When Kaysar won Head of Household this past Thursday, we here at the TVgasm offices found ourselves presented with almost the perfect scenario for this stage of the game of Big Brother. The house was one large conglomerate of an alliance whose only bond was the persecution of the outcasts. Those outcasts included Kaysar, for his friendship with Michael and any number of reasons the mad midget Eric came up with, and Janelle, for her closeness to Michael and the fact she wanted to get back at everybody for voting out her secret partner Ashlea the first week. Now that the outcasts are effectively in power, they had a chance to stir shit up or play it safe. It looks like Kaysar and his crew decided on option A, and that is a wonderful thing.Michael’s eviction from the house was really no surprise. I still think that he got a raw deal for his behavior, but he didn’t fight his battle to stay in the house correctly, even if it was because he was up against his newfound love interest Janelle. He isolated himself and basically sealed his fate. I don’t know if people noticed, but when he left, it was one of the more tense exits from the house that we have seen the last couple of seasons. A lot of people were diplomatic and hugged him and said goodbye, but Ivette and Eric did not. Ivette “kept her happy butt in the chair” and Eric walked away because Michael “never apologized” to him. I guess all of that time he was telling Michael that they were all cool was just a bunch of bull.
And what exactly does Eric want an apology for? He never tells us. Was Michael supposed to say “Uh, Eric, I’m sorry that some people came and told you I was talking about your family and you used that misinformation to plot against me, accuse me of being a sexual predator, and then physically threaten me. Cool? Sweet.” I guess you could say that Michael never apologized for saying Eric is a midget and has a small penis, but let’s be honest – he is the shortest man in the house, and all of those steroids more than likely gave him a small penis. Truth hurts.
Other than Kaysar, Janelle was the happiest person in the house after the HOH competition. Janelle has not made a huge effort to make friends, and until she can form some sort of alliance, she would have looked forward to being on the block for a long time. Since people have picked up on how skilled she is in the game, there was no doubt she wouldn’t have lasted long. With Kaysar in the position of power, she could at least try and get one of her rivals (she mentioned Ivette and Jenny) to go before she did.
Since people know Janelle is probably Kaysar’s closest friend in the house, it’s fun to watch people suck up to her a little bit as well. Take April, for instance. As she and Janelle are having a smoke outside, Janelle mentions that she feels like she has no friends, to which April responds “I always liked you!” April then goes on saying that she might not have liked the way Janelle was in the house, but would surely be friends if she saw her outside. When Janelle said she thinks she is the same outside the house, April’s “I like you, but I don’t like you” story is destroyed. Janelle loved it too, saying she relished the look on April’s face because “she was busted.” Well, I wouldn’t consider April busted, but she is very old. Every time I look at her Michael Jackson nose, I think it is going to fall in.
There were a lot of people who weren’t happy with Kaysar winning HOH, including Ivette, who was upset because she said Allah must have been looking over Kaysar and must have given him HOH. Well, no shit Ivette! Do you think Kaysar prays so many times a day because he is asking to get screwed over? What’s her next complaint? “Oh, that bitch April, she’s always like ‘Give us this day our daily bread.’ What’s up with that? I HATE PB&J!!”
I have been kind of going back and forth on what to think about Kaysar. I really hate his apparent pacifism, because they are always the most boring in the house. Maybe he was just laying low. When talking about his win, Kaysar said he wanted to make people kiss his ass a little bit, and that is a VERY healthy attitude in the house, at least when it comes to our entertainment.
Speculation is rampant on what is going to happen. Ivette and Maggie talk about who is going to be nominated. Maggie believes that Kaysar will keep his promise to Eric, who said he would keep Kaysar safe for one week if Kaysar promised not to nominate him if he won HOH. The thought of this infuriated Ivette, because she couldn’t stand the thought that Janelle was going to be safe, saying that it was always the dumb who go far. “Hello pot? This is kettle. By the way, you’re black.” Oh yes Ivette, we forgot that you have a job as a waitress because you needed more time to work on your graduate thesis for your MBA, or Masters in Bitchy Antics to the rest of us. But Ivette does have reason to worry. As Janelle says, nominating Ivette “is a more personal decision, because we hate her.” NICE!
The most interesting thing about Kaysar winning is not that Janelle is friends with him, but that Howie seems to be just as tight with Kaysar as anybody in the house. James walks in on them talking in the gold room and immediately reports back to Eric. James had acted like he really went into the gold room to get some nuts and not spy on what is going on. He feels patronized that they asked him to stick around, because he knows they are not lying. Ah yes, James is upset that people are lying; will the wonders never cease. Of course, when Eric hears that Howie is making friends, he starts getting a little paranoid. “I KNEW THAT HOWIE IS TROUBLE WHY IS HE MAKING FRIENDS I MUST STOP THIS I KNEW JANELLE IS TROUBLE DOES IT ANNOY ANYBODY HOW INTENSE I AM ALL THE TIME I MUST SHOUT OR ELSE I WON’T BE ABLE TO HEAR ABOVE ALL THE VOICES IN MY HEAD I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND WHERE ARE MY PILLS SOMETIMES THAT HELPS.”
Kaysar finally gets his HOH room, and he gets the normal things, like pictures, a lot of Kosher meat, and…a hookah pipe? What? A hookah pipe? Now, hookahs are completely legal and popular in many parts of the world where people use them to smoke flavored tobacco. In California, hookah bars are popular, where you can see a lot of poseurs act like they are getting stoned off of this tobacco. Maybe Kaysar does only smoke plain tobacco in his, because he does seem really devout, but there are a lot of other uses for a hookah – I’ll let you use your imagination. I thought it was a little risqué for Big Brother, who knows, maybe they’ll let Janelle bring in a vaporizer so she can smoke some poppy seeds. Seriously though, do you think the ATF just knocked down Kaysar’s door?
After everybody filed out, we learned what a lot of us expected. Kaysar told Janelle that they both lost their partners, so they might as well partner up. This is a huge risk for Kaysar, because he still has some decent good will in the house, and Janelle is probably the most hated still. They realize that everybody has a secret partner, and start naming them off. Kaysar decides that he is going to have to divide and conquer, but he still wants to feel out some people to see if he can trust them.
One of these people Kaysar wants to trust, or at least use their trust to his advantage, is James. He talks to James, and he mentions how he has figured out all of the pairings. When asked if he is with Sarah, James decides to lie, saying that he was supposed to come in with a partner, but at the last minute he had to pull out, so James went in there alone. James has told a lot of lies, and when Kaysar asks him point blank, he lies again. It seems that Kaysar believes him, and James says that if he pulls this off, he must be the best liar in the world.
When Janelle consults with Kaysar about the whole things, she tells him that James can’t be trusted and that he will say anything if it makes him safe. She says that they have to shake things up. The best thing would be for them to nominate James and Maggie. That way, you can expose two alliances, and make perhaps the two biggest power brokers in the house, James and Eric, fight against each other. It may be enough to fracture the house and realign things for a much more interesting summer. Kaysar takes the advice, but you are left wondering if all that talk James has against Janelle is starting to sink in.
While we think about that, we get some updates on a few stories in the house. First, we get Ivette talking to April. Ivette is crying because she can’t tell people in the house about her great relationship, how she met her girlfriend, how much she loves her, etc. Maybe some of the people who get the live feeds can fill me in, because I don’t want to make fun of somebody if they truly have concerns about their relationship, but what’s stopping Ivette from talking about her girlfriend? There have been openly gay people on the show, and although they have usually been single or haven’t mentioned significant others back home, I didn’t think they were prevented from saying anything. Is she afraid people at home would find out about a secret relationship? I wouldn’t think that would be the reason, because her sobbing in the diary would have ruined that.
Over/Under on how long April tells everybody Ivette’s a lesbian? 2.5 weeks.
So Ivette is worried, but needs to tell somebody. I would think having Beau there would be enough of a support system, but she decides that she is going to tell April, who hears the news and says “Oh, I appreciate that,” to which I thought she was going to follow up with “now I can keep you away from my kids” but in reality April was very supportive and said she wouldn’t tell a soul. Good job Ivette! Tell the most gossipy woman in the house to keep a secret! What was that you said about the dumb girls always going far? You’re doing a great job.
The other bit of filler that we get is more craziness from Howie. I am a little worried because it seems that there is going to be a lot of this stuff, and if they can’t find anything else, the house is a little boring. There really isn’t much new, except that Howie likes to tell Rachel how hot she is, comment on her underwear, and straddle her from behind while she is laying on the bed. This really pisses of Eric, who really hated the way Michael treated women, so he is not going to let this stand. Oh, what’s that? Eric doesn’t care? Sorry, for a minute there, I thought he wasn’t a hypocrite.
Anyway, Howie talks about how much she wants to hook up with Rachel and talks about her old maid boobs, because the house guests still believe that Rachel is the oldest female, not having realized that perhaps $10K in plastic surgery might be able to take a few years off *cough* April *cough*. Rachel doesn’t look bad for her age, it’s just those crazy eyes that get in the way.
The food competition was a spelling bee. Oh, we love it when the Big Brother contestants have a spelling bee. Last year, we got to watch Scott spell “cheesse,” so what did we have in store this week? Well, there was a wheel that had a bunch of panels that said “PB&J”. Each contestant would get a chance to spell a common food, and if they spelled it correctly, they would take off a PB&J panel which would reveal a panel that said “Food”. At the end, one person would spin the wheel. If it landed on Food, they would get supplies for the week. If not, it was PB&J. Only four people misspelled their words. Janelle spelled spaghetti “S-P-A-G-E-T-T-I,” Rachel spelled broccoli “B-R-O-C-C-L-I,” Howie spelled rhubarb “R-U-B-A-R-B,” and Sarah spelled cauliflower “C-O-L-I-F-L-O-W-E-R.”
Everybody decided that Kaysar should spin, and the chances were pretty good. As Janelle said “75% or 2-to-1″ chances that they win. Ahh, Janelle, I still love you for the scheming. Kaysar spun, and it looked like the house won food, but while they were celebrating, the wheel of misfortune went a couple of notches more to read “PB&J”, and the house was doomed for another week. James wondered if it was rigged (God, I hope it was), and continued saying that there is “nobody in this world that food is more important for than me.” Yeah James, nobody else in the world goes hungry. The problems of malnourishment don’t exist in places like Africa and North Korea and Indonesia. You may remember this concert called Live 8 a few weeks ago. It was a benefit to raise awareness for James’ hunger. Pink Floyd got back together and Kanye West reminded us that Big Brother was created by the CIA to make sure James goes hungry.
Next, we get still more Howie clips. This time, he is apparently a little upset that people are asking him what his religion is. He says that he is a Jedi, and starts playing light sabre with a broomstick and does some kung-fu moves in the mirror and whatnot. When a few people tell him that Jedis don’t have sex, and the only one that did went to the Dark Side, Howie says the Dark Side is not that bad. OK CBS, you must be able to find something more interesting than that. I know it’s still early in the season, but you can do better.
WIth all of that silliness out of the way, we are able to focus on the most important part of Wednesday’s episodes, the nominations. Ivette comes in, and you would think that she would offer Kaysar an apology, but she is too proud for that. She thinks that she is the smartest and that everybody should listen to her, so she tries to give Kaysar some advice. People hate Janelle because she did a lot of backstabbing. That’s news to me, but this is Ivette talking, and so Kaysar has to listen lest Ivette decides to say Kaysar beats his wife, even though I don’t believe he is married. She says that he should put up Janelle, and to prove how much the house hates Janelle, she offers herself up as a pawn. Kaysar isn’t buying it, but he does appreciate the guts she had to walk in and make the suggestion.
Kaysar really wants to get back to his original plan, and that was to see where he is with James. He talked with James, and now he wants to talk with Sarah. He asks her about her relationship with James, and she denies it. We haven’t seen responses from anybody in the house, but James and Sarah are the only ones denying a relationship. Kaysar knows how to play the game, so he tells Sarah that the other people in the house, which means Eric and his clan, wanted him to put up James and Sarah. Sarah is a sweetheart, but she believes it all, which means she is going to tell James.
James is a little too smart to believe the nomination story, and goes back to Kaysar. He tells Kaysar that if he puts up Janelle, he is going to gain a lot of respect. Unfortunately for James, he is not talking from a position of power, and his promises are empty to Kaysar. Why should Kaysar believe James now when he is almost positive that James is lying about his relationship with Sarah? The other problem is that James is trying to sort of blackmail the HOH, saying that he will be a target if he doesn’t put up Janelle. He says Janelle can’t be trusted and she will try and manipulate Kaysar to do what she wants. Kaysar thinks about if for a while, and I have to admit I was getting a little worried that Kaysar might actually nominate Janelle, even though she is his biggest ally.
When the nomination ceremony came, Kaysar decided that he wasn’t going to play it safe. He wasn’t going to try and rely on handouts from other people, he was going to try and shift the game. He did what he and Janelle had discussed earlier and nominated James and Maggie. This completely shocked the entire house. As Kaysar said, he wanted to expose some people and see some people fight. I have to give Kaysar credit for having the guts to do this move. If it works in the right way, he has completely changed the game.
What does all of this mean? Eric arguably has the greatest influence in the house, but he has benefited from not having to show his friendship with Maggie. He doesn’t have that luxury anymore. He went after people for being too friendly with others in the house, and this will force his hand. When he is in power and has the bully pulpit, he is great at getting his way, so let’s see what happens when he is forced to strategize. As for James, he is also a powerful player. Eric picked him for the last veto competition, so you know they are friends. If James wants to stay, he is going to have to compete directly with Eric, who will be campaigning for Maggie. It will be very interesting to see where the chips fall. Even better, with James on the block, you know that he and Sarah will be exposed because she is going to believe everything Kaysar said when he sees Eric trying to save Maggie. Deals will have to be made and people are going to have to choose sides. Kaysar said it best: “It’s just chaos, and I love it!”
What do you think about the nominations? If Maggie or James is vetoed, who should be put up in their place? If the nominations are secure, who would vote to evict Maggie? James?