Live Feeds: Jase Gets a Load Off

Not even halfway through day one and the live feeds have sucked me in completely. And here it was I almost forgot how much fun it is to watch Janelle wake up and get dressed.

For those of you still out there wondering if the live feeds are worth it, or think that it’s too boring and not worth your time. Let me just give you a brief sample of what I saw on day 2. And for those of you thinking I am giving something that might be aired on CBS, trust me. After you see what happened you’ll know that this stayed in the house. And you’ll never look at Jase the same way again.Today was the veto competition. Which for us live feed watchers means we get to watch everything but the veto competition. That part is blacked out, or as they have started to do it this season, flamed out.

Oooh, scary!

So while waiting for competitions it creates a lot of down time. The whole show is competitions followed by hours of sitting around where the houseguests talk about anything that comes into their heads. Like when Janey tells us that Jase wears “Curve” cologne. Funny, I would have thought Elizabeth Taylor’s White Diamonds.

Some of what they talk about is boring (Howie sharing workout techniques) and some of it is funny (Diane asking Marcellus why there were no dinosaurs in the bible, and she wasn’t kidding). And some of it is downright disgusting. That’s the one we’ll be discussing in this post.

So the conversation I was listening to started innocently enough. Jase, Dr. Will, Janelle and Howie are all sitting around waiting for their turn at the veto competition. Jase tells us that during the veto competitions when Drew was HOH they had to do multiple takes of him attempting to read his cue cards explaining the rules of the game because he could never get it right. No wonder his acting career never took off. Then Dr. Will accuses Howie of having breath that smells like “hot garbage” (gee I wonder where he got that joke?) Then Dr. Will talks about a Muslim girl he wants to set Kaysar up with. Awwww, that’s nice.

“I’ve banged a couple of Persian boys”. Marcellus then adds, and it just goes downhill from there.

Dr. Will asks Marcellus if he is a top or a bottom. Always top Marcellus says. He’s saving being a bottom for marriage. And there are other things he refuses to do as well. Then Dr. Will chimes in “You’re a pretty selfish gay guy. You gotta please you’re man. Right Howie?” Good one Dr. Will. Good one. From here the conversation goes into duration, or as Howie puts it to Marcellus “What’s the most time you’ve pounded away in the same day.” Hours, Marcellus tells him.

Now Jase is ready to add his two cents. He wants to know how much Marcellus, ahem, leaves behind when he finishes. But what Jase really wants to talk about is his own problems in that area. “What I’m getting at is my downtime. I’ve got a pretty long downtime. But when I go, it’s crazy huge. Like a flood.” Marcellus adds “I’m always impressed by torrential downpour people.”

At this point someone comes up to my cubicle at work and asks me what I’m doing. Since I can’t say “Hearing about how Jase from Big Brother All Stars blows huge loads”, I simply tell him I’m busy working on TPS reports and no I can’t make the afternoon meeting.

Now for those of you who at this point are a bit uncomfortable about a post where the homo and metrosexual men from Big Brother talk about their man goo, Dr. Will then proves to me why he is the puppet master supreme and why Howie, while lovable, would be the biggest C-blocker if you ever went out to a bar with him.

“I’m curious about Janey’s perspective on this” Will says smoothly. Can she go along time, he asks. “Yeah sure” she says, and as she is about toe elaborate, Howie interrupts with an annoying “oh yeah baby” impression of Janelle having sex. This causes her to get embarrassed and clam up. Dr. Will is pissed. He explains to Howie about how he was just about to get Janelle into revealing a super hot sex story and he had to go and screw it up by being Howie.

Dr. Will tries to salvage what’s left of the situation. He eases her into the conversation again by asking innocuous stuff, and then starts to ask about whether or not she likes to do certain things. Just as she’s about to answer Big Brother changes the feeds from this:

Aaaawwwww…

To this:

AAAAHHHHH!!!!

You’ve won this round Big Brother. But the war is far from over. It’s a long season. And my Superpass has been paid in full.