So, it’s been four days since our first episode of Big Brother. I am not sure why CBS decided that we didn’t need a Sunday episode and I hope that weren’t too many of you that went into withdrawal. I myself did OK, but if it wasn’t for the live feeds, I probably would have chewed my nails until my hands bled. Any disappointment that may have lingered because Julie Chen refused to say “but first!” has been exceeded by the pure joy of the return of the show. Jase and Janelle set the tone by nominating two very strong players, and I can feel the intensity building already.First week Head of Household competitions are always difficult. On the one hand, the HoH is the only person (or people as was the case this year) who was assured not to leave the house. On the other hand, being the first to nominate anybody will put a huge target on your back, and in a house full of master schemers, you have to think that eventually somebody is going to hit the bulls eye and get you voted off of the house. Being completely honest, you can’t blame Jase or Janelle for their nominations. Alison and Danielle were clearly the people who were gunning for them, and you never want to set the precedent that you are a weak HoH. Alison and Danielle deserved to be nominated.
Now just because I may agree with a strategy doesn’t meant that everybody else is going to agree. Danielle barely knew what do. In all of her time in the Big Brother house, she was never on the chopping block. It’s sort of like going through survivor and never hearing your name during tribal council; a little luck and a lot of savvy can get you a long way. Stuck in this unfamiliar position, Danielle said that she is going to wait for Alison’s mouth to get her in trouble. Luckily for Danielle, Alison was more than happy to oblige.
Alison decided that she wanted to go up to the HoH room and find out right away why the two of them were targeted. This is always a good idea, because you get to have chance to discuss things with the people who nominated, but Alison probably hurt both of them by having Danielle tag along. It doesn’t take a lot for people to assume that you have an alliance in Big Brother, and if Danielle is up in the HoH demanding justice for the nominations with Alison by her side, of course the two of them are going to look like partners.
In the HoH room, Janelle and Jase explained that they were looking at getting rid of Chicken George first, but when they learned that Alison and Danielle were trying to break things up so the two HoH’s would be on the block, Jase and Janelle turned the tables and placed the blame on them.
Danielle’s whole strategy is to sit back and let others do the dirty work. Unfortunately, the first people she told her strategy to is Alison. When Danielle first tried this strategy with her partner Jason in Big Brother 3, he was able to take her instructions and the two of them were able to wreak havoc in the house without anybody knowing. In Alison, Danielle finds herself with a partner that has no subtlety to her game, even when she’s sleeping around with people to get her way.
Anyway, Danielle tried to say that she was only throwing out scenarios for the game, and the only person she told as Alison, so she doesn’t know how this rumor could have spread around the house. Alison says that the only people she told were Mike Boogie and James. Now, replays showed that Alison was already lying because she told almost everybody in the house, including JASE, the person who was nominated. Alison was so sure that Jase would be up for the plan, she assumed he would go along because she assumed everybody was gunning for the sixth season cast members.
Alison and Danielle are about to leave, when Danielle awkwardly sticks around. For a person who only a few minutes ago said she admired Alison and thought she was a good player, Danielle sure looked ready to throw her under the bus, and that’s exactly what she did. Danielle said she talked about that scenario only to see which way people were leaning, and not because she wanted to target anybody. She said that it was Alison who wanted her to choose sides, and although replays showed that Danielle was correct, it looked to be a case of somebody desperately trying to cover her tracks.
While that may have sealed the fate for some people, Danielle is going up against Alison, and if I haven’t reminded you enough already, she forgot about the whole speak softly part of carrying a big stick around with you. When Alison was first in the house, she didn’t really have a great strategy, but was willing to sleep around and backstab to get her way. Unfortunately, this time around she seems like she is not so willing to get busy, and any strategy she has left is washed out by her utter and complete hatred of Janelle. As soon as she was nominated, she said that she was going to inflict complete and utter misery on Janelle. The only problem is, by putting Alison on the block, Janelle has already done a better job when it comes to putting people into misery.
That being said, Alison sucks it up, heads up to the HoH room and tries to plead her case. Yes, I support Danielle, but I honestly think that her side of the story is more truthful. Danielle did offer up the idea of having Jase disagree and taking out Janelle, but it was Alison who was telling the plan to everybody she knew. Perhaps Danielle really did want Alison to do her dirty work and see what the votes were going to be like, but she admitted she was lying in the diary room, so I wouldn’t count on it.
I feel bad for you Alison fans, but she is clearly out of her league. Later on in the episode, she is making fun of Janey for being a fan of the fridge, and then resorts to calling her “Busto”. Are you kidding me? Is that the best that she’s got? A recycled insult on the wrong person? Awful. I do have to admit, she had the funniest line of the episode saying at one point “OK, now I have to go play stupid” as if stupid was something that was difficult for her. I’ve never seen a skill come so naturally to a person since Michael Jackson took his kids sleepover tour to the Middle East.
The strategerizing and schemifying have been so fast and furious this year, you almost forgot the other component of Big Brother, which is just watching as people from different backgrounds interact with each other when there’s no possibility of getting away. Case in point? Will and Howie. The producers tried to make it out to seem like there was some sort of budding love affair/alliance going on, with Howie talking about being in “Six-Packistan” when he sees Dr. Will and the diary session where he says if Dr. Will was a woman, he would be attracted to her, but you really can’t tell with Howie. Is he just shooting off at the mouth or is he trying to fluster Big Will? From what I’ve seen, I think it is a little of both.
A match made in heaven…or the line for Mystic Tan
For his part, Dr. Will thinks he can get Howie wrapped around his finger, which may be true, but you just can’t ever tell with Howie. The guy is so dumb, I don’t think he could win an IQ test with Stephen Hawking’s colostomy bag. The dude thinks that he’s a Jedi! With all due respect to the many who may wait in line for hours for the premiere of star wars movie (even going so far as to wait at the wrong theater), people who think they are Jedis have some things in common. For starters, they will probably never see a woman’s vagina that’s not on glossy paper or their computer screen and secondly, they are not in touch with reality. Big brother might be a crazy game, but you should still at least know what planet you are on when you are playing.
I originally loved Danielle’s “get Jase to disagree” strategy, because it was outside the box and very daring, but when it comes to the game of Big Brother, it was too much, too soon. It really exposed the Season Six people (or Sea-Sick as Dr. Will calls them) to what was going on in the house and they early on started realized they would have to protect each other, even if they weren’t in a true alliance. Even Howie realized that something was afoot, and James talked about getting in the middle of conversations so nobody could discuss getting them out of there.
At the same time, I think that with the Season Six people in the house, the people not from season six assumed that they would have some bind that held them all together. I have been harsh on Mike Boogie, but it is fun to hear him talk, like when he says that Season Six isn’t going to be running shit but “we’re” (as in, not season six) will be running shit. It wasn’t that funny, but I just like hearing Mike Boogie talk as if he isn’t simply doing everything Dr. Will tells him to do.
I may be one of the only people who really wanted Ivette in the house, even if it was only so I could spend a few months trying to get Tushie to switch teams (seriously, she’s hot). Ivette must have been smiling at home seeing that one of the first things the Big Brother All Stars did to pass the time was a little ghetto slip and slide. Yes, it was a little more high tech, and yes, it used more lube than a roomful of technical virgins, but it was still a ghetto slip and slide at heart; plastic bags and lots of tape.
Why is Marcellas so confused?
Because he doesn’t remember this scene from Caligula
One thing Ivette probably didn’t envision was two people using the slip and slide at once, and I am not talking about one after the other, but top and bottom. I know she didn’t expect two men to be doing it, but that is exactly what Howie and Chicken George decided to do. I am pretty sure describing the act is till illegal in many states, but somebody call Rick Santorum, because Marcellas said the site of Chicken George on top of Howie nearly scared him straight.
With all of the fun out of the way, it was now time for the veto competition, and once again, the producers have added a twist. Before, each of the participants got to pick somebody to be their ally in the competition and play for them. This year, only the people participating (not the HoHs) get to pick who is playing with them, although they only do it by random draw, so that barely counts. It’s an OK twist, and not exactly earth-shaking, but it does make so-called “backdoor” plans, uh, a little harder to take.
Chicken George and Kaysar were chosen to participate for a diving competition. Danielle was worried about the water, because she wasn’t Greg Louganis, and you know, black people can’t swim. That of course didn’t matter, because the diving the contestants were going to do was all in a dumpster. As soon as Alison saw the draw, she said that Janelle doesn’t have a chance. Being a cocktail waitress, Alison was going to run her over. I’m not sure what season Alison was watching, but Janelle finished in the top three of almost every competition, and besides, Alison hasn’t beaten anybody at anything, unless you consider “first to finish a bottle of valtrex” an Olympic sport.
The game was pretty simple. Each participant had their own dumpster, and had trash cans full of PB&J (because there will be no PB&J this year, although I hear it something worse), old hair (actually wig hair most likely), and to top if off, a nice mixture of mud, fish chum, and iced clam sundaes. By the time everything was dropped on them, they all looked like me after I eat sea urchin (in other words, like they just threw up all over the place). In that state, they were sent into a big area where old props from past Big Brother seasons were strewn about in search of six small veto symbols. The first person to get six symbols was going to be the winner.
Everybody thought Chicken George would do great at this. He admitted to dumpster diving, and well, sifting through garbage might seem like something he would be good at. Seeing him win the competition would seem just as natural as seeing him earlier when he got lost looking for the diary room and then was snoring, as Rosie O’Donnell would say LIKE A HIPPOPOTAMUS.
In reality, Chicken George sucked at finding the veto symbols (like Will sucked at the play by play), although he was great at getting things dirty. To tell you the truth, I didn’t think it was that gross, except for the part where Jase went into detail describing the fish chum in his pants. It was a fairly close game until one spectacular player pulled away. Yes, that is right. Our very own Janey won the power of Veto, meaning she had the power of keeping her nominations or making changes if she would like to.
Is that fish chum in your spandex or are you just happy to see me?
Now that the veto is won, it is usually time for a lot of strategy and even more ass kissing. I therefore surprised me that there wasn’t that much of either going on. Janelle won, but with two competitions under her belt, she is going to be a huge target, and I am not talking about her butt, which is fine just the way it is.
Obligatory shot of Janelle’s butt. Yowza!
One person who did try to stir up some shit was, as expected, Dr. Will. When Jase and Janelle were talking about Janey possibly using the veto, Dr. Will threw out some names, and it didn’t matter if what he was talking about was true or not, like saying James and Danielle had an alliance. This upset James so much that he suggested putting up Dr. Will, which is really a good idea in my mind. If they were to put will up, they might not get Mike Boogie’s vote, but they would almost surely get Danielle’s or Alison’s plus I believe Chicken George and Nakomis. Unfortunately, that plan is a little too daring at this stage in the game.
In the end, Janelle decided to keep her nominations and not use the power of veto. That means that either Danielle or Alison is going home. I have to say that I think this one is a real toss-up. There are plenty of people who want both of them gone, but it’s going to come down to deciding if Danielle’s brain or Alison’s athleticism is seen as more of a threat. Personally, I think you need to get rid of Alison, but I think Danielle might be going home.
What did you think of this episode? Who will be the first one to go home? Do you like the new power of veto selection process? Why is Alison so jealous of Janelle?