Big Brother: One Week Left

Big Brother

By Schoonie | Wednesday, September 9, 2009 | 9:00 am | 54 Comments

Since we are hurtling towards what will very likely be an unsatisfying Natalie win, why don’t we all sit here and reflect on all the things we could have done this summer with the time spent watching this show? I’ll go first. Skydiving. A picnic with friends. Pilates. Hiking in the gorge. A tour of vineyards. Drinking at a variety of sporting events until my face falls off. Now you go.Julie is dressed like a crazy blue zebra this evening. I seriously don’t even know what to make of it. She would probably look great without that electric blue jacket, which is not doing her pregnant robo-figure any favors, plus I think she has sex hair.

I guess good ratings turn Les on.

We’ll find out who won the veto shortly, BUT FIRST we flashback to stupid Nat with her stupid bathrobe and stupid sunglasses and stupid crown making stupid nominations. Natalie says her target is Michele this week, and she wants to throw the girls off and make them think that she’s not together with Kevin. I just want to say that is the dumbest idea ever. There are four people left. Is it really necessary to conceal your allegiances? I sure hope that people won’t find out about your super secret alliance with Kevin! Just to be safe, you should meet in your treehouse in the backyard so no one finds out and then talk about how much you both hate girls.

Kevin tells us that he knows he can’t beat Natalie in the Final Two, so he wants to get rid of her eventually. If Kevin evicted Natalie, I would be so pro-Kevin, even if that meant he were up against Jordan in the end. After the eviction, he goes out into the backyard with Natalie and has a very blatant discussion with her about how they only had a final five deal, and whatever, it’s boring and obvious. Even Jordan is like “Yeah, this is too good to be true.” When Jordan can figure it out, you know you’re in trouble, because she can spend entire mornings with the maze on the back of the Lucky Charms box.

“And don’t even get me started on those word scrambles.”

Jordan talks to Natalie about a hypothetical situation in which Jordan wins the veto. Jordan’s pretty sure she would send Kevin home, and Natalie’s foolproof plan to make everyone think she wants to get rid of Kevin apparently involves convincing Jordan to keep him around. It’s ingenious! Apparently, Jeff told Jordan to stick with Michele, so she’s not going to be worrying about anything but that. I hope Jeff reminded her to brush her teeth. Her brain is the main character in Memento.

In the dark, Michele and Jordan agree to have each others’ backs and try to psych each other up. Then they make out.

Not really, but this episode is boring and full of commercials.

In the other room, Natalie is proud of herself in front of Kevin for fooling Michele and Jordan. Kevin is upset with her, because she gave up the right to compete in the veto competition. “The odds are not with me,” he says, which is true. If Michele or Jordan wins, it’s pretty much over for him, so Natalie screwed him but good. Not that she cares, or has even considered it, but whatever. It’s Natalie. She tells him that Jordan doesn’t count as a competitor, so it’s actually like “one and a half against one”. “Anyone would have opened the box!” she says, doing that thing again where she knows she’s wrong again and she talks a lot about it to try and get other people to legitimize her. I’m so bored with Natalie, you guys. One more week until we can forget about her forever, everyone! I feel like I should purchase an advent calendar.

Veto competition! The houseguests have stack up blocks with former Houseguests’ names on them and match them to clues about the game, then hit a button to check their answers. You can guess how well Jordan does. Luckily, Kevin and Michele are also having some issues. Michele has decided to lay the blocks out in order and then stack them all on top of one another at the same time. This is a solid strategy, and results in her finishing her first set of answers quickly. Unfortunately, she missed the part of the instructions where the answers have to be right.

If you look closely, you can see that she stacked them backwards and I’m pretty sure she’d have won otherwise.

Meanwhile, Kevin is slowly and methodically building up the correct answers, even going so far as to switch a couple of blocks out when he looks almost done. Michele takes another shot, and this time she only has one incorrect answer. Jordan, on the other hand, is staring at the board like an idiot while the Wacky Tuba of Isn’t She A Dumbass plays behind her.

Kevin, however, has been diligently working towards the end, and he takes a shot at the buzzer, gets all of the answers correct, and wins the veto. He immediately starts crying and puts his hands over his face, because that’s how Kevin rolls. Michele is actually a pretty good sport about this and gives him a hug and everything, even though she can see the writing on the wall that pretty much guarantees that she’ll be going home to her husband and plethora of baton twirling paraphernalia.

I thought he was crying because he’s wearing stripes with plaids.

Back in the studio, it’s time to talk to the Houseguests! Oh, and thanks to Kevin’s suggestive references to submissive homosexual intercourse last week, we’re going to make today as boring as possible! Kevin, how does it feel to hold all the power? You will be shocked to hear that it feels good. Jordan, how is it in the house without Jeff? So hard, you guys! At night when she was bored, they would think of dumb stuff to do like play games and whatnot. Poor Jeff. He never got to do any of the stuff he actually wanted to do. The guy is a saint. I bet it’s really fun to play “I Spy” in the dark with Jordan. I bet the answer is “the ceiling” every. Single. Time.

Natalie, how hard was the decision to open Pandora’s Box? She says that it wasn’t hard at all because she’s safe this week and got to see her old, wizened boyfriend. She probably did the right thing, because he could go at anytime.

Why is she dressed like Dennis the Menace?

She continues to talk, much to everyone’s dismay, telling us that everything she wanted to happen this week happened anyway, so it’s no biggie. Man, I wish she would get stepped on by an elephant. Flipit had it right last week, girl is just an asshole. To fill even more time, get a recap of the giant baby with a face piercing terrorizing the other houseguests, and all the other random shit that Natalie unleashed upon the house. Hey Michele, which one of your visitors was the most annoying? It was the baby, because it smelled bad. Revelations everywhere this evening, people! I’m sure you are glued to your TV sets, just as I am.

Back from the commercial, we see that Julie has been taking very important notes about something throughout the break. Who the fuck takes notes about Big Brother? What is so important, is she writing “MICHELE DIDN’T LIKE THE BABY” in capital letters or something? Perhaps she is writing a programming interface for the cyborg child she is about to bring into the world.

“Hmmm, is it 001100010101 or 1100010010101 that gives the baby machine gun arms?”

Anyway, stupid Natalie tells us in one of the many confessionals where we can see right up her nose that Kevin winning the veto is the best case scenario for her. She disappears into her HOH room and brings him a Mike’s Hard Lemonade, smiling widely and congratulating him. Of course an eighteen year old drinks Mike’s Hard Lemonade. And what do the houseguests think, that her parents signed a waiver that allows her to drink or something? I wish someone would call her ass out. Michele has to suspect something. Also, Natalie is a one of the poorest winners in this game, all the time, even in competitions where she doesn’t participate. Why not bring the other two a drink as well, just to be polite?

Oh yeah, it’s because she is a jerk.

Jordan goes to her room to mope, and Michele follows her in quickly. Michele talks about how they’ve been duped by Natalie and Kevin, who are obviously still a team. Wait, you believed that? How is that even possible? I guess you can hold out hope for anything to happen this late in the game. Meanwhile, Kevin and Natalie celebrate like idiots upstairs. Afterwards, Natalie says that Kevin “took the blood” for Jeff, so she’ll “take the blood” for Michele by giving a speech during the veto ceremony. And just how the hell are you going to do that when you WON’T BE TALKING AT ALL? Idiot.

Kevin points out that Natalie keeps talking about the Final Two with him, but he knows he can’t beat her and so has to come up with some alternate plan. In the backyard, Michele asks Kevin if he’s together with Natalie, and he lies some more about their supposed Final Five deal, which makes no sense if you even take two seconds to think about it, but whatever, I’ve had it with all of these people. Expecting Michele or Jordan to have an intelligent thought at this point is a snipe hunt.

Michele does her best, though. She tells him she would take him to the end over Natalie, because she doesn’t want to see Natalie in the finals, and she continues to work him later by telling him that he won’t be receiving her vote if she leaves thanks to him later this week. Hey, at least she’s trying something, right? This might have been good to do about three weeks ago, though.

“I’m not listening, I’m thinking about that new song, Crank That Soulja Boy? I’m totally going to do that dance when I win the money. HA HA HA I’M SO CURRENT.”

Back in the studio, Natalie and her stupid backwards hat get interviewed in the HOH bedroom. You’ve told a lot of lies in the house, Natalie. Who are you loyal to? Answer: Kevin. Wow, thanks for that, Julie. Your Peabody Award is in the mail. Does Natalie think that the lie that she’s 18 has helped her in the game? She says yes, because it’s made people think that she’s dumb and naÃ¯ve. Man, she is pathetic. I love that she doesn’t have enough perspective to realize that the whole “I’m eighteen!” thing is only convincing because she is actually dumb and naive.

Veto ceremony. Kevin takes himself off the block, which means only Jordan can replace them. Julie gives them a chance to plead their cases to Kevin. Jordan gets to go first, and she tells Kevin the he told her she was safe, and then I have no idea what the rest of it is, because she starts rambling on an on about how she’s not a backstabber, and how she hasn’t lied, and how this game is difficult, and how this one time she ate a bunch of Chicken McNuggets and got really sick.

“My tummy hurt for a looooooong time.”

Michele actually reaches behind her chair and pulls out a set of glittery devil horns before beginning her plea, telling Kevin that he would be guaranteed the money if he kept her in the game, because she’s burned so many of the jury members. She continues, telling him that she can either raise hell in the jury house against him, or raise hell with him in the veto competitions. It’s actually a pretty good speech, if a little cheesy. I will say that this season has featured some of the better last-minute attempts to stay in the house through actual, strategic speech giving, which you don’t see often on this show.

Of course, Kevin doesn’t realize that Michele is his best bet, so he votes to evict her. She is upbeat as she leaves, hugging everyone and making her way out the door quickly. She high fives everyone in the audience very methodically and delicately on the way out, and I mean everyone, which is beyond hilarious to me, for some reason. I don’t know why it made me laugh so much, but I rewound it like three times laughing at her dorkiness. She actually turns around and goes back to get some of the hands that she missed.

Interview time. Julie asks Michele why she thinks Kevin decided to keep Jordan. Michele believes that maybe Kevin thinks she had a shot at winning. Personally, I don’t see it. Julie also asks Michele whether Jeff’s decision to evict Russell ended up costing her the game, and of course the answer is yes. Think about how differently this would be right now if Jeff had kept Russell in the house, and how much more fun we could all potentially be having. OMG, Jeff is the Janelle of this season, and Natalie is the Mike Boogie. Way to go, jerk.

In her goodbye messages, Natalie is typically bitter and uncouth, telling Michele that she played dirty and that she has no respect for her, as if Natalie hadn’t just spent the entire week lying to everyone in the house. I just want her to end up on To Catch A Predator someday. That’s like the worst thing I can think of to happen to anyone.

Make sure and bring along some of that Mike’s Hard Lemonade for your new internet friend!

Kevin tells Michele that he wasn’t sure whether Michele was going to betray him, so he couldn’t risk keeping her in the house. Jordan calls Michele an encyclopedia and tells her she played a good game. Afterwards, Julie asks why Michele thinks the people in the house called her so many terrible names, referencing Ronnie, Russell and now Natalie. Michele is all “I have no idea!” even though she’s just too nice to tell Julie what the real answer is, which is that they’re all giant assholes.

Time for Part One of the final HOH competition. This is so depressing. It’s endurance, as normal. They’re basically log rolling while holding onto their keys, which are suspended from the air. Julie’s like “Let’s get things rolling!” and then the log starts rolling, Natalie is all “Rolling, did you hear that?” as if the fucking stage itself didn’t make that obvious and she has just had one of the most intelligent revelations of all time. I love that she thinks she is the first one to figure out that the log is going to roll, when she is probably actually the last one. Natalie in a nutshell, everyone.

Of course, it’s not a Big Brother endurance competition unless there is random shit falling from the air, and so after the commercial Julie says a bunch of dumb stuff and then rain starts falling on the final three over the end credits. Sigh. I would love it if Jordan pulled an upset, but it’s looking like we’re getting a Natalie and Kevin Final Two. Sigh. So, after a brief, one season reprieve, it looks like things are getting back to normal for Big Brother. Hooray?

Comments (54)
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About Schoonie

Like most people in America, Schoonie watches entirely too much reality television. Unlike most people, Schoonie gets to share his opinions with the world, which is pretty rad. Currently living in Chicago, Schoonie's been with Tvgasm since 2006. He spends his free time writing Survivor fan fiction (Letters to Penthouse, all featuring Rupert!) , playing with his cover band, and playing with his other cover band. Also, this one time, Lisi fell.

54 Comments

1

bbjunkie

Posted September 9, 2009 at 9:28 am

I am so sad and disappointed. Such a great trainwreck of season and this is what we get at the end. Natalie and Kevin?! Bleck.

The only thing I look forward to is when Natalie finds out her main ally Jessie sold her out at the jury house by telling every one she isn’t 18. So much for her honest game play and her word. Barf.

How are they going to drag out the 2 hour finale?
2

cattyfan

Posted September 9, 2009 at 9:42 am

These people are all idiots for believing anything Natalie says. Do they really think that not only would CBS ALLOW someone to weekly break the law with underage drinking, but they would actively HELP that person break the law by directly supplying them with alcohol?

For that alone, they all deserve to lose.
3

southern_essence

Posted September 9, 2009 at 9:45 am

Well, in my most awesomest of dream, the 2-hrs would be:

30 seconds - announce Kevin the winner

29.5 minutes - award Jeff his $25,000 and show him proposing to Jordan with a REAL ring (furnished by Big Brother, of course…really tick off the skank)

1.5 hrs - let the other houseguests and audience beat the living shit out of Natalie…then hold her down and bathe her stanky ass. Oh…and make her sit and read everything posted on every forum about her.
4

slutty_whore

Posted September 9, 2009 at 9:55 am

I personally don’t find a Nat win to be unsatisfying at all.

To be perfectly honest, of the people left, she has played the game the best. She aligned herself with Jessie to get her through the early weeks, was targeted after he was evicted, tried to create an all-girl’s alliance with Chima and Michelle once her original plan fell through, and convinced Jeff to vote out Russell when Jeff had a solid Final 4 alliance. She has been true to her alliance with Kev these past few weeks (albeit greedy during PB #1), so I don’t get all the hate thrown her way. She has gotten very little “blood on her hands” by being the #2 in every alliance she’s been in, and, by having friends in the jury, is the most likely to win.

Even her goodbye message to Michelle makes sense (although the stupid audience booed) if you understand the genesis of this season. Once Michelle turned on Chima’s all girl attempt the week Chima was HOH, Michelle was dead to that side of the house. Why would the audience have expected a positive goodbye message?

Let’s be clear: I would have preferred some others to be in the finals, but of the three who are left, she obviously deserves the victory for gameplay.
5

southern_essence

Posted September 9, 2009 at 10:02 am

Jason? Is that you?
6

slutty_whore

Posted September 9, 2009 at 10:19 am

No, Southern_Essence, just not on the Nat hate-train, like most people on most boards. I can separate her gameplay from her personal hygiene and lack of self-awareness.
7

southern_essence

Posted September 9, 2009 at 10:28 am

I can appreciate the fact that she has done what should be done to get ahead in the game. I cannot, however, appreciate the manner in which she did them.

Until now, I considered E.D. the most vile houseguest that made it in the game. But at least, to my knowledge, he never cheated, never took credit for other people’s bold moves….

and he always showered.
8

User Name

Posted September 9, 2009 at 10:30 am

Painting, swimming, stalking Schoonie = things I could have been doing instead of watching Big Brother this summer.

This final three is more disappointing than Season Six. Why do all the fabulous people have such crappy gameplay? Ugh.

I’m with you to a point, Slutty_whore , Natalie is a manipulative person and that’s why she’s at the end. But I still get to hate her and not want her to win because she did it with the same attitude that Maggie had…self-righteousness and ickyness.

I hope Kevin stabs her in the back, takes Jordan, and Jordan wins to show him that evicting Michelle was the DUMBEST thing ever.
9

slutty_whore

Posted September 9, 2009 at 10:32 am

Making “bold moves” in BB get you evicted. Let’s ask Jeff, Ronnie, Chima, Russell… getting to the end means you have to be a part of an alliance, but not the head of the alliance and create mini-alliances when your initial alliances fall through. This is exactly what she did. Nat and E.D. don’t even belong in the same sentence… Nat seems more like Friendship Ivette or Maggie than anyone, if you want to compare her to former HGs from previous seasons.
10

southern_essence

Posted September 9, 2009 at 10:47 am

We will have to agree to disagree. And, sure…I can put her in the catagory with Ivette from BB6…not a problem. I hated Ivette with a passion, too, and was glad she only got 2nd place.

I hope Kevin wins if it is a K/N F2. At least the (slightly) lesser of 2 evils will prevail, like in the Ivette/Maggie F2. My biggest hope (though unlikely) is that somehow Jordan and Kevin are in F2. I won’t even be sad if Kevin wins over Jordan…because at least then Nastalie won’t even get the $50K 2nd place money.
11

Dirty Sanchez

Posted September 9, 2009 at 11:11 am

If sucking at all challenges and leaching off stronger partners were examples of Nat’s gameplay, then she was indeed brilliant. I agree that with the exception of E.D., being a bombastic “strong player” gets you a ticket on the couch with the Chenbot. But at least players like Dan and Dr. Will had a cleverness and nuance about their gameplay. Nat just fumbled and nose shouted her way to the end through good fortune (and some seriously stupid gameplay by others).

Hopefully Kevin will win and take Jordan to the F2. I can deal with either of those two winning. Jordan was a poor player, but at least she didn’t annoy the shit out of me or lie about her utter lack of BB skills.

And honestly, why did Kevin get all upset when Michelle let loose with the “May the best girl win” comment? He made most of the women look like the Marlboro Man this season.
12

southern_essence

Posted September 9, 2009 at 11:15 am

Very well said, DS!

lmao@him making most of the women look like the Marlboro Man!!!
13

pappy44

Posted September 9, 2009 at 11:18 am

The better comment to gnat’s “rolling, did you hear that?” was Kevin’s response to the “thunder”…

WHAT WAS THAT???

Oh yeah…thunder…wow…sure didn’t see that coming….lol…

idiots…
14

slutty_whore

Posted September 9, 2009 at 11:25 am

DirtySanchez, how was Nat “leeching off stronger players” when all the players you are speaking of are either in the Jury House or tweeting apologies for their ‘terrorist’ comments at home?

Nat may not have had a full-on strategy going into the house like Dr. Will and Dan did, but she crafted a strategy over the past few weeks! You can’t take her move of manipulating Jeff’s paranoia about Russell away from her, that was the game-changer for both her and Kevin. It was Nat’s idea (my memory may be fuzzy on that detail) to throw it out there. Sure, it was a ‘Hail Mary’ at the time, but it worked and she should get credit for taking advantage of a chink in Russ/Jeff’s F4 alliance and, between their macho posturing didn’t see Nat was at fault until it was too late.

Like Survivor, winning challenges is one aspect, NOT THE ONLY ASPECT, of the game. Nat has played a well-developed social game (less the age lie and the engagement lie). She has been well-liked by the majority of the house and other than Jeff and maybe Michelle, has not been the catalyst for any of their ousters.

And, another thing: I get the feeling when Nat says she kept her word to people, she’s referring to keeping her word within her alliance (which is true), not to poeple like Jeff or Michelle, with whom she’s had no alliance.
15

itchy

Posted September 9, 2009 at 11:27 am

I definitely agree with the slutster, in that, in terms of the lying, manipulating, strategizing, cheating, whatever needed to get to the end, Nastylie is pretty much the only one this season who understood how the game is (can be) played and won.

So, yeah, she deserves to win– and anyone who outmoves her at the end here will deserve it too.

It’s just impossible to get up any kind of enthusiasm whatsoever for her. She’s just so vile.

Man, I’m just happy there’s a new Survivor season starting next week.

I still have to finish watching Season 16 Fans vs Favorites though. I’m really hoping Parvati wins that one. She’s so fucking hot.

Shh. Don’t nobody spoil it for me. ;-p
16

itchy

Posted September 9, 2009 at 11:30 am

Oh yeah, I think Ratface was behind most of the pot-stirring the entire season. She was always at the center of whatever stupid shit that was going on, but managed not to get sprayed with it. For me, that counts as strategizing.

I also think it’s possible she threw every single challenge, since she had no need to win any of them.
17

baymenxpac

Posted September 9, 2009 at 11:49 am

i can TOTALLY seperate gameplay from likeability, but come on! natalie hasn’t done….anything. she was never targeted, just her side of the house was. the only reason she escaped that was because jeff thought she was so weak that it’d be a cakewalk over her, jordan and michelle in that final POV. even when natalie had a half-baked strategic idea (i.e. the russell lie), she let KEVIN execute it. so kevin was the one who did everything. if kevin doesn’t win that smores HOH, that side of the house is done. kevin won the egg veto, kevin won this veto. kevin planted the russell seed of doubt into jeff’s head. it sounds like KEVIN did all the work and natalie just sat back, bitched about not getting mike’s hard lemonade until this week and continued not to shower. if you want the true mastermind behind this whole operation, it’s kevin. and i think anyone can see that.

ps- on big brother after dark, natalie explained to jordan one night how her and the fiancee went to olive garden on their first date. so if there was ever more of a reason to hate her and make fun of her than that, i don’t know what it could be.
18

Mr Dangerous

Posted September 9, 2009 at 12:14 pm

I prayed to the Virgin de Guadalupe last night. (She’s the patron saint of the BB House.) I asked her to open up the earth like at the end of that Tommy Lee Jones movie VOLCANO and have the BB house fall into a vortex of molten lava. I also requested that Natalie’s face melt off like that guy’s did at the end of RAIDER’S OF THE LOST ARK. If anything like this happens everyone has me to thank for it.

BTW: Uh, I think the reason the proposal seemed so fake AND stilted AND awkward is because my GAYDAR tells me that Natalie is a big LESBO from the LESBO island of LESBOS. Think about it people.
19

slutty_whore

Posted September 9, 2009 at 12:37 pm

@ baymenxpac… If this statement you made is true, “she let KEVIN execute it. so kevin was the one who did everything,” then you make my exact point. Nat is a mastermind because the point is to be in the mix of all the goings-on in the house, while not being held responsible for the repercussions. If she got Kevin to do everything, that’s more of Kevin’s fault for being weak and not really an attack of Nat’s inability to do anything. Having a season’s worth of ‘bitches’ is deserving of a Final 2 spot.

Your argument also holds no water because one of the greatest people to play BB (Danielle, Season 3) never won anything, but manipulated the house in much the same way as Nat. In the same way Nat got Jeff to basically evict himself, she got Marcellas to give up a virtual lock on victory as well, by giving up that final veto. Marcellas is BB’s biggest dumbass because of it, although Jeff is not far behind for squandering the ‘wizard’ power.
20

krschumm

Posted September 9, 2009 at 2:09 pm

Mr. D: I agree about with your reasons behind Natalie’s weird engagement. She needs to come out.
21

itchy

Posted September 9, 2009 at 2:43 pm

No question that Ratso gives off that field hockey girl vibe, but how do you explain the long hair?

Personally, I think she’s transgender.
22

tv freak

Posted September 9, 2009 at 2:59 pm

Did anyone notice that they all wore their orignial clique colors? (Michelle wore a bluish green, but for the sake of my point, i’ll call it green =P)
23

bitchristine

Posted September 9, 2009 at 3:49 pm

Ewwwwwwwwww. Danielle of BB3 was one of my favorite players evah, she was so damn good AND Natalie is no Danielle – not even remotely close. ew. ew. ew. NASTALIE HAS DONE NOTHING IN THIS GAME EXCEPT GO ALONG FOR THE RIDE. SHE HAPPENED TO GET LUCKY IN THE LAST HOH when she guessed 70 cans or some shit. SHE HAS BEEN LUCKY, LUCKY, LUCKY – PERIOD. She has no game play. ‘Let’s put Kevin on the block in the final 4 to make them think we are not together.’ Pointless, childish, misguided, thoughtless and just plain stupid. There was no reason under god’s fucking green earth to do that – EXCEPT IF ONE IS RETARDED AND THINKS HE / OR SHE IS DOING SOMETHING SMART. She can barely speak English, it’s shameful. She is a dolt and has no gameplay.

She is like a monkey playing with her own shit.

Also, I agree with Schoonie…I saw her full fridge of Mike’s and found it totally classless to pull out two bottles for she and Kevin only. I can hear it now, “this one is for MYSLEF and my BFF Kevin”. Fuckin’ illiterate cunt.

Schoonie…”Wacky Tuba of Isn’t She A Dumbass” = best line.
24

Mr Dangerous

Posted September 9, 2009 at 4:08 pm

Itchy:

Uh, she has to come out of the closet first. She needs to stop engaging in this hetrosexual charade! Once she comes out of the closet she’ll cut the hair on her head and let the hair in her armpits grow. Oh, and she’ll also buy a belt buckle with her “real” name on it: NATE.

Peeps: she is such a lizzie.
Natalie needs to stop lying!
Everything about the girl is a lie.
25

panamanianpettingzoo

Posted September 9, 2009 at 4:25 pm

sluuty_whore, you must be getting the shit banged out of you so much so that it has rattled your brain into idiocy, you slutty whore.

You said: “but of the three who are left, she obviously deserves the victory for gameplay.”

Have fun with that thought, you are about the only one who thinks this way.
26

southern_essence

Posted September 9, 2009 at 4:33 pm

“She is like a monkey playing with her own shit.” = PRICELESS!!!! Fits Nastalie to a TEE!
27

slutty_whore

Posted September 9, 2009 at 4:33 pm

I wasn’t saying that Nat/Danielle are the same, I was comparing their style of play. In the same way Dani convinced Marcellas to use the veto that season was a similar way in which Nat convinced Jeff this season…. No matter what, Nat convinced Jeff to turn on Russ/Michelle and therefore, Nat deserves kudos for that. If Nat didn’t deserve her HOH, neither did Jordan. I mean, Nat can’t control the games BB is going to play for HOH, and most of the non-endurance ones are guessing games anyway. Also, if one applies a tad of common sense, one can figure that 24 cans fitting into the containers times 5 contestants = 120 cans, less a guess of how many cans didn’t make it into the containers.

Nat does lie, so what? Who didn’t in the game? Nat is gross for not taking a shower, so what? Other HGs had gross behavior as well. It just gets me that people rather call her a dyke and a nasty bitch than see that her gameplay was as valid as Pretty Boy Jeff. And clearly more successful.
28

Mr Dangerous

Posted September 9, 2009 at 4:50 pm

Hey:

I never called her a nasty bitch (well, not on the TVGASM site at least). I just want her to come out of the closet and be true to herself and engage in Sappho love (instead of stringing along that nice old man). Don’t blame me if she’s a closet case. And if I hated her (which I don’t) but if I did it would be because she’s a TERRIBLE, SELF-CENTERED, SELFISH person not because she’s a lesbo from lesbo island.

Please excuse all the exclamation points in my previous posts. Gay people tend to be overly dramatic sometimes.
29

panamanianpettingzoo

Posted September 9, 2009 at 5:02 pm

Nastalie has no gameplay AND is a dyke and nasty bitch.

Jeff has no gameplay AND is a hot piece of ass.
30

NegativeNancy

Posted September 9, 2009 at 6:11 pm

I agree that Nataleech is a lesbo. And I think the fake boyfriend is gay.

I don’t care if she played the game fantastic or not. She’s obnoxious. I can’t stand her and I can’t stand any of the others either for letting her get this far. I’ve quit watching, but I’m still loving the recaps!
31

Dirty Sanchez

Posted September 9, 2009 at 6:37 pm

Kudos to Nat for getting to the final 3 (and mostly likely F2). Whether we like her or approve of her hygiene, she’s made it this far.

That said, only a close relative or her faux fiancee would suggest that she’s gone this far because of her ability to convince anyone to do anything. The girl is inarticulate and uncouth, so to suggest that she is clever enough to persuade someone to do her bidding is laughable. When she’s had an opportunity to speak on her own behalf, she came up with that retarded Pandora’s Box explanation and the transparent “Kevin and I aren’t allies” ploy.

Kevin pitched the Hail Mary to Jeff because it sounded half-way believable coming from him. She skated through the first third of the season as part of the dominant Athletes clique. All of that is neither here nor there but please, let’s stop with the praise for Nat’s gameplay or smarts.
32

itchy

Posted September 9, 2009 at 10:53 pm

No, really, you all need to go back and watch the season again. Nastylie was there spreading shit FROM THE VERY BEGINNING.

She never wasted an opportunity to make one of the other players look bad. She was either the source of or in the middle of pretty much every single argument–and especially the arguments that split the house in half and created the two sides.

She continually stirred the pot. She never let anything just lie, but did her best to reopen every single wound –most of which she created.

Surely you don’t beliieve Jessie was the mastermind behind any of this? Ratso was playing him too (I agree with Mr. Dangerous). And she definitely knww how to rile up Hirochima –and made her into the target.

And all the while — did any of the other HGs ever once realize what Ratso was doing? They saw it, they lived it, but they never took her seriously. She’s right — pretending to be 18 and being generally obnoxious and disgusted allowed her actual gameplay to fly completely under the radar.

No doubt she is indeed this obnoxious in real life. But suppose — just for a minute– suppose all of what she did was a carefully crafted strategy?

I’m guessing she truly is a tae kwon do champ, since I’ve never seen any proof to the contrary. And that she possibly does play competitive poker.

In which case, she’s played an awesome bluffing game all season long.

So as vile as she may be, it’s hard not to give her credit for positioning herself into the final three.
33

pixielated

Posted September 10, 2009 at 12:53 am

Wow, a lot of homophobia in these comments. Or lesbophobia.

It’s funny, but everyone who describes why Natalie’s gameplay sucks is pretty much describing why it was effective. Face it, this game encourages people to lie, stab others in the back, etc. That is the basis of it.

I’d rather see Kevin win, though I think it’s debatable whether he or Natalie is the mastermind. But Jordan had NO GAME AT ALL. It’s thanks to her that Jeff got voted out of the house.

I’m still laughing at the thought that anybody in the Big Brother house this season was “fabulous”. Hahahahaha.
34

Reesewitherspoon

Posted September 10, 2009 at 3:39 am

Getting gang-raped on top of a pinball machine in the back of a bar while men cheered on… That’s what I could have done this summer. That would still be more pleasant than listening to Natalie. I hate that girl.
35

jennaboa

Posted September 10, 2009 at 7:07 am

At this point, Natalie deserves to win the whole damned thing b/c (a) Kevin has no spine and *won’t* do what it takes to win (b) Kevin has no spine and now *can’t* do what it take to win and (c) if you want to talk about someone who really effed up and made stupid moves in the game, let’s talk about Jordan. She did her alliance in by falling for Natalie/Kevin’s plans and driving Jeff’s paranoia about Russell until his blue-balled brains couldn’t take it. K/N worked J/J’s gullibility; even they seemed surprised that the Js would listen to anything they say. Frankly, Jeff doesn’t deserve $25,000. He had this game wrapped up and he threw it away.

Jordan’s where she is b/c she isn’t considered a threat on her own, the way Natalie wasn’t considered a threat in the beginning, I suppose b/c of her age lie. Good for her, it worked. Still, she hasn’t won anything on her own; even Natalie has won challenges now.

As for who will win the whole thing, it depends on whether the HG jury votes on who they like or who they feel should win. K/N would be a lot closer than J/N. Jordan seems like a shoe-in. I still think Kevin can win this with America’s vote, over Natalie, at least. (I’m hoping Natalie’s tendency to be an uncouth twat will be her downfall.)
36

pappy44

Posted September 10, 2009 at 10:00 am

Omg, can we please stop thinking that any of this was game play??? she is a moron, and her conversations on and off tv have proved beyond a shadow of a doubt she is an idiot. There is no way any of this was gameplay…she is that way in real life. She just lucked into this “strategery” of stirring shit up and throwing people under the bus. She has gotten this far because she isn’t a threat to win EVER in ANY competition…well, except if it is the asshatish guessing competition that is blind luck…man, I hate that one…
37

TinkerbellAPixie

Posted September 10, 2009 at 10:28 am

itchy,

It just occurred to me that maybe the reason Natalie is a Tae Kwon Do champ is because her hygeine is so bad no one will get close enough to her to fight her and they all forfeit. It’s just a theory.
38

Baxter

Posted September 10, 2009 at 11:09 am

Natalie uhhhh just gross all around but unfortunately out of the three that are left she probably should get the $$$. The most annoying thing about her was the lying without any purpose other than just being an idiot.

This season as a whole was really bad. There wasn’t anyone that I really wanted to win. Maybe Michelle??
39

soapboxx

Posted September 10, 2009 at 11:11 am

I don’t hate Gnatalie for her game play. It was the unnecessary things she did that were evil and had nothing to do with the game that upset me.
She told Lydia to put red M&Ms into Michelle’s food knowing Michelle is highly allergic to red dye #2. Lydia was on the way with the candy when the DR stepped in and Lydia wisely popped the candies in her mouth and ate them. She wanted to put bleach in Jeff and Michelle’s contact solution before the competition, BB shot that down. She had the idea to place a suitcase outside the splishsplash room door so when some one came through in the dark they would trip and get hurt hopefully ruining there comp chances. She threw Jeff’s clothes everywhere then when confronted claimed ignorance which left the finger pointed at Chima. She constantly cheated at 8 ball, when Kevin got called to the diary room she slyly walked around and put two of her striped balls in the pockets. When he returned she claimed to have made a shot and Kev just looked confused. She stole Michelle’s competition gloves because she misplaced her own. She constantly refers to the women she doesn’t like as bitch or dumb bitch. She doesn’t shower, even when on her period. Doesn’t change clothes for days at a time. Scraped her callouses on her feet into the hot tub water. Clips her nails and flings them. Never washed a dish. Took ice out of the tray and returned it with one or two cubes left instead of emptying it and refilling with water. Then when she was in front of Jeff she pulled out the tray and said “who does this?” and dumped and filled the tray, the first time in 60 days. Never cleaned a toilet or carried out trash. Cheated at chess,and cards. Her TKD record is as a featherweight on the junior olympics in 2000. She got a bye the first round and lost immediately in the second round. The medal was a team medal for bronze. So I guess she helped by showing up. None of the above has to do with strategy or winning the 500K, it merely has to do with being a vile human waste of space. I could go on but won’t. Oh yeah she cheated in the last endurance challenge, she can be seen wrapping her hand to the key with elastic at the start of the challenge, it’s a video of her cheating at joker’s updates. Ugh I hope she goes out 3rd.
40

soapboxx

Posted September 10, 2009 at 11:13 am

Oh yeah Mr. Dangerous if her face does melt off and she gets sucked down into the center of the earth I’m going on a mission to get all the Gnat haters to send you a dollar. You will be a millionaire!
41

slutty_whore

Posted September 10, 2009 at 11:42 am

Soapboxxx…. that all may be true, but what does not cleaning after yourself have to do with the actual game of BB?

Had any of the HGs had a problem with her hygiene, behavior, or otherwise, they could have nominated her and voted for her eviction a long time ago.

BB itself is an endurance competition that lasts the whole summer. Both sides attacked the stronger, louder, personalities and those HGs left the game (Casey, Ronnie, Chima, Russell, Jessie, Lydia). Nat, I agree, rode coattails, but she was never the loudest, the brashest, or the most derided by her fellow HGs. Thus, she was always just under the radar and, by virtue of those who were HOH, had a hand in noms and never had to actually compete until the end.

When you have to compete, that means you’re on the block and on the verge of going home. And, when she was on the block, the target was always another person.

I don’t disagree that her behavior is gross, but let’s separate disgusting personal habits from valid strategic game play.

Her strategy of being constantly underestimated by every HG WORKED! How can you guys not see that?
42

p.q.

Posted September 10, 2009 at 12:30 pm

hey slutty_whore, i’m way tardy to the party, but i agree with you 100%. i’m not a Natalie fan AT ALL, but she has done a really good job stirring the pot and getting other people to do her dirty work. i also think that she threw some of the competitions–after winning the first HOH–and playing up how she couldn’t win anything to make sure no one saw her as a threat. i don’t know if it was the stupid 18 year-old lie or what, but since no one takes her seriously she has been able to get away with flying completely under the radar while pushing her allies into getting their hands dirty. the only question now is whether she can convince the jury that deserves the win–and we can only hope she doesn’t get the chance.
43

itchy

Posted September 10, 2009 at 12:31 pm

Wow soapboxx, excellent recap of Nastylie’s behavior. When you see it all laid out like that, it’s pretty awe-inspiring.

Add on to that her annoying voice, flared nostrils, smackworthy smirk, inability to speak English, utter hypocrisy, holier-than-thou-itude and otherwise stupidity, and there’s no question, she wins hands down the award for must disgusting, vile and hateful human being on television this year. Even worse than that octomom, and that’s saying something.

On the other hand, whether or not her obnoxious behavior was a thought-out strategy or whether all of this just fell into place out of sheer dumb luck, she rode with it, stuck to it, and made it to the final three (and, apparently, cheated her way into the final two) with it.

Speaking of which, the producers have had a huge hand in her success, considering how they’ve turned a blind eye to her many and multiple infractions of the rules all summer long. To the point where it’s pretty clear that they’ve been backing her — nothing spells ratings like a controversial character in the finals.

I wouldn’t put it past them that Ratso’s a plant and there’s an agreement in place where she has to give back the 500k.
44

southern_essence

Posted September 10, 2009 at 2:49 pm

So I suppose stealing from other HG’s (Michelle’s gloves)…that was just good stragegy? I don’t think so. If you do, it makes me wonder what kind of person YOU are.

As for the hygiene issue…the other HG’s did have a problem with it, especially her BFF Chima. Cut and paste this link:

http://www.cbs.com/primetime/big_brother/video/?cid=1153410615&pid=Eky7XjAOlXXhCA0hRKgoEvMCaiwWV9iq&category=recent&play=true

to see the video from CBS
45

southern_essence

Posted September 10, 2009 at 2:53 pm

*strategy (before spelling police attack me for that typo)
46

bitchristine

Posted September 10, 2009 at 2:55 pm

slutty_whore, you said “Her strategy of being constantly underestimated by every HG WORKED! How can you guys not see that?”.

That’s the thing…her strategy of being constantly underestimated is not a strategy.

She is just underestimated because she is inept. No strategy involved.
47

pixielated

Posted September 10, 2009 at 5:06 pm

If Natalie’s inept, what does that make Jeff and Jordan?

It’s funny that the Jeff and Jordan supporters are the ones who discount Natalie’s gamesmanship, which actually makes Jeff and Jordan look exponentially more stupid, since they were so badly conned by an inept person.
48

pixielated

Posted September 10, 2009 at 5:08 pm

If Natalie’s inept, what does that make Jeff and Jordan?

It’s funny that the Jeff and Jordan supporters are the ones who discount Natalie’s gamesmanship, which actually makes Jeff and Jordan look exponentially more stupid, since they were so badly conned by an inept person.
49

pixielated

Posted September 10, 2009 at 5:11 pm

Sorry about the double post, my computer is acting up.

Hey, I am not pro-Natalie by any means. But just because she is a horrible person, you can’t discount that she’s done what she had to to get here and maybe win.
50

Dirty Sanchez

Posted September 10, 2009 at 6:09 pm

Well, so much for our genius Natalie. Geniuses don’t fucking toss the final HOH competition. So long Nat, do Julie a favor and shower before the live show.
51

iloveme

Posted September 10, 2009 at 6:49 pm

Don’t hate the Player. Hate the Game!!
52

bitchristine

Posted September 11, 2009 at 10:53 am

Hey I never said I supported Jeff and Jordan.

I think they are inept too.

The only thing I have ever said is that Jeff is hot, hot, hot as hell!

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE NASTALIE.
53

nyc cookie

Posted September 11, 2009 at 10:29 pm

Thank you so much soapbox for your excellent treatise on the awfulness of NataLIE. I think that if trying to put someone in a coma due to an allergy, blinding someone with bleach in their contact solution, placing obstacles to possibly seriously injure someone and stealing are a strategy for Big Brother, than this is the first time I have ever seen such evilness employed under that name. I denounce her so-called strategy as mere viciousness and not good game play. I am appalled at anyone who can support such underhanded antics–esp those that could possibly physically injure someone. Honestly, what sane person thinks of purposely giving red m&m’s to someone who is deathly allergic to them? That is not behavior to be rewarded and it is not gameplay–it is just evil.
54

panamanianpettingzoo

Posted September 12, 2009 at 9:08 am

I know….bleach in contact solution….hello!!!!!!!!!!

That is some fucked up shit right there.

Hello, I am going to blind you and maim you for life.

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