Bethenny Ever After: Benevolent Makeover

Welcome back to Bethenny!  I’m so glad you guys are still here and still watching Bethenny’s life change with me!  I’m always amused by our sassy heroine, even when I don’t agree with her.

“How could you not agree with me? That’s crazy.”

Holla, kdognatl!  So sweet of you to ask about my own newlywed happenings.  I just love married life so far.  It doesn’t hurt that I married the sweetest, most laid back guy on the planet.  I hardly noticed the transition from single to married, and that was something I really worried about.  I’ll keep throwing in my two cents when I recognize newlywed issues with Bethenny and Jason and tell y’all how Mr. and Mrs. Honey Gangsta handle matters, since obviously, we’re the experts.

And now, Bethenny!  Bethenny is in her kitchen with Veronica, the makeup artist.  When Veronica wants to know what she’s making Bethenny up for, Bethenny implores her not to laugh and says she’s going to the US Weekly 25 Most Stylish New Yorkers party.  Aw, Bethenny’s one of the 25 most stylish?  Lady is moving up in the tabloid world.  Bethenny tells us this is one of the exciting parts of her new career and that it’s glamorous.  Just now the doorbell rings and in prances Patrick, the jewelry stylist.  He’s wearing 14 different plaids and a beret.  Oh, and a paisley bandanna.

“This old thing? I just threw it on.”

Bethenny takes one look at Patrick’s outfit and wants his opinion on her own outfit for the evening, which is a white ruffly blouse and a black bubble skirt.  Patrick tells her to roll up the sleeves, which she immediately vetoes because the sleeves have ruffles.  Then he wants her to pop the collar, which she says she likes (but doesn’t end up doing).  Okay, let’s see what JEWELRY Patrick brought, since that’s what he’s here for.  Today Patrick has brought along an array of geodes.  Bethenny starts gasping at their beauty and asks Patrick what a geode is.  He goes, “It’s a rock.  Cut in half.”  Ha ha ha!  I mean, I guess technically even diamonds are rocks, but these are literally just rocks that are sparkly on the inside.  How glamorous.

Oyster on the half shell?

And with that, Patrick’s work here is done.  Bethenny again tells us that her time is NOW.  Hmm, we’ll get back to that.

Jason walks out of the bedroom rubbing his eyes.  It seems that these two took a red eye flight and Jason is the only one to be affected by it.  He tells Bethenny that he couldn’t sleep anyway with Bethenny screaming out here.

Don’t mess with Cranky Pants when he’s awakened from a nap.

He says all he hears is “geobe” jewelry, and it’s so amazing and if you pull your hair back and roll your sleeves up it’s a totally different look!  Bethenny’s like, “It is.”  That’s funny.  Straight guys don’t understand that the look is in the details.  Jason comments that Bethenny loves this “new world” because she gets to play dress up every day.  Okay, so this is where Bethenny’s comments about all of this being so glamorous and that this is HER time comes into play.  She’s loving all of this media attention and adoration and these are things Jason could care less about.  I wonder when it’s going to be a problem.  So far Jason keeps his sense of humor about it.

Bethenny is worried that Jason’s jeans aren’t appropriate for the event and that he needs “nighttime” jeans, which of course, he doesn’t understand at all.  With the way things are going, Jason’s outfits are going to become the most important thing in his life.  Stacy the hairdresser bursts through the door at the last minute when Bethenny goes into panic mode about getting out the door.  She puts Bethenny’s hair in a ponytail and Bethenny rushes off to get dressed.  A ponytail?  It worries me that Bethenny probably just paid that girl $250 to put her hair in a ponytail.  I can put my own hair in a ponytail and I am the most uncoordinated, unsuccessful hair comber on earth.  Thankfully after Bethenny dashes around for a few minutes, Stacy sits her back down and starts teasing her hair.  Ah, here comes the expensive hair style… nope.  She just puts it back into a ponytail.  Jason has put on a suit and they run out the door.

How many years of training did this take?

On the way they stop off at Pop to get hamburgers.  There’s no way I would try to eat a hamburger while wearing a white blouse on my way to an appearance.  Not without a plastic tarp.  Bethenny and Jason sit down and coo over each other, but then Nick walks in.  Nick is one of the guys Bethenny interviewed to be her assistant last season, but she passed him over for Max.  When Bethenny sees Nick, she screams, “Hi!” and Jason’s face falls just for a second.  Poor guy, just when he was getting a moment semi-alone with his wife.  Nick, if you’ll recall, writes a blog about food.  He knows all about eating in Manhattan.  The next scene is a tad awkward.  Bethenny keeps yapping when she really shouldn’t.  She tells Nick that she misses him and the guy she hired isn’t Nick.  But maybe Nick isn’t him, either.  It’s just that Max gave all these great answers in his interview.  Not that Nick didn’t give good answers, it’s just… Awkward!

“Are you offering me a job, or just making me feel stupid?”

To us she says she regrets picking the smooth, good looking guy over the nerd because it just put her right back in high school.  Gee Bethenny, Max is going to see this, you know.  Anyway, Bethenny and Nick start talking about dessert trucks while Jason just looks back and forth at them.  He tells us he’s a third wheel.  Bethenny finally tells Nick they have to go and when Nick shakes Jason’s hand, he puts his head down and looks at the floor.  Poor Nick!  He’s so uncomfortable. Jason says that broke his heart.

In the car Bethenny tries to tell Jason she’s sorry it’s always all about her, and Jason says it’s fine, just to remember that at home there are no celebrities.  See?  He’s being a good sport, but I don’t know how long this goodwill will last.  It sounds like since Bethenny got her own show all of this media stuff shot through the roof.  So it’s not exactly the same deal as when she and Jason were dating and getting married.  And Bethenny LOVES it and Jason just goes along.   Bethenny tears up and says she never thought it would be this hard to do everything.  Hmm, I did!

When they get to the party Bethenny does the red carpet and then they head in to where there are a whole lot more than 25 stylish people, even with their guests.  Jason and Bethenny dance and drink and act all cute and newlywed.

Couldn’t you find a shorter skirt, Bethenny?

Some other day Jason and Bethenny are in the living room and Jason suggests they go see his parents this weekend.  Uh oh.  Bethenny clearly isn’t thrilled, so Jason offers to go himself and take the baby.  But Bethenny says that when she’s home she doesn’t like to be without the baby all day. Bethenny says it’s only been two weeks since they’ve seen Jason’s parents and Jason says he’s happy to just see them once a month, which Bethenny doesn’t buy.  Then she suggests that every visit doesn’t need to last two or three days, and Jason tells her she needs to get over this.  Ooohh, that’s not cool.  It would be one thing if they dropped by every now and then for an hour or so, but Bethenny has a point about these several-day visits.  That would be exhausting for any child-in-law.  Even with sweet parents like Jason’s.  Jason tells her she needs to talk this over with her therapist because he’s not wrong.  Geez.  Then he says that he goes to all of her things without complaining.  Okay, that’s true, but that’s an entirely different issue.  Bethenny nails it when she says she doesn’t want to not say she has a problem with something because Jason has a “store credit” for going to an event with her.  She’s right, and if Jason has a problem with all the events, it’s his right to say something about that as well.

“I think we should live in my parents’ basement.”

Next we have a scene with Bethenny and Julie, her assistant.  Bethenny tells us how maddening Julie’s life must be because she knows every single detail of Bethenny’s schedule and she knows all of her thoughts and keeps everything organized and running.  That’s true.  Bethenny is so scattered and all over the place that she wouldn’t be able to do any of this without someone with their feet on the ground keeping her on track.  Julie must be great at it.  I’d never want to do that.  Not even for myself – I can’t imagine managing someone ELSE’S life.  Anyway, Bethenny is very appreciative of Julie and wants to give her a 10% raise and a promotion.  Awww.

“When will I spend that money? I’m always here.”

And still later, Bethenny is sitting in her kitchen having her hair done again, this time by Sonia, who will hopefully do more than a ponytail.

Bryn learns to play Angry Birds.

She’s got Bryn on her lap and she’s telling Sonia all about how she’s going on Rachel Ray to give Julie a makeover as a way of saying thank you for all she does.  Okay, that’s really sweet and who wouldn’t love a professional makeover?  BUT, I do think it’s funny that celebrities think the biggest gift they can give their gophers is a chance to be them for the day.  Like getting hair and makeup done and being pampered.  Look, sweetie, you get to experience what it’s like to be ME!  Aren’t I a fabulous, generous hero?  Bethenny spins it as telling Julie that it’s always about Bethenny, but today it’s going to be about Julie.  I’d prefer a paid vacation, but okay, nothing wrong with a little pampering.  I love, too, how Rachel Ray thought of this, not Bethenny.

The Rachel Ray crew arrives at the door and Dan, the producer, is, as Bethenny says, a handsome cute tall glass of alcohol.  Ha ha!  She falls all over herself flirting with him, which is funny, but also slightly uncomfortable.  As he tries to fill her in on how the makeover will go, Bethenny asks him if he’s single, adding that she is married with a baby.  Dan says that no he’s not single, he has a girlfriend.  Frankly he doesn’t seem amused by this.

“Can we please talk about the project?”

In fact, Bethenny asks if she’s making him uncomfortable and he says yes and offers to bring in a female producer.  What’s this?  Someone isn’t charmed by Bethenny’s antics?  Just then Gina, the baby nurse, comes out to see this cute guy, but it’s not Dan who catches her eye.  She’s enamoured with John, the sound guy.  Unfortunately John is also taken.

No joy in Mudville. Mighty Gina has struck out.

Ah!  Here is Julie.  She walks in, sees the extra camera crew and asks if there’s another shoot today.  Bethenny springs it on her about the makeover and Julie is shaking and giggling.  Then Bethenny makes Gina come back out.  She’s in a towel because she was taking a shower, but she has to come out here and hear all about how Julie is wonderful and getting a makeover, but she, Gina, is not.  So Bethenny goes with Julie to the hair salon and Julie cries and Bethenny takes credit for helping Julie evolve into the kind of woman she wants to be.

And now we go to Rachel Ray!  I’ve always liked Rachel Ray.  I know people think she’s annoying, but I think she is so positive and upbeat.  And she never says mean things about anyone.  And I love that she doesn’t have the typical celebrity body, but she still looks really good.  She comes into Bethenny’s dressing room to say hello and Bethenny is very much in awe because Rachel Ray is a self-made woman with TONS on her plate, which is what Bethenny is becoming.  Bethenny asks her how she handles it all with her own TV show.  Rachel says she doesn’t know, but she worked just as hard before she had the show.  Which is why she has the show, I might add.  She’s one of those insanely driven people who never stops for breath.  I’m the opposite.   Bethenny asks her how she keeps it all balanced with her husband and Rachel says that her husband is the type who just rolls with it, even if they have to eat dinner at midnight.  She doesn’t worry about making everything fair and even on both sides, they just live life together.

“And what about your in-laws?”

And I’ll say she is very lucky to have found a man who is happy to go along with her crazy life.  Let’s hope Jason is just as happy.

So during the show Rachel has this life size picture of Julie before her makeover with her hair all pulled back and wearing jeans, then they have her come out all blown out and made up, wearing a little red dress and heels.

“I feel just like Bethenny!”

Bethenny squeals and runs over to hug her, telling her how beautiful she looks and making a huge fuss.  Julie smiles really big and says she loves it.  Bethenny tells us she loves that she can help Julie like this.  Snicker.  I’m not trying to diminish the sweetness of this, I just think it’s amusing.

Let’s check in for our weekly session with Dr. Amador.  How are we doing?  After nodding to Bethenny explaining that her life is great, Dr. Amador listens to Bethenny explain the dilemma with Jason’s parents.  Oh good, Jason ordered her to bring this up.  Bethenny says that when she feels like they spend too much time visiting Jason’s parents, it’s only because she doesn’t have parents to visit so she doesn’t get it.

“Hang on a sec. A thought is forming…”

Dr. Amador speaks!  He tells her that if she were to look at all of her married friends, everybody handles in-laws differently.  There’s no “normal,” there’s just what works for you.  He also reminds her that their family is Jason, Bethenny and Bryn.  Jason’s parents are the EXTENDED family.  Then he says not to keep discussing it with Jason, but just to set some boundaries.

Jason and Bethenny are having another date night.  They go to a rooftop bar where Bethenny says she wants to get hammered… again.  Then she says she’s going to go up to the bar and Jason is to pretend he doesn’t know her and come hit on her.  OMG, I could never do that.  I’d feel so silly.  Apparently this is because Jason was quite a ladies’ man before Bethenny and he wants her to see that side of him.  So she goes to the bar and Jason walks over and says, “That looks good.  What are you having?”  Bethenny says, “It’s called a Skinny Girl margarita.”  HA! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  She is ALWAYS promoting.  Even while role playing with her husband. He asks her name and she says Bethenny, then he says his name is Christian, which totally cracks me up.  He does this whole over-the-top, you’re so beautiful, can I join you, spiel, and I can’t tell if he’s honestly trying to show her what a stud he used to be or if he’s just playing around, but it’s really funny.

Contemplating throwing that drink in his face.

When they finish the role play Bethenny asks if he thinks they would have had sex if they’d really just met that night and he says, “absolutely.”  She tells us that if he’d actually propositioned her like that she would have told him to go eff himself.

Now Bethenny does exactly what Dr. Amador told her not to:  she starts another discussion about visiting the in-laws.  She tells Jason to stop saying she doesn’t understand since she doesn’t have parents.  Then she says that they can’t spend every single holiday with Jason’s parents.  He says he’s willing to meet her halfway, but this is what families do.  Bethenny tells him no, that’s what HIS family does.  He says that families who don’t spend all this time together are not normal.  Bethenny keeps telling him there is no normal and all he knows is his experience.  I remember figuring that out sometime in my early 20s.  That what I always considered “normal” was actually just my own experience.  Also?  Almost everyone thinks THEIR experience is normal.  At least until they grow up and realize everyone has different experiences.  Jason’s kinda old to have never realized this.  He assures her that his priority is their little family and she says she doesn’t want to be considered the crazy one since she doesn’t have a close relationship with her parents.  She also doesn’t want to feel guilty for needing boundaries, especially because Jason is so good to her.  They end by acknowledging that they’ll have to work through this and Jason promises that he’ll always be there for her.

As for my ever-so-enlightened perspective on this, I kinda side with Bethenny.  You’ve got to have limits and boundaries.  She doesn’t want to cut them out at all, she just wants the visits to be reasonable.  This is something that hasn’t been a problem with me and my husband because both of our parents are close enough to have short visits and we see them when we’re invited or when we want to.  We are both close with our families, so we like spending time with them.  We don’t have any kids yet, though, and who knows how that might shake things up?  Although our kids won’t be the first grandchildren on either side.  Maybe Jason’s parents would do better if they had a dozen grandchildren.

NEXT WEEK!  Nick comes around again, Bethenny has a sit-down with Max, and she’s back up Jason’s butt to fix the Skinny Girl supply shortage.  Should be good!

Can’t wait to hear your responses to this episode!

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta