Recap: Big Brother: Third Time’s Less Charming

Big Brother

By Flipit | Monday, August 6, 2007 | 6:43 am | 35 Comments

Previously on Big Brother, the HGs were left hanging from poles while being pooped on by pigeons. And you thought art was dead.

Artisdead

If we all wrote a check to PBS right now, we could really make a difference.

We start right where we left off Thursday night, with the contestants hanging upside down. The fake bird poo is making their ropes slick, and Amber is the first one to fall. She sounded like she was crying about it, but it turns out she just can’t speak anymore because her vocal chords have rotted due to so much sobbing. And meth.

Kail tells us that she was having a hard time hanging on, but she knew she was back to the daily grind of owning multiple businesses if she didn’t so she concentrated on what her faith really means. Apparently, it means if you whine and beg loud enough, God will help you lie and backstab a bunch of people and then hand you a hundred thousand dollars to get you the mini-van of your dreams. Yay, faith! Hanging there all Holy, Kail is starting to look like a Virgin Mary necklace. If the Virgin Mary hung upside down. And was covered in pigeon poop. And had her bra straps showing.

Hailmary

Kail Mary

Eric reaches up past the elimination point and is taken out. He says that he gets motion sickness and is ashamed to have not won for his alliance. Come on, dude. Second one out? I don’t believe that a guy who wrestled Amazon woman Jenius to the ground wouldn’t have the strength to hold onto a damned rope. Oh yeah. She won that wresting match. His proven wussiness aside; it’s highly probable, given earlier shortcomings come HOH Competition time, that he threw it to stay on everyone’s good side. And why shouldn’t he? He’s sitting pretty. Well, pretty’s a stretch, but people seem to like him.

Jameka falls next, and Eric starts gossiping to her and Amber about Nick’s goodbye speech to Daniele. Daniele tells us that she’s really furious Nick was voted out because he was the only person she was comfortable giving (oral) her friendship to (allegedly). Then Amber cries over Nick and I scream curse words at the TV. Dick poses in that really old Backstreet Boys kind of way and tells us that he either A. just made the dumbest game move ever, or B. he helped his daughter save her relationship. Awww! What a sweet, loving deadbeat dad! A.

Eric continues his turn to the dark side as he vents about Lick. He was trying to be “all bro” with the guys and flirt with the ladies to stay in good standing and he failed. Eric is the true stud in this house, and there’s not room for the both of ‘em. Eric really believes in his tigerliness, and it’s both adorable and hilarious; not to mention evidence to the theory that a faux hawk instantly turns you into a douche.

Alfalfa

Darla would totally dump Spanky for you, stud!

Back to the pigeon poop. A plane is overhead. A plane flying a banner. Everyone looks up and reads “We HEART Nick! Amber and Eric are liars! The LNC is the Nerd Herd!

Bannershit

I demand to know who wrote this and their address so I can send a Shoebox Greeting.

OUCH. These two are screwed. My blood is rushing so goddamn fast right now. LOVE THIS SHOW!! Eric is mortified. “Who have we lied to?” Amber starts trying to cry for us, but she’s too busy stuttering about not being able to lie. When she tries…she can’t…she… she can’t even find…I mean when she even tries to…she can’t cuz she…words can’t even talk when she tries..lie. LOL, you big fat lie-y pants!

Damn. Eric was soooo about to be a stud. Sorry, Alfalfa! Maybe next reality show. He is furious and tells us that Nick’s mom probably sent the banner and he’s not gonna let stupid people ruin his game. He will keep America’s secret safe! Brave. The luxury cruise up shit creek just left. Sorry, dude. Time to paddle. I hope Nick’s mom did send that banner, but I have a feeling it was sent by someone fitting this description:

Agrodner

Either way, Eric’s retarded “That’s What She Said” t-shirt is pretty relevant all of a sudden. Everyone read the banner, and Daniele said that everything clicked into place when she saw it. Eric and Amber are freaking out on the patio couch with Jameka wide eyed and shocked silent in between them. Love it. It’s kinda unfair that Eric could lose because of the banner, but hey, that’s why he gets to win money throughout the game. He’s a rental clown. Bet he’s wishin’ he’d cuddled up to Joe a little harder that night.

Zach falls, and it looks like Dick’s having trouble, too. He shouts at us that he wants to beat (off to) Jen so bad, but alas, he was a stand in for Johnny Depp, not the Rock. Out. Jess is the next to be eliminated, leaving Kail, Jenius, and Daniele. The HG’s all cheer Daniele on, which hurts Kail’s feelings. Yay! One step closer to that nervous breakdown we’ve all been waiting for.

Kailcraaack

Come on, you can do it!

Dick immediately starts ripping into Kail and Jenius, bringing to mind Zach’s story about him and his buddy watching disgusting men torture women as they hung upside down. He calls Jen “crazy eye bitch” and taunts Kail with the prospect of having to face her husband and family after being a backstabbing a hole on TV. He spews venom everywhere, reminding Kail that she begged him to get rid of Jenius and then cooing that she’s a real inspiration to Christians everywhere, what with her lying and betrayals. This irks Jameka, who thinks it’s totally inappropriate to bring Christianity into the game. Then she says the Lord’s prayer and starts building a giant wooden boat.

Jen uses the easiest taunt to get to Dick. Well, besides the “you’re old and disgusting don’t touch me” taunt. She goes after Daniele. She says that she kinda hopes Dani wins so they can hear the letter from Homely Boyfriend. LOL, Jenius. Dick bleeps and sucks hard on his cigarette. What does that mean? “It means she’s a cheat, that’s what!” LOL x 2. Dani tells her to shut up and stop acting like she knows her. Dick is getting more upset, but he’s already out of the game, so Jenius changes her tactics and tells Daniele that if she won, she wouldn’t put her up. Instead she’d put up Dick and anyone else Dani chose. Dani asks why she would believe Jen, and Jen points out that she doesn’t lie, which up to now seems to be the truth.

Then, out of nowhere, Eric starts yelling and telling Jenius to shut up and stay out of Dani’s business! He really goes off and talks really tough. So tough that his voice cracks, which makes me and Jen both laugh. Dani doesn’t know why he was sticking up for her all of a sudden. Uh, maybe because a huge banner just flew overhead that said he was a big fat liar and he needs all the friends he can get? Der. An hour and a half has passed. Jenius is Charlie Horsing, and she knows that if she doesn’t let go soon she’s gonna have a face covered in saline, so she gets down. Booo! Jenius fans everywhere are feeling the pain humongo boobies can bring. Down with humongo boobies!

I have to say I am impressed that the strongest two of this bunch are Kail and Dani. One spends all her time tending to the Lord’s work and the other one’s spent the past month making slurping noises in the dark with a hot guy. The common thread I was too blind to see earlier seems obvious now: they both have very strong knees.

Now that it’s just the two of them, Kail asks Dani how long she has in her and Daniele says she’ll hold on til she dies. Kail promises she won’t put her up if she wins, but Dani doesn’t care. She’s holding on, and she’s not making the same promise to Kail. She does say that no one wants Kail to go home. They’re all rooting for Jenius. Kail asks if that means she will be put on the block, and Dani says that she will, but the goal will be to backdoor Jen. How can Kail trust her? Because she just helped evict her best friend in the house! Uh, I think that’s like the biggest reason in the world NOT to trust her, but Dani keeps screaming that she SWEARS!

There’s no way she’s gonna beat a kid with the will power to not eat anything but fingernails and besides, Kail loves meaningless promises from strangers because if they betray her, she can cry and get all victimy about it to the cameras. She is determined to get nailed to a cross by the end of Summer. Sorry, Jameka, but seriously, the woman is begging to be betrayed. She lets go of the rope, making Daniele the winner. Dick is so happy that he throws down his beer. Wow. I never thought I’d see that.

Kail says she’s now a professional “on the block person”. Add it to the resume. She Ambers all over the diary room and apologizes to her kids for sucking at Big Brother. That’s alright, mom. It’s not like you were playing for our college money. Mom. Mom?

Kailhar-1

So, kids. What do you think about home schooling?

Jen isn’t worried. She knows she’ll be on the block again, but everyone who’s been evicted so far has been the second nomination. I love that this chick is aware that she is the most hated person in the house and still smiles like she’s about to be called to the stage to accept her crown. You can pour pig’s blood on Carrie all you want, bitches; she’s still Prom Queen.

Eric’s happy Daniele won because he feels like even though he has been screwed over by Nick’s mom, Daniele will keep him safe. Oooh, you better ditch the newfound cockiness and play this smooth, kid, cuz Dani’s not celebrating. She cries and tells Dick that she wasn’t the other vote for Nick and if she had known someone else was gonna give him a vote, they could have kept him. She knows there’s a weasel in the house, besides her skanky abusive kinda dad, and she’s gonna find out who it is and get her revenge! Can’t. Wait! I’ve been waiting patiently for Daniele’s bitch side to come out. She’s shown flashes of it, but so far has kept it under control. Nothing brings out a person’s bad side like power. Go, Dicklet!

Amber tries to comfort Dani while she Ambers in the bedroom. She promises that she wasn’t the one who gave Nick a vote. She even cried when she voted against him! And that proves…

Dani is hellapissed. It’s the second time someone has put in a vote that sets her up as a liar, and she’s gonna find the snake! As she leaves, Eric enters to share whispered denials with Amber. Great move, you guys! Let everyone see you whispering together after a huge banner called you both liars. Sure enough, Jameka comes in, followed by Dustin and Dick. Fingers aren’t being pointed yet, but Eric laughs awkwardly and says things like “you think it was me? Why would it be me? Me? Huh? Why would I do it? It wasn’t meeee!!!!” Smooth.

Dani invites everyone in to check out the pictures on the wall of her HOH suite and smiles perkily as she points to herself in loving poses with her boyfriend. Dustin’s shocked that he’s an uggo, and Jen smiles wide, because surely these people will see that Daniele’s a cheating liar and just used Nick up and spit him out. They’re all rational, thinking human beings, right?

Rational

Dick gets in his usual lame pose and cries to the cameras about the picture of his mom raising Daniele. He’s not crying because of deadbeat dad shame, he’s crying because he’s so damned happy his mother will get to see the two kids she raised getting along so well. You didn’t scream at Dicklet and make her cry today! Awwww!! Let’s see. In half an hour, your mom’s watched you verbally abuse two women and repeatedly call them stupid bitches and cockfuckcockwhorecwords while you chain smoked, guzzled beer, and practiced zero grooming skills for all her bridge club and the rest of the Country to see. I’m sure she’s bursting with pride.

Daniele knows she doesn’t have many friends in the house because she spent so much time on Lick, but she says that she and Jessica are about to become very close. I don’t know where she’s going with that one, but I can’t wait to hear those two hang out with each other. My finger is already defensively on the mute button. If they ever get into an argument it’s gonna sound like a dolphin gang bang.

Dick asks her who she thinks is trying to set her up, and she says Eric. It’s not a maybe, it’s a fact. He was the one who gave speeches in favor of the Ban Beefcake Bill in the first place, a huge banner flew over the house calling him a liar, and he has a faux hawk. Those guys are all full of shit. Nick told her before he left that she may only trust him ninety-nine percent, but when he was gone she’d trust him a hundred. AW!! She says that thirty minutes after he left, she trusted him all the way and it was too late. They made the wrong decision.

And in one conversation, I am firmly in Daniele’s camp. She’s gone from a whiny, lying user to a heroine in a Lifetime movie vowing to find the truth and bring her wronged man some justice! Kick ass, Dicklet! Sorry I called you anorexic and suggested you had to get a whole new mouth of teeth cuz your other ones fell out! Call me! Mean it! Love, Flipit.

Veromars

Sorry!

Eric, visibly nervous, approaches Dick in the kitchen. Who cast that darned second vote two weeks in a row? “Before we can start throwing out conspiracy theories…Jen.” Dick isn’t buying it. Then Eric starts tap dancing with big scared deer in the headlight eyes. Jessica? No way. Amber? Dick says she’s too transparent. Clearly it couldn’t be Eric, because he tried to copy his haircut, which is an obvious sign of disrespect. Everyone knows that women all across America still wear “The Rachel” as a little fuck you to Jennifer Aniston. Then Eric laughs nervously and does wings. Dick, not a fan of dance, exhales his five hundredth cigarette of the day and walks off disgustedly. Eric’s eyebrows shit a brick.

Dick paces around the patio alone and auditions for the Royal Shakespeare company, but since he can’t remember the “To Be or Not to Be” spiel, he settles on lots of cockwhorefuckbitches and “I knew it!”s. No. No you did not know it, and you let yourself get played two weeks in a row. HAHA.

The Dicks get Jessica in the HOH suite and pelt their theory at her. They talk over each other in scary, pointed, echoey whispers. Jess looks scared, and who can blame her? It sounds like the Others are coming. Jessica is so shocked by the accusation that her friend is in a Kail Jenius alliance that she doesn’t think of asking the most obvious question: “Why the hell would anyone be in an alliance with either of those lepers?” I don’t know what these two are thinking telling Jessica ANYTHING. We have all known Jessicas and we have all loved them, because they give us the dirt.

Sure enough, she goes straight to Eric and says that she wants to tell him something, but she can’t! HAHA. Riiiight. Without even giving him a chance to beg for the info, she asks him if he was the second vote both weeks. He of course answers of course not, and she tells him about the Dicks’ theory and adds that if they win the power of veto, he’s going up on the block. But don’t say anything!

Eric’s eyebrows are livid. He tells us he has been nothing but kind to the Dicks and this is how they repay him?!? He’ll make them pay and have their bony asses out of this house without them even seeing him coming! “Bring it!” That’s the spirit, Eric’s eyebrows! Glad to see you snap out of it!

Jenius, finally realizing that she might actually have to be nice to someone at some point, decides to swallow the toughest pill first and heads up to the HOH suite. She tells Daniele that she would think it’s hilarious if she was nominated three times in a row, but like, well, I mean. Like. You know? It’s like we have this weird relationship…and then Dani’s all but like you hate me and then Jenius is all well, like nuh-uh I’ve never said anything mean about you and then Dani’s like what. Ever. You’re mean to my face! You hate me! And then Jenius is all yeah, but that’s like….I dunno I don’t want to be kicked out cuz of…well I mean it’s totally not cuz you’re like HOH or anything I mean nominate me I want you to, but I don’t want…this…negative feelings… like…I dunno I’m sorry. Huge smile. Well, she tried.

Want Me To Brush Your Hair

Wanna borrow my Jensa Member t-shirt?

Daniele asks her who got her vote to stay this week. Jen aswers Kail, and Daniele’s all “just wondering” and then Jenius calls her a nerd and asks if she’s trying to find out who’s lying, and then Dani’s all oh I know who is. “Is that annoying that someone’s lying?” Dani answers that it’s not when you know the truth. Jen seems to think Dicklet’s insinuating that she isn’t telling her the truth, so she smiles big and gets the hell out of there before she’s tempted to call her a bony slut. As Jenius leaves, Dani says maybe they can talk later and Jen replies “good times!” like she was just invited to a keg party. Dani rolls her eyes and mutters to herself “Good Lord.” HA.

The goofy America’s Eyebrows music plays, but Eric’s all pissy and hawked now, so it just doesn’t fit. The country tells him to get Jenius nominated. Ooooh, what a stimulating request, America! So unpredictable!

Eric goes to the backyard where Dick’s marinating in the hammock and chillin’ with Jameka, Dustin and Daniele. Dick is having a harder time not coming out and accusing Eric today, and as Eric talks and talks and talks and talks, Dick becomes infuriated. Eric basically says not to break up the alliance because of two votes that could be completely unrelated. Dick calls that theory ridiculous and starts losing it. Eric tells him to calm down, which of course makes Dick even louder.

He throws the pillows off the hammock and starts yelling. Eric gets louder too, warning him to stop pointing fingers at people in his own alliance before he’s out of the house. Dick freaks. Having words put in his mouth is making him crazy, and me insanely happy. He gets his finger in Eric’s brows, but Eric just says not to ever yell at him again. Or what!?!? Or he’s gonna look like an idiot to everyone there and cast himself in a bad light. No bartender/actor wants to be put in bad lighting. Somehow, Dick falls for this and calms down a bit. I should also report that Dick was finally almost just as foul mouthed and defensive with a man as he has been with Kail and Jenius. Misogyny I cannot stand behind, but plain old white trashery is encouraged. Fart so Jameka can make that face again!

You are never gonna believe this, but Dani went with her Dad’s original picks, Kail and Jen! Dicklet hands them the news like she’s delivering Girl Scout cookies while Dick gives them both dirty, superior looks. Amber and Eric are both off scott free, and Daniele just showed once and for all that she’s Daddy’s little girl by upholding his original nominations. I am sick of watching Dick smugly lead everyone around just because he has the biggest, craziest, yellowest mouth, and I’m annoyed with all the non-payment to the Piper going on tonight. Dustin’s greed in the POV Challenge is forgotten already and Amber wasn’t even questioned, leaving those two to cuddle and wah together for even longer. I call bullshit!

When Daniele finishes reciting her father’s reasons for her nominations, Jen cheers, Dick calls her an idiot, and Kail tells us that “in all truthness”, she’s skerd. Me too, Fail. Me too. Jenius insists that she’s just here for fun and doesn’t care what happens, but she’s nervous. You can tell cuz she starts that Evian gulping thing she does when she’s ruffled.

Jeniustell

Slow down, Ms. Confidence. You’ll go into toxic shock.

Dani assures us that her plan goes beyond her dad’s nominations, and she promises that her real strategy will cause an uproar. Well, you better get to selling, then, because you don’t have much time to convince the house of Eric’s guilt. I don’t think anyone would be dumb enough to buy the Fail/Jenius/Julio Iglesias alliance, but then again, these are people who auditioned to hang upside down and get pooped on.

Flipit
About

Currently, Flipit's writing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps, which you can find here. You can also find him doing a gossip segment twice a week called BS of the Day and video recaps of Project Runway All Stars, as well as spoof ReDubs of the coming soon trailers at the end of RHOBH!

Ronnie Karam has been with TVgasm since 2006 , which has given him the opportunity to make fun of hundreds of TV's most loved and hated reality whores. His plan in life was to be Julia Roberts but that plan was stolen by, well, Julia Roberts. He'll get you one day, JULIA ROBERTS!! When not making himself giggle for the gasm, Ronnie performs improv and sketch comedy at IO West in Hollywood a couple of times weekly while using the lovely California days to audition for commercial roles such as "ADORABLE MEXICAN UNCLE". Seriously. He would like to thank Jesus, Buddha and Xenu for the blessings they've bestowed. The writers here are the best around, and he's honored to be associated with them. Find video archives at CankleTV.com, or follow on Twitter @flipit

35 Comments

  1. 1
    lickitysplit
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 7:13 am

    Am I first?

    Good for Eric telling Dick to back off. Dick’s only power in this game is his ability to intimidate. I know he’s your father, Dani, but seriously, can’t you see the giant target he keeps putting on his back, and yours by association?

    Hours wasted at work catching up on the feeds and reading tvgasm: at least 300. Amount of sanity spent trying to make sense out of these people: nearly all of it. Having flipit point out that Kail and Dani “both have very strong knees” and laughing for twenty minutes: priceless.

  2. 2
    goldeeloxx
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 7:43 am

    I love you, Flipit…. That’s it.

  3. 3
    jasminetheawesome
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 7:44 am

    I’m over the whole America’s Player thing. It was flawed to begin with and now its just stupid. Eric getting Jen nominated does not help him. He needs to be in save my ass mode because eventually everybody’s gonna find out that he’s not voting with his alliance.

    I’m officially on Team Jen, I hate everybody. Dustin, Jameka, and Amber are the worst to me. I’d love to see a Jen/Zach final. Everyone has trashed Zach to point where I like him. I really wish Eric would go home. Its not personal, I just think the Americas Player thing does nothing for the game.

  4. 4
    photochild
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 7:44 am

    Very nice Flip, very nice.

    Ok, I have been a Dani fan since day 1…and she’s starting to prove her stuff now. If her plan doesn’t go through I will be very sad, because I’m so looking forward to the drama when she nominates America’s Idiot.

    Speaking of…I can’t stand the guy. Why’d he get so mad? He got found out, what did he expect people to never ever consider that he could be the other vote? Ugh, and his comments about how he’s the one who is all “bro” like with the guys and flirting with the girls. If those eyebrows ever came near me I’d instinctively start vomiting.

    Jen is awesome, I think if Jen and Dani got an alliance going that would be beyond awesome.

    Amber makes me nausiated…”I can’t…lie…physically”. BULLSHIT. Dumbass. I want her gone soon, the crying is amusing, but my TV can’t handle her puffy face anymore.

  5. 5
    sparky
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 8:14 am

    Absolutely best line, Flipit: “You can pour pig’s blood on Carrie all you want, bitches; she’s still Prom Queen.”

    Go Jen!

  6. 6
    Tony A.
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 8:27 am

    OK, Flipit, I’ve compared you and Schoonie and I have to tell you that your recaps are better. Oh, shit, now Amber’s gonna cry and yell “but I love Schoonie SO MUCH!”

    Seriously, I have a tough time finding a character I can really get behind. Last week I thought Eric was being sarcastic about there being room for only one stud in the house, but now I find he’s being serious! It is to laugh.

    The way you wrote about Jen’s beg for mercy from Dani had me laughing out loud. I was wondering, while I watch the show, how you would comment on this. You didn’t disappoint.

    “My finger is already defensively on the mute button. If they ever get into an argument it’s gonna sound like a dolphin gang bang.” That one busted my gut. I think Jessica’s cute in a vapid sort of way, but if I had to listen to her voice, in the dark, after having a hellacious lovemaking session with her, I swear I would jump out the window.

    Jameka-another Jesus freak that will get put out with the trash when they’re done with her. And Dick? I would love to see what kind of bar he “manages”. The guy is a total hating loser. Grow up, poser!

    Dustin and Amber. What a pair of asshats. He blew his cover and whatever credibility he gained when Joe was put out of the house. He’s so full of himself he’s going to burst. Loved the way he sat on the bed with two girls flanking him, in that robe and glasses, discussing who was going to be picked next.

    Jen? Hm.I really can’t decide if she can REALLY be so dumb, but I will tell you, she’s gutsy and very patient the way she continues to handle Dick’s abuses. The live feeds let us know she was considering dropping out because of the abuse, but she stuck it out, so props to her.

    Daniele may well turn out to be the winner, and not out of sympathy. Her fall from grace by blowing Nick (allegedly) won’t mean a thing in the end. She’s just spunky enough to hang in there and use Dick’s negative energy to her advantage.

    And finally, Zach. Poor Zach. I can picture him watching the “torture” show, with his mouth hanging open. I’m sure he didn’t know what to make of it and was probably taken there not knowing what he was about to see. I can’t get behind him only because he has no game. Why the producers picked him baffles me.

    Does that leave anyone? Oh, yes, Kail, the “MOM of the Year-in-her-own-mind” who was so full of herself she dictated the alliance to the long-gone Mike, Nick and might-as-well-be-gone Zach. She just doesn’t get it. Middle America, you’re looking at yourselves here, so tread lightly. I can honestly say I enjoy her being flailed every week and hope they keep her around a few more weeks.

    I think this is the first BB that has not had any successful alliances yet. This LNC doesn’t have any hard-core members. Everyone just seems to drift in and out of the room.

    And, finally, Daniele’s figuring out that Eric’s the loose cannon was awesome. Never mind Dick trying to get credit for it. He didn’t suspect a thing until Dani voiced it to him.

  7. 7
    nurseratched
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 9:58 am

    jen doesn’t gulp evian when she’s ruffled…she’s staying hydrated to prepare for BATTLE! and lol for anticipating dani’s bf’s letter. love her!

    i’m completely tired of dick’s tyranny. eric is a skillful player and i’m peeved that the banner may blow his cover. i hope dani’s plan to backdoor eric doesn’t work and the house starts going after DD.

    Flipit – nice recap. the knee joke was funny on so many levels. a little coincidental that nick called dani “the bees knees”

  8. 8
    Lime23
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 10:24 am

    Thanks for the great recap, Flipit — I missed the show & appreciate the low down!

    I’m really struggling here as to who to root for. (for whom to root?)

    I liked Dick, but he’s a vile, abusive, disgusting misogynist. I liked Dustin, but well, he’s disappointing.

    It seems as though I’m in the minority, but I think I’m rooting for Jess & Eric, now. I feel myself pulling for poor little AmERICa’s hamster, because he is so entirely screwed. Imagine if he lasted to near the end, and America is choosing his nominees/votes? OMG, disaster.

    Re: ERIC’s bravado:
    In my view, he really seems to spazz out when he’s in the Diary Room, but I think Eric’s TRYING to be funny/sarcastic about taking out Nick in a “studly” war — because he often makes comments about how short, skinny, nerdy he is, how he didn’t go to the prom because he was only 4’4″ freshmen year, etc. (Awwwww.) The real reason he took out Nick is because when Jen was HOH and Jen was threatening to put Nick up in Dani’s place (after POV), Nick suggested she put up Eric … and Jen told Eric that.

  9. 9
    MCH
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 10:37 am

    When Dick was in the backyard ranting “I knew it!” (which he did not), wasn’t there someone sitting out there who he was ranting to? It looks like you can see someone’s knees on the bottom right side. Maybe it doesn’t make a difference, but I was wondering who it was.

    Eric was completely flying under the radar and succeeding at subtly shaking up the house with his AP stuff. It’s lame that he was outed by a banner. Seriously, without that I don’t think Danielle would have connected any dots.

  10. 10
    Nevernbalcony
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 11:11 am

    I’ve never liked Eric very much, he’s jittery and goofy and waaay too animated all the time. I think the America’s player is lame and would be happy to see him and that concept off the show. Eric seems to get a lot of credit for being a good player and I just don’t see it. If he was smarter (and less of a nervous Nelly) he might be able to make a good argument about the banner. He could point out to the two Dicks (and everyone else) that no one knows who the banner is intended to help. That he like the rest of them have lied to HG outside of their alliance and if this banner was sent by a fan of Jen’s or Kail’s then where is the problem? In addition, he could freely to cop to lying about putting mustard on Jen’s t-shirt and try playing dumb (if he can do this without looking so darn guilty) suggesting that it is the only thing he has lied about to everyone because he wanted to make sure Jen was never sure who “hated” her that much. I think it would be too late for him to do this now but if he had just kept his wits about him for 2 seconds¦.

    I love Jen. From the first moment when she sobbed about her picture I knew she would be entertaining. I like her attitude¦she is the only one who seems to know it is a game. I wish when she had nominated the two Dicks in her HOH stint that she just lied and said that her choice was not personal, it is a game and it is just plain strategy to put father and daughter up because whatever problems they had blood is thinker than water and non of the other house guests had that kind of bond. She was smart to nominate them but not smart about why she did it or how she presented it. Also, last thing about Jen¦she doesn’t lie that much (compared to some HG especially) but she lied in week 1 about Nick trying to make out with her and her lie was so publicly exposed by douche-jorts Joe and Nick that no one has forgotten it.

    Love your recaps Flipit but Tony A. let’s give Schoonie his due too. You guys are both great and quick!

    Sorry for the novel!

  11. 11
    Creecher
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 11:47 am

    “If they ever get into an argument it’s gonna sound like a dolphin gang bang.”…

    OMG, my stomach hurts from laughing so much. Seriously, I have been laughing over that for like 30 minutes straight.

  12. 12
    anw821
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 12:24 pm

    The Carrie and dolphin gangbang takes are brilliant!

    Nice of Dick to take credit for figuring out Eric was lying. Has a woman ever gotten credit for anything good in Dick’s life?

    I think it’s hysterical watching Eric squirm like he’s about to tell his parents he’s converting to Catholicism. Eric’s problem is that he thought he could be America’s player and win the 500 gs. What he fails to realize is that he’s nothing but BBs lap dog. He was screwed the moment he agreed to be America’s tool.

    Sure as hell hope Dani doesn’t chicken out on back-dooring little Yentl. I’ll say it again, the America’s player thing it tired. BB really didn’t think this one through. Even the mortal enemies twist blew up in their face. Maybe next summers twists could be that there are no twists.

    Amber, stop crying… no really, STOP CRYING, YOU FREAKING DISASTER!!!

  13. 13
    sparky
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 12:45 pm

    Why does Dani think backdooring Eric will cause an uproar? By the time she said that she’d already told nearly everyone in the house.

    Or is she really going to get rid of someone else?

    The problem with America’s Player is that the votes have to be made before we TVGASM readers get to discuss the noms.

    And I thought Eric could choose whether to take or reject any of America’s instructions. Does he really HAVE to vote the way he’s told? How much money has he won so far, anyway?

  14. 14
    sparky
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 12:52 pm

    And PS: Dick cries almost as much as Amber.

  15. 15
    cajah
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 1:01 pm

    Good Times Flipit! Great recap.

    Sparky, I totally agree that Eric, who seems like a decent player, is handicapped with America’s boneheaded suggestions. Instead of stupid pranks, etc., the producers should be concerned with tasks that would actually help him further in the game. Things like “Should Eric throw the next competition?” or “Should Eric form an alliance?” Poor guy gets stuck instead with “I’d do that for a dollar.” How dumb, I mean- Sweet Chicken!

    Instead of America’s choice, it should be Tvgasm’s Choice. At least some strategy would get in this game.

  16. 16
    pq
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 1:10 pm

    *If they ever get into an argument it’s gonna sound like a dolphin gang bang*

    OMG–that will have me laughing for days. i actually like Jessica–and probably would like Danielle if she would get rid of Dick–but i can’t take that high pitched screech thing they have going.

    i’m really torn this season. i LOVE Jen–she makes the whole self-centered shallow thing work to her advantage–but i HATE Kail. i would probably like Dani w/out Dick, i still kinda like Dustin–but HATE cry-baby (how did she pass a psych eval?), which makes it hard to root for or against anyone.

    Dani should switch things up and get rid of Kail–or better yet, Dick–that would be wonderful! i thought these shows did some psychological testing of applicants–although they obviously aren’t too picky–but i can’t see how Dick and Amber made it through. i thought Dick was just acting, but he seems like he might hurt someone–it really looks like he loses control. Amber is just a basket case–they need to adjust her medication.

  17. 17
    Katie
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 1:37 pm

    I’m wondering if Eric is just allowed to confess to his fellow players that he is the twist. He could just tell his alliance that he’s at the mercy of America and that he’s not trying to go against his wishes. Or would that just put a bigger target on his back since he’s so unpredictable …

  18. 18
    Flipit
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 2:16 pm

    guys THANK YOU
    i never know where this show is going and i love trying to figure it out with you.
    schoonie is a badass
    and GOLDEE, i love you more
    LOVE

  19. 19
    CWJ
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 2:33 pm

    Katie- I don’t think Eric is allowed to tell the HGs the secret or his money making days are over.
    My husband and I were trying to figure out what kind of person would send that banner? Not only that, what if it had been more specific? I mean, it could read, “Eric is the other voter.” Seems like CBS would have some way to alter private plane flight plans or something. The Chenbot will find out who you are and send a UFO your way!!
    Love Danielle, I think she’s coming out of her shell this week. Personally, I’m ready to see Kail (LOVE Flipit that you call her Fail) go home to her multi-businesses. Do you think she’s in the “horse feed” business or something, b/c she’s sure not very well spoken.
    I’m going to send a banner, “AMBER, sober up! Quit yer cryin’ cry baby!!”

  20. 20
    CWJ
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 2:39 pm

    Hey, go to TMZ.com, there’s a story about CBS grounding that plane!

  21. 21
    Wondermutt
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 4:14 pm

    THANKS!!

    Flpt & Schnie…You both are SUPER QWIK with the hee-larious recaps!!

  22. 22
    chooch850
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 4:19 pm

    For the record….I was the first to call Eric the “Little Weasel” not Daniele!

    …….and I’d like all of them evicted and have a “do over”!

  23. 23
    chooch850
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 4:23 pm

    ….oh, and I forgot…I love you Flipit and once again, your recap was the best, but I’m dumb as Amber, who was that red-head with the curly hair.

  24. 24
    bevo360
    Posted August 6, 2007 at 7:22 pm

    Awesome recap flippy! I’ll never look at dolphins OR gang-bangs the same again :)

  25. 25
    JasonR
    Posted August 7, 2007 at 7:02 am

    Fantastic recap!

    I feel bad for Eric. He’s a little goofy, but he’s a real fan of BB, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s been here among us reading TVG recaps and maybe posting here too in seasons past. Now he’s stuck doing dumbass America’s bidding, which means just campaigning against Jen week after week.

    Why the hell isn’t Amber America’s most unpopular houseguest anyway???? Has her virgin/whore routine, empty lipservice to Christianity, constant bawling and ever expanding ass won over middle America? If she wins this thing it will be worse than when we had that final with those pigs Jun and Allison.

    P.S. I think next year CBS is going to try to get permission to build the BB house on a military base so the government can shoot down anyone trying to fly a banner over the house.

  26. 26
    Corri2
    Posted August 7, 2007 at 8:37 am

    Great recap, Flipit! The dolphin gang bang line almost made me spew my Coke out of my nose.

    I agree with what some of you have said. Eric is a goof but he seems to be the one person in the house who has followed this show from the very beginning. I think he would have a much better game if he didn’t have to do stupid stuff. and JasonR, I couldn’t agree with you more about Amber. How the hell have we not told Eric to get her nominated??? I can’t stand her. Ugh.

    Go Jen!

  27. 27
    tulip618
    Posted August 7, 2007 at 9:30 am

    i heard about a study recently that said the average worker spends 30 minutes a day on personal business and i said tomyself, “but i takes me at least that much time to read tvgasm recaps!”

    great recap! i have to say that i too feel sorry for eric, and agree that it seems like he is an avid fan of the show and would be really sucessful if he didn’t have to cater to america. i’m still rooting for him though.

    definitely hated jen at first, but love her more and more every week. just like other people are saying, she DOES seem jenuine and not really sneaky or mean to people. on the other hand, i am hating hardcore on dick and daniele. at first i liked dick’s straight up in your face game play, but he has taken it way to extremes. and i lost all sympathy for daniele last week when she went off on jen, who by the way didn’t do anything (that we saw) at that point to deserve daniele’s tirade. and when she smiled when dick was yelling at jen made it even worse. not to mention her laughing about how she was waiting on kail to commit suicide. i think she is just as awful as her dad but is keeping it under the radar since he is so extreme.

    whew. anyway, love the recaps-can’t wait to see what happens next!

  28. 28
    tulip618
    Posted August 7, 2007 at 9:38 am

    p.s. even though i love jen, i don’t like to see her talk about daniele cheating and her “morals” and “values”-don’t stoop to their level!!

  29. 29
    Shollia
    Posted August 7, 2007 at 11:37 am

    Not sure if anyone has brought this up, but the whole scene with Dick on the hammok blowing up at Eric.
    Eric and Jameka were sitting behind the hammok at first talking.
    Dick went over and laid on the hammok, most probably to get them to stop talking about whatever.
    Then everyone else came over I think. I can’t remember. BUt yeah.. just to clear up that. Eric wasn’t the one that butted in on a convo already going on.

    I’m uber PO’d about that damn banner. If it hadn’t been for it, Eric still would’ve been safe and Dani and her Dumbass would’ve still been clueless.

    I’d share what’s been going on on the feeds, but well, you’ll see alot of that tonight.

  30. 30
    poor, dead shannon
    Posted August 7, 2007 at 12:54 pm

    Flipit.. hands down best recap so far. LOVED the “dolphin gang bang” blast!!

    OK guys, this is my first BB experience, so I need a little help. WTF is with that banner??!?! can anyone just fly by the house and give shit away? and why hasn’t it happened so far? and is there no way CBS is up to shenanigans to mix things up?

    also, how is the winner determined? is it Survivor style with a jury at the end?

    and can i assume they’ve never done the America’s Weasel thing before?? damn i hate that bag of douche.

    i find myself obsessed with Daniele. I spent hours at work one day reading her high school LiveJournal on oddandstupid.com. i am so freaking glad she is coming out ready to kick ass. and Dick is right… she IS a badass at those challenges. 2 POV’s and now HOH. I love the chick, but they better get her outta there or she’s taking it all.

    oh and one more “Past BB” question… have the challenges always been so damn ridiculous and retarded?? holy crap they are hard to watch after 10 or so seasons of Survivor.

    PDS
    President, Team Dani

  31. 31
    djstall
    Posted August 7, 2007 at 2:06 pm

    Chooch850 (#23),

    The woman in the picture is Allison Grodner, producer of Big Brother.

    Personally, I find it interesting that many people think it is the producers sending the banners. My theory is that Chilltown is responsible, doing what they can to help their ringer, Jen.

  32. 32
    cajah
    Posted August 7, 2007 at 3:31 pm

    Dear poor, dead shannon:

    Sorry you have missed out on the awesomeness of the great Dr. Will from past seasons, the best BB player ever. (I won’t say ChillTown is great for the obvious reason.) There are other great past players of BB, but next to Richard Hatch he was the finest Realty Show player ever.

    One of the great joys of wasting the summer watching BB is the ridiculous stunts they have to do. Clipgasm has a great example from the allstar season, with them dressed in bees. Look it up, it’s hilarious.

    The winner is decided by jury and the America’s player is a new twist. They try to do a different twist every summer.

  33. 33
    cajah
    Posted August 7, 2007 at 3:35 pm

    Must preview first….that’s dressed “as” bees. Sorry.

  34. 34
    TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted August 8, 2007 at 5:06 am

    Poor, Dead Shannon,

    First off – long time no see – great to see your name on the boards again :)

    As for the banner planes – they started in Season 1 and actually really messed up the game of Chicken George who was a house favorite. Back then the houseguests would nominate 2 people for eviction and then America would call in to vote one person to stay. George owned a bar in a small town and his family set up tons of phones in the bar and let all the bar patrons dial over and over to kick out anyone they saw as a threat to George. Someone flew a banner over the house revealing that George was being set up to win by his home town and he ended up being nominated and evicted the next week.

    Soon there were banner planes flying all over the place.

    Since then, Big Brother has made it a practice of ordering the houseguests inside whenever a banner plane flies over. Often that is why they will be put on an indoor lockdown.

    Every once in a while you’ll hear a mention of one of the planes but it rarely makes it to the CBS show.

    Occasionally one will sneak through and the houseguests will see it. What CBS didn’t show was that during last Thursday’s HOH comp when that plane flew over everyone was pulled off their perch and made to lay face down in the back yard until the planes were gone and then the challenge was resumed. However, by then it was too late as many had already seen the message.

    Hope that clears up the airplane question for ya!

  35. 35
    poor, dead shannon
    Posted August 8, 2007 at 9:10 am

    Thanks for the welcome back Pixie. Good to be back.

    Thanks for the clarification. You would think CBS could arrange some sort of a no-fly zone… but then again, they aren’t exactly the FAA.

    Last night’s episode is REALLY pissing me off, but I won’t comment until the recap is up…. because I’ve been burned reading older recaps/comments and someone mentioned an episode I hadn’t seen on Tivo yet. But oh man I am steaming.

    PDS
    President, Team Dani and Team LC.

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