House of Lying, Daggers: Meet the Big Brother Cast!

Big Brother

By B-Side | Wednesday, June 29, 2005 | 5:51 pm | 16 Comments

Chenbot2005It’s Big Brother time! In case you haven’t heard the latest, this season will feature fourteen houseguests, and each contestant will have a pre-existing relationship with one other roommate. However, they will be instructed to keep their alliance secret because they’ll be under the assumption that everyone else in the house doesn’t know each other. Very tricky. Can’t wait to see Julie Chen slur her way through that twist! I wonder what they’ll call it anyway. After “The Ex Factor” and “Project Do Not Assume,” I’m hoping for a similarly silly name. “Mission: Accomplice”? “Operation Buddy System”? “Secret S.A.N.T.A.” where the acronym stands for “Special Alliance Not To Announce”? Actually, according to Reality TV World, this season’s big tagline is “Summer of Secrets.” Secrets, eh? Might we finally see the Chenbot’s inner-wiring?

To read more about this season, check out the article here. And hey, the new houseguests’ bios are up. Noticeable trends: lots of Florida folks, lots of Cinnamon Toast Crunch fans, and lots of people who LOVE water. Also, so long you old fogeys. The most senior cast member is only 36. Boooo. Anyway, let’s take a look…

faces_cast


april April: Big Brother fans, don’t get too excited. This isn’t Cowboy’s hefty bride. No, April appears to be Lisa Kudrow’s long-lost, Applebee’s hostess of a sister. True, her bio claims she’s a pharmaceutical sales rep, but seriously, this woman looks like she’s spent the latter part of her life serving up “onion peels” and Diet Coke refills. She loves Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, The Bee Gees, planting (rolling eyes), Gobstoppers, Miller Light, and… water. Also ranking high: breathing. Yes, Middle America, April is your new favorite month of the year.
ashlea Ashlea: Ladies and gentlemen, our first odd spelling. Ashlea (possibly pronounced Ash-Leah) hails from Florida where she works as a fashion design student — a.k.a. potential idiot. She appears to be the total Oh My Gawd girly girl as evidenced by her love of girls’ night out. Her favorite sports teams are the Miami Heat and the “New York Nicks,” the latter of which we’ll assume is some makeshift assemblage of New Yorkers named Nick. As for her favorite movie: the ageless classic, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. You just know she’s going to be one of the people who gets to see a sneak peak of Paramount’s latest crap-tacular August dud and rave, “Oh my god. It was so amazing. Ashton Kutcher is a genius.” Oh, and as Madeyoulaugh has already noted, she got a nose job. Heh.
beau Beau: Two snaps for the next Marcellas! Everyone meet Beau, the ab-fab personal shopper from Pembroke Pines, F-L-A. His favorite movies include Legally Blonde and Clueless, which he certainly watches while sipping from his favorite drink, the apple martini. Beau has no favorite bands (whither singing sensation Hot Caramel featuring Irene Cara?), but his favorite actress is… Dakota Fanning? That’s not only creepy and gross, but… well, yeah, just creepy and gross. Now I hate you, Beau.
eric Eric: Because it wasn’t enough to have a low-rent Marcellas in Beau, the producers decided to mine Big Brother 3 again by presenting us with another New England firefighter named Eric. Yay! Eric serves as this season’s de facto working man as he hails from Boston, MA — reality TV’s new favorite hot spot. And in case we didn’t remember how blue collar he was, his favorites include Ladder 49, NYPD Blue, Robert DeNiro, Van Halen, hockey, and… water. Geez, what’s with the water love, people? But maybe there’s more to Eric than meets the eye. He seems in touch with his inner-metrosexual, professing love for Nicole Kidman, peanut butter protein bars, and Captain Morgan & Diet Coke. Also, he hates old school country. Does that mean that he likes LeAnn Rimes instead? That can’t be popular at the firehouse.
howie Howie: What’s the forecast for Howie? If you said cloudy with a chance of ridicule, you might be right. Howie’s an aspiring meteorology student whose geeky loves of Enter the Dragon, Star Wars, and, ahem, “reading meteorology” might be offset by his kickboxing prowess. Then again, his favorite bands are Hall & Oates and The Monkees, and his favorite TV shows include I Dream of Jeannie. Holy shit, this guy doesn’t realize it’s not 1978! Normally I’d snicker (well, I’m already doing that), but this is the summer of the geek, so hey, all power to him.
ivette Ivette: Finally, someone who looks like she might be cool. Serving as the third person hailing from Florida, Ivette’s interests seem relatively hip and credible. Not sure how I feel about her liking The L Word and Will & Grace, but at least she also listed The Inferno. Hmmm… am I the only one picking up a mild lesbian vibe here? Ivette loses two more points for ranking Brittany Murphy as her favorite actress (cough, Little Black Book, cough), and saying you love The Killers is so Winter 2005. Also, I’m always wary of reality stars who hail from the food industry. Hey, maybe I don’t like this girl after all.
james James: This guy LOVES the ’90s! His favorites include Grosse Pointe Blank, Benny & Joon, Pearl Jam, and The Offspring. That’s not to say he’s blind to today’s pop culture offerings. He does love Lil’ John, after all, and since he’s from Georgia, maybe we’ll even get to see some lame whiteboy crunk action. Eh, it’ll probably be just another hackneyed Dave Chappelle impersonation. By the way, James loves all Miami teams, making him the fourth person (including Ivette, Beau, and Ashlea) to have a boner for Florida sports. Oh, and he loves water and oatmeal cookies too. Exciting.
janelle Janelle: Yay! A sexpot! From Miami! Who loves the Miami Heat! More variety! Okay, this slut is pretty funny. Her occupation is “VIP Cocktail Waitress,” which, by the way, is a highly skilled profession. For instance, unlike a normal cocktail waitress, a VIP cocktail waitress has to… uh…put down that little “Reserved” sign. That’s hard work! What if she falls over? What if the sign falls over? What if she AND the sign fall over? Anyway, in case you couldn’t already tell, the girls will all absolutely hate Janelle (but can she top the nails-on-chalkboard allure of last season’s Holly?). Oh, and her favorite non-alcoholic beverage? Water! Magnificent! Can’t wait for the Playboy spread!
jennifer Jennifer: Don’t let the Rachel Ray face fool you. This girl may be cute, but she’s only an Arena Football cheerleader. If The Real World: Philly taught us anything, it’s that we should never get too excited about the AFL. Let’s see. What does she like… Will & Grace, Sex and The City, Newlyweds, and Meet the Barkers. So she has no taste. Great! At least she doesn’t love Miami teams and water. I predict that she’ll buddy up with Janelle but will eventually grow jealous and lash out in a bitter spat. Looking forward to that.
kaysar Kaysar: No, not Gaydar. Kaysar. This guy is slightly awesome, only because he seems to have rejected all of CBS’s stupid questionnaire. Films? No favorite. TV shows? No favorite. Actors? No favorite. Bands? No favorite. Hobbies, sports teams, outdoor activities, music, snacks, alcoholic drinks, NON-alcoholic drinks??? NO FAVORITE! HE HATES EVERYTHING! Ah, but his favorite cookie is Mrs. Fields white chocolate macadamia nut. Tee-hee! Okay, so basically, everyone’s gonna hate this guy for being so introspective. He’ll probably be one of the first to go, but if he makes it past the first week or two, he might be in for the long haul. After all, let’s not forget Jee’s run on Big Brother 4…
maggie Maggie: Wow, I’ve spent two seconds looking at her, and I’m already bored. Let’s see… she’s an emergency room nurse which means she’ll probably be carrying on with the “you don’t know what I’VE seen!” attitude. Her face looks mildly weathered for a 26-year-old, so she probably parties a bit, and I wouldn’t be surprised if drama followed her around as well (much like Diane and Dana, from the past two seasons respectively). Maggie probably thinks she’s a lot hotter than she is, which means she’ll be quickly unhinged by Janelle and Ivette upon entrance to the house. Oh, and she loves “every kind of heavy metal.” YES. White trash! Um, but why is Dave Matthews her favorite band? Never mind…
michael Michael: An artist from Orange County? Why, it sounds like we found Kaysar’s hidden ally. This guy seems to be all right. His tastes are fairly eclectic as his favorite bands are Guns N’ Roses and the Crystal Method. His favorite music ranges from opera to electronic, and his favorite TV show is The Simpsons. He’s got boyish good looks, and with such an open-ended questionnaire, it’s clear this guy will most likely be the player of the household. You like opera? So do I! You like milk? Me too!!
rachel Rachel: Here’s a question for you: who loves Practical Magic? You know, that witch movie with Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock? If you said “no one,” you’d be wrong because Rachel LOVES it. Coming in at the ripe old age of 33 (seriously, where are the old folks this season?), Rachel seems destined to be the house mom. Her minivan-friendly bands of Barenaked Ladies, UB40, and Maroon 5 define the word “safe” and like April, she can spend hours crying over Extreme Makeover: Home Edition episodes. Maternal figures (as long as they’re sweet and smiley) last long in this game, so I wouldn’t be shocked to see her make the top four or five.
sarah Sarah: Aww… a pretty, bland girl to play in the corner. Sarah will most likely spend several episodes crying in the backyard (and the bathtub and the bedroom and the kitchen) as she slowly cracks under pressure. And when I say pressure, I mean choosing between Coke and Pepsi. This toothy retail manager likes her romantic comedies, her Drew Barrymore, her fruits and vegetables (yum!), and pretty much everything else (except rap. Black people are scary!). This is a ready-made pawn if I’ve ever seen one. If she’s got any scheming chops, I’d be shocked.

The Alliances

Since this season’s big twist is that every person will have a secret, pre-existing relationship with someone else in the household, I’ve decided to guess who’s buddied up with who.

April and Jennifer — They’re both from Texas, duh.

Ashlea and Beau — She’s a fashion student, he’s a personal shopper. And they’re both from Florida.

Ivette and Janelle — They’re both from Miami Beach and both waitresses. Oh, sorry. Janelle is a VIP waitress.

Eric and Maggie — She may be from Vegas, but her love of Boston teams makes me think these two have some Beantown connections.

Kaysar and Michael — Both artists from Orange County, CA. ‘Nuff said.

Okay, now this is a little tricky.

I’m apt to say Howie and Sarah because they’re both dorky and from Chicago. But then again, I don’t see how Rachel and James are linked. Then again, Howie and Rachel both love Colorado sports, so maybe they’ve got the connection. That might make sense, considering Sarah and James have the same goofy smile. And people with the same goofy smile LOVE each other!

I guess we’ll have to wait until next week to find out the real deal. And I’m sure almost all my predictions will be negated within the first fifteen minutes of the season premiere. What do you think about the cast?

About

16 Comments

  1. 1
    Live Feed Whore
    Posted June 29, 2005 at 6:46 pm

    First things first, where is the freakish girl with the red/purple/green hair, nose rings, and scary emu clothes?No visually disturbing houseguests this year?
    Ok- its a longshot, but here is my prediction:
    Check out Janelle’s face- it has a man-ish quality, no?
    Your previous prediction is that Ashlea used to have twigs & berries. My prediction is that Janelle is a tranny who hooked up with Gaydar/Kaysar at some point. It would make sense that he filled nothing out in his questionnaire if his tranny lover Janelle dragged him into this, as Big Brother has been known to do in the past (remember Alison & Donny?)
    Outrageous? Yes, but oh wouldn’t it be rich?!

  2. 2
    Jon
    Posted June 29, 2005 at 6:49 pm

    OMG Kaysar, Howie , James, Micheal and the baldies ALL are VERY VERY hot. This is gonna be a fun season.

    Now if only they have as much nudity as the Australian version :( .

  3. 3
    Soriner
    Posted June 29, 2005 at 9:03 pm

    I actually think Ashlea, Janelle, AND Rachel have very mannish features. Perhaps the show chose one real transvestite and purposely picked a few manly looking chicks to make us guess which one is the real tranny.

  4. 4
    Ben
    Posted June 29, 2005 at 10:15 pm

    That Maggie chick has to be a dude! That “weathered look” is also known as “5 o’clock shadow”. There are modeling pics out there of the others where they prove to be full of boobs and apparent vaginas.

  5. 5
    Greg
    Posted June 29, 2005 at 11:21 pm

    Thank you Ben! I was thinking I was the only one who thought Maggie had the most masculine features out of the female members of the cast. I don’t know how I feel about this, although I do admit that I tried to convince my friend to sign up thinking that maybe they would do some kind of “allies-in-the-house” twist. I say I won’t watch it, but come on, who are we kidding!

  6. 6
    Ashes
    Posted June 30, 2005 at 8:11 am

    It’s too easy for all the people from the same locations, with similar jobs, and who like the same teams to be in the secret pairings together. Maybe I am overestimating the producers here, but it seems like surely they would choose at least a few sets of friends, relatives, former couples, etc. who now live far apart and do not list the same things on their surveys of likes and dislikes. And if the secret pairings are that obvious (e.g. the two artists from the same place) then one or both of them will have to lie about themselves in the house to avoid suspicion.

  7. 7
    Ben
    Posted June 30, 2005 at 8:52 am

    I read somewhere that Janelle lives in West hollywood. She’s got modeling shots all over the place. Some of the hometowns are fake or where they’re originally from, like wth Jase last year.

  8. 8
    Gruffydd
    Posted June 30, 2005 at 10:39 am

    I guess Molly Rindwald’s hard up – so she’s going after the BB 500K… (Sarah)

  9. 9
    Ashes
    Posted June 30, 2005 at 11:00 am

    A summary of BB changes from realityblurred.com:

    The winner might receive $1 million. That increased prize money correlates to another twist: every player now has a secret partner. According to Variety, “each pair of players will be told they’re the only two participants coming into the house with a partner ” even though there will actually be seven teams of two playing the game.” Producer Allison Grodner says that if they make it to the final two together, “the winner will get $1 million and the second-place person will get $250,000.” Luckily for CBS, if those alliances crumble, the prize is lowered to $500,000, with second place receiving just $50,000.

    The house itself has secrets: soon, “houseguests discover there are only 10 beds for the 14 of them. That’s because the new two-story house contains a secret bedroom.”

    Those who go online to find out more about what’s happening inside the house might get more than just shots of the front of the new house. That’s beacuse “producers might allow each week’s ˜head of household’ to maintain a blog, likely via CBS.com”a first for a network reality show,” Variety reports.

    The house also contains “a full-sized gym” and a private bath for the HOH.

    Finally, Julie Chen, no stranger to makeovers herself, isn’t being left out of all the makeovers. She’s getting a new studio to stand in.

  10. 10
    Plumes_Montreal
    Posted June 30, 2005 at 11:53 am

    Beau Beasley is gay and hangs out at parties with — are u ready??? — Connie Casserole. Check it out – google him and get the Sun and then do a search in the Newspaper..

    This is going to be a great season. Are they locked up now? If not, would they not be reading about the secret room, secret relations…. so many secrets, maybe Seacrest will become a secret??

    Where is Bartooz??

  11. 11
    Plumes Montreal
    Posted June 30, 2005 at 12:03 pm

    See Janelle in sexy bikini HERE

    http://www.fastdates.com/MEETMODL.HTM

    Fastdate?? MMmm

    and then go to

    http://www.fastdates.com/MeetModels/04JanellePerzina/Janelle01.HTM

    lotsa pics at the bottom of the page and then click page 2

  12. 12
    Plumes Montreal
    Posted June 30, 2005 at 12:19 pm

    Hy, it’s me again…

    http://www.newu.uci.edu/archive/1998-1999/spring/990412/n-990412-UCInq.html

    Kaysar Ridha at UC doesnt like anything!!

    Kaysar Ridha
    freshman, biological sciences
    I find nothing I like over there. There is a women’s lingerie place; I don’t find it useful.

    Looks like he could be Berhooz!!

    Rachel was the Maid of Honor at her mother’s wedding… it me or is that weird??

    http://www.etruth.com/News/Content.aspx?ID=349887&page=

    I guess that’s it for today.

  13. 13
    Stephanie
    Posted June 30, 2005 at 12:56 pm

    Why is this season only the young and beautiful? This is going to be like Real World minus the alcohol!

  14. 14
    Carmen
    Posted June 30, 2005 at 6:38 pm

    I read somewhere that there might be a HG blogging in secret the whole time, but damn if I can’t remember where!

  15. 15
    British
    Posted July 1, 2005 at 8:38 am

    I take it none are as hot as BB uk’s Lesley? Never saw the show, but saw the pics, DAYUM!

  16. 16
    Jet
    Posted July 6, 2005 at 1:52 pm

    Beau’s Dakota Fanning reference is a nod to the folks at DataLounge.

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