But First…

Big Brother

By B-Side | Monday, September 19, 2005 | 2:12 am | 53 Comments

Click on Julie Chen to play…

In honor of tomorrow night’s finale of Big Brother, I’ve decided to compile every single Julie Chen “But First” of the season into one, easy to digest montage. For those of you who don’t watch Big Brother or for those of you who simply don’t understand why we call Julie Chen “The Chenbot,” simply take a gander at this montage, and maybe you too will understand the robotic precision that thrills us all. From the nearly identical vocal tones to the perfectly tuned blocking, Julie Chen is both amazing and scary in her consistency from week to week. Bravo Chenbot on another wonderful season!

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53 Comments

  1. 1
    Lubin Odana
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 3:45 am

    Hilarious! Only Julie could have something so banal as “but first” as her catch-phrase. I love the Chenbot and I love you too for loving her.

    All those but-firsts started to sound like “Butt-first” as if Julie was giving instructions on sexual positions. Scary.

  2. 2
    TinkerbellAPixie TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 4:39 am

    OMG that was hilarious. And Lubin, I rushed in to post nearly exactly the same thing – it really did go from “but” to “butt”. How funny!

  3. 3
    boondocksaint
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 5:43 am

    Wow…

    Possibly the scariest thing I have ever seen. I could have sworn some of those were just the same clip over and over again, that’s how freaking robotically consistent she is.

    I’d say the funniest one was the one in the middle that has the slight crescendo and head-bob.

    And yes, after awhile, it sounds like she is saying “BUTT FIRST” instead of “but, first…”.

    Btw, I’m sure you have been itching to let that little gem go all season as you made your compilation. ;)

    Bravo, B-Side!

  4. 4
    tic tac?
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 6:15 am

    Oh my gosh! I just woke up, and this little montage of “Butt-firsts” just made my day. Today is going to be great! Thanks B. Just the kind of shit that I love.

  5. 5
    happy_gal
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 6:54 am

    To quote G-Ram . . .

    BLOODY BRILLIANT!

    Spot on too, I might add!

  6. 6
    Retroqueen
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 8:04 am

    I have a suspicion that Les will be using that tape to spice up the Mooneves bedroom antics.

    BUTT FIRST!!!! LOL!

  7. 7
    byebyebeyatch
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 8:32 am

    Anyone else hear a Texas drawl in that?

  8. 8
    Greg
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 8:39 am

    Agree completely with tic tac? (#4) Thanks! Off to watch it again and again

  9. 9
    Lyndsay
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 8:41 am

    Amazing!

  10. 10
    Hot4Howie
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 8:47 am

    good gravy, that is f’ing phenominal.

    “Butt first Julie, butt first!”

  11. 11
    Ousted
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 8:51 am

    I’d still fuck it. Butt first.

  12. 12
    dredge
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 9:35 am

    BUH FERSE..

  13. 13
    gillian
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 9:53 am

    I thought the same thing…it totally became “butt first.” Very funny.
    G.

  14. 14
    Mike
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 10:45 am

    Sensational. I’m crying and I’m dying over here. The ‘Gasm is so where-it’s-at right now it’s not even funny.

    Except that it’s way, way effin’ funny.

  15. 15
    frank
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 10:57 am

    I’m kind of hearing a Bubba (forrest gump) accent towards the end. “hey, forrest, i’ll lean up against your back, and you can lean up against mine…that way we won’t have to sleep with our heads in the mud.”

  16. 16
    Sonia
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 11:21 am

    Frightening….wow.

  17. 17
    meeshie
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 11:27 am

    B-Side, I think you and the Chenbot should spawn.

  18. 18
    Mark
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 12:40 pm

    You own. Hands down.

  19. 19
    Princess Sparkle Pony
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 1:23 pm

    Ohhhhhh… god, that was good.

  20. 20
    British
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 1:51 pm

    I can now see the full chenbotness. Must be an easy routine :

    if (say(“butt first”)
    get_off_of(butt).

    Notice her tone is almost exactly the same each time?

  21. 21
    roxanne
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 2:55 pm

    absolutely terrifying. sent chills down my spine.

  22. 22
    mikey
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 4:37 pm

    Awesome!!!…Thank you!!!

  23. 23
    Chentastic
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 4:47 pm

    BRILLIANT!
    Too effin funny….

  24. 24
    butthirsty
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 4:59 pm

    bbbbbbbbwaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhahahahaa
    i think i am going to pee my pants. wait. no thinking about it.
    i kept hearing “butt thirst” , and had to play it three times to get it all in between my snorts of laughter.
    thank you thank you.
    too funny.

  25. 25
    Maura
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 5:56 pm

    That was classic.

    Did anyone else notice that as the season winds down, her delivery of those magical two words has slowed down just a touch?

    Maybe Chenbot needs a pre-finale tuneup.

  26. 26
    Seth
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 7:20 pm

    Holy freaking crap, that was hilarious! See, I didn’t hear “butt-first” as much as I heard “bu-firs,” sort of like she had a speach impediment where she left off the “T”s. Seriously, it got really bad towards the end…maybe all of the head bobbing and nodding threw speech chip out of whack

  27. 27
    vickie
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 8:01 pm

    I love to hate Julie Chen, she is so robotic, with the head bob, too. And where does she get her wardrobe? I’ve never seen clothes like the ones she wears. Sorry to admit I too watch BB, so sorry that Janie didn’t win !

  28. 28
    chenterprises
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 8:01 pm

    Screw the Janey Dolls! Mommy, Mommy, I want a “Butt-First” Julie Chen Doll!!!!

    Chenbot doll is in a seated position with her legs crossed. When you push the button on her back, she exclaims a strong “But First” as she unfolds her legs and stands up. You will need to press her camel toe to sit her back down. Novelty Chenbot couch sold separately. Batteries not included.

  29. 29
    joslyn
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 8:42 pm

    Haven’t watched the show since the first lame season-but that was funny-great way to end the day!

  30. 30
    Someone special
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 9:31 pm

    Did anyone notice, when she was sitting on the couch, how her legs uncrossed exactly the same every time, as well?

    Fascinating…

  31. 31
    museglet
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 10:03 pm

    CHENBOT MALFUNCTION ALERT!!!!!
    …On tonight’s E.T., Mary Hart was interviewing Les and Julie on the red carpet last night, and Les said something about being late because of the traffic (not looking like he was in a good mood, though from what I hear, that’s his usual demeanor, at least until the “CBS Evening Happy News” debuts). Anyway, Mary says to Julie, “who’s to blame for being late, you or Les?”, and then: pause–pause–pause (blank Chenbot stare)–pause, and Julie finally sputters out, with sparks flying: “Neither–no comment–hahahaha”. You guys should try to catch it on the rerun on channel 9 tonight, it’s worth a screencap.

  32. 32
    Helenann
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 11:36 pm

    How does the Chentbot enter a room?
    Butt first…
    (sorry, lame, but I too heard it as, Butt First…) Maybe it’s
    “Butt Furs”…when I played it, my husband said, “What was that???” That was the magic of TVgasm, my love!

  33. 33
    growtess
    Posted September 19, 2005 at 11:38 pm

    it appears that her plastic surgery created a perfect appearing nose that deprives her of adequate oxygen, thus the highly nasal intonations and a cadence of speech dominated by short phrasings to accomodate the limited capacity for air intake…appearently even just the two words in discussion
    reveal this compromised ennunciation disaster which is the key to her intrigue

  34. 34
    helmut
    Posted September 20, 2005 at 12:09 am

    definitely saying “butt forest”

    a vast wilderness of butts. a veritable butt forest.

  35. 35
    Malnathor
    Posted September 20, 2005 at 7:32 am

    I wanna screw Julie Chen in da butt.

  36. 36
    CopyCat
    Posted September 20, 2005 at 12:48 pm

    Mommy, Mommy, I want a “Butt-First” Julie Chen Doll!!!!

    Chenterprises (#28) That is effing hysterical!!

    Where can I buy one!!

  37. 37
    Greg
    Posted September 20, 2005 at 1:17 pm

    Wouldn’t it be great if TVgasm launched a line of “But First…” clothing and memorabilia?

    I think there are a bunch of websites where you just have to submit a JPEG file and they will put them on mousepads, mugs, t-shirts, etc.

    There would have to be little booty shorts with “But First!” on them of course.

    Hope everyone enjoys watching the finale tonight!

  38. 38
    James C
    Posted September 20, 2005 at 1:50 pm

    I want that BYE-BYE, BITCHES T-shirt that Sarah showed off in the last episode. That had me rollin’.

  39. 39
    J
    Posted September 20, 2005 at 5:07 pm

    Its like an audio rorscache test. At first I hear ‘But first…’, then it just begins to morph into all these glorious sounds and pictures in my head. But the 8th ‘But first…’ I’m having mental pictures of rabbits sliding down mountaintops. Quite unsettling.

    Also, I believe that clip causes seizures, just letting you know.

  40. 40
    Katie
    Posted September 20, 2005 at 5:42 pm

    LOL!

  41. 41
    Brian
    Posted September 20, 2005 at 7:09 pm

    That was an adorable work of art.

  42. 42
    Karen
    Posted September 20, 2005 at 7:41 pm

    James, you can get the “bye bye bitches” shirts here:

    http://www.cafepress.com/lunachicks/847217

  43. 43
    Seanaci
    Posted September 20, 2005 at 8:09 pm

    OMG! I’ve never laughed so hard.

    Did you guys notice to how she uses her head as well when saying that? Everything is so perfect…she’s gotta be a bot! >_<

  44. 44
    laura
    Posted September 20, 2005 at 8:24 pm

    HOW DO I GET THIS DAMN THING TO GO???????????

  45. 45
    cj
    Posted September 20, 2005 at 11:33 pm

    hilarious after tonight I needed that

  46. 46
    Uk Girl
    Posted September 21, 2005 at 2:47 am

    Fantastic “Butt First” and don’t forget the leg cross!

    Classic Julie LOL

  47. 47
    keith karz
    Posted September 21, 2005 at 6:08 am

    I’m always in favor of anything butt-first.

  48. 48
    er
    Posted September 21, 2005 at 11:52 am

    It’s Tim Russert’s “Meet the Press” catchphrase, dammit!!!!!

    friggin’ cheater!
    and she’s gone way too orange on the spray tan!

  49. 49
    Karl
    Posted September 22, 2005 at 3:40 pm

    >>friggin’ cheater!
    >>and she’s gone way too orange on the spray tan!

    Well, that’s what happens when your skin color is decided by committee.

  50. 50
    amygirl
    Posted September 22, 2005 at 8:01 pm

    Oh my God, my stomach still hurts from the jiggling of my ribcage. I CAN’T STOP WATCHING IT!!!!!

  51. 51
    Jimmah!
    Posted September 23, 2005 at 7:35 am

    And the eeriest part of it all is how the background music seems to be all one flowing piece throughout the edits.

    I have watched it 15+ times. I can’t stop, it turns me on.

  52. 52
    nick
    Posted September 24, 2005 at 9:57 pm

    That is too hysterical.. and of course, creepy.

    But TOtally creepy was Julie’s performance on Friday’s CBS Morning show.. she was having obvious and uncomfortable difficulties in reading the teleprompter, doing lines, segueways, and interviews.. was she…
    A. Recovering from surgery, on meds?
    B. Recovering from the Big Brother cast party?
    C. Still imbibing from the night before?

    I admit to a guilty pleasure in having enjoyed over the years the other-worldliness that is Julie; whether she is in fatigues, or a June Cleaver gown. But having seen her on Friday morning, I’m truly concerned..it was surreal to see her stumble over the text, fumble with the interviews. Even her “perky face” was a struggle and appeared forced, so I hope she’s okay.
    Maybe Les needs to oil the Chenbot more regularly..

  53. 53
    mike
    Posted September 24, 2005 at 11:46 pm

    This is too funny, can someone make one for all time she said; “You can put your bag down.” and “Answers please.”?

    It would be even funnier if someone made a mock aerobics audio file using all her dialogue.

    I can imagine it already.

    Julie: “Is everyone ready?”

    “Let’s begin, and 1, and 2, and 3. Remember everyone, butt first. Powers up for grabs.”

    At the end of the workout she says: “You can put your bags down.”

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