Minority Retort

Jase may have left the house, but his essence sure didn’t. According to Nakomis in her interview with Julie Chen, Jase peed on lots of stuff, which would therefore explain the generally pissy mood people were in on last night’s episode of Big Brother. This wasn’t a surprise, of course. Will, Karen, and Nakomis have made an Olympic sport out of huddling in a corner and rolling their eyes. Adria and Natalie became Public Enemy number one, especially in Marvin’s book, and just about the only people to emerge from this bitchfest unscathed were Diane, Drew, and Cowboy, who all seemed to be blissfully adrift with concerns of love, body hair, or freak dancing. For Adria’s sake, she was stuck in the unenviable position of having to cast the first stone against the anti-Jase tribe, a weak union of little alliances whose cohesiveness has faded with its raison d’être. Strategically, it was smart to smoke out the Karen/Will/Nakomis trio, but unfortunately Adria forgot to put on her kid gloves while doing it. The threesome were incensed not only that Adria nominated Will, but the way she had done it also. Oh, the way! The way! How insensitive! Karen spent the entire episode bemoaning the lack of communication, although I wonder if she communicated to Adria that she wasn’t part of the Cloud Room Cohorts.

I suppose I shouldn’t be too shocked (actually, I wasn’t shocked at all). After six weeks of testosterone-fueled machismo television, it was inevitable that Big Brother would flip a bitch and make female cattiness and passive aggression its cornerstone. Instead of Scott scratching his balls, we now have quips and empty phrases such as “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed” or “It’s not the nomination, it’s the way she nominated”. When Adria asked Will if he wanted something to eat, he responded tersely “Suddenly, I’ve lost my appetite.” Meow! Actually, Will got bonus points for apologizing for his passive-aggression, a reality rarity.

Adria should have paid a little more attention to the reigning post-Horsemen sensitivity in the house by being honest, or at least pseudo-honest. When Will asked her why the hell she had put him up, she babbled on about how his name came up in her prayers and he’s just a pawn and everyone loves him and, oh yeah, someone in your alliance backstabbed you and told me to put you up. Will didn’t believe it and called an emergency meeting with his gals. First order of business: angry glances, crossed arms, and general Adria bashing.

Of course, Diane added some guilty gulping to the situation – for those of you not keeping track at home, it was Diane who had targeted Will with Adria. The notion that she might be a turncoat didn’t even cross the minds of the alliance which apparently thought it could have a friendly six person tie at the finish line.

When Diane wasn’t pretending to be BFF with Will, Karen, and Nakomis, she was spending time cuddling and smooching with Drew. CBS provided us with an endless montage of the two sneaking stolen kisses and possible handjobs. Diane blabbed about how some psychic told her she’d meet the man of her dreams, and he’d have dark hair, dark eyes, and olive skin. Apparently the psychic also said the guy would have two arms, two legs, a penis, and the general physical makeup of a human. It’s destiny!

I wonder if the psychic said anything about the guy having OCD? Drew apparently has a major beef with all forms of body hair, causing him to shave constantly. This, of course, is a thrill for Will and a source of amazement for Diane, who during one curious snuggle session said “I can’t believe you shave… everything.” The position of the two and the subtle movement under the covers suggested Diane might have been examining all unshaved regions of Drew Land.

The two were considerably more tame during the movie viewing that they had won with third wheel Will. The three competed against two other teams for the chance to have a private viewing of Paramount’s latest shit-on-a-stick, “Without A Paddle”, a movie that might actually challenge the term “luxury competition”. Note to Viacom: When a movie has to be forced on a captive audience in order to generate some sort of word of mouth, that’s a bad sign. Big Brother had the house guests engage in a fierce carpeting battle – not the most traditional competition in the world. Diane explained that her approach was to fit pieces of the carpet together based on their shape, a breakthrough in the world of Puzzle Strategy. Apparently she was the only one who adopted this method since the other teams scrambled hopelessly through their carpet tangrams with the scatterbrained excitement of Jase in a bandana factory.

Of course, the main competition of the evening was the Veto Challenge, which this week was decked out in Christmas cheer. The rules were a bit convoluted, but suffice it to say, it revolved around the White Elephant game (take a present or steal someone else’s). At the end of the day, Adria snatched the Golden Power of Veto and spent the rest of the show baiting Will and Marvin to rally for it. Marvin, extremely grumpy this week (and he’s not even on PB&J), refused to pander to Adria, saying that he had his integrity to uphold. Well, actually no, that’s not true Marvin. Let me remind you that you are in fact on Big Brother, a show not known for breeding Presidential candidates.

Anyway, Marvin bitched and moaned, playing the “Why me?” card. At some points he casually mentioned that Adria nominated the only two minorities in the house, and other times he acted like a defenseless outcast, bemoaning that he has no allies or friends. I half expected him to break out in vintage David Lee Roth by singing “Iiii aint got nobody.” That’s “Gigalo”, for all you confused bastards out there. Of course, even in the middle of Marvin’s pity party, he still managed to be funny as he asked Adria if Baby Jesus told her to nominate him. She actually said yes. CBS has really got to stop with this corporate synergy. First a Paramount movie, then a Joan of Arcadia tie-in? What’s next? A special trip to the set of the Young and the Restless? Oh wait, yeah, that’s the next luxury competition.

Nevertheless, Adria was annoyed that neither Marvin nor Will would kiss her ass for the veto – a move that might have been sort of, completely wise. Something cracked in her twin mental armor and Adria paraded around the house, daring the houseguests to force the eviction to a tie so she could vote out a player. It was a fantastic move, that is if her goal was to make the target on her back even larger. Adria has to chill out and start her sentences with “I feel like you feel like” more. That’s the only way to communicate in this house of nutsos.

What do you think? Is Adria handling this all wrong? Who will go?