Can you feel it? That strange sensation seeping into every corner of your body? It’s the lifeblood returning, restoring me once again after nine months of a waking-life hibernation. Yes, Big Brother returned to the airwaves tonight, and while there were two or three casting disappointments (not to mention a complete lack of the two words “BUT FIRST”), I was very, very happy with what looks to be in store for us this season. This game hit the ground running — a Big Brother anomaly considering that it usually takes about three episodes before the knives come out. You see, unlike seasons past, we don’t have to sit through a boring week of pleasantries and small-talk. These people don’t want to get to know each other. They want to play. They want to exact revenge. They want to shine once again. Discovery may have Shark Week, but Big Brother has Shark Summer.Okay, apologies for that cheese-tastic “Shark Summer” line. I don’t know what overcame me. Point is that the knives are out hardcore this time around (knives? Sharks? I sound like Cappy with all my mixed metaphors). Granted, there is a lot to be said about watching a group of strangers slowly feel each other out and test the waters. The element of surprise in a normal BB season is one of the added perks. Watching Janelle blossom from ditzy blonde to cunning strategist was one of the delights of Big Brother 6. In many ways, it’s about peeling away the layers, discovering new personalities and twists along the way.
Buuuuttt… there’s also something to be said about packaged goods. We know what we’re getting this time around, and as a result, the show full-on plunged into intrigue within minutes. The “strategery” we saw tonight was the sort of stuff we normally have to wait two or three weeks for. Let’s just hope it keeps getting better.
BUT FIRST (I’ll say it because Julie Chen wouldn’t): let’s recap tonight’s big premiere.
Unlike last year when we tried and miserably failed to “live blog” (the old sense of the term, not the new, video-enhanced version we like to throw around) the premiere, we’re going to stay traditional this time around with your standard recap. Translation: go to the bathroom, eat a danish, check your email. This might take a while.
Tonight’s big premiere started off with the Chenbot standing in front of the household, all smiles and awkwardness. “Good evening. I’m Julie Chen, and this is the Big Brother we’ve been waiting for!”
Julie then made her trademark trek from the front door to the studio, and by the way, let’s talk about that front door for a sec. It looked like it had been pieced together from every high school musical set in a fifty mile radius. My sophomore year production of Brigadoon had more professional-looking facades than that thing.
Nevertheless, Julie walked towards us wearing a smart, little outfit suit: black pants, white top, and colorful personality (insert robotic “Ha. Ha. Ha.” here). We then received a quick tour of the new Big Brother house, and immediately, we picked up on a theme: heaven vs. hell. Cool idea, but the execution had an unintentional downside. You see, the second floor of the house was all light and white and blue — you know, sky and heaven colors. The first floor, however, was all about hell, which meant lots of oranges and yellows and red. Unfortunately, this just made everything look like a 1970s model home crossed with an old McDonald’s. Not sexy. I think next season, the producers should take page from MTV’s ’70s House, and just go full force with a 1970s decor, down to all the amenities. That would be awesome.
After the tour, we then returned to Julie who appeared behind an upside-down conical podium. It actually looked like the Chenbot’s engineers had merely swapped out her legs for a giant drill bit, as if she were about to go digging for oil. Either that, or she was going to spin like a mighty dreidel.
Let’s sing the song!
I have a little Chenbot.
I made it out of clay.
And when it’s dry and ready,
Oh Chenbot I shall play!
She has a lovely body,
With legs so short and thin.
And when she gets all tired,
she drops and then I win.
My Chenbot’s always playful,
She loves to dance and spin.
A happy game of Chenbot,
Come play — let’s begin!
Anyhoo, DreidelBot then called out the twenty potential cast members, and each one walked onto the set with a big smile and the occasional stupid gesture. Mike Boogie, for instance, walked on stage with his arms spread out as if there were an audience of 3,000 fans cheering him on. Sadly, as far as we could tell, there were just three people and a smiling robot waiting for him.
From season three, Danielle and Lisa emerged back to back, thus providing a terrible tandem of sartorial disaster. Danielle appeared to be wearing some translucent cityscape shirt that looked garish and dumb. Lisa, on the other hand, was wearing a big white shirt, but right in the middle of it was a bright red rose image that was not unlike a giant blood stain. Seriously, she looked like she’d been gashed with a machete backstage (I’m looking at you, Marcellas).
“Don’t mind me and my massive knife wound!”
And speaking of looking dumb, Michael “Cowboy” Ellis stepped onto the stage wearing a sleeveless shirt and his standard, goofy, dumbstruck face. Jase also managed to impress with his awfulness. His hair still looked like a bird’s nest — but now it was a bird’s nest that had been through two years of regurgitated worms and bird shit. In other words: it was horrendous.
Also not faring well in the hair category was none other than Julie Chen. Her hair helmet, or Chelmet, looked to be in complete disarray. Clumps of hair were going in every which way. Mayhaps there was a technical failure just before the show that caused her to roll around on a pillow for half an hour in the green room.
Anyway, Julie welcomed everyone back to the show and then said, “We’ve said in the past, ‘Expect the unexpected’ and ‘Do Not Assume.’ Well, that holds true for this season.” For instance, do not assume that the Chenbot HAS A COMB AND HAIRSPRAY. Seriously, someone fix that Chelmet.
Nevertheless, Julie had wonderful news. Thanks to the massive voter turnout and because the vote was so close, the producers were now going to let in the eight most popular cast members, up from six. No one was more shocked than Cowboy, whose face seemed just as perplexed as that day when he discovered that cow poop isn’t made from chocolate milk.
Well, let’s get down to business. Julie read off the top four females. First to receive a key to the house: Janelle, of course. Cheers all around the TVgasm offices. Second, and this was a surprise: Erika. I like Erika a lot. I liked her on Big Brother 4, and I’ve since gotten to know her in the real world, and she’s incredibly sweet. But still, I did not expect her to win the audience vote. I thought for sure she’d be a producer pick. She’s not much of a schemer, but she will bring heart to the season, and that’s very important.
Third in the house was Nakomis, a girl who was very popular during Big Brother 5, especially with her groundbreaking “six finger plan.” But in the wake of last season’s intense rivalries, Nakomis just didn’t seem like a natural choice for All Stars. Nevertheless, she can be lots of fun to watch, and we certainly could have done much worse; so, I won’t complain too much. Last of the women was Diane, which surprised me. No, not because she’s a bad player or anything. I was just shocked that the viewers didn’t vote in Danielle or Ivette. Still, Diane is not a bad pick. She’s very emotional, and I love watching her mouth off on people. She had better not make any more strategical missteps though.
Anyway, the girls all ran into the house, and almost immediately, we saw Janelle talking to us from the diary room. “I really wasn’t that surprised that America voted me back into the house,” she said. God, it was great to see her back on the show. Best reality star EVER.
Well, the four girls ran all over the place, and decided to set up camp in what used to be the Gold Room. It now was fitted with a huge four-person, novelty-sized bed. I don’t know why these girls wanted to share one giant bed, but I guess it was better than the cots in the next room.
Nakomis, meanwhile, began to fret that she was the ugliest one of all. The other girls were all pretty and into makeup and everything, but she was just blah. Listen, don’t complain, Nik. You’ve had two years to get all the plastic surgeries and makeovers you’d need for a comeback. Diane, on the other hand, was preoccupied with Erika. “How she got on America’s vote… [shrug],” she said. I’ll tell you how: it starts with a “b” and rhymes with “rubies.”
Now it was time for the guys. Julie pulled the first key out of the box, and was it just me, or did she seem nervous? Chenbot was gulping big time (nice touch, programmers!). I could understand. In the words of Cowboy, this entire process was very nervousing.
Well, first into the house from the men was Hurricane Howie. He’s a likable, funny guy. Let’s just keep him out of any strategical situation. As Cowboy stared at the ceiling in hope of future glory, Julie called the next person: Kaysar. Of course. Once again, i was very happy. However, Kaysar did lose a few points for growing an unwieldy ‘fro. Has he never heard of Fantastic Sam’s?
Next in was James, which brought the tally to three BB6 guys. Quite impressive. And taking the last spot was none other than the man who singlehanded killed the metrosexual revolution: Jase. We immediately cut to Dr. Will and Marcellas, both of whom reeled with shock. They totally assumed they were getting in. Ha! Suckers!
Like the girls, the men raced into the house like chickens with their heads cut off. “It’s like Big Brother 6!” exclaimed Jase. Yes, just like Big Brother 6, except for all the non-Big Brother 6 people. Nevertheless, Jase then rhetorically asked us, “Did I just time warp into Big Brother 6?” No, Jase. You time warped into the era of AWFUL, AWFUL HAIR. Did you even see yourself two years ago?
By the way, props to Howie for wearing a “Thanks Julie” t-shirt inside the house. I have nothing but respect for that.
Kaysar, meanwhile, proudly staked out his territory, saying that no one would be able to get rid of the BB6ers. “You can’t evict us all at once,” he said. Yeah, um, that’s what you said about the Sovereign Six. Besides, if there’s some challenge that involves keeping a thumb on a button, I think we all know that Kaysar will be first out.
We then returned to Julie outside the house as she told us that after the break, she would announce the remaining six players. Ah, but there was no “but first.” Just the pedestrian “When we return” instead. C’mon Julie. It’s your catch phrase! Use it!
After the break, Julie polled the remaining All-Stars to see if they were surprised about the selections so far. And yes, they were very surprised. Marcellas said, “I am in shock. I am America’s black, gay sweetheart!” Funny, I thought that was Al Reynolds. RIMSHOT!
Well, Julie began pulling out more keys, and first from the group to head into the house was season two winner, Dr. Will. No surprise there. Also getting a second chance was Danielle from season three, and no, Marcellas was not happy about that at all. But any ill-will he was feeling was temporarily erased when Julie then called his name too. Marcellas jumped all around, acting excited and surprised (even though he knew he was getting in the house no matter what). It was all worth it to see him happily embrace the Chenbot, causing her to let out a patented “Ha. Ha. Ha.” guffaw. As he then sprinted off towards the front door, Julie joked, “Can’t imagine what would happen if he didn’t make it in.” Well, well, well. Looks like someone pre-programmed in a little improv algorithm!
Next into the house was Alison (barf) and then… Mike Boogie? Why? Who thought this was a good idea? Later, I realized it was the producer’s way of giving Dr. Will a sidekick to bounce ideas off of, but still, he just took up a valuable spot that Ivette or Cowboy could have taken.
But if you thought that was bad, wait until you hear the final member of this season’s cast. It was… CHICKEN GEORGE. What the hell, producers! I know you need someone to represent the older generation, but last season didn’t have any fogies, and it did just fine. Ivette wuz robbed, yo! Wow. I can’t believe I’m actually taking Ivette’s side on something. What a difference a year makes.
Seriously though. Chicken George. Chicken George. Suck is too light a word. This man needs to go away and never come back. He’s not charming and silly. He’s dumb and idiotic. If I wanted to watch a tragic midlife crisis, I’d go to a Corvette dealership.
Anyway, as George stepped off the podium and towards Julie, he muttered in shock, “So cool!” And no, he could not have possibly been describing himself. The only advantage of having Chicken George in the house is that since he first appeared on the show back in season one, the amount of scheming and backstabbing has certainly escalated. It’ll be nice to watch someone in this pool of pros totally get sideswiped by the game.
The new gang then headed inside the house where everyone hugged and kissed and whatnot. Yay fleeting friendship! Danielle then appeared on screen and said, “Eventually, it’s gonna get ugly.” She then added, “Just like my tacky see-through cityscape shirt!” Oh, and when Danielle said “eventually,” she should have said “right now,” because we then cut to Marcellas talking shit about her. He said the two still had so much bullshit left over from their season (four years ago, no less). She, in turn, told us that Marcellas had a chip on his shoulder because she was a strong, black woman. And if that wasn’t enough intrigue, we had other simmering tensions with the season four girls. Erika reminded us how Alison pretty much screwed her over in the game and how she wasn’t quite sure if three years was long enough for Alison to actually change as a person. We then cut to Alison insincerely telling Erika, “I’m sorry!” Yeah, I don’t think she’s changed much. Gosh, remember when she was on The Amazing Race for two seconds. How random was that in retrospect? Janelle and Kaysar should totally race next season!
Nevertheless, Alison was not happy that Erika was around. “Why me and her?” she asked, showing a flagrant disregard for that thing we call basic grammar. She continued, “Me and Erika hate each other. This is gonna be great.” Alison, I think you answered your own question. Why you and Erika? Because you’ll fight like dawgs.
Elsewhere in the glass house, Mike Boogie was already casting stones: “In my normal life, I’d never be hanging out with a man named Chicken George.” So says a man who calls himself Mike BOOGIE, mayor of CHILLTOWN. To be fair, despite his poseur nickname, Mike had every right to be mortified of Chicken George, especially when he broke out some lame freestyle. Something called the Snoop George something or another. I was embarrassed for mankind at that moment.
Once they were done staring at the freakshow that was Chicken George, Dr. Will and Mike then ascended to the second floor and began aligning against Kaysar and James. “It’s funny to me that America just loves Kaysar,” Boogie complained. You know, maybe if you didn’t cover your body in arm and headbands, America would love you too, BOOGIE.
If only there were more bands to wear…
Meanwhile, downstairs, James was already sniffing out the Dr. Will / Boogie alliance. Yes, it was going to be a Battle Royale this summer between these two sharp contingents. I couldn’t even imagine how this would wind up — especially once the pesky free-agents like Danielle and Alison and Diane get in the mix.
Dr. Will then bashed Kaysar some more, promising that “I’m gonna pull the mask off. People aren’t going to like what they see. It’s going to look like flesh on the outside; rip it open, and it’s just circuitry and wires.” Wait, was he talking about Kaysar or the Chenbot? Because if he lays a hand on Julie, I’m driving right over to CBS Radford and clocking him in the face!
After the commercial break, Julie explained to us all about the Head of Household. For those of you who’ve never actually seen Big Brother, the Head of Household nominates two people for eviction (and also gets a swanky room full of minor luxury items too). Normally, whoever’s Head of Household is immune from going on the chopping block, but Julie then told us there would be a twist to this season’s first Head of Household competition. What could it be?
For the first time ever, there would be two HOHs! They would share a bedroom and share responsibility to nominate two people for eviction (wh-wh-whaa?). Oh, and if they couldn’t agree on nominees, they would lose all their privileges and go on the chopping block! Wow. That really was a twist. We didn’t know if this would be the way it would work all season or if it was just a one time deal. Either way, it was definitely very clever and could turn the game on its head. Personally, I liked it, but would like to see the classic, singular HOH power structure for the whole season. Occasional weeks with dual HOHs would be fine though.
Anyway, the house guests all headed outside for the competition where they found the backyard all gussied up like a big, Dallas Cowboys dance club. Actually, Marcellas said it best when he likened it to a gay disco. Nevertheless, for this challenge, seven people would stand on small pedestals that would rotate on a turntable. The other seven people would then launch a fifty-pound “asteroid” and try to knock people off their perches. Last person standing would win HOH, and then the groups would switch places and do it all over again.
But first! Julie had a twist. “I think we need to add some color to the first HOH competition,” she said enticingly. Oooh! What would it be? Brazilian samba dancers descending in parachutes? Nope. Instead, Julie turned on a random fountain spewing what appeared to be orange soda. Oh. Okay. I guess that counts as color. Unnecessary color, but color nonetheless.
First launcher up was Nakomis who made quick work of Howie with her first asteroid attack. Danielle launched next and aimed for her old rival Marcellas, but alas, she missed him entirely. Kaysar then took out Mike Boogie (he didn’t want to be so forward as to aim for Dr. Will, but he could certainly take out the sidekick).
Mike, meanwhile, told us, “I acted like I was trying to resist.” Turns out he didn’t want to win the competition anyway. Sure. Just like you didn’t want to wear those stupid arm bands, but your hands just slipped into them by accident.
Janelle sent an asteroid hurtling towards the players, and while it only lightly grazed Erika, that was enough to send her falling off her post. Nakomis then knocked James off, and Diane successfully took Dr. Will out of the game. He actually hopped onto the asteroid, thinking that he could get back onto his pedestal on the swing back, but all that happened was that he wound up deposited in the Fanta fountain. Oops. I don’t know why no one was merely throwing their elbow into the asteroid instead. Transfer the momentum back, baby!
Eventually, it came down to Jase and Marcellas. Danielle launched the asteroid right in between the two guys, and thinking quickly on his feet, Jase pushed the fake rock into Marcellas. America’s black, gay sweetheart fell to the ground, thus granting Jase HOH status.
The launchers then became the targets and round two began. Howie struck Nakomis off quickly (and from behind), and in typical Nakomis style, she smiled and brushed it off with a quick “It’s cool.” Yeah, COOL BEANS.
Later, Will launched the asteroid in an ill-advised, roundabout trajectory, and yet he still somehow managed to knock Kaysar off. The Good Doctor then told us, “I think he has an air of arrogance about him which is undeserved.” Uh, he’s like the most popular Big Brother player ever. That’s grounds for arrogance.
James then took Diane out, leaving a nasty stain on her dress in the meantime. It was like she’d just spilled a giant bowl of Chef Boyardee on her dress. Marcellas then tried to knock Danielle off, but somehow he missed her. Not an easy task — have you seen her bootay? Sir Mix-a-Lot would be sprung.
Next up, Jase aimed for Janelle but accidentally bopped Alison off her post. Then Erika, who seemed barely able to hold the asteroid, launched the rock at Chicken George. It couldn’t have been going terribly fast, but the thing hit him in the back, and he fell down aggressively, nearly hitting his neck and head in the process. Great. Just what we need: Million Dollar Chicken George.
Soon it was down to Janelle and Danielle, and with Howie set to take out the next person, it wasn’t hard to see how this would unfold. Danielle was soon sent off her stump, making Janelle the second HOH of the evening. Yes, Jase and Janelle. What a combo. Time to start playing people against each other, Danielle then told us. By all means, don’t let us stop you!
After the break, we then headed into the new HOH room, which was decked out in all light blue. It was kind of nasty. I imagined it was what the bathrooms looked like in some outmoded hotel in South Beach. On the plus side, the place was littered with photos, including one from Janelle’s infamous “Bye Bye Bitches” victory lap last season. Unfortunately, pics of Janelle mean pics of Jase too, and we soon learned that he was now entering the “sanctimonious father club.” No, he had not spawned (thank god). But he was marrying a girl and inheriting a step-daughter named Caleigh.
“When I played Big Brother 5, it was all about me. And now, Big Brother All-Stars, I’m not just playing for myself, but I’m playing more so for Heidi and Caleigh,” he said. Yeah right. He was still playing for himself. I’m sure that picture of Caleigh just came with the frame.
Boogie then complained to us about how when he was HOH in season two, all he got was a comforter and a bag of nuts. In other news, WE DON’T CARE. I’m not impressed or moved or shocked by the lowly conditions of the early seasons. Sometimes things get better with age. Like fashion. Get rid of the damn BANDS.
Dr. Will then told us that the HOH room was a big waste of time and energy. He wasn’t going to even step inside his if he were to win Head of Household. I’ll hold him to that. Actually, I’d kick everyone out of the Gold Room and take the giant bed for myself. How fun would that be? I’d totally make star patterns with my arms and legs.
Alison then joined in on the HOH room bashing, saying how when she was in the house, there were no newfangled spy screens. “I’ve never seen anything like it!” she insisted. I could understand. Security monitors are CA-RAZY!!! What with the watching and the spying and Jell-o Pudding Pops. (Sorry, in my mind, I was writing that line as if Kenan Thompson were doing his Bill Cosby impersonation.)
Later on, we heard plucky caper music, which meant it was time for some lighthearted fun. Turns out this was the score to Jase and Janelle’s uneventful nomination deliberations. Neither of them could figure out who to put up, especially since all the players were so good, they didn’t want to make any enemies so early. Janelle suggested putting Chicken George up, noting that he would surely go first. Sounds like a great plan to me. Let’s do it!
Ah, but nothing’s ever easy in the Big Brother house. Downstairs, Danielle realized that no one had come to her to strategize or ally or anything. She knew it was time to stir the pot and create uneasiness, and she also knew the only way to bring about uneasiness was to cause doubt. Ah, if only Terry had Danielle around on Survivor: Exile Island. Danielle’s big plan was to convince Jase to disagree with Janelle and intentionally put himself on the chopping block. This way, everyone could get rid of Janelle — and furthermore, Danielle would be saved from nomination. She immediately recruited George and Alison for the plan, and everything seemed to be going well until Danielle said they had to tell Janelle. Why? Not sure, but now Alison was concerned that Danielle may have been trying to align with the BB6ers. Yes, paranoia and suspicion were already thick in the air, and it was only forty minutes into the season.
Well, Danielle went and told James about the plan. I think she was trying to make them think that everyone was gonna gun after Jase, but it still was a risky and unnecessary move. She basically just alerted Janelle that a scheme was afoot. Outside, Alison told Diane, Jase, and Boogie about the idea, but then she also let it slip that Danielle was talking to the BB6ers about it too, which of course caused Jase to think, “Hey, maybe they’re trying to get me out and not Janelle.” He immediately sought out Janelle to find out what she knew, and as he headed into his HOH room, Jase found her and James and Kaysar hanging out.
“There they are, Big Brother 6 people. BUSTED!” Jase told us. So you found the obvious, visible alliance hanging out with itself? WELL DONE! He really blew the lid off that!
Anyway, the Heads of Household conferred about the situation, and Janelle became very mad at Danielle that she would gun for her so early. Danielle hadn’t been on the radar, but now she was dead center! Yup, she overplayed her cards. I mean, she should have known that Alison would share vital information and screw things up. Well, it seemed like everything was backfiring, and on top of that, Jase had now squirmed his way into the season six alliance. By agreeing to agree on the nominations, he had now implicitly joined the group — or so it would appear. Jase said he didn’t want to be part of the alliance, but he sure as hell would act like it. Hmmm… I don’t like this smarter Jase person. Please let this be temporary.
In the first big omen for the season six alliance, James then told us that when it came to Jase, “I trust him more than I trust Kaysar, and I trust him more than I trust Janelle.” Other things he trusts: hobos, psychics, and ENRON.
After the break, we then caught Alison trying to start an alliance of Boogie, Will, Jase, Chicken George, and Nakomis. The shared goal would be to pluck off all the season sixers. Jase said he would be down with it, especially if they could ditch Dr. Will and Boogie later. Plus, he said he’d be willing to disagree with Janelle on nominees. Uh oh. This could be bad news. He should know better than to follow Alison’s orders…
We then headed into the nomination ceremony, and in the diary room, Dr. Will insisted, “Anyone who doesn’t nominate me is an IDIOT.” He wasn’t exactly wrong. He was, however, playing it up for the cameras just a tad. Simmer down, Dr. Will. We can smell shtick five miles away.
Anyway, let’s get this nomination ceremony started. The first key out of the box was Marcellas’s, indicating that he was safe. He was followed by Erika, Nakomis, Diane, James, and Chicken George (drats!). Next on the safe list was Kaysar, or as George called him, “Kay-Zar.” Apparently Chicken George never heard the correct pronunciation over the din of his Snoop Chicken George floetry.
Well, after Kaysar, Mike Boogie and Howie were safe, which meant it was down to Alison, Danielle, and Dr. Will. I thought Howie would surely pick Alison’s key next, but instead, it was Dr. Will, leaving the two ladies as this season’s first nominees.
“Dang. All that stuff I started, boy, bit me in the butt!” Danielle said. And yes, there’s plenty of butt to be bitten. Turns out that despite all of Alison’s empty promises, Jase still understood that the stupidest move would be to trade in all the power and safety of HOH to go on the chopping block. This infuriated Alison, who took out her wrath on Janelle. She accused her rival of having big fake hair and big fake boobs (earth shattering developments!), and then she said, “This is NOT the way I play Big Brother!” I didn’t even know what she meant by that. Seriously, it made no sense. I hope she wasn’t insinuating that her strategy always involves the moral high ground because we know she be lying about that.
Dr. Will, meanwhile, expressed outrage and frustration about not being nominated. He wanted to be perceived as a threat, dammit! Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get it. You’re evil. Tempting fate. Blah blah blah. I respect that you’ve created this whole character and have rehearsed all these “outrageous” sound bites for the camera, but honestly, tone it down. Add some nuance.
To our delight, Julie Chen suddenly reappeared on screen, no longer in her pantsuit but instead wearing a lovely black cocktail dress. And ooh! Were those little red peppers hanging from her ears? Nevertheless, she escorted us to commercial break, again without saying you-know-what, and when we came back, I thought for sure she’d utter her catch phrase. I mean, those two little words have earned her serious ink in Entertainment Weekly, let alone the internet. She had to say “But first.”
But no. She certainly teased us enough as she made that sudden turn towards the camera, threatening to say the words we so wished to hear. Sadly, it was all for naught. Julie sat on her famous phrase, and as we headed into the closing credits, a fine mixture of disappointment and yearning overcame me. Luckily, I was soon distracted by random footage of the guests swimming by the pool. My eyes nearly went blind as the camera trained on Dr. Will. Would it have killed him to have hit the Mystic Tan before coming in? Maybe just a little bronzer? Anything?
Looks like somebody took a roll in the flour!
And that was the first episode! What did you think? Living up to the hype so far? Or not so much? Oh, and I was going to call this post “Big Brother Returns,” in honor of Superman, but then I changed my mind. Still, I made this little photoshop rendering, and I couldn’t bare to see it go to waste: