Beating a Dead Piñata

Big Brother

By B-Side | Wednesday, August 10, 2005 | 3:12 am | 66 Comments


kaysartshirt2 kaysartshirt1

Howie gets at least one thing right this week…


Another day, another curveball. This season of Big Brother has been so twisty, you’d almost think the producers were rigging it. But don’t worry, good people of Endemol USA. I know you’re simply sitting back in your chairs, tenting your fingers, and laughing as these silly, silly contestants continue to whip up amazing television for all to enjoy. Honestly, the only thing more shocking than the hairpin turns these people make is the news that Big Brother viewership is down ten percent. WTF, America?? Do you even know what you’re missing? Pundits say that viewers are retreating to cable in the wake of the networks’ over-saturated reality programming. That may be true, but I also think people were turned off by this season’s all young, all beautiful cast. Heck, I was too at first. But now this group has unsheathed a set of knives sharper than what I’ve seen in almost any season. To the ten percent of you that gave up after that first humdrum week, I simply say “Come back!” You have no idea what you’re missing.Now before I kick off this recap, please do yourself a solid and vote once more for Kaysar. And if you really want to show your support, buy one of our beautiful magnets too (cut to Vanna White smiling and holding one up). Come on people. If you’re willing to throw down for a stupid “Vote for Pedro” t-shirt, you can at least shell out for a magnet that not only looks cool but actually has a real cause!

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It’s not Vanna White, but it was the best I could find.

Okay. Enough groveling. Let’s get down to business. Our latest hour of reality splendor began with the standard blue-and-white flashback to Saturday’s nomination show. For those of you who may have forgotten, Howie joined the Friendship (sigh) and nominated his former allies, James and Sarah. Why? Because James had sworn on the Bible to nominate Howie and Rachel if he won Head of Household. That might sound like it makes sense on paper, but dammit Howie! What the hell do you think is gonna happen once you get rid of James and Sarah? You think the Friendship is going to choose you over one of their own? Stupid stupid stupid.

Anyway, in the wake of these idiotic noms, Sarah of course began crying in the confessional while James told us he was simply at a loss for words. Wow. James is never at a loss for words. I mean, couldn’t he just do a basic put down? You know, call Howie a dumbass or something? I don’t like this speechless version of James. It’s like his momma came down to the house and beat him upside the head with her giant crucifix. And you know she’s done it before.

As everyone left the table in slow motion, Maggie then added her two cents to the situation, employing that sort of righteous, bureaucratic tone you’d normally find with a nonprofit group’s spokeswoman. “The Friendship would have looked very poorly on Howie for not putting up James and Sarah,” she said. Well, if Howie had put up Maggie and Ivette, who the hell would have cared what the Friendship would have thought? They’d be depleted! Okay, must settle down. The last thing I want to be is one of these bloggers who shakes his fist and gets all in a huff over a silly reality show. Man, those people are just lame. Did I mention that I’m selling magnets??

Well, James and Sarah immediately retreated to the gold room, which has become the de facto holding area for all newly-nominated people. If I were ever on Big Brother, and I was nominated, I would buck the trend and jump in the pool. That would shake things up! Then, if I got evicted, maybe Julie Chen would awkwardly ask me, “Now you jumped in the pool when you were nominated. How do you think the houseguests reacted to that?” At that point, I would just do something even crazier, like deny that it ever happened. “What pool? I don’t know what you’re talking about. I never went in the pool.” I don’t think the Chenbot would know what to do. Next year, America, next year…

Anyway, in the golden room of anguish, Sarah pouted on the bed, saying that she didn’t want to talk to anyone. Not anyone at all! She was going to be silent and angry and anti-social the rest of the week. And don’t you dare speak to anyone either, JAMES! Well, James didn’t quite agree with this course of action; so he announced he was going to talk to Howie, causing Sarah to bounce up from the bed and say, “I’m coming too!” Way to stick to your guns, Sarah.

James and Sarah trekked upstairs to the HOH room where they angrily confronted Howie about his choices. The future weatherman claimed he couldn’t trust James after the whole swearing-on-the-bible thing, and while Howie’s sense of betrayal was reasonable, his strategy was not. “You made this decision because you believed them,” said James, thankfully pointing out Howie’s gullibility. Sure enough, the two managed to make some inroads on their former ally, causing Howie to eventually concede, “James and Sarah are right. I made a very bad decision.” Ya think?? So let’s recap Howie’s wonderful reign as HOH. After two hours in power, he managed to overextend himself with promises, reveal his and Rachel’s gameplan, disassemble his OWN alliance — which, oh by the way, was in power — and then admit that he had done everything wrong. Fantastic. God, this household needs Kaysar back so badly.

And to add insult to injury, Howie managed to add, “They took it personal.” Personal-LY! Personal-LY!!!!! ADVERBS!!!!!!

Later, Sarah — a.k.a. Ms. “I’m not talking to anyone so THERE!” — wound up, er, talking to people. The nice, innocent girl started up with the Queen Bee of vicious gabbing, April. As happy as I was to see a belligerent Sarah, we all knew this wouldn’t end well. After all, April’s been making mincemeat of girls for nearly six decades now. It would be like me trying to be more passive aggressive than Dame Judi Dench. Not gonna happen.

“How many times do I have to tell you, stay away from people!” scolded James as he pulled his contentious girlfriend back to the safety of the gold room. Honestly, if there had been rope and a gag available, he would have used it. But if you thought he was free from the scolding, you might want to think again. Sarah and James reversed roles again, and she lectured him for his silly bible promise to Ivette. Man, Sarah was right about that one. I think all us viewers had a bad feeling last week when James pulled that move, but who knew it would bite him in the ass so quickly? Who knew that Howie would be so obtuse as to empower the Friendship another week? And who knew that this supposedly predictable week would haunt my every waking thought? (Except when I watch Laguna Beach. My brain is fully shut down then.)

Eventually this semi-spat resulted in Sarah sobbing. “We’re not bad people! Why are these people doing this?” Mmmm…the Sarah meltdown will be so wonderful. She better not go this week. We still need her to be the wacko swing vote later this season. She’ll be a total nut case. And I mean nut case. I’m talkin’ about Lil from Survivor: Pearl Islands levels.

Well, amidst all this drama, the producers decided to spice things up by plopping a few piñatas and margaritas in the backyard. James and Sarah discovered them first, and because everyone was upstairs babbling in the HOH room, the two nominees simply kept the fiesta to themselves. Sarah made a bee-line to the blue margarita machine, but before we could see her devolve into the angry drunk we so wanted her to be, little Jennifer (the Frodo of The Friendship) came down the stairs and figured out what was going on. After that, it was only a matter of seconds before the rest of the group came pouring into the backyard, with Ivette squealing like an idiot (as usual). People could tell Ivette that she has a present waiting for her a mile away, and she’d scream the entire way there. The good news, at least, was that with all the shrieking and excitement , Jennifer somehow resisted her Pavlovian urge to cartwheel forty-seven times around the backyard. Honestly, if given the choice, she would just stop walking altogether and make cartwheeling her dominant mode of locomotion. This, of course, fuels my dream of having someone cartwheel out of the Big Brother house and into Julie Chen’s studio. And now that, of course, fuels my dream of someday seeing the Chenbot do a cartwheel as well. The possibilities are endless.

Anyway, with all these piñatas around, it was inevitable that we were in for this season’s big Arts & Crafts night (which, as always, is followed by the cruel DESTROY YOUR CREATION day). This time around, the house guests had to grab a piñata and personalize it to their likeness. Thankfully there was a black piñata for Beau, thus avoiding what could have been an awkward blackface-effigy moment later.

Everyone got to work decorating, and while most people made happy little creations, Sarah took this opportunity to employ the rarely seen passive-aggressive piñata. The angry nominee painted a frown and tears on her dummy, and while it wasn’t necessarily the most effective form of guilt I’d seen, I still respected that she had brought the art of passive-aggresion to the world of piñatas. Just imagine: how much better would this world be if we could convey more emotions through piñata-ism?

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Sarah’s passive-aggressive piñata: “Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just a piñata. You know, whatever.”

By the way, James earned bonus points for making his piñata the image of an angry outcast, replete with middle fingers erect and an ironic halo overhead. I mean, yeah, it looked pretty dumb, but I was pretty sure that when no humans were around, it came to life and beat up all the Friendship piñatas. Hey, speaking of which, remember that crazy little piñata that looked really stupid? You know, the one that attacked house guests? Oh wait, that was Eric.

After arts and crafts were done, the new and improved sassy Sarah tried to guilt April AGAIN. Doesn’t anyone respect their elders anymore? This woman has lived through TWO WORLD WARS! And now she has to put up with the crap of some angry whippersnapper? Just leave her be, Sarah. You’re interrupting her Matlock fantasies.

Later, after James had pulled his fiery partner back into the gold room of shame, the two asked Janelle if she really believed they’d turn on the alliance. The VIP waitress said no, but we could also see she wasn’t totally sold on James and Sarah being all that innocent either. Amazingly, Sarah managed to chime in with a salient strategic observation: “The funny thing is that they [the Friendship] came up with a damn good story about Michael to make the entire house hate Michael.” EXACTLY. Somebody has to stop The Friendship! They are the biggest character assassins of all! Janelle eventually told us she didn’t know what to believe, but I think she knows exactly what’s going on. She’s just trying to see which alliance will crumble first.

Anyway, it was finally time for the big veto competition, and oddly enough, Sarah chose Jennifer (cartwheels for all!) as her partner. “I didn’t want somebody strong. I wanted somebody I could stand next to and not just want to punch in the face,” Sarah said. And when, exactly, did Jennifer not become somebody you didn’t want to punch in the face? Must I remind you: CARTWHEELS.

James selected Ivette as his partner (some weird logic about being able to tell Ivette “It’s okay” if she were to win it), and Howie, of course, enlisted his trusty — and smarter — partner Rachel. Anyway, the veto competition was pretty much a reiteration of last season’s piggy bank disaster in which Diane fudged up an opportunity to rid the house of Jase. All the competitors were sequestered to different parts of the house, and then one of the time, they each had to go to the backyard where six piñatas (all representing the participants) hung. Each person would then get ten candies which he or she would have to insert into at least two different piñatas. In the end, the person whose piñata had the closest to twenty candies without going over (that would result in elimination) would win.

Now as everyone knows from Diane’s big folly last year, since everyone wanted James out, they should have each put the max number of candies (nine) in his piñata. Makes sense, right? Well, let’s not forget we were dealing with The Friendship here. Not the brightest bulbs in the bulb store. Yeah, they may be effective with their righteous, insidious smear campaigns, but when it comes to everyday logic, well, they’re idiots. Anyway, Friendship friend Rachel kicked things off by equally distributing her candies and then splitting her remaining two amongst her and Howie’s piñatas. It was a noble effort but completely dumb. You see, Rachel was thinking less about eliminating James and more about winning the prize. Jennifer then spread her candies around, and honestly, she described her logic, and dammit if I could tell you what she was thinking. Her candy distribution pretty much made little to no sense whatsoever. Ivette, surprisingly, caught the gist of the game and loaded James’ piñata with nine of her candies, and since I wasn’t counting (I was blissfully seeking surprise), I surely thought this had put him over the twenty mark.

Anyway, after everyone was done with the candy, the whole gang gathered in the backyard to find out the results. Ivette attacked her piñata first but immediately encountered difficulty. “My piñata refused to break!” she exclaimed in the Diary Room. She then raised her arms to the heavens and yelled, “Oh Cappy! Give me the strength to defeat this piñata! I am merely your humble servant!!” Okay, that didn’t happen, but the spirit of Cappy was with Ivette as she finally pried her piñata open to reveal three meager candies waiting inside. Sarah clocked in next with ten candies, but she was topped by Howie with sixteen. Jennifer had six, and then James — drumroll — received EIGHTEEN. Yes, it was like Jase all over again. Except this time, we’re happy about it.

“Why aren’t there more candles in his if… these people want him out. Are they frickin’ retarded?” asked an incredulous Janelle. The answer, in short, is yes.

As for James, he commented, “The more my spirits lifted, the more the mood of the crowd depressed.” This was exemplified by Maggie who looked more devastated than the time she found out her short story “Turtles!” had been rejected by Random House.

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The Friendship reacts to its own stupidity.

Well, James won the veto… again. This caused Ivette to ask, “What the hell happened today at ‘A Lotta Piñata’? There wasn’t a lotta thinkin’ goin’ on, was there?” Man, when Ivette accuses you of being dumb, that’s really got to hurt.

Maggie soon chimed in with her own disappointment. “Four minds put together couldn’t come up with a surefire way to eliminate two people from getting the veto,” she complained. Well, to be fair, it was four minds but only three brain cells. ZING!

James’ victory was bittersweet because while he was able to save his ass, Sarah’s was still on the line. If only there were a “mixed emotion” piñata hangin’ around… Anyway, the two returned to their golden rejection room where they nestled together in a chair and cried. Yes, James shed a tear. It was the most emotional outpouring since Maggie first learned her glass turtle had shattered. I’m just going to keep comparing things to Maggie and turtles. Really makes my job easier.

Elsewhere in the house, April volunteered to be the pawn but then backed down, suggesting that Ivette go up instead. This of course led to a casual squabble, with both women announcing that they couldn’t stand each other anymore. We’ll put that on hold though because CBS soon surprised the prisoners with a brand new arts & crafts activity. Two in one episode! I feel like I’m watching Current TV! (Whoosh! Random attack by TVgasm! On your toes, Al Gore!)

So basically, the way this worked was that everyone could tie-dye t-shirts and campaign for one of the evicted house guests to return. But not Ashlea. As we all remember, she left quarantine and is now lost somewhere in the Rocky Mountains. Word has it she’s sustaining herself on a steady diet of small birds and rodents. Residents of Northern Colorado have been urged to lock their doors and keep all livestock under heavy surveillance. And if anyone spots what appears to be a Sasquatch with giant breasts, please notify the authorities.

Anyway, the roomies all designed their stupid shirts, and Ivette expressed to us the urgency of this task. “Making these t-shirts are very important because I’ve got to get America to know how important it is for Cappy to come back,” she said. Yes, make sure America knows. I’m sure the country hasn’t realized after two weeks of you endlessly eulogizing him. You know, I’ve got five minutes to spare. Why not just tell me all over again why he’s so wonderful. I keep forgetting, even though you mention him EVERY TWENTY SECONDS.

As for the rest, Howie and Rachel endorsed Kaysar (and his hookah) while Janelle put in a solitary vote for Michael with her seemingly egg-stained tank top. Apparently she had spent the evening rolling around in an omelette. Unsurprisingly, The Friendship made a sartorial push for Eric, with Maggie designing a vomit-inducing top that read, “Eric = Duty, honor, integrity, trust.” Oops! Looks like she forgot to add “Dumb, righteous, obnoxious, and transparent.” That’s okay Maggie. We all make mistakes. If it’s any consolation, your pet turtle made you a t-shirt, but all it says is “You are not my mother.” Yeah, you might want to have a talk with the little guy.

During this creative outpouring, April started up with Ivette once again about being the pawn (doesn’t she know not to interrupt when Ivette is making a ghetto Picasso?). The two wound up yelling at each other over really nothing at all, and a glimmer of hope shone through as The Friendship showed early signs of being just merely The Acquaintanceship. Later, Ivette played chess with James, causing Maggie and April to fear the worst. You see, let’s not forget The Friendship was founded by Eric, the same man whose seventh-grade-clique-mentality led him to ostracize Michael for merely talking to people outside the original all-male alliance. By even sharing the same air with James, Ivette immediately got a target on her back from her nervous and insular friends. Of course, Janelle was only happy to fan these flames of paranoia as she told April, “I think she’s working with him.” Good ole Janelle. Always stirring shit up. Have I mentioned recently that I love her? ‘Cause I do.

Well, having successfully launched smear campaigns against Michael and James, The Friendship seemed to now be locking onto Ivette. Soon Howie was gettin’ all nervous, saying “I really think that James and Ivette are a more lethal pair than James and Sarah.” This was echoed by April and Jennifer, the latter of whom had ceased cartwheeling and was now happily plucking things off Howie’s back. It was very pygmy marmoset-ish.

At the veto ceremony, Sarah addressed the household and tearfully said that James had taught her to trust people, but the roommates had all but destroyed that. This managed to get James a little verklemped, but when he regained his composure, he then scolded the house just the way I would have liked. “I know a lot of times people say they make decisions based on strategy,” he said. “But this game has not been played with strategy. This game has been played a lot of times through fear and popularity contests. And that is why I was able to win this. Because people did not make strategic decisions. They made dumb decisions.”

Oh SNAP!!! He just put all y’all in your places! Well, with James safe yet again, Howie — that master of the wacky hat — nominated Ivette as a pawn. I can’t really imagine Ivette going, despite her tiff with April, but an upset is always welcomed. As crazy as this season’s been, we’ve yet to have a truly unpredictable eviction. Hopefully Howie will snap out of this spell The Friendship has cast on him and restore Kaysar’s vision. Or better yet, hopefully Kaysar will walk back in that house fix the machine that Howie broke. I’m pretty sure that Sarah will receive the boot on Thursday, but maybe, just maybe, James can pull a miracle and get April or Jennifer to switch sides. Don’t think it’ll happen, but dammit if I’m not already counting down to the live show.

What do you think? Has James alienated himself too much? Can he save possibly save Sarah?

About

66 Comments

  1. 1
    mellymel
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 3:53 am

    B-Side,

    BB is down 10% in viewers because of TVgasm. Last week, I missed all 3 espiodes but was happy to read about it here. I remember — back in the day — reading it and only seeing “37 people reading TVgasm” and yesterday I saw 400+. Even now, 90 people are reading it. Congrats!!!

  2. 2
    Oh Poo
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 4:11 am

    I so wanted them to show the back of Maggie’s t-shirt. The side that says:

    America
    Loves A
    Fiesty (sic)
    Fireman

    I wanted a screencap!

  3. 3
    Tony A.
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 4:45 am

    I, too, watched in disbelief as the residents failed to grasp the concept that more than 20 candies in the pinata
    would eliminate James. Incredible!

    Although Ivette is up as a smokescreen, Sarah’s as good as gone. They did manage to create some dissension amongst “The Friendship” members, but that’s mere eyewash. As far as Kaysar’s return being a boon to the rest, fuggeddaboutit. Dumb ass Howie has wrecked any chances they may have had and now we know James’ chances are next to nil, since he must win POV every week to make it. Next out will be Janelle, then Rachel, then Kaysar (if he comes back) and then “The Friendship” will begin to eat itself. Worst scenario will be if Eric comes back as he and Queen Bitch of the E.R. will manage to keep their sheep under their spell, thus winning the game. I continue to marvel at the gullibility of April, Ivette, Beau and Jennifer. How can they even THINK Maggie and Eric won’t pick them off once the rebel alliance is gone? God, it drives me nuts that the fucking midget could win a million bucks! BTW, don’t underestimate America’s good feelings toward firemen…

  4. 4
    Bruno
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 5:28 am

    Good overview….however you left out the best part of the show….the Diary Room interview with Pinata-Howie….described underneath as “dummy.” Fitting given his strategic moves this week.

  5. 5
    hjordanc
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 5:32 am

    Thanks for the thoughts Tony A. You made me remember how much I hate Eric and I went and voted for Kaysar 8 more times on line and once by text message.

    This week James has actually come off pretty damn sympathetic. He’s moved up to number 2 on my current houseguests list behind only our girl Janelle.

    VOTE KAYSAR!

  6. 6
    America's Next Top Fan
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 6:07 am

    Yay, James! Poor Sara is dead meat. i’ll miss her. boo hoo

  7. 7
    katieshole
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 6:37 am

    I liked James’s T shirt…’america, keep em’! Good for you James, even though hot Kaysar should be back. Vote Kaysar! James’s pinata was great, love giving the middle finger to the friendship, especially the evil fat assed skanked out bitch Maggie. Oh how I hate her!

    Sarah is pathetic. I hate Maggot so much, when she talks about that disgusting friendship, she has a weird look in her eye, very cult like.

    I’d love to see that ghetto loudmouth fat ass get kicked out, but it won’t happen…Sarah is out of luck.

    I hope James wins the next HOH and puts up Maggot and April.

  8. 8
    Ashes
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 6:39 am

    I think I’ll like James better without whiny, clingy Sarah around, just as I’m sure I would like her better without him around. As for Ivette being nominated, we can only hope and pray that the others will continue to wake up and notice what an annoying, loud, idiotic mess that she is and get rid of her soon. If not now, then for the love of all that is decent in this world, SOON.

  9. 9
    jack
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 6:39 am

    indeed, this episode magnified and then exploded the obvious stupidity of howie, whose preoccupation with boobies has clearly left him without sense and reason. even rachel, usually reliably rational (when not ducking for cover by letting her knuckleheaded partner win HOH) flaked out and forgot that, if four out of six players just dumped all of their candy equally between james and sarah, it wouldn’t matter where the other 20 pieces ended up.

    i’d love to see a coup against ivette, but april and jen are by far the most cowardly players in the game, maggie has nothing to gain from helping james/sarah, and, bitchy or not, ivette is a guaranteed vote for the cappy-lovers. even rachel and janelle are better off axing sarah, just to make sure james stays the scapegoat for another week.

    you’d think it would be impossible for james to last much longer with everyone against him, but the boy has had the right blend of luck and clutch performance thus far, and everyone else but janelle (and, god willing, kaysar) is an IDIOT. don’t put it past the bastard son of rush limbaugh to get to the finals. he might even win.

  10. 10
    Bobbie
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 6:41 am

    Ivette may be retarded, but I think she must be of the idiot-savant persuasion…Keep in mind that she had enough presence of mind to inform the Friendship that James swore on a Bible that he would put up Howie and Rachel, but she conveniently forgot to inform them that when the danger had passed, he TRUTHFULLY (stupidly?) informed her that it would have to be Maggie he’d target. James’ biggest mistake that week was to fail to inform his alliance that he had made such a statement to the enemy in the first place; his biggest mistake THIS week was to fail to sing that whole set of circumstances from the top of his lungs. We did see him sidebar it to Sarah last night; why on Earth didn’t he just blast them ALL with it at the veto ceremony?! I sure hope he uses it before Thursday’s show–it MIGHT inspire some serious questioning of Ivette’s value…Again, what the hell is the matter with these people and their inability to see that the FIRST goal since the first big reveal should have been and should continue to be targeting the COUPLES?! And NOT by putting BOTH members of one up, but rather by targeting two couples each time…You know–like if Janelle and Kaysar and Maggie couldn’t possibly win the million, assure that no one else could either? I mean, CBS clearly never intended to pay it out considering they opted to reveal it. AAARRGH! Stupidity! Maybe CBS overestimated this groups’ collective IQ…

  11. 11
    megstar
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 6:50 am

    Dream scenario: Kaysar comes back into the house and James wins HOH. The two guys will come to a truce and start picking off the idiots one by one starting with Maggie. April will leave next and we find out that she is really 57. Howie, aka Silly McStupid, will try to make amends but everyone will see right through it and he will leave after that.

    I just hope Kaysar comes back and he can fix Silly McStupid’s mistakes.

  12. 12
    Lady J
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 6:52 am

    You say this house is all beautiful people. Have you seen Maggie, Ivette or Beau?

  13. 13
    Marina
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 7:09 am

    Don’t count on Sarah being out too soon. Don’t forget how much April hates Ivette. I’d love to see the troops rally and get her out instead of Sarah. One can only hope! LOL

  14. 14
    tilak0219
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 7:24 am

    Here is my theory on who will be voted back into the house. Mind you I want Kaysar and NOT Eric.

    I hope I am wrong in this but I think that regardless who American Votes for CBS will put Eric back in. Why else would CBS run the disclaimer about pretty much doing whatever they want.

    CBS is going to do whatever it takes to generate ratings. If viewership is down by 10% then what better way to increase it than by putting Eric back in. Think about it. It will make the people who actually like Eric rejoice and it will make the people who hate Eric jump into the forums and complain about it. Either way CBS gets people talking about BB.

    As for losing additional viewers by putting Eric back in, I do not think it will be that many. People will watch it to see if the remaining Soverign Six (Now Five)will be able to overthrow Eric and the Friendship. As for all those posters that say they will never watch BB again if Eric comes back you know 95% are going to watch it no matter what.

    This is just my own opinion. What does everyone else think?

    GO KAYSAR!!!!!

  15. 15
    runswithscissors
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 7:42 am

    If I hadn’t seen that picture of Beau above I would swear that he wasn’t in the house anymore. Did he even speak on last nights show?

  16. 16
    Aunt Sassy
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 7:46 am

    Why did they start screaming when Jen brought up the pinata? Was it Ivette screaming or was it Jen?(By the way, I heard that on the feeds, Jen was quite the whore in her day)

    And I was so upset that I had to be on Ivette’s side last night. She had a right to be annoyed at April AND she was the only one who figured out a strategy in the pinata game. Damn them for making me take Ivette’s side.

  17. 17
    Jewels
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 7:57 am

    Maybe this is a ploy of Howie’s to split up the friendship, by having Ivette go up as the pawn, then voting her out, I think April and Jen will turn on them. This could have been his plan all along, making him look like the good guy.

  18. 18
    philip21
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 7:58 am

    Last night I had the strangest dream. Kaysar had been voted back into the house and he and Janelle were the final two left. Janelle reveals that she is pregnant with Michael’s seed. Congress has come back in session and Bill Frist demands that CBS award the million $$$ prize because Michael’s DNA is still in the house. America goes chaotic and forgets all about the war in Iraq.
    Alternate scenario: Kaysar, Janelle, Howie, and Rachel are the final four. They make a pact to not vote anyone else out until we withdraw the troops from Iraq and ultimately receive the Nobel Peace Prize.
    …musta been the mexican food I ate?

  19. 19
    amelia
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 8:17 am

    if james can get april and jen to vote against ivette and they can get one more person they can get their lation loud mouth out of the house for good. i hope one of those dumbasses realize that. i feel really bad for sarah, she didn’t even know james was doing these things and now she’s on the block.

    if kaysar comes back, he janelle and james would make a very strong team if he can get over the fact that james went behind their back and promised the sheepfriends hows and rach (Which i personally think was just a ploy to save his an ass one more week and he was never going to do it.) With kaysar calling the shots and James obviously able to pull the POV from anyone in the house, and we all know how much Janelle just loves stirring shit up. now that the house is emptying it would be a perfect opportunity. it’s easy to forget that James is always loyal as long as it isn’t his ass on the line.

  20. 20
    EdHill
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 8:17 am

    “People could tell Ivette that she has a present waiting for her a mile away, and she’d scream the entire way there.”

    Too funny. I am constantly amazed at how they completely lose their minds whenever BB does anything. A branch could fall down in the backyard and the would all gather around it and scream at the top of their lungs for 10 minutes.

    Sarah has turned into Eeyore with tits. She’s such a needy pouty baby, I can’t imagine how anyone could stand dating her. Give me a tough smartass Janelle any day. And even Rachel is growing on me as well. Shes a smart cookie with a nice fanny.

    I don’t want Ivette to leave. She’s a psychotic disgustingly amoral nasty bitch, but entertaining nonetheless. CBS also didn’t show that her precious cappy shirt had all sorts of “remember 9/11″ crap on it. Just when you think she couldn’t get more tasteless, she just wows you. I’m sure 9/11 is a day Cappy will never forget. Sitting around the TV in the Las Vegas fire station. God he was so brave. The best Ivette quote of the episode was when she referred to her piñata which took a while to break, by saying “that piñata was as solid as I am’ As she said this CBS was showing her hitting the piñata with her gigantic belly rolls flopping all over the place.

    Did anyone else see Howie constantly readjusting his cap to make sure it was at just the right wacky off kilter angle?

    I also quite enjoy the frequent instances when the most dishonest players get lied to and start acting like they cant believe they were betrayed and how the people that did it are so awful and immoral. James got nominated because of 2 things. 1. Because Howie is retarded. And 2. Because he is easily the biggest and most transparent liar in the house and got caught.

  21. 21
    Ashes
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 8:22 am

    tilak, it seems like the same arguments could be used in support of Kaysar coming back (re: post #14.) He stirred things up as HOH more than Eric did, meaning that the entertainment/scheming value could go up more with Kaysar back than Eric back. And if more people love Kaysar than love Eric (as is clearly evidenced by every poll on the web, including cbs’s own popularity poll) then they gain more that way. At the same time, although the haters contingent isn’t nearly as huge for Kaysar as for Eric, there are still some who will watch Kaysar with the hope that he’s taken out again. It’s probably a wash between them in terms of who can draw the most viewers. And with Kaysar they have the added benefits of avoiding the chance at actually having to pay out the bigger prize money and of avoiding another reality show voting controversy, something that would seem attractive for stirring up ratings but could actually lead to long-term problems they probably wish to avoid right now. If Eric gets back in, everyone will assume it was fixed. If Kaysar gets back, everyone will believe it was legit.

  22. 22
    Sonny Crockett
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 8:26 am

    All of us gay firefighters in Miami heard your wish Ivette and are going to vote as many times as we can on our fire station computers paid for with the tax money from the citizens of our city for our favorite midget pole-slider, Eric! We’d sure like to squirt his flame with our hoses!

  23. 23
    Mary
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 8:45 am

    You forgot to mention that Ivette got nominated in place of James in the recap, dude.

    I think that there’s a decent chance that Ivette will get voted out. People are starting to wisen up and realize that it doesn’t matter if Sarah stays in – she’s too weak a player for it to matter. The only goal was to get James out and they’ve failed at that, so now they should get Ivette out because at least she’s a bigger threat than Sarah.

  24. 24
    stupid howie
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 8:48 am

    I’m fairly certain that Jennifer, April, Ivette, and Beau will surrender all of their winnings to Maggie and Eric once the show is over. This is the Manson family, and Sarah had better keep one eye open when she sleeps.

  25. 25
    c
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 8:54 am

    Don’t be deterred by James’ zitty face on the cbs site…vote, vote, vote for Kaysar people!

    Polls close today at noon pacific time.

  26. 26
    copygodd
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 9:01 am

    pinata-howie was a classic.

    and what about april getting on james’ for not telling the truth? this coming from someone who tells everyone her age in reverse dog-years.

  27. 27
    Papercuts!
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 9:15 am

    Instead of

    Duty
    honor
    integrity
    trust

    Maggie’s shirt SHOULD have read

    Strength
    Honor
    Integrity
    Trust

    because that would be a more fair (and subliminal) description of Eric.

  28. 28
    hannahthehun
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 9:22 am

    I don’t think CBS would go against the popular choice and put Cappy back in. If they were paying any attention to their own polls they knew Kaysar would win even before they announced it. If they wanted Cappy to stand a chance they would have had the house guests vote like they did in BB3.

  29. 29
    floopeygirl
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 9:24 am

    Great re-cap! And I so hated the fact that James was right during his Veto speech … the people in the “Friendship” are playing popularity games, not strategic ones. OY. But did I mention, vote for Kaysar!!!

    Sarah needs to be slapped! Repeatedly. And HARD! She’s sobbing over the fact that she has no friends in the house .. asshole you are there to play a game for a wad of cash, you are NOT at summer camp. I mean shit, did this girl really think it was gonna be a vertible love fest? I know her boyfriend is there with her, but wait till she finds out that he said ‘he would do better without her there’ … she would be just decimated. She’s not exactly gonna leave that house with email addresses and plans to have lunch w/the chicks, dinner or even cocktails with any of ‘em in the future. Hey Sarah, it’s time to move again honey. Find another city with nicer people. People who appreciate the slower types.

    Vote for Kaysar!!!

    Ivette and her ever widening butt … did anyone catch the shot of her ass in those red shorts at the end … honey has a whole friggin landscape goin on back there! It’s the first thing that actually looks ghetto on that girl. And ya know, if there are any former players looking down on that house, it’s Ivette who will be booted this week .. her and ghetto fabulous creations will be hi tailing it back to Miami’s gay community after tomorrow’s show.

    Vote for Kaysar!!!!

    And as for Maggot and the Fiendship … they need to be eliminated like a sharp shooter taking target practice. Beau, the least interesting gay on tv needs a Queer Eye makeover, April needs to find a nursing home where they allow residents to smoke, Jen needs to find a personality … oh how I can go on and on … but won’t! =D

    Vote Kaysar!

    And damn those CBS execs if they bring back Eric. We will know the whole show has been rigged.

  30. 30
    Retroqueen
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 9:27 am

    Howie = Tom Arnold

    Somewhere in Howie’s stripper background there had to be a crack addiction that destroyed what little brain cells he was born with

  31. 31
    Jules
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 9:28 am

    I do tequila shooters when Ivette says/does anything stupid. So when did everybody start letting April run the nominations?

  32. 32
    ginger
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 9:36 am

    Maybe.. just maybe, April will stay pissed off long enough to help evict Ivette. Not that I want Sarah to stay, mind you, but I would like to see the playing field evened up again.

    I would like to see Kaysar come back into the house and team up with Janelle and Maggie, then pick off the remaining couples until they’re the final three – then of course, throw Maggie outta there and let it be between Janelle and Kaysar.

    That’s my wish.

  33. 33
    ginger
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 9:37 am

    Jules #31 – I bet you’re drunk 9 minutes into the show.

  34. 34
    tivojunkie08
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 9:41 am

    Did anyone catch when James said that he “sweared” on the bible? Priceless.

  35. 35
    lala
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 10:01 am

    I loved when Janelle chimed in with her ” I think they’re working together” That was great! That girl knows how to play the game!

  36. 36
    Mike
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 10:11 am

    Thank god for April! I wondered how any of the houseguests, even the “friendship”, could stand Ivette. Ivette flipped out over April’s comments, over nothing. April never even asked to be taken off the nominations block after volunteering, she just said she wished it was someone else. Pretty logical thinking that you would rather it was someone else, even with the “guarantee” of safety since year after year the safe “pawns” get voted off. If Ivette volunteered also, and if she was so sure she was safe, what was she flipping out about? Man, I hate that ugly bitch! Please please please vote her out, houseguests!

  37. 37
    Abbe
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 11:07 am

    VOTE FOR KAYSAR!!!!

    God I love Janelle. She is an evil genius.

    All the pro-cappy t-shirts were truly barf-tastic in their own special way. Maggot’s was the most noxious, but the other friendsheep had some good ones. Cartwheel had the fire sheild/logo thing, and the gay mute had Firemen do it Better, with fringe! Seriously it doesn’t get much vomitterific than that.

    B-side, how could you not mention the talking Howie pinata in the diary room. That was the kind of WTF? moment only Big Brother could deliver.

  38. 38
    Ashes
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 11:39 am

    The tv shirts are a stupid idea anyway. It’s not like they hadn’t all yelled out the names of the people they wanted back in and talked about why to the camera. It’s not like we haven’t heard Ivette and Maggie wax idiotic about the supposed moral perfection of Eric. And it’s not like America should or will vote based on what the players want. Why the shirts? It was a waste of dye.

  39. 39
    Genevieve
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 11:48 am

    I’m one of the many Americans that haven’t been watching this season. Yep, I saw the 1st episode and was pissed at the young, beautiful kids they cast and said forget it. Sure it might be addicting now, but oh well, now I have 3hrs every week for something else.

    So could this Kaysar person just win this voting thing already so I don’t have to see the Kaysar spamming everywhere. Thank you.

  40. 40
    sparky
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 11:48 am

    I have the same question as Jules (#31)? Did I miss the episode where Howie decided to let April be HoH? He has done everything she wanted; even Rachel hasn’t gotten that much out of him. Now Howie thinks Ivette is his next biggest threat? MORON. And as self-righteous as any Cult member (oh that’s right, he IS a Cult member). Get this man off the show.

    Meanwhile it was April who started open season on James, when she ran to Kaysar with the news about the bible-swearing. Then in her argument with Sarah she blamed Kaysar for it! (It was his idea to evict James next? No, April, it was yours.) Nor was she able to come up with an example of how Sara was doing her boyfriend’s dirty work. And really, what was that, “Ivette, you ought to volunteer; it’s not that I don’t trust anyone, I just don’t feel like hearing it from James all week.” And then gets mad at Ivette for not taking the bait. Priceless. Someone needs to throw a toaster into her bathwater.

    If Sara doesn’t bitch-slap someone by Thursday night I won’t care if she’s evicted. DO SOMETHING, SARA!!! I think her pinata had more backbone.

    I am now rooting for James as the Man Who Can’t Be Killed. I want to see him STOMP all over everybody, at least for the next five weeks.

  41. 41
    callygirl
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 12:07 pm

    Genevieve, if you don’t like this season of BB then why read the recaps and Kaysar-themed topics? It’s not like we’re all posting “vote for Kaysar” in the middle of every message for every other show that you might be watching and wish to read about, and it’s not like we all know you to email you about it (you referred to “spamming.”) You can avoid the Kaysar talk by avoiding recaps and comments about the show you say you aren’t interested in.

  42. 42
    Jules
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 12:59 pm

    Thank you Sparky #40 for the April validation. I thought I was just drunk and missed something. April has been creeping around and causing all the trouble the whole time. If Ivette goes tomorrow night, I’ll then drink a shooter every time April back stabs somebody. That way I can still be drunk 9 minutes in.

  43. 43
    Mullethead
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 1:13 pm

    The Big Brother editing staff normally does a great job, but did we REALLY have to watch Jennifer popping Howie’s back zits? Were his words so fucking compelling that we had to be witness to this disgusting monkey-hygiene crap? C’mon!

  44. 44
    existing
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 1:26 pm

    With the pinata game, last night- why didn’t everybody give Jame and Sarah Zero candies and then split the 10 almost evenly between the other 4 pinatas. Zero candies would have meant Zero chance of James winning POV.

    As for James winning POV, Again! – If they really want to get rid of James, who is like a piece of shit on the bottom on your shoe. No matter how hard you try, it just clings and stinks up the place. The next HOH should do what they did to Jace last year (and also to Eric this year)- put up 2 pawns, have a sham of a POV contest and then use the veto and backdoor James into eviction.
    He would be screwed and there would be nothing he could do to save himself and it would be so much fun watching him beg to stay in the game. How low would he go?

    And then the next time Howie wins HOH, I would like to see Janelle strip topless for him and write the names of the desired nominees on her breasts. Then, there is no way Howie would get confussed. He would definitely do the right thing.

    “The Friendship” should be called “The Family”, as in the Manson Family. The worst thing that could happen would be Eric coming back (with a Swatika carved into his forehead, for good measure).

    Long Live – King Kaysar

  45. 45
    drunker
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 2:23 pm

    I know this is a few days old but in case anyone missed that Racist High-Priced Call Girl er VIP CockTail Waitress from Hell’s criminal record on the smoking gun, here’s the link:

    http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0721052bigbro1.html

    Nice nose white trash. Hope you go next!

  46. 46
    The Pop Culture Petri Dish
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 2:43 pm

    I kept thinking that Maggie’s shirt was an acronym of some sort, because, you know, that would have made sense. And if you pronounce it out loud, it is:

    Eric =
    Duty
    Honor
    Integrity
    Trust

    E. D. Hit

  47. 47
    Papercuts!
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 2:50 pm

    Pop Culture, I suggested the proper acronym above.

  48. 48
    this guy
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 3:48 pm

    james is a huge, lyspy tool. a james win here would be 100x worse than a romber win on AR. i’m sure he likens catching kids stealing stupid shit to a game of chess.

  49. 49
    this guy
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 3:50 pm

    furthermore, in terms of lameness,

    james/sarah = amazing race’s freddy/kendra

  50. 50
    Hookah Pipe
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 3:59 pm

    Give me an “OH MY GOD THEY HAVE CRAYONS I LOVE THIS,” in your best retarded-Ivette voice. Did she not sound like retarded Rosie in that clip with the pinatas?
    I LOVE that the Jim Jones/Guyana Friendship Cult are TOO EFFIN STUPID to figure out how not to let James win the veto. They are ALL CLUELESS!
    Maggot- you’re not foolin anyone with the ridiculous skirts you keep wearing- your ass is getting fatter by the minute. Maybe you should let Ivette borrow one or two.
    After Kaysar, I think Janelle is clearly playing this game with the most thought. GO JANEY!

  51. 51
    Page
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 4:54 pm

    This is my first time posting on this site. But after following B-sides post last season I could not resist. BB6 most entertaining. I am all for the non-friendship group. Kaysar leaving was a major blow! But at the same time I must say as an ER nurse if I had to work along Maggot for even one shift, I might have to sedate her and toss her in the closest dumpster! That group is so extremely annoying. And that Eric. OMG, such a typical firemens ego. The way that Ivette chants his name with her glazed over eyes it would make me think that the girl is straight, and that Charlie Manson had incarnated himself into a poor firemen to continue his cause. As most have mention. Where is my vomit bag? All the same.. America does love the local hero, so I suspect that they will choose him over the foreigner. What a shame! Do not get me started on Howie. Who would have guessed that the brains of BB6 would be Janelle? Come back Kaysar give Maggot a trip to the ER! because ya know she will most likely hypervintilate as well as Ivette in the house.. God help Beau, for having to pull himself out of a mirror long enough to give his fellow gayster mouth to mouth! until next time.

  52. 52
    Ted
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 9:10 pm

    Drunker, Janelle isn’t nearly as rascist as Ivette, but you failed to mention that.

    My favorite bit from Tuesday was Rachel telling the Friendsheep that they had their chance to take out James and they screwed it up! Then Howie screwed it up as well! The best!

  53. 53
    Baz
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 9:35 pm

    Janelle seems like a dumb bimbo. I’ve been watching for the past 3 weeks and have yet to see her do anything remarkable or smart. I don’t understand why everyone keeps saying how great and cunning she is. Maybe because she looks like a hooker and is smart enough not to be in the friendship.

    Kaysar will likely come back and James and Sarah should and will go these next two weeks. The friendship is easier to breakdown because they have no game than a James+Sarah combo which is a real threat. Getting rid of them quickly is best. I think Howie knows what he’s doing if he keeps to the plan. James+Sarah the next two weeks, Ivette+April after that. The couples other than Howie and rachel will all be split up.

  54. 54
    El Gato
    Posted August 10, 2005 at 11:35 pm

    I think Jannelle rocks! I also think that Eric sucks and he should have been kicked out of the house when he started to threaten people. Kaysar I really didnt like at first but when he got rid of Eric he became my hero….

  55. 55
    Ashes
    Posted August 11, 2005 at 6:57 am

    Page, re: post # 51, every popularity poll of viewers puts Kaysar, who by the way is an American not a foreigner, miles ahead of Eric. Americans may have general respect for local firefighters but not necessarily for a particular one who went on reality tv and acted like a jerk.

    Baz, re: post # 53, if you pay attention to the things Janelle says in random conversations with “The Friendship” members, you’ll notice that she subtly plays up their fears of each other and drops hints to fuel their disintegration. She does it without them even knowing that she’s trying to do anything and without some viewers, like you, noticing it either. That’s smart. And just think about it–who was the first person to lose their partner, who was one of the first people attacked and ostracized by Eric’s group, and who has managed to not only stick around despite that but also get to the point of not even being a first choice nominee of Eric’s BFF Maggie and a top target of anyone? Only Janelle.

  56. 56
    shelley
    Posted August 11, 2005 at 8:17 am

    i hate james less and less every week! he actually had me rooting for him in this episode!

    luckily, the King returns home tonight. yay!

  57. 57
    nicole s.
    Posted August 11, 2005 at 9:25 am

    howie should have nominated april and they should get her geriatric ass out. she has been the silent string puller behind every nomination. i bet she does it again this week with ivette. they probably just feel too bad sending grandma back to the old age home.

  58. 58
    the secretary
    Posted August 11, 2005 at 12:10 pm

    Shelley (#56), I am right there with you. Maybe it’s my love of the underdog, but seeing everyone gang up on James made me want to see him win the veto – and when he did I’m embarrased to admit I did a little “ha HA!” dance.

    OR, maybe I was so disgusted seeing Howie and The Friendship (note: I gag a little everytime I hear that) becoming so buddy-buddy that I HAD to like James.

  59. 59
    Cmybooboo
    Posted August 11, 2005 at 12:23 pm

    I can’t stand James either but he is the only one playing the game. When Kaysar comes back, I think he and James will kiss and make up just to orchestrate Maggie leaving the house. Once that’s done, it’s on to breaking up The Friendship for good and then they can turn on each other. Kaysar vs. James, explosive!

  60. 60
    Jaclyn
    Posted August 11, 2005 at 12:42 pm

    Hey….if all of you are true Anti-Erics…then let’s have a CBS/BB6 boycott if Eric gets in the house! We all know that Kaysar has the majority…CBS is trying to create controversy to get people talking about the show….thats some BS!

  61. 61
    Lyndsay
    Posted August 11, 2005 at 12:47 pm

    I’m with you Jaclyn! I’ll boycott (honestly) everything about BB6 if Eric returns to the house tonight.

  62. 62
    shelley
    Posted August 11, 2005 at 12:53 pm

    I agree with Jaclyn (#60)!

    I have also stated this in a previous post – if CBS brings Eric back please, please, please everyone, we MUST boycott BB6 and wait for BB7!

  63. 63
    Gruffydd
    Posted August 11, 2005 at 4:42 pm

    Howie = Andy Griffith

  64. 64
    briansmith
    Posted August 11, 2005 at 5:47 pm

    82% good work guys

  65. 65
    lia
    Posted August 11, 2005 at 11:52 pm

    america, you have officially redeemed yourselves with voting. we got kaysar back!!!

  66. 66
    ha!
    Posted August 12, 2005 at 9:28 pm

    Nonono.

    Howie’s voice = Drew Carey

    Don’t believe me? Replay the Pinata Howie segment…

    ha!

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