Bethenny Getting Married? Blubbering

The New B. Hoppy

Tonight on Bethenny Getting Married? we meet little Bryn Hoppy!  The Hoppy clan comes home from the hospital and Cookie meets her little sister.  Max is on a dating mission and Buster stops by for some renewed mental torment.  Let’s go!

I’d like to thank Bethenny and all my awesome readers for the dream I had last night where I was in labor.  I was in the hospital, getting an epidural, preparing to push, and there was even talk of an enema.  It was all so vivid and realistic that I was shocked when I woke up not even pregnant.  This show and you guys have done it!  I’ve got baby birthing on the brain!

And now for the show!  We’re back in the hospital with the home video camera and Jason’s parents are arriving to congratulate Bethenny and Jason.  Bethenny is already back to her old self – warning them before they’re through the door that she has stitches.  In other words, don’t grab her and tear her body to shreds, please.  Her adorable in-laws are so completely overjoyed and sweet with her, hugging her very carefully and telling her she’s beautiful.  Bethenny melts into their frame of mind, getting teary and basking in the joy of the moment.

“I suppose I can always get new stitches.”

Bethenny tells them there is news:  “We have a baby girl and her name is Bryn Hoppy.”  Jason’s parents squeal and cry and Bethenny just lays there bawling and looking totally happy.  And so what if this is making me cry too?  Jason’s mom says she thought they would work “Bryan” into the name somehow.  What a tender tribute to Jason’s brother who passed away.  It’s very emotional and very sweet.

Later Jason is holding Bryn – who is sooooooo tiny! – feeding her a bottle and he’s telling her how much he loves her, how he’ll take her to dance class, but wants to teach her to shoot hoops and play golf as well.

As soon as she can hold her own head up.

We also see Jason helping Bethenny set up her breast pump and Bethenny tells us that she never thought when she was “in da club” meeting Jason that he would one day be her breast pump assistant.  Ha!  Men have absolutely no idea what they’re in for when they fall in love, do they?  And look how much Jason is loving this.  They discuss how Bethenny’s boobs have become public property and Jason says he doesn’t want Bryn to get any bigger.  I remember my sister-in-law saying the exact same thing when my nephew was born.  It’s amazing how you love the stage the baby is in, but then you love every stage they go through and it gets more exciting as they are able to do more.  Bethenny says that Bryn is so pretty and that she has a sweet personality – she’s nice.  Jason points out that Bethenny has been so sweet and nurturing with Bryn and he’s pleasantly surprised, which makes Bethenny laugh and hold onto her incision.

“Me – a good mother! Who’d a thunk it?”

Time to take little Bryn home!  The new parents fuss around with the car seat and then want the car to drive two miles an hour all the way home.

“And no potholes and no right turns!”

Imagine parents who are on like child number seven.  They’re probably like, “Yeah, just toss the baby out the hospital window and I’ll catch it as I jog toward home.”  On the way home Bethenny talks about how much she’s changed over the last year and Jason says she’s changed drastically in the last five days.  She’s so much warmer and people-friendly.  They stare at Bryn and so far I’m thinking she looks like Jason.  She has fair hair and her eyes and nose look like him.  Jason thinks how sad it is that his parents lost their first-born child, but Bethenny reminds him that they now have this wonderful opportunity to love their grandchild and that Bryan’s memory will live on in Bryn.  More tears and hugging.  This episode is killing me!

At home Julie is preparing for the arrival of Bryn and she’s wrapping one of Bryn’s blankets around Cookie so she can get used to the smell.  That’s probably a good idea, but I don’t know about all the chatting Julie’s been doing with Cookie trying to reason with her about the new baby.  I somehow don’t think that will work.  Are they aware that Cookie is a dog?  If not, they will be soon once an actual human baby is on the scene for comparison.  Bethenny and Jason have arrived downstairs and can not for the life of them figure out how to detach the car sear from its base to take it out of the car.  I mean, they seriously can’t do it.  It’s hilarious because that’s exactly how these car seats are.  Same with buckling in the child.  It’s actually very simple, but until someone demonstrates it for you, you could drive yourself nuts trying to figure out the mechanics of baby car safety.  Bethenny even mentions that she took a class on this and still can’t figure it out.  They call upstairs and Gina is dispatched to unlatch the car seat while Julie tries to talk Bethenny through it, which doesn’t work.

“Gina, quick! We need to utilize your physics degree before you go back to mixing formula.”

By the time Gina gets there Jason is beside himself frustrated.  Bethenny says they’ve already gotten their money’s worth from Gina because she was able to actually save their baby from living in the car.  Bethenny’s all good-humored about it, laughing that the idiots are home who can’t get their baby out of the car.  See Jason?  It’s okay.

When they open the front door it’s time for the Big Introduction.  Cookie tears over to the door to welcome home her mommy and daddy.

Cookie: “Is that baby meat I smell?”

Bethenny carefully sets the baby seat on the floor while Jason leashes Cookie just in case she feels like snapping.  Cookie ends up being quite uninterested in the baby, which is better than wanting to eat her, so everyone is very relieved.  Bryn’s little nursery is all decked out in personalized decorations and gifts.  Bethenny looks at everything gleefully and cries.  She takes Bryn out to nurse her and Julie says she can’t believe it’s real.  Bethenny says she doesn’t care about anything.  She doesn’t even want to work, she just wants to love Bryn.  There it is!  Bethenny is officially a mommy!  For me this was the sweetest moment because I’ll admit that I wondered how Bethenny would adjust to motherhood.  During all of the preparation she seemed determined to pick her life right back up and carry on, just with another person in the mix, but with plenty of staff to help with that.  And here she is saying all she wants to do is love her baby.  This is what it must feel like to be a mom.  Excuse me while I go cry on my bed for a minute… Okay I’m better.

Cookie jumps up to sit next to Bethenny while she nurses Bryn and it’s just like a Norman Rockwell painting.  Bethenny tells Julie how much she loves her and how grateful she is to her for everything she’s done.  She HAS gotten very lovey-dovey.  I like it.

Arcadia… Utopia… Bethenopia

A bit later Bethenny and Jason decide to take Bryn’s hand and footprints to make a little craft project where the baby’s first prints are framed.  This doesn’t even entail ink – there’s just what looks like a carbon paper set or something where they press Bryn’s hand or foot onto plastic and a print comes out on the other side.  Bethenny is hilarious because she has to press Bryn’s hand down and she almost loses it, saying she doesn’t like forcing her to do things.  Bryn just dangles in Jason’s arms, totally unaware of anything.  They have to try like 150 times before all five toes and all five fingers show up in the correct prints.

“Have we spilled enough of her blood for these freaking pictures?!”

Bethenny worries that Bryn will be traumatized for life (she’s asleep).  When Bryn squawks Bethenny wants to call the whole thing off.  She cracks me up.  Jason takes over and gets it done and Bryn survives physically and psychologically intact.

It’s time to have a visitor!  And that visitor is Buster!  Hey Buster, how’ve you been?  Recovering?  Bethenny explains that her wedding was everything she ever dreamed of, so now that she’s planning her baby shower, who better to help her than Buster?  He’s like Martin Short in Father of the Bride – or Frahnk, he does it all!  Bethenny wants a girly pretty baby shower, but first things first, Buster gets to meet Bryn.  I almost die when I notice that Bryn is wearing a teeny tiny Skinny Girl onesie.  OMG, that is so freaking darling!  And she’s wearing little booties that look like red Mary Janes.  Is Bravo on a quest to get me pregnant?  Cause it’s working.  Buster doesn’t get along with Cookie, but he’s brought her a toy so so far all is well.  Bethenny warns him, though, that Cookie can turn on him at any second.  As for the shower, the main topic is what cake to serve and Bethenny is all skeptical that baby shower cakes look good and taste awful.  There’s our old Bethenny!  Buster’s got his work cut out for him.

Bethenny, he’s already fantasizing about strangling you.

As he gets up to leave he has to move slowly so that Cookie doesn’t attack.  As he slips out the door she forgets all about the toy he brought her, growls, and charges.  I think he made it out, but Cookie is psycho.  Adorable, but psycho.

Meanwhile Jason has taken pity on Assistant Max and agreed to be his wingman in his quest for a date with the girl from Kristen Farrell Jewelry, who turns out to actually be Kristen Farrell.  I didn’t realize that this is the girl who owns the jewelry store!  Fine.  Good for her.  I just love it when people under 25 are outrageously successful.  Whatevs.  Ahem!  Anyway, Jason is going to buy Bethenny a “push gift,” which is I guess a “thanks for giving birth to my child” gift, which is thoughtful and sweet.  He brings Max along and they brainstorm outside the store about how to best make Max look good and land him a date.  Once inside, however, Max totally freezes and decides this is not the appropriate situation to ask her out.  He must be really nervous because in my experience, guys consider ANYTHING an appropriate situation to ask a girl out.  This includes my friend who is a nurse being asked out by her patient who had just been circumcised.  It also includes another friend being asked out by a guy who had just robbed her.  I’m serious.  See Max?  You can do this.  Well, he can’t.  Jason is perfect, he chooses what he’d like to buy and then asks the salesguy to show him the restroom, leaving Max alone with Kristen.  He chats with her about her jewelry, wants to see the men’s jewelry, compliments her, tries to be funny, but to no avail.  Kristen seems amenable – she’s laughing good-naturedly, but he still can’t pull the trigger and Jason comes back from the restroom.  FAIL.

“Did you design these flowers too? I love white and pink.”

When Jason realizes Max is a weenie, he pulls Kristen aside and tells her that Max would like to take her out.  Are you happy now Max?  You look like a complete idiot.  But now that Jason has opened the door, Max steps through it and asks Kristen if she’d like to have lunch.  She says sure.  Then he botches it all up, saying he had to ask or Bethenny would kill him.  Oh come ON!  Jason’s like, “He’s not asking you out for Bethenny, he’s asking you out for himself.”  And Max is like, “Oh, right.  Right.”  Just leave, Max.  You got her number, now run.  Try to redeem yourself later.  Jason tells Max that was a little uncomfortable, but oh well, mission accomplished.

Ah, here we are in Dr. Amador’s office.  I’ve gotta say, I’m not too impressed with Dr. Amador.  He just sits there listening to Bethenny and nodding.  Which is also what we do while we watch the show.  Could I get a PhD please?

Years of training, I’m telling you.

This time they discuss that it’s scary to be a parent.  The new insight we get from Bethenny is that she can’t imagine her mother loving her as a tiny baby the way she loves Bryn, and that turning into the terrible relationship they have now.  Yeah, that’s baffling.  I love, though, that Bethenny is determined to give her daughter a totally different experience than the one she had. Bethenny also admits that she’s crying a lot lately.  Dr. Amador nods.

Later we follow Jason and Bethenny through “A Night With Bryn.”  Every hour Bryn is stirring or fussing, so Jason swaddles her or Bethenny feeds her.  Bethenny complains that she doesn’t sleep when Bryn sleeps during the day so she’s exhausted.  And even though Gina is there to get up with Bryn, Bethenny still has to get up to pump or feed.

I like that Jason’s wide awake too. It’s like boot camp.

She tells us that motherhood is no joke.  Julie comes into the bedroom at 10:30 AM to go over Bethenny’s schedule with her, but Bethenny is so completely tired that she can’t even start to think about her various work commitments.  All these things that used to make up her busy life seem totally insignificant and unnecessary now that she’s taking care of Bryn.

“A Pulitzer Prize? Skip it.”

Bethenny begs Julie to push everything back so that she can sleep for a few hours before she has to get up to show Jason’s friends the baby.  She says the baby is like the Dalai Lama, with people coming from miles and miles to get a peek.  Ha ha!  “Have you seen the baby?  You’ve GOT to see the baby!”

When she can put it off no longer, Bethenny turns her attention to work-related things, which for now means a meeting with stylist Robert Verdi to find outfits for her various appearances.

You can’t feel the baby kick AFTER it’s born, Robert Verdi.

She’s brought Max along and Robert Verdi immediately says, “What is this, Little People Big World?”  OMG, that’s so funny and so mean.  Max tries to rebut, saying, “My sister wants her jeans back.”  It falls a little short, pardon the verbiage.  Robert Verdi rails on Max relentlessly, asking Bethenny if this is her new baby, hounding Max about what he wants to do with his life, on and on.  So instead of a fitting session for Bethenny, this turns into a roast of Max.  It almost seems like he’s attracted to Max and doesn’t know how to handle it.  It’s unprofessional and ridiculous, but Max stays dignified, even though he tells us later how mad it made him.  Bethenny tells us she’s never seen Robert acting like this and it made her very uncomfortable.  Me too.

For our final scene we have Bethenny and Jason on their first Date Night since Bryn.  They say that her due date is still four days away, so I guess Bryn is about five weeks old now.  The purpose of Date Night is to reconnect without the baby, phones, or talk of the baby (good luck).  Bethenny is SO excited to have her first Skinny Girl margarita since she’s been pregnant.

Bryn will be enjoying some Skinny Girl milk tonight!

Jason toasts to their first Date Night and to Bryn’s beautiful mom.  I’m gonna cry again.  Bethenny savors her drink and then Jason presents her with the bracelet he got from Kristen Farrell.  It’s a set of three delicate bracelets, one representing Bethenny, one representing Jason and one representing Bryn.  They discuss adding onto it as their lives go on, which may mean… more babies!  They kiss and love each other and their new life as parents. I sob.

Next time on the season finale (already?)!  We attend the baby shower where Buster freaks out about the cakes.  Julie freaks out on Max for not having his assistant act together, and RAMONA stops by to visit the Dalai Lama.  Bethenny is supposed to go away overnight for work and she’s freaking out about leaving Bryn.  And here she thought it would be a chance for a good night’s sleep!

This was my favorite episode so far.  It was totally mushy, but I just loved seeing that side of Bethenny, who has always been so tough and together.  What did you guys think?

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta