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Wednesday, September 13, 2006
10:54 am
52 Comments
So, it’s the final episode of Big Brother and the jury has the great pleasure of choosing to give the $500,000 final prize to Mike “Boogie” Malin or Erika “Bones” Landin. A tough decision, I am sure, considering both of these candidates for the most part where more nauseating than entertaining this summer. I had a tough decision of my own. Should I watch the finale or should I save myself the pain and simply finish all of the booze in my apartment. Combined with some sleeping pills the coma should at least by me a month of not having to accept that either of these two won. Whoever wins, we all lose! Alas, it was my turn to do the recap, and while TVgasm readers are very supportive, they weren’t going to wait a month to make fun of Mike, Erika, and the jury just because I am on a ventilator. Therefore, let’s get on with the show!
So, it’s the final episode of Big Brother and the jury has the great pleasure of choosing to give the $500,000 final prize to Mike “Boogie” Malin or Erika “Bones” Landin. A tough decision, I am sure, considering both of these candidates for the most part where more nauseating than entertaining this summer. I had a tough decision of my own. Should I watch the finale or should I save myself the pain and simply finish all of the booze in my apartment. Combined with some sleeping pills the coma should at least by me a month of not having to accept that either of these two won. Whoever wins, we all lose! Alas, it was my turn to do the recap, and while TVgasm readers are very supportive, they weren’t going to wait a month to make fun of Mike, Erika, and the jury just because I am on a ventilator. Therefore, let’s get on with the show!
After a short recap of the season, we get right into the nitty gritty of the episode. I think that Julie must have known how boring the episode was going to be, so she decided that she would put a smile on everybody’s face by wearing one of her greatest outfits to date. Julie has impressed over the years with many of her wonderful wardrobe choices. I have always been a fan of the Saturn V Pantsuit, and who can forget the six pack ring top which was so good, she decided to try it again?
I’m not sure what you would call that top that Julie was wearing. From a distance, I thought she was just wearing a normal beige silk blouse, but on closer inspection, her top turned into some sort of ecru carnival ride for the eyes. I know Julie has always been fashion forward, and I like to pretend I know something about fashion by watching Project Runway and America’s Next Top Model (only one week left!), but who puts on a shirt with origami as a cummerbund?
WOW
Her blouse came right up to her neck, like they were going to use the collar as a shackle, but hey, I guess Les is kinky that way. But what about the front? Oh man! Seriously women, help me out here. If I was looking to buy this shirt, what do I say when I go into the store? “Yes, I’m looking for a flaxen, almost khaki-ish colored top. But the most important feature is that it must feature elaborate folds in the front, because I hear the dinner napkins look is just all over Paris and Milan.”
HOT!
And wait! I haven’t even talked about the pants. We have been relatively free of camel toe this year, but by god man! I guess Julie wanted to show the new girl on the CBS news block, Katie Couric, that the Chenbot doesn’t need any digital enhancement to make her look thinner. You may do the nightly news, but how about you try and fit into a size 0! Ha! Unfortunately, while I was pretty sure that there was camel toe involved, Mrs. Moonves-Chen deftly placed her reading placards in front of her waist to obstruct our view.
I guess this episode wasn’t turning out so bad after all, but only five minutes have elapsed, and we were now going to be forced into listening about Mike and Erika for the rest of the hour. However, before I talk about that, can I say how much I am ashamed for America? Look at all of those people in the Big Brother audience! Julie Chen said “but first” and not one person shrieked like a little girl! What is this world coming to? There were more signs for Bunky, who is not even on the show, than there was for Chenbot.
Let’s not stand for this any longer. Click on this picture. Print it out. Put it up in your cubicle/office/bedroom, and when people ask why you have a picture of the Early Show anchor up, you tell them “She’s the Chenbot and she’s awesome. If you don’t like that, you suck balls. Big, hairy, donkey balls.” OK, you can leave out the balls part, especially if you are talking to your boss, but you get the picture.
Anyway, Julie took us into the house when Janelle arrived. Janelle did her early show interview early in the morning, so I am not sure why it was so late when she arrived to Palm Springs. I guess the traffic on I-10 was worse than I imagined, probably because you need THREE people in the car to qualify for the HOV lane. What the fuck is that? It’s practically communist!
Julie Chen said that the fireworks started once Janelle got into the house. Fresh off of her second summer in a row making it to the final three, but not being picked for the final two, Janelle was just a little but pissed. She was so pissed, she apparently decided to take it out on a couple quarter pounders with cheese. I know a lot of people have complained when others have called Janelle fat, and no, she is not morbidly obese or anything, but this girl hasn’t worn a pair of jeans in a month. There’s no problem with being voluptuous, but I think Janelle should have at least taken a look in the mirror. Her figure went from hourglass to beer stein, and that red dress did NOT help.
Also, I love Janelle, but isn’t it time to take off the tiara? Once you are out of the house, the game is no longer about YOU. Of course, that didn’t stop Janelle from trying to keep the spotlight focused on her at all times. When explaining what went on in the house, Janelle said that “Erika’s a backstabbing bitch”, which is funny, because James said those same words about Janelle. But Janelle was not stopping there, she said that Erika was the ultimate floater and that she prayed to god that the jury doesn’t let her win.
ENOUGH!
Let us just set the record straight here. I hate floaters as much as the next guy, but which person in the house was NOT a floater? A floater is somebody who switches allegiances based on what suits them best that week. EVERYBODY was a floater. Marcellas was with Season Six and then he wasn’t (although more for spite than strategy, floating still applies). Howie was first against Chilltown, and then tried to become their ally. James was with season six, then with Chilltown, then got voted out. Danielle was against season six and Chilltown, but was part of the Legion of Doom down the stretch. George had no alliances and promised to take care of everybody. Will was in control of the game, but he didn’t care about alliances at all. Janelle had the strongest alliance in the house, then stabbed them in the back, then stabbed Will in the back.
Danielle asked why it was so horrible, because they all knew her strategy since week one, and couldn’t stop it, which is a good point, but then Marcellas brought up a better point when he asked “What is the difference between a floater and somebody with multiple alliances?”. The difference? We’ll let James answer, who said “It’s the same thing.” Floater/multiple alliance/floor wax/dessert topping – they are all the same!
Couldn’t they use the money they saved from Mexico to buy some real hors dourves?
Danielle continued to defend Erika, which was surprising because I thought she was hurt the hardest by Erika’s betrayal. She said that she can’t believe that when they talk about the way players are playing the game, Erika plays it a certain way and it’s called disgusting, but Mike does it almost the same way and it’s called smart. She wonders if it is because Erika is a woman, and then wonders if they are upset because they believed in her and they didn’t take her out when she was up on the block multiple times.
Janelle, who has obviously decided to sell all of her logic for a one-year pass to the Old Country Buffet, said that “at least Boogie was loyal to someone”, which is obviously Will. News flash for everybody involved. Mike Boogie has been friends with Will since season 2. They both live in Los Angeles, they are business partners. I am sure at one point in time they could have qualified as a common law marriage. If Erika got to bring somebody in the house that she knew for five years and spent a lot of time with outside of the Big Brother house, she could have had loyalty as well. Let’s not reward the fact that the PRODUCERS of the show decided to give Will an ally after the VIEWERS voted in Dr. Will. Who else did the viewers vote into the house? That’s right, it was ERIKA.
Danielle once again tried to save things a little bit by saying that there was no rule that you can’t lie to people or that you can’t be a floater, or that you must be loyal to somebody other than yourself to win the game. James reminded people that Big Brother is not a team sport, and Marcellas reminded everybody that there is nobody on the jury that can say that they didn’t lie to somebody at some point during this game.
There was a brief discussion of Boogie’s game play. Will, of course, defended Mike saying that he did what he had needed to do to win, whether that be riding on coattails, dodging bullets, or winning challenges and James chimed in that Erika didn’t orchestrate anything. Uh, neither did Boogie! Anything that Boogie did in the house was part of Will’s strategy, not his. When will left the house, what did Boogie orchestrate? Oh, that’s right, he tried to pull a Richard Hatch in the first part of the endurance competition, and then had to scramble back for two competition wins after he realized it was one of the most retarded things he had ever done, and that’s saying a lot. Remember, this is the guy who thinks that because he runs restaurants in Los Angeles, people will think he is more than a New Hampshire wigger when he wears a basketball jersey and a headband.
Janelle did have a point, saying that Chilltown ran the game, so they shouldn’t deny them the winner. Then Will said that he respects Erika’s game, but as a person, she disgusts him. This coming from the person who is best friends with Mike Boogie! The person who said he wanted to shit on Janelle’s face! are you fucking kidding me? Will should stop worrying about his hair, which, by the way, looks like he took his styling cues from a box of Just For Men, and stop thinking that he is the center of the game. Janelle, goes further saying that Chilltown played the game on us more than we did on them, but isn’t that EXACTLY what Erika did?
Just For Will
OK, obviously you can tell that I pretty much hate Mike boogie. What’s even more depressing is that I don’t think Erika is all that great of a finalist either, but at least she had to fight for herself. As Marcellas said, she came into this game alone, and didn’t have the benefit of the of a best friend to guide her. Howie said she deserves to win more than anybody else because her game was transparent, and yet thirteen other all-stars did nothing about it. Will admitted that being part of Chilltown was a tremendous advantage, but everybody knew what they were doing as well, and getting to the end wasn’t luck, it was strategy. No, actually, it was luck. Who does Chilltown have to thank? The producers for putting Mike Boogie into the house.
After all that was done, Danielle wanted to make sure nobody made this a personal decision, because she knows hot that feels. Of course, she might have tried saying that before they just spent an hour making it very personal, but I guess better late than never.
Next up? The jury questions. At this moment, I started to feel that Erika was going to lose. The discussions session before was kind of even, but you could tell by the way that many framed their questions that they didn’t hold Boogie to the same standard as Erika.
Marcellas started things off asking each person what their best move in the game was. Erika said it was convincing Janelle to vote out will, and Boogie kissed Janelle’s ass saying that his best move was not using his special power because it kept Janelle in the game, and he needed Janelle down the stretch to win. Actually Mike, you should thank George for being a dumbass and capitulating to your special power even though he knew he couldn’t be nominated.
Next came George, who congratulated both people and then congratulated them both again for finding the love of their lives. George asked Mike if he was going to propose to Erika like he did with Christa. Mike laughed and said no, because he needed to keep the bromance up with Will. Ha ha ha. Very funny George! But after that softball to Mike, he asks Erika why she kept whispering into his ear that he was safe and then voted him out of the game.
OK, we know Chicken George is retarded, but let’s go back to when he was voted out. Danielle had been eliminated, Janelle won HoH and put Erika on the block with George. Erika won veto and took herself off. After the next commercial break, the houseguests had to vote. Exactly how long was Erika supposed to be whispering into George’s ear? And even if she had spent weeks saying George was safe, did he expect her to vote to evict the person that she had supposedly found true love for and George thought might marry her? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? Put George back on the slop, because at least then he can use hunger as an excuse for not being able to think.
Erika was not able to answer George’s question very well, and it continued a theme. Mike was given mostly softball questions, and he was very eloquent with what he had to say. For example, Janelle asked if kissing butt and throwing competitions was part of her strategy. Again, I find this hilarious since Janelle had depended on Boogie throwing several competitions to get her in the game, but whatever. Erika said she only threw one competition, and tries to say that she would have taken Janelle to the final two, but Janelle doesn’t believe her and starts waving her finger with some attitude. Hey Janelle! Just because you may eat like a sassy black woman doesn’t give you the right to start wagging your finger like one.
Wow, good this joke isn’t getting old….
I wish the producers would have showed Janelle’s question to Mike, and they also left out James’ question to Mike. James asked Erika why she thought Alison’s hookup strategy was disgusting, but used the same strategy with Mike. Well, the difference, as Erika stated, was that she actually likes Mike. It may be hard for most of us to believe, but it really is true. Also, Erika only gave one person a hand job, and not multiple people, so Alison is still the bigger ho, no matter what Mike says.
Danielle asked Erika if it was her decision to get rid of her or if it was Chilltown’s. I think Erika made a mistake answering this question. She tried to say that it was all her decision and she did it because she didn’t think she could be Danielle, but I think that was a lie, and her explanation wasn’t confident, which I think added to her appearance as incompetent and not able to come up with any strategy of her own.
Boogie’s best answer of the night came in response to Danielle, when she asked him why he said that he would be her Jason and then voted her off. Boogie said that if he could go back on his Tivo and see she made no other promises like he made to her, he would give her half of the money. Oooooh! He does have a point there, but really, it doesn’t make him any better than Erika, because she decided Danielle was a big threat and got rid of her in a similar fashion.
After Howie asked his question and Mike stroked his ego a bit, it was time for the final statements. Again, Erika seemed unsure of herself. She talked about how her strategy was to go after the puppet master, and she got his best friend to put him up (actually, Mike had no other options) and his best girl to vote him out. Finally, she asked if they would rather give money the money to the person who did the puppet master’s work, or the one who took out the puppet master.
That was an OK speech, but Mike had the last word. He said he lied to everybody except Chicken George and Will (actually, he lied to Chicken George as well, because George was never a member of Chilltown, that lie just never had a chance to pop up). He said that “we” were smart enough to keep people around, and when “you” started to figure it out, they were all evicted. Well, Howie and George had no clue what was going on, but whatever.
Then came perhaps the most brownnosing moment of television I have seen or ever will see, at least until Julie Chen interviews TVgasm for the early show. Mike said that each person gave him a little something they probably didn’t know. Marcellas motivated him. Howie entertained him. Janelle and James challenged him. Danielle and George inspired him, and Will did all of the above, plus the reach around. He then asked, humble and respectfully, to make him the winner. I was literally nauseous after listening to that, but then I realized that Mike is used to getting famous people to part with millions of dollars to let him run restaurants. Getting these people desperate for fame to give him half a million has got to be a walk in the park, don’t you think?
Motivation.
Entertainment
Challenge
Inspiration
PASSION!
Wow. By this time, I decided to throw away that package of Unisom I bought for my last plane trip. I was joking about that whole pill/booze induced coma thing, but watching this show was making me re-evaluate my priorities. The jury walked in, and Janelle had the same exact dress on, except now it was in black. I really like the concept of All Stars in reality shows, but it is clear that we should not give these people any more ideas that they might become famous someday. And besides, the douchebags almost always win.
The votes were cast in the most difficult way possible. OK, I guess they could have been forced to battle a stingray, but everybody had difficulty. Their bag had two keys in it, one for Erika and one for Mike. They had to take one key out and place it in that familiar Lazy Susan of Eviciton Box. Marcellas went up, and besides being long-winded, he said there were no hard feelings.
Howie, not taking anything personal once again showed his class by saying that America hated Erika. How does this guy get so bitter? Is it because she chose Mike over him? Danielle said she was giving the money to the ultimate floater, but when she took a long time, Julie said “It’s a very secretive vote!”. Danielle actually said “Shut up!” to the Chenbot, but Chenbot’s sass algorithm was overpowered by her Next Commercial Break countdown, and just moved on.
George also took a long time, and said he always wondered why people just didn’t give the money to the person who needs it, but that his vote was in respect to the game. I think we can guess that Will voted for Boogie, calling him his best friend. Janelle continued with the “it’s not personal” thing, and James said something about coming to both of them for help, and one said they couldn’t help him for strategy and somebody else gave other excuses.
I seriously just wanted it to stop, because I was dying with anticipation. I came up with two solutions to my problem, which was that I believed nether person was deserving. First was to call in a bomb threat, but being a sensitive time of year and not wanting to be flown to Cuba as a terrorist, decided against the idea. My other idea was to go back to school, study microbiology, infectious disease and quantum physics, create a supervirus, wait until time travel was invented, go back in time and infect Mike and Erika with my virus, which isn’t lethal, but would put Mike and Erika into a coma until CBS decided to give the money to charity.
From the looks of it my virus plan didn’t work. I guess I must have died waiting for them to invent time travel. Either that or I got bored studying biology at UCLA and decided somebody should revisit Kinsey’s work half a century later. Then again, maybe the Chinese army kidnapped me (I probably bought a Free Tibet shirt to impress some hippie undergrad) and I am just waiting for the CIA to send Jack Bauer to come and find me. Whatever the case, I guess one of these people has to win now.
Our final segment before the vote was revealed was to bring in the five houseguests who were not on the jury. First Julie questioned Kaysar. His hair is growing back, so I guess the women are happy. Another few months, and he’ll even be able to start using gel again! And what great timing, now that cured oil prices are going down. Kaysar introduced a bunch of clips of James talking shit about Janelle, and yes, they replayed all of the great ones. Janelle took it pretty well, and James tried to play it off like he was saying it all late at night, but Janelle finally had a good comeback, saying that James has always been a whiner, so she’s not surprised at his behavior.
Next came Jase, who said that his mom has a Chilltown t-shirt. I kind of wish his mom had spent the money on a hairbrush to give to her son, but maybe that’s just me. Jase and Diane pretended to be Chilltown, talking on the phone to each other and laughing about their secret alliance. Oh! They got us! Or maybe not. Not only did everybody figure it out beforehand, but their alliance was eliminated, so why is it supposed to be funny? Oh, the phones, that’s right!
Yep, not getting old AT ALL
Julie then asked if the most deserving houseguests were in the house right now, and nobody raised their hands. Diane said that Boogie maybe deserved it, but Diane was a no. Another disadvantage for Erika: she can’t comp meals for people that vote for her, or promise to introduce them to Danny Masterson, Wilmer Valderamma, and Aston Kutcher. Nakomis, who showed up with her hair all one color for the first time that I can remember, said that Will and Janelle deserved to be in the house. I tend to agree that is what the fans wanted, but Will and Janelle only have themselves to blame for not being there, and just because it kills me to see Mike and Erika at the end doesn’t mean they didn’t play a good game.
Finally, we got to Alison. She broke up with her man, so she is bitter. I would say she is cranky because she hasn’t had any good sex since the breakup, but come on, this is Alison, who could find sex at a fruit stand in Amish country. She congratulated Mike on playing Erika for so long, and then told Erika she hopes that she can buy some dignity with her money. I don’t know Alison, did it work for you?
Then came the montage where Mike calls Erika a ho, says he played her all season long, says he’s happy all of America can see that she is a ho, and is glad he used her for what he needs and then threw her out. Erika tried to act like it didn’t bother her, but you can tell she was kind of in shock. Mike sort of apologized, saying that a lot of those things were after Will was evicted (shouldn’t he have said that about Janelle then?), but let’s be honest, it’s all about the money for Mike. Erika might be considered a prostitute, and people may hate her for it, but why are all of these people giving the dirty pimp a free pass?
Julie finally began to read the names, and I finally was able to stop laughing at her outfit. Thank god it only took me 45 minutes! Marcellas voted for Erika, but he was the only one. Mike Boogie is the winner of Big Brother All Stars. As he leaves the house, none other than Dr. Will greets him. The fact that Mike is wearing sunglasses inside the Big Brother studio just adds to his overall douchebag vibe. Everybody was congratulating Mike, and poor Erika finally peeked out, looking for somebody to hug, but not getting anything.
Oy.
Janelle won America’s Choice as expected, but the night belonged to Mike Boogie. I am not even going to pretend I could appreciate his style of play. Then again, I really can’t feel sorry for Erika. She chose Mike over dignity, and now all of America knows it.
At least it is all over.
Julie Cameltoe! And is that a bump?
What did you think of the finale? Did Mike deserve to win? Were the jurors fair to Erika? Did you enjoy the All-Star season?
TV Social
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52 Comments
The Early Show (Boogie and Erika):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOKnH9Y7P1E
The View (Janelle, Erika, & Boogie):
As soon as I saw the Chenbot’s shirt, I couldn’t wait to read this recap! Excellent!
In the end it came down to a choice between the pimp & the ho…. it was a Kobyashi Maru choice.
Finale Pictures:
Link (the small afterparty)
okay – as much as I LOVE my Tivo, it really sux when it fails. I wasn’t home last night to notice it wasn’t working – and I missed BOTH BB and Rock Star.
Anyway, as much as I didn’t want Erika to win, I wanted Mike to win even LESS. I can’t believe the ONLY person who voted for her was Marcy. That just stinks. She really, truly must be ashamed after hearing those horrible comments from Mike. There’s no way ANYone could be okay with that or just let it roll off their back. And those comments just made me, literally, pray for some rule-breaking or something that would make stupid MB’s win invalid. DAMN. THIS is exactly why I don’t believe in Karma.
Oh, J-Unit. I absolutely LOVE you!! You said everything I was thinking only SOOO much funnier. You’re the king, J-Unit, the king!
Julie’s shirt was…wow.
And what is up with Diane’s hair? It looks like Barbie hair.
Rosie rips into Boogie. And Janelle just sits back and laughs. Such fun to watch.
Some of the men are happy about Kaysar’s hair, too. Bald, he was not all that cute.
Some hot guys in the front row of the audience, just behind Julie Chen (I know, we are never supposed to avert our gaze from the Chenbot–I apologize). I’m guessing hand-picked to sit there. Was anyone in the audience actually a friend of any of the houseguests or were they all fillers?
Howie’s line (I paraphrase) “If you want to continue this discussion, you can reach me on howie.com” actually made me laugh out loud. And I am not a Howie-is-so-funny kind of person.
Any chance of wrap party gossip?
The “Passion” screencaps still crack me up. Is that wrong?
Thanks to B-Side and J-Unit (and anyone else involved) for another wonderful season of snark. While the show started out slow, and the choosing of the winner was more an afterthought because no one cared, it ended up being a very entertaining season. I will miss Janie and Will. The rest, not so much.
I thought the finale was going to be a lot more boring but it was awesome when CBS showed Erika how she had been played and then no one but Marcellas greeted her as she came out. yay Schadenfreude!!!
Thanks for the recap, J-Unit. Even though I don’t watch the show I enjoyed all the snarky fun that you and B-Side provided. I’m sorry the douchebag won instead of the ho mainly because it was a lesser of two evils kind of thing. Hey, Erika always looks a little unstable, maybe she murder Booger for humiliating her in front of the world. That would be good Karma.
I generally find Rosie to be one of the most annoying people on the planet, but she was brilliant in that segment. That was probably one of the most uncomfortable segments I’ve ever seen on a talk show. Thanks again to J-Unit and B-Side for all the great recaps. Here’s to next summer and getting to know some new houseguests and hopefully a better season.
On to Survivor and jokes about racial groups!
JR
Wow. The Chenbot shirt was the best part of this show. I kust knew you were going to zero in on it, J-Unit.
So the suffering is over. Can’t say I’m happy and, other than my moralistic side saying Erika was a ho and didn’t deserve the win, I think the poor girl was skewered, spat on and ground under the former HGs’ feet. So she blew Mike Boogie, so what? She never really had any friends in the house, other than maybe Danielle, and I just knew that was only going to last until the LOD commanded her ouster. Never have I seen anyone so badly humiliated in public and, Janelle, get your fat ass off her. You were at least as bad. The stuff that was slung at Erika was gratuitous and cheap. The poor woman deserved better than that, because, as J-Unit points out, her opponent was a dirty pimp that took advantage of Erika’s weaknesses. Call it the game if you want, call it strategy if you must, but only while the game is on. Once it’s over, keep the insults to yourself, because each and every player has a record they can regret. There, glad that’s off my chest.
I’ll miss the Chenbot, but I suspect she’ll surprise us with a little Les popping out of her Chengina this winter, so she’ll make a few headlines, no?
I hope TVG will keep its spies busy for the next few weeks seeing who pops in Boogie’s restaurants to celebrate. I would bet there’s a job waiting for our favorite VIP cocktail waitress at one of them, and it won’t be serving drinks.
Pardon my grammer, that would be “maybe she WILL murder Booger…”
It was obvious that Boogie was gonna win by at least a 5-2 vote. I agreed with what most of the jury said. Basically, Boogie “deserved” to win over Erika since he had more control over her throughout the game. Erika seemed to be trying to take credit for a lot of things she didn’t do. At the end of the day, Chilltown masterminded the strategical aspect, Janelle dominated the challenges, and Erika perfected the art of kissing everyone’s ass. (not to mention James became the ultimate whiner while George contemporized farting, Danielle: drinking, Howie: berating people, & Marcellas: flipfloping)
As for the show itself, the first week was awesome, followed by 3 mediocre/boring… weeks. It picked up when George won HOH and evicted Howie (could you imagine if Janelle had gotten evicted instead of Howie, the show would’ve ended in mid-August!) I think the key pattern was Janelle winning the vetos every week and Chilltown manipulating everyone else.
Even though no challenges were crapshoots (therefore required brains), the majority were terribly planned, poorly executed and generally not too exciting (ie, 2-faced veto, graveyard, past houseguests competing in activity).
But overall, I enjoyed the season even though it was a heartbreat to see Janelle get third place. I actually don’t feel bad that Erika got pummmeled on the show since she said some nasty things on the live feeds.
And FYI, the jury (NOT the final 2) gets a $30,000 stipend, so at the end, Janelle actually got more money ($55000) than Erika
I really don’t have anything to say about last night’s show except the Chenbott looked beautiful in her upgraded Armor All bullet-proof outfit. And I hope the show is renewed for season 8. I think I’ll leave it at that and just post some of my favorite BB7 moments.
Funny S6 stuff and fights
http://youtube.com/watch?v=0Tz25L-eUTo
Where Howie got his manic laugh from.
The funniest thing I have seen all year. Please don’t flag this video. If you don’t like it then don’t view it. I love Dani, this guy doesn’t.
Damn, how did Nikki get in here? Well it is BB7. Classic Nikki¦
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZWh3-TjBQWY
http://youtube.com/watch?v=jkR1G3PvfY0
Howie is Hi-Larry-Us. Flick My Bean Baby. Put your fingers in it¦ two, make it three. ROTFLMAO
http://youtube.com/watch?v=TdT7HfI7GiU
http://youtube.com/watch?v=rGyVpMcw6l8
http://youtube.com/watch?v=35SbielVl90
http://youtube.com/watch?v=pLDlkT9Z87I
And my favorite Howie moment happens when Will got him to confess that he would give a guy a blow job for $10,000. Danielle finally got it through his dense skull that this was going out on the live feeds so Howie upped the price to $25,000. Hi-Larry-Us stuff but I can’t find it. Please post if anyone runs across it.
Janelle, the stupid drunk. Only the first 30 seconds are worth watching. Again and again and again¦
Chengina, heh heh.
Finale Pictures: Link (the small afterparty)
Posted by: Exarius(#4 of 16)
OMG…WaterBottle was there and Will was holding her. That tramp!
And Booger – you’re still a douchebag.
hb
Chenbot’s shirt was its attempt at origami.
Erika still has no clue what Booger did to here. She’s convinced herself that she was playing him too. It’s a defense mechanism.
No one greeted Erika at the door. If I were her brother, father, or third cousin even I would have been there and taken Boogie down.
Did anyone else notice that Danielle said (screamed) “Shut UP” to the ChenBot?
I am pretty sure that’s a offense punishable by death.
Blecch. Worst BB season ever. I wasn’t wild about the “all stars” concept to begin with, but when it degenerated into total showmance mode… I mean, I don’t watch BB for the romance.
Looking forward to a new cast of unknown idiots next year. And CBS, please, no more wannabe models, actors or bartenders. Enough!
exarius, thanks for the links… Rosie ripped Boogie a new asshole — it was fantastic.
Tony A.: chengina, lol
J-Unit: I think the word you were looking for was “dickie.” It’s like an origami dickie, and it was HIDEOUS. And did you see how it kind of pulled around her boobs on the side. I found the whole contraption distracting and upsetting.
Goddamn! Dude! I haven’t even watched the finale. I was out late and recorded it. I have laugh my ass off and I’m not even done with the second page.
I guess the traffic on I-10 was worse than I imagined, probably because you need THREE people in the car to qualify for the HOV lane. What the fuck is that? It’s practically communist!
That shit cracked me up!
Sparklepony (#20), the problem with casting these shows is, although we are all sick of aspiring actors and bartenders, how many people with a real career or a family can, or are willing to, leave their job and/or family for two months, only to risk losing both by having your every move watched and scrutinized? And all this for a 1 in 14 chance at what is about $300K after taxes? Will is probably the only professional to ever be on BB, and Danielle the only real mom. Even Eric the firefighter almost lost his job when he went on the show.
Since Survivor is a much shorter duration show, you get a larger cross-section of contestants.
The finale was actually good, except for the whole ‘Mike won’ part. *sigh*… Oh well. I’ll be watching next summer anyways.
Great recap, J-Unit! Thanks for staying with it all summer.
-sparky (#7);
I spotted Mike’s mom in the crowd as well as Dennis (?) & Erika from Amazing Race 5 sitting in the crowd, front row behind Chenbot. I think Erika from AR5 is Erika’s best friend. As for everyone else, they probably are fillers because who the hell decided to wave a ‘Bunky’ sign?
I feel so sorry for Erika, I really do. If Boogie wanted to have sex with her, fine. If he wanted to talk bad about her, fine. But why did he feel the need to do both? And just mean, mean, mean way about it too. I don’t think Erika is a ho. I think she generally liked Boogie and they had sex. She shoulda realized, “hey, people are watching this!” (that might be where the “ho” part could be applied) but Mike is just as big of a ho then.
I kept thinking, thank goodness for Marcellas, the only one to hug her. And for the sympathy vote. I just felt so bad for her.
I wonder if Diane was thanking her lucky stars she got evicted when she did. There is no doubt in my mind that if she was still around he would of started that showmance with her, after the comments he made about her being attractive. As if she wasn’t humilated enough after Drew, Boogie would of loved to sink her even lower.
I’ve always loved Rosie but I love her even more for that interview.
Hey, Jase? Your mother has a Chilltown t-shirt!
What a tool that guy is.
Oh J-Unit! The “passion” reference cracked me UP; I was so not expecting that! I nerd-snorted and everything. HAHAHAHAA! Great recap, thanks.
thank you, j-unit, for emphatically reminding us what this show is really all about: chen-anigans. all summer long, as we’ve collectively gone from initial excitement to concern to boredom to disgust and back again, we have had one constant–our beloved chenbot. a whole house full of erikas and boogies and their collective spawn couldn’t take away from the sheer joy of that first ‘but first’–notice the little knowing twinkle in her eye?–and the ‘but first’ HoH competition was sort of like the chen-worship version of vatican I. when julie crowed ‘i am the chenbot!’ on the early show, it was like when jesus revealed himself to the disciples. WE HEAR YOU, JULIE!! ALL HAIL, MIGHTY CHENBOT! SAY THE WORD, AND WE’LL ALL FLOOD THE STREETS, CONSUME THE BRAINS OF YOUR ENEMIES, BUY STOCK IN VIACOM, AND STEAL ALL THE HAND-TOWELS AND TOILET PAPER FROM THE RESTROOMS IN MIKE BOOGIE’S RESTAURANTS !!(according to the live-feed watchers, boogie would probably get along fine without the hand-towels. hey mr. big-time restaurant owner: do you need one of your line cooks to explain that sign by the sink that says ‘lavalos manos, por favor’?)
i know, i know, over the top, but face it: we are all a flock of john hinckley jr.s to the chen-bot’s jodie foster. if i wasn’t already converted to the church of chenbotology before last night, the origami-camel-toe ensemble sealed the deal.
fellow BB pilgrims, always remember: even when the cast is dumb, the comps are rigged, the alliance names are gayer than shit, and two assholes end up in the finals, we are still granted a live weekly audience with our mistress. the pope’s got nothin’ on julie chen!
our man j-unit seems pretty cynical about the finale, but i have to say, i was pleasantly surprised. i don’t think i’ve ever seen a harder reality TV smackdown of well-earned shame than the one they laid on erika landin last night. BWAHAHAHAHA! just desserts, as far as i’m concerned.
tony, i appreciate your compassion, but erika, of all people, should have known better. all of the houseguests already knew from experience what happens when you go on a reality TV show (in the words of jase: ‘tvgasm will light you up!’), and erika even has experience on the production side. to her credit, her head didn’t explode, and rosie o. and others have launched a quick backlash against boogie to rehabilitate erika somewhat before we all forget about her and she goes back home to live with her mom and her cats. she’ll live. i’m with will: she just disgusts me. 36 my ass. erika makes april from last season look like a debutante. between the obvious eating disorder, the fake tits, the haggard complexion, and the jersey mall hair, it’s pretty clear that ‘dignity’ is something erika gave up on a long time ago. i’m really glad she didn’t win.
this season was a bummer, but as long we’ve got the chenbot, i’ll be tuning in. maybe next summer she’ll have a little mini-cheni to show the world. if that happens, j-unit, b-side, and madeyoulaugh will have to find their own camels (with or without toes) and three sacramento kings uniforms (raid mike boogie’s closet–he’s got ‘em in black, sky blue, and faux-gucci) and then journey over to the CBS backlot to present the holy child with gifts of frankinsense, gold, and myrrh. praise chenbot! amen.
From the looks of it, my virus plan didn’t work out.
Classic! Great stuff.
thank you.
OMG, I just thought of three magic words which would make BB8 the best season ever:
All. Midget. Cast.
Boogie is a fucking dirtbag for treating Erica that way. She should of slapped his face on TV, but then there would of been a lawsuit.
I’m not a Rosie fan, but I did like how she ragged on that piece of shit boogie.
I was so disappointed in BB7, lets hope BB8 is better.
KH
No offense, but how is B-Side not recapping the finale? (and every single BB episode for that matter?).
J-Unit’s work is solid, but B-Side is the undisputed champ when it comes to bloging BB.
“Will admitted that being part of Chilltown was a tremendous advantage, but everybody knew what they were doing as well, and getting to the end wasn’t luck, it was strategy.”
Really? It was strategy that one idiot after another had control of the HoH room?
Anyway, it’s ironic that after this abortion of a season we end up with the best final two ever.
Now can Janelle just crawl into whatever hole she came from and never darken my television screen again? Please? My nightmare is that some CBS executive will listen to her cult followers and put her on TAR. The only way that wouldn’t be an abomination is if they team her up with Ivette.
And what’s wrong with floaters? Okay, this needs discussion so I’m taking it to the forum.
Congrats, Boogie. You’re a pig, but luckily most of the jury is sexist enough to judge Erika far more harshly despite how similar your games were.
Throws up violently on computer screen.
No one has mentioned the meltdown that the Chenbot had when Booger came through the door. She said something to him, appeared to want to question him on the win, but he just ignored her and kept shaking hands. Then she just stood there with the smile.exe file pasted on her face, camera focused on her instead of Bogus, and got bumped around by a couple people. It was hysterical.
Erica seems to be trying to save face now. She denied to Rosie that she loved Booger, but we all saw her say in the diary room “I think I found my mate in the BB house.” Oh well, her cats will be glad she is home.
Did Nakomis have a black eye or was I seeing things?
Glad this train wreck is over now. On to Survivor.
Thanks J-unit and all for another snarky season of snot rockets and guffaws–this recap being no exception.
I thought the chenbots shirt looked like a selection from Daniels line on project runway . . . you know that asian/military look, whaaa! to those uninitiated!!!
Always great to see Janelle, but I was not satisfied with Booger getting enough grief for being a dick! Erika aside, no women should be treated like that and spoke about that way but a bent-nosed nerd with expensive friends. Keep trying Booger, maybe one day and ounce of cool will rub off on you. Can’t wait to see Doily Mom tooling around in that screamingly inappropriate car.
I did enjoy Rosie’s skewer, but doesn’t all that talking over annoy any of you, and frankly, for all the dissing, it kind of left our girl Janelle out of it–which is not fair. Perhaps I’ll have to fill out that petition, coz I really would like to see the 2 of them AR–and if it’s an All-star, can any of you petitioning mention the Clowns, Al + Jon from Season4–they’re my faves of all time, and were ROBBED!!!!!
Lastly, J-unit, even though the audience doesn’t cheer for “But first,” you must know we all are. What a special joy to have those moments to share through the nethers with all of you!!!
See ya on the Survivor, AR posts (and I might even do next top model this year)
sniff, I miss you all already : (
Jack for president!
ooops, didn’t Howie say that Booger (or Bogus) or Fuckface was hated by America? Maybe I heard it wrong.
Sorry Tabby, guess I didn’t refresh before I posted, but I thought you were kidding about the winning 2 . . . until the blight mention . . . guess you weren’t a fan, and perhaps your views will prevail, but oh well, I’d still like to see them on AR, and I bet it would be different to see them on the challenges when manipulation wouldn’t help much.
TORAL! Bravo, J-Unit. Bravo.
Nice how after Mike Boogie won, he didn’t even shake Erika’s hand or even look her way. He just did his victory whoop and got ready to gloat. Hell, he couldn’t make eye contact with her for the rest of the show… Klass act, Mike, klass act.
Did anyone else expect Boogie to end his kiss-butt “Howie – you entertain me…Janelle – you challenge me…Dani – you inspire me” speech with “and Will – you complete me.”?
Rosie kicks rocks, man! The View just became the Rosie Show, Part II. Those ladies have lost all control. She will gain back her immense audience and start another show of her own.
You go, Rosie! Do it with P-A-S-S-I-O-N!!
“Let’s not reward the fact that the PRODUCERS of the show decided to give Will an ally after the VIEWERS voted in Dr. Will. Who else did the viewers vote into the house? That’s right, it was ERIKA.”
Not to nitpick, but Will wasn’t voted in by America. Neither was Boogie, they were producer picks. The 4 guys America picked were the 3 from S6 and Jase.
I was also disappointed that no one cheered during the But First. Although I did enjoy Chenbot’s high fiving walk down the runway.
Oh, the appearance of Toral and PASSION! makes me want to believe in Jesus. I woke my neighbor up laughing so loud.
Also, just to bring the season full circle, here’s a memory from July 6, 2006:
Let’s sing the song!
I have a little Chenbot.
I made it out of clay.
And when it’s dry and ready,
Oh Chenbot I shall play!
She has a lovely body,
With legs so short and thin.
And when she gets all tired,
she drops and then I win.
My Chenbot’s always playful,
She loves to dance and spin.
A happy game of Chenbot,
Come play — let’s begin!
A letter to the bloggers from the gospel according to jack:
“and for all of you boogie haters: prepare yourselves for another wave of restaurant promotions and shout-outs to the peeps in concord, because that lame-ass, jive wigger is going to win the money.”
O wise prophet jack, I did heed your warning. And because of you, I was properly braced for the outcome. Thank you.
J-Unit, awesome call about having Janelle on The Bachelorette – I might watch it finally.
Tony A: Are you a fellow Detroiter?
Why, yes, SaveFerris, I am! How did you know?
well done Greg
I thought I was reading a recap of BB when I read this:
“Just because you may eat like a sassy black woman doesn’t give you the right to start wagging your finger like one.”
Did Survivor-Race Baiting begin?
Wow, J-Unit, this is the first time I have to say I’m disappointed–way off the mark on the Bone Rack appreciation. As an avid feed watcher, the contempt from Janelle and the other HGs was surprisingly muted (or edited kindly?) in the finale, for she deserved far more.
Janelle’s attitude at the round table, while admittedly a little drunk and sloppy, seems quite deserved. After Erika and her swapped notes on the boys and seemed to have regained their dignity, Ms. Bone Rack couldn’t resist a little more Boogie loving and promptly fell under his dubious romantic spell once again. Sweet little Erika then proceeded to make an agreement with Boogie to throw the final HOH and evict Janelle. Finally Erika went on the largest egomanical rant about how she was solely responsible for every person’s eviction in the house and that she would surely “smoke” either Boogie or Janelle in the finals. Her pitiful reply to Danielle’s question was just one example of her warped thinking. In my view, Scarika received her just desserts (perhaps a little leftover from Janelle’s stash?).
Just a NASTY final. What Rosie O’Donnell said multiplied by 100.
I don’t dislike Erica. I know she gets a lot of “stick”, but I thought she played a good, if understated game. She wasn’t an ideal person for the final 2 though. I hate Boogie and was disgusted that she liked him, but if I was to judge all my friends on their dodgy relationship choices then I’d never get anything else done.
Janelle’s bitter, personal comments were just nasty. I hate it when people go on about how she’s put weight on (because it’s shallow and panders to anorexiculture) but on the final she was ugly on the inside and it wasn’t nice to see. It was depressing that only Marcellas gave Erika the vote. Mike wasn’t a floater – he was a coaster – he coasted through the game on Will’s shirt-tails and then was lucky enough to win a couple of contests at the end. Morally, he took the game to a new low – and although lying is seen as acceptable strategy, the way that he and Will treated Erika and Janelle was like something out of a Neil LaBute film. Sick and disgusting.
The prize should have gone to Danielle. A much classier player and a better strategist than either Janelle or Eric.
I’m DONE with All-stars shows. Bring on the unknowns next year. I never want to hear from any of this lot ever again.
Oh my gosh, does anyone know who Gelman is on Live with Regis and Kelly? Him and Boogie could be FREAKING TWINS! I can’t believe I didn’t see it until now…
Wrap party recap?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sickcandy/sets/72157594284939456/show/
J-Unit,
I was feeling most of what you had to say until you made that “sassy black woman” comment. Save that crap for your personal conversations not stuff I have to read!