Kimmel/Conan/Palin Controversy: In Leno’s defense, if he started apologizing to every comedian he’s ever ripped off, it would become a daily event…
WheresMyCoffee on RHOBH: All of these women have old, gnarled hands. It just bugs me when their wretched fingers are up next to their faces. I keep expecting them to corksrew into their skin like the wicked witch of the east’s legs under Dorothy’s house.
C in Chicago on Survivor: Naonka is an ‘educator’ in the same sense that the rhythm method is ‘birth control’.
Fan-Ann on Commentgasm: my husband doesn’t watch them. A few months ago he said “Those Housewives shows have no redeeming values and are going to rot your brain.” So I replied that I felt the exact same way about Internet porn. He hasn’t mentioned it since.
leenie on RHOBH: If that’s really a pic of your niece, she’s super cute, but you should tell your sister/brother that they are doing her no favors by modeling her hair after Emma Watson.
WaffleBoy on RHOBH: In that picture of Faye Resnick, she looks like the Grinch right after he stole the Christmas tree. Thanks for the best Christmas tie-in ever
singleinmymind on Survivor: then right after Jeff bored me with a Terry Bradshaw interview, my DVR cut out and asked me if I wanted to delete. It’s funny how my DVR has suddenly started anticipating my needs…
Enrique’s Mole on The Challenge: Yes, I watched all this sh*t when it first ran. So, I’m far too old for this crap. Suck it.
thatswhatshesaid on RHOBH: For what it’s worth, my nieces don’t think I’m going to find a husband either! LOL!
pinkblingidiva on Married to Rock: If I was the producer of this show I would have called it Married to the E-list.
snootchy bootches on Survivor: Who the fuck was she to question his manhood? After all, she doesn’t have any balls! If she did, she wouldn’t have let Nayonka make it look like she stole the food too! And then take the fall for it!
thatswhatshesaid on RHOBH: Bring on the Stewardess already!!!
Msjacqmills on Survivor: What the fuck am I reading about Russell?! How the hell are they going to work him into another season? Oh, here go hell come!!!
someguy on RHOBH: how do these women manage to stay so natural looking while being so busy not paying any attention to their children
Elmstreet on RHOBH: I wish my mom had used the Schlemiel Business Association plan when she was my GS troop leader. Would have been about five less cliquey bitches my chubby eleven year old self would have had to deal with every Tuesday. Too bad my mom is more of an Adrienne.
Where’sMyCoffee on RHOBH: Does anyone know if they ever got rid of Snowball?
sarcasatire on RHOBH: No one should ever be subjected to so much jawline at one time. I thought I was watching The Tick’s cameo on Boardwalk Empire.
LAC on RHOBH: Kim’s neediness with her daughter made me skin crawl – honestly, can you cut the cord, twitchy?
Pegster on Commentgasm: I still hate Gretchen from Project Runway. Gretchen from Project Runway was the WORST WINNER EVER. Gretchen from Project Runway = AWFUL.
itchy on Survivor: Russell smizing, Russell skipping stones into the ocean, Russell walking in the moonlight, Russell making flower braids for his hair, Russell dancing with a chipmunk, Russell singing to one true love, Russell sighing wistfully next to a well….
Mister Dangerous on Survivor: Regarding your sabbatical I would advise you to do some writing and if you’re working on a book try to include a young vampire OR a secret society in it. Both seem to be popular with readers.
sarcasatire on RHOA: He is super-rich but looks like a 4-ft troll. No surprise Janet dated him during her fat phase.
sheesh on RHOA: Sheree…looked like she was pulled assbackwards through a dragulator.
LAC on RHOA: Poor Kandi – lord, let there be an open bus door and a slight push to end this opening act idea.
2muchbravo on RHOA: wonder what Phaedra’s family holiday dinners with the in-laws ~are~ like? I suppose she thinks white people eat processed turkey loaf from a can.
juddfan on Survivor: Russell, at the beach, in twilight silhouette, dropping drawers for a quick dip.
sheesh on My Big Friggin Wedding: Danny had better hope the prenup really holds. Tammie seems like the type that would even take the black tacks from the wedding seating chart.
mulecitybabe on RHOBH: It’s the trashy ho’s that make the shows, so no matter how hateful, stupid, immature and slutty the ho’s are, they’re the reason I watch. So you go, Camille! Don’t be stopped by morals or social expectations. Get some more botox, screw your friend’s husband, spend Kelsey’s money and turn loose that sex tape! We’re drinking cheap liquor and waiting for your next slutty move.
thiajok on Commentgasm: Thinks I learned from this installment:
Camille has IBS, threads often devolve into discussions about bra sizes, and I really miss bitching about last season’s Project Runway.
Robinez on RHOA: She set out to get it done by a baller. Unfortunately, the idiot picked one that is not only fugly, but he is a terrible ball player. Dumb ass.
JimBobJones on Desperate Housewives: I fully expect a Russian tank to come rolling down Wisteria Lane.
sarcasatire on Hef Got Engaged: In other news, Holly Madison is now being talked down from the ledge of a nondescript Vegas casino.
thiajok on Leftovers: I have a copy of the same picture I copied from the Ghost Hunters Syfy forum. I whip it out from time-to-time to share with people. The picture, that is.
Sheesh on Leftovers: Amber is what I call “ate up with dumbass”.
Claire on Susan Boyle: Is there such a thing as a modern classic??? Isn’t that an oxymoron?
Tadow on Kelsey Wants a Quickie: While watching the housewives in other cities I find myself waiting for Camille’s talking head. She would be hilarious no matter what city! Atlanta with Nene and Kim, NJ with Teresa (who I also hate)and Dina, the possibilities are endless! God she’s awful. My captcha code is TVFU
sheesh on Kelsey Wants a Quickie: I really really want a fast forward button on Cammille’s life to see how her and her gently used ovaries come out from all of this.
marijai on Kelsey Wants a Quickie: I hate Camille!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Detinha on Kesley Wants a Quickie: Looks like Frasier married Maris in real life!
Jason on Kelsey Wants a Quickie: Camille is a heinous piece of work, but Kelsey aint no prince either. Plus, she had to put up with going down on this nasty toad of a man for 14 years. Hey, I’d ask for $50 million smackeroos for that. She deserves it. Hope she spends all of Kelsey’s money on toyboys and political donations to Democrats. That should really put his manties in a bunch!
ohralphie on Kelsey Wants a Quickie: What trophy wife worth her silicone would risk inviting single Camille to a party?
ChiefHotMomma on Married to Rock: It’s a good dose of women’s empowerment disguised in leather and hair extensions.
zbird on Salon Takeover: I don’t think that’s what Thatswhatshesaid said. I think Thatswhatshesaid said that they were closed, as in for the day. I don’t think that Thatswhatshesaid said they were closed permanently, as in forever. But I could be wrong; it’s likely that I misunderstood what, exactly, Thatswhatshesaid actually said. Is that what you said, Thatswhatshesaid?
Lora on Susan Boyle: I think we as a nation gained weight the moment Susan Boyle came on the scene.
RazzBeth on It’s a Wonderful Life: The fact of the matter is George would never have been in that positions if PEOPLE WOULD HAVE LET HIM LEAVE TOWN! But he has “friends” so it doesn’t matter that his dreams were crushed. FU Capra
cupidsarrowbroke on Bama Belles: so how are we supposed to find out what really happened with Dakota and her ex-husband and why she left town with nothing but a headrag and an urge to go kill foreign children?
JudgyWudgy on 16 and Pregnant: I’m pretty sure if you made a list entitled “Serious Issues That You Never, Ever Laugh About,” teen pregnancy would be….well, probably second after the Holocaust, but still up there.
LAC on Teen Mom Abuse Drama Keeps Going: OMG…that laid on top of somebody and created life?
dazzyfresh on Susan Boyle: i just found that Cameron Macintosh was found suffocated by a Patti LuPone album cover dressed in a business suit and bruges…ok perhaps i Dreamed a Dream of my own, but it COULD have happened…
(and again on Willow Smith): he has both of them working young, THATS how you parent!!!!
notwithoutmytv on Commentgasm: If Santa HAD brought me Patti Stanger’s liver, I would have eaten it, because I believe that by eating the viscera of my defeated foes, I will gain their power. Here’s what I expect to gain from feasting on several arch-enemies:
Andy “Father Raper” Cohen–The ability to repeat the mantra “Don’t kill her, this is your JOB” over and over, while keeping a Chris Burke-esqe smile plastered across my gob.
Oprah “My apotheosis will be glorious!” Winfrey–The ability to parlay an obnoxious, pretentious ego into a multimedia empire.
Ryan “You gotta admit, Teri Hatcher was one fine-looking beard” Seacrest–Parlay the ability to banter at the skill level of a stranger on a long, uncomfortable elevator ride into piles of Idol-tainted gold.
Patty “You don’t have to be a human being to match two of them up” Stanger–Well, there’s really not a single thing about this she-devil that I want, but if I eat her viscera, I will sleep better knowing that she can’t reanimate.
J-Mo on Teen Mom Abuse: I needed some Gary Porn in my life, I hate to think of Amber getting her claws into that big soft ass of his! Gary! CALL me, you sexy thang!
Sheesh on Leftovers: Captcha has insulted me more than once so fuckit.
Mom on Toddlers and Tiaras: Don’t let the jealous haters get you down Sabrina! You’re awesome!
Teddi on Toddlers and Tiaras: I think it’s really sad that posters have opted to pick apart Sabrina. Remember, it takes all kinds to make a world and none of us is perfect. Granted, most of us would get our teeth fixed before entering a child into a pageant, but obviously her daughters happiness was more important.
Alejandra on Bama Belles: Here is my predicted Dakota Trajectory: head to the army in the wake of dramatic upheaval in Dothan (I’m guessing she had sex with Amie’s son), and then get sent to the new (as yet unknown) location of Abu Ghraib. While there, she will reinvigorate the role made famous by Lynndie England, and after having tortured a bunch of prisoners, will get knocked up by a fellow serviceman, and then get bounced out of the service by a JAG court inevitably late to the game.
Someguy on Teen Mom Abuse: He looks good.They should get back together. I know it will work this time. I can just feel it. Maybe they should have another child that always helps. Good luck you crazy kids
pixielated on Kelsey Wants a Quickie: He deserves to have to pay for being stupid enough to marry Camille without a prenup.
WaffleBoy on Teen Mom Abuse: At first I thought why is that guy wearing a mohair half shirt? And then…words fail me, wow.
sarcasatire on Kelsey Wants a Quickie: We don’t care about Kayte if Kelsey’s not around.
sardini on Susan Boyle: So wait, we’re still supposed to care about Susan Boyle? Are there fans of this woman? Who really buys / downloads her music? I just don’t get it. She’s as if Blues Traveler featured themselves in the Runaround video.
valleygirl on TVgasm’s Best, Worst, etc.: New Years Resolution: I would really like E to stop giving shows to make fame-adjacent dirtbags. And if they must, at least make the dirtbags take screen tests to make sure they’re watchable. I want my reality show a-holes to dance like trained monkeys for me or to get real jobs.
dazzyfresh on TVgasm’s Best, Worst, etc…: I agree with Situation wearing a shirt-the man looks like he has alien tapeworms
Matt on Tabatha’s Salon Takeover: Sorry, can’t help myself, needing to share the official Christopher Hill blog and the inane postings by Alexis. Brace yourself, there’s lots of copy dedicated to finding the perfect parking spot at Costco.
JC on TVgasm’s Best, Worst, etc…: Worst Show of the Year: Hardcore Pawn. It’s a hardcore mess. It’s like hanging out at a welfare office but with more suck.
McDouche on Married to Rock: If this guy were my neighbor I be yelling at him to S.T.F.U. before I come over there and kick his bony little ass.
Pegster on TVgasm’s Best, Worst, etc: How could Brett Favre not even get an honorable mention in the asshole categoy? I hate that SOB and his tiny pee-pee.
Angela Parisi LaRoe on TVgasm’s Best, Worst: seeing Weepy get her head smashed by a tire made it worth her winning.
AntSuck on TVgasm’s Best and Worst: I’ve settled on ROBIN KASS, the casting director. She’s responsible for everyone on that show, so by nominating her, I nominate the entire cast. F*ck you, Robin.
thatswhatshesaid on Duncan Hines: From cupcakes, to dieting, to partying items inserted into. various orifices, it’s been grand!
JimmyT on RHOBH: I can’t wait for Allison Dubois to try and pull a Kim G….either that, or we’ll have to wait until Leech comes back and tries to hook up with Frasier.
LAC on TVgasm’s Best and Worst: she managed in two episodes into the FIRST season of a show to be someone I would buy 3D technology just so I could feel what it was like to put my hands around her throat.
zerocool on Top Chef: poor Marcel needed that $20K. He can’t even afford a decent haircut.
Chris Velazquez on Top Chef: she should go join her animated counterparts in the sewers.
C in Chicago on Top Chef: Angelo’s biggest threat seems to be the ability to make you wince in sympathetic embarrassment at his over-earnest demeanor. Well, that and an unnatural skin color that can’t be found in nature. At least not amongst mammals.
Tamitha on Bama Belles: I don’t blame others for thinking southerners are nothing but ignorant, toothless, poor, inarticulate jackasses, because a-holes like these women take pride in these things.
leboe on TVgasm’s Best, Worst: At least Mel can blame it on the booze and drugs he was taking for hair growth/penis enlargement or whatever they were for. Tom has no such excuse, just a nasty, creepy personality! Heres hoping his mothership returns to take him home in the new year!
mere2142 on TVgasm’s Best, Worst: My mother told me today how hysterical she thinks Andy Cohen is and how much she is looking forward to his show tonight. I think I may be adopted.
notwithoutmytv on TVgasm’s Best, Worst: Well, Mere, tell your mom to enjoy Andy’s wacky hijinks now. Because this is the year his epidermis joins that greyhound fur tuxedo in my teak wood armoire. (Beret of poodle on my noodle it shall rest!). Ol’ Flame Heels’ head I plan to shrink using an old Cambodian ritual, and I will use it to adorn the key fob for my Astin Martin.
sarcasatire on TVgasm’s Best, Worst: Worst Show(s): Any show with fat people crying.
And that does it for 2010! Thanks for being here, Gasmii! To more laughs in 2011! HAPPY NEW YEAR! If you wanna read any of the commentgasm articles you missed, click here.