Bethenny Ever After Recap: Dropping Like Flies…

Aww, sad, you guys!  Julie’s leaving!  The writing’s been a little on the wall, but I didn’t quite believe it.  I mean, very few people leave the reality realm of Kind of Famous once they get there, and I respect her for it.  And God bless Bravo for not dragging out the obvious revelation for the whole episode.  We open in the apartment with Julie asking Bethenny to come to the couch for a talk.  Jason asks if he should leave, and Julie, showin’ some serious balls, says yes.  Yes, he should.  He grumbles for a little bit before dutifully picking up his shit and going wherever Jason goes when he’s told to get the fuck out.  I’m assuming the bedroom, but that might be too depressing.

Anywho, once they’re sitting down, Julie reveals that she plans to leave New York and return to Pittsburgh to be with her boyfriend and to “start [her] life there, with Drew [boyfriend].”  Apparently she’s been a wreck and worried about telling Bethenny since making the decision about three weeks prior, and Bethenny, hilariously, is all, “Why?”

Just go to sleep, Jules.  Just go to sleep.

Julie explains that since she moved to New York three years ago, she’s been going on every cylinder and she’s burnt out.  Bethenny raises her eyebrows and wonders about adjusting the cocktail of stimulants that she’s secretly got Julie and the rest of her staff on, but then decides that it’ll make her subterfuge less noticeable if she let’s one or two members go when they obviously aren’t reacting well to the drugs.  So, she interviews that the Julie’s good for the job, being a people pleaser and whatnot, but the job isn’t good for Julie.  I’ll bet working for Bethenny is like working for retail – restock a shelf one day, make it look beautiful, then do it all over again the next day.  Though I will say I found it very hard to drink during the day when I worked retail, and telling my boss’ husband to get out when I needed to talk to her was considered insubordinate.

Jackie, Maggie and Jason come out to hear the news and both Maggie and Jason are visibly upset, while Jackie (that wily little climber) is calm, cool and collected.  Bethenny interviews that Jackie just deals with things in a different way.   I think it’s more that she’s not so much dealing with the exit of a friend, but a promotion and more screentime.  Maggie, on the other hand, is not impressing Bethenny by being a fucking crybaby, and Bethenny even goes so far as to doubt the kid’s abilities to handle the work now that she’s going to be promoted to Jackie’s position.  Can’t say I disagree – all I’m thinking about now is Maggie gushing that just a year ago she and her friends were watching the show and LOVING Bethenny and now she “gets” to work there!  And sit on the floor!  Yeah, Girl’s excitable.  I really shouldn’t talk.  If I were Bethenny’s shampoo girl, I’d brag about it, but then again, I want to be famous some day, and screentime is screentime.

Moving on, everyone decides to have a cocktail and then join Bethenny around the table for “family dinner,” which is totally sweet.  THEN she reveals that she and Jason are taking the whole staff to Mexico with them!  And Jason actually manages to feign some believable happiness about it.  Impressive.  B explains that the trip will be a thank you to Julie, and a nice respite before Jackie and Maggie get thrown to the wolves Julie has so dutifully kept at bay.  In all the hubbub, no one is commenting on the fact that Julie is so freaked out she’s leaving her job and New York for PITTSBURGH.

Remember your laughter ladies, for you will not taste it again for many moons…

Commercial!

We’re back at a salon called “Drybar,” at which they serve hairstylin’ and booze.  Oh, this is a fabulous idea.  Raise your hand if you’ve ever thought you’d look AMAZING rocking a hot pink Louise Brooks after a few shots?  You can’t see me, but mine’s in the sky…  All the hairstyles are named after drinks and all the drinks are named after hairstyles.  That’s just gonna get fucking confusing.  Bethenny’s partnered with them so she can sell her booze there and have them feature the signature Skinny Girl ponytail.  She interviews that she’s not trying to drum up business, but instead is trying to take care of the business she’s already built i.e. she’s spending a shit ton of money on lawyers that she didn’t exactly account for in the initial business plan.

The girls sit down and all get their hair done in the signature pony, then People magazine stops by because… Drybar is Bethenny’s new office?  I don’t know, but it’s not a bad idea…  Oh, People’s there to interview Bethenny and the owner of Drybar (there are 13 stores, btw).  The ladies are very similar – both have thriving businesses, children and husbands.  Bethenny interviews that it’s nice to meet someone whom she can relate to, and I’m wondering if this woman’s title card will soon change to “New Best Friend.”  Scene!
Now it’s time to meet with the super effing hot nutritionist Bethenny’s hired to look at when she gets pissed at Jason.  Also, he’s hungover – ha!  They converse about how he’s staying in New York over Fashion Week MAYBE to check out some models, and then they discuss some packaging for some Skinny Girl snacks and how the girls at Nobu last night just LOVED them.  Bethenny rolls her eyes to high heaven and thinks it’s amusing as hell Nutritionist is using her to get laid.  I think it’s amazing Nutritionist is using anything to get laid other than, “Hi, my name is ____, wanna go back to may place?”  That’s all I’d require, and I am decidedly NOT a slut.  He’s just super effing hot.

Okay, this is a bad photo, but it was the only one I could find.  He’s still a popsicle. #thingsIwanttolick  Also, check out this crazy broad I found when I Googled “Bethenny Frankel Nutritionist.”

The conversation moves to a work/relationship phase and Bethenny talks about the possibility of working with Jason.  Obviously there are pros and cons, but she says it’s hard to deny Jason’s obvious passion for the business.  I don’t disagree, and the montage of Jason being excited about Skinny Girl is also helpful.  But, Bethenny works from home and Nutritionist (I want this man more than I want Bryn, if that helps everyone understand how attractive he is) points out that a relationship can become completely about business if there aren’t serious lines drawn between the two.  I think it would be more an issue of the relationship becoming about physical violence, so Jason would need to watch his back.

And now it’s time to go Antiiiiiquing!!!  More people would like Antiquing if you could go to the Armory and have your choice of chairs that cost over $50,000.  Oh, the mirror I mentioned last week that cost $76,000 – that’s where we’re at.  The showroom is full of those beautiful, beautiful things we’ve all got in our dream scrapbooks that there might be a cool chance in Hell of actually acquiring.  Well, not me personally, but I had this roommate who was obsessed with cool décor and her head would have exploded if someone gave her the opportunity and the money to buy things from this warehouse.  Well, first she would have explained to me the history and value of everything on the floor and then I would have shot her in the head, causing it to explode.  I’m not an interior decorating person, but it was nice to live with one and take credit for how awesome the apartment looked.  Thanks, Susie!

The women (Bethenny, Maggie and Decorator Brooke) mosey through the warehouse and ooh and aah.  Bethenny keeps talking about money and then apologizing for talking about money, and then says out of Brook’s earshot that she doesn’t think the other woman understands how poor the Original Skinny Girl used to be and that there ain’t no way a $76,000 mirror is hanging out anywhere in the new place.  Brook explains later that the trip was in large part about inspiration, but that it’s also nice to have a “moment” of a $50,000 chair here and there.  Bethenny agrees, but she also points out that those “moments” are going to be cut short right quick when Bryn realizes that she’s a two-year-old and has a get out of jail free card to destroy whatever the fuck she wants.

I see the devil in your eyes!!

At home, she and Jason discuss the furniture, and he’s on the Bryn page, too.  They’re not empty-nesters, he explains, so they really have no business having such expensive things with a young child in the house.  Basically the dilemma is whether or not the couple should by furniture that should reflect their means or buy furniture that is still great, but not over $10,000 for a single piece.  Towards the end of the conversation, it’s resolved that Bethenny wants to have a distinct style and have what nice things they do have remain nice.  In an effort to drive this point home, she removes Jason’s iPod and iPod chargers from a $300 crystal bowl they got for their wedding.  I agree that the iPod stuff shouldn’t go in that, but you all saw that bowl.  I’m pretty sure it was a vase that decided it wanted to be a bowl at the last minute.  The only thing that looks good in that would be those glass pebbles or maybe colored sand in stripey layers.

The other one was clear, but this is the basic idea i.e. decorative/useless.

Later on, Bethenny rolls her eyes and says it’s time for the makeup chair again.  She’s going to be feted by Parenting Magazine (Bryn will stay home with Jason), and this time in the makeup chair is part of the roughly eight hours a week she must spend in the dreaded chair.  Okay, shut up, Bethenny.  I would kill to be able to afford to spend over a $1000 a week so I could SIT DOWN while SOMEONE ELSE made me look amazing.

Commercial!  Our brief funny moment of the week is Jason being a dude in the awesomest way.  He’s acquired a pink potty for Bryn that plays music when she pees.  Seriously?  Bethenny’s all, “No way, I’m not rewarding my kid for peeing with actual fanfare.”  But she helps him put it together, and when they test it with water and the music comes out, it’s a high-five moment for both of them.  Jason laughs like there’s no tomorrow and asks, “How is that not awesome??”   I don’t know, Bro.  I don’t know.

When we get back to reality, it’s time for Parenting Magazine thing.  Is sweet, everyone is very complimentary and lovey in a non-sycophantic way.   The magazine touts her as representative of the modern family – she’s an accomplished businesswoman, but is completely in love with her daughter and family.  There’s a short Q & A during which a woman asks if Gina will ever return, and Bethenny (oddly cryptically) answers that she’s sure Gina will resurface at some point.  What?  When you’re done tying her up in the basement to teach never to baptize your baby ever again?  Wow, when B is tight-lipped she hops the bus all the way to sociolicious.

Back at the office, Julie, Jackie and Bethenny are having a powwow and going over the stuff Julie does for Bethenny that Jackie doesn’t know about.  Bethenny keeps saying things like, “You’re gonna have a nervous breakdown,” and ” I’m gonna dump a huge load on you.”  Does Julie help Bethenny with some weird poop fetish along with scheduling dentist appointments…?  If so, I could see running to Pittsburgh to escape such a thing.  It’s probably just a ton more work, and I’d say that Bethenny and Julie are overreacting a little bit in Jackie’s preparation, but Julie is moving to Pittsburgh and it’s not because her job in New York is too “awesome” to handle.

After the meeting, Bethenny heads to therapy, and the reality of Julie’s departure sinks in.  Julie was there in the beginning, pushing Bethenny forward, begging to work for her, doing it for free, and that is very, very important to Bethenny, of course.  She cries remembering the first time she met Julie and how at that meeting, Julie told Bethenny that she was going places.  It’s all a little treacly, but I don’t really care.  It seems like these women have a genuine friendship and that Bethenny’s really sad her friend is moving away.  I will say that if I were Bethenny I would just start buying and maintaining private jets for my friends in every city so they could come out at their/my leisure, but that’s not something a therapist would recommend.  Instead, he tells her to be in touch with her feelings of loss.  Which she does.  Skippity doo.  That’s it for this week, folks!  Kind of a sleepy one, but just  you wait till next week!  Gina’s out of the basement!!

Da beetch is back!!