Recap: Big Brother: The Tricky Science to Prayer

Big Brother

By Flipit | Wednesday, August 29, 2007 | 4:19 am | 47 Comments

Previously on Big Brother, the house became spookily quiet when Jenius went missing, Eric didn’t get any play, and even Drew Carey thought Amber was a jack ass.

Whatpercentage

What percentage of Americans think Amber’s a fucking moron?

Before we get started, I think it’s important to address The Power of Ten. For those of you who didn’t bother, wow. Amber really made a fool out of herself. At one point she started that face squeeze thing she does when she’s getting ready to bring her sob on and Drew goes “Uh, Amber? You ok?” NO. She beats Dicklet in the solo round 3 to 0 and gets all the way to the one hundred thousand dollar question: “What percentage of Americans think it should be illegal to own a pit bull?”

Drew makes a Michael Vick joke and amber boos it. “I like Michael Vick!” He cracks “ya won’t when you get out of that house.” LOL, Carey. That’s why you make the big bucks. Amber lets her cheeks fall to the floor and says that “it’s all how you raise them!” Her special guest, Amber’s way better off in the gene pool (and apparently dirty greedy Jew hating) sister, tells Drew that their family always had multiple pit bulls growing up and they were great dogs. All they did was mangle Amber’s face, and it made her stronger. Look at her now! She could be a model!

Dogmodelamber

Ah, the model. Always under such scrootnie.

CheriesTake said it best in the comments section of the last recap: “Hey dumbass, if your little girl wasn’t getting her ass kicked everyday at school before, she will be now.” Nuff said. Drew goaded her on with comments like “Would you like it if someone told you what kind of dog you could have? No.” The cuteish sister is no help, and Amber guesses 18 percent, missing the true answer: over half the country thinks the dogs should be illegal. Ah, well, she won a thousand bucks. That buys a lotta meth. So sorry. God had a plan tonight, and it was to make me giggle like a little girl. Amen.

On with the show!! Zach is pretty pissed about Jess nominating him, and he vows that if he ever gets the chance to get her back, he will. Will we finally see Zach’s brilliant, cunning tactition shine through? I hope so, because if I had to guess, I’d say what’s going on in his head most of the time looks something like this:

Albums Y296 Brian-B Tv-Fuz-Aniamation

Amber isn’t worried! She knows that it looks like God isn’t paying too much attention to her whining prayers, but she doesn’t care. She believes in him, therefore she’s a shoo-in to be here next week. Worrying only shows God you don’t believe in Him, which makes Him mad. Ahhh, ok. So that’s why you haven’t been getting your way! You weren’t doing it right! I hope you finally learned the trick to prayer, Amber. You need a miracle, girl.

Dick is all calm confidence today. You can tell cuz his Old Cracked Out Backstreet Boy pose is relaxed, and he’s added a red bandana to his repertoire. Better not let Dicklet see that. She’s a known Crip.

Dickbackstreet

There’s gonna be a Donato family street fight soon. My bets on Dicklet.



Daniele is happy that Jessica didn’t nominate her or her dad this week, but she still can’t trust her. After all, Dicklet people is are untrustworthy and her their word means nothing. Two scenes later and Amber’s crying. Uh-oh, God doesn’t like that, remember? She breaks down in the diary room and sobs while she itches her calve. She begs God to help her keep it together and apologizes for crying. “But you have to understand where I’m coming from!” I’m sure God’s really trying hard to empathize with your plight. Wait! I think I just heard Him say something!

Amberleghurts

“Shave your legs, skank.”

Dicklet approaches Zach while he’s taking a shower and tells him not to worry. He fills up his mouth with water and I boo when he doesn’t spit it in her face. Jameka goes into the HOH suite to hug Jessica and thank her for sparing her butt this week. She’s not happy that her friend in Christ was put up, but at the same time, yay God! Jameka prayed harder than Amber this week, and it’s showing.

She finds Amber in bed trying to form the pictures of a Little Golden Book into some kind of sensical story line. Shockingly, she isn’t crying. Pretending to be able to read is taking all of her focus. Jameka tells her not to worry and God God God God, and Amber’s like “God!” and Jameka’s all “The Lord!” Amber has convinced herself that Jessica didn’t put her up to go home. No one wants Amber to leave, they just keep using her as a pawn to backdoor other players. She is convinced that God has pre-ordained her to be in the house next week. Jameka pats her hand like “ok then, Crazy” and lets her get back to her story.

Amberreadsnot

Man, that turtle better hurry up! It’s gonna lose!

Sweet guitars start playing. Time fore Eric to not have sex now! Jessica and Eric’s eyebrows are laying next to each other on the patio. He asks her if she ever thought she’d fall in love with a geeky, scrawny Jewish kid that’s ruled by his abnormally strong facial muscles. She admits that she is smitten and thinks that he will be her husband of eighty years. He leans in like he’s gonna kiss her, but then lays his head down on her chest instead. She tells us that she definitely hears wedding bells. This scene was made all the more disturbing by the fact that I can never tell if Jess is joking or not. Please, for your future children’s sake, be playing him. Those two noses coming together to create a human being is just cruel. Maybe you could get a one eyed hunchback to donate some sperm while you’re at it.

The sounds of Holy Chanting fill my living room. YAY! That’s Jameka’s cue to lose her shit! She is sobbing really hard and when we’re shown the first glimpse of her from behind, I mistake her for Amber (do you both need to be wearing green and white striped shirts? What is this, Esprit Jail?) but then the beat poetry starts and I know that we were getting the true prayer master. Sorry, Amber, but this bitch knows how to talk to God. She sobs out haiku about feeling Jesus, having babies under bridges and loving Restoration. Sorry, but that movie sucked. Even God would give that one four rotten tomatoes. Jameka’s lost it. Again. Someone should change the filter in the Brita, just to be safe. The irrational behavior is at an all time high tonight.

Jessica comes into her room and asks Jameka if she’s ok. HAHAHAAAA. Jameka sobs “Just prayin’”, but Jessica pretends not to understand her and continues to ask what’s wrong. Cry in your own room, a hole. You’re getting snot on the HOH duvet.

She gives Jameka a hug and tells us that at first she thought her friend had fallen down or something. LOL. I couldn’t love this girl any more than I do right now. And then I read her t-shirt.

2Pretty2Work

Please, God, let Jessica win it all. I feel you, Lord. I taste you.

Jameka washes her face while Jessica tries to calm her down by telling her that when she’s back home, she’s “like really into church, too.” Bwahahaaa. She doesn’t go to church here, cuz Amber and Jameka are both like really scary and they’re church is more bipolar ranting than an actual service, but when she was a kid she went to Catholic School and had to attend to church for “like short amount of times” every morning. Jameka narrows her eyes and asks if she had communion every day. Jess assures her that she did and Jameka asks why they took communion every day. Jameka so doesn’t approve of Catholicism. Jess assures her that Catholics take as much communion as possible because “the more the better!” Jameka looks like she wants to punch her face, but instead she tells us that she was really touched to find a friend who’d exaggerate her religious leanings just to make ‘Meka feel like less of a manic depressive wack job.

Just as Jess finishes cleaning up Jameka’s prayer snot, Zach comes in for a word. He isn’t happy about being put up, but he knows it would have been hard to put either of the Dicklets up because they would have made everyone’s life Hell. She tells him he hit the nail “right on the spot”. Zach reminds her that if those two are still in the house next week, they’re going to be able to take down anyone they want. Jess scares easily, and now is no exeption. You can just see the telenovela inner monologue switch on in her head.

Telenovelaface

¡Él tiene razón! ¡Nunca debo haber escuchado esas serpientes! ¡Pagarán!

Jess brings the HG’s round the old flat screen to show them the Power of Ten Infomercial starring Mirriam Webster and Dicklet. Dani starts crying when the clip of Nick comes on the screen. Somewhere in Huntington Beach, Homely Boyfriend is crying, too.

Drew Carey jokes about the ways the world’s changed in the time they’ve been locked away in the Big Brother House. Rove’s President, cars fly, and he’s the next host of the Price is Right. The audience cheers. Amber asks the other HG’s if they think the part about hosting the Price is Right is true, and everyone goes “nah!” Hilarious. Even these morons can clearly see that’s a dumb idea.

Dick is of course shocked that Amber beat Daniele so easily on the game show and points out that Amber’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Wow. He’s showing a lot of restraint tonight. When Amber bones it, he laughs. She says that she had to go for it, cuz it was the chance of a lifetime! He smirks and tells her “nice try” and she shouldn’t feel bad AT ALL. At first she smiles, but then realizes he was being sarcastic.

Ambduh

Ding! Your toast is ready!

Eric tries to change the subject and tells them how pretty they looked on national TV, but the awkwardness stays. Smooth as ever, Eric. Dicklet starts crying. It was so haaaaard knowing Niiiick was there and she couldn’t seeeeee hiiiiim!! She hates this house! Waaaahhhh!!! What was it your brother just told Jenius about people resenting the players who don’t give a shit about playing?

And now, ladies and gentlemen! Eric gets some! Please don’t make me say anything more than that.

Woahkinky

Woah! Slow down, Kinky Friedman!

Jess reaches for the ball sack and pulls out Dicklet. Oh yeah, we’re in the Veto Competition now. Daniele goes up to stand next to Jess, Amber and Zach. Zach picks HG’s choice, and he chooses Eric, which is a pretty wise move. If anyone’s gonna help him, it’s the brows. Amber chooses Jameka. God is trying to tell you something!

Zach takes the time til the competition to get Eric alone in the workout room. The Dicklets have to go or everyone’s screwed. BTW, what happened with Jess?

Ericbj

Discreet.

He sees the threat and tells Zach that if they can get them out, he’s open to all sorts of scenarios. Saying that to a guy in a workout room while you’ve got a large phallic symbol puffing out your cheek is just awesome. Love this show.

Dick is clearly thrilled to be the host of the competition, and his unadulterated joy makes me uncomfortable. A genuine, happy smile just doesn’t look right on him. Come on, call someone a stupid bitch and threaten to rape their cornholes, I’m getting the creepy crawlies here.

The backyard has been turned into a nasty swamp with spider webs, dead fish, and Dick. Hideous. There is a super cheapo cut out of the Cheshire Cat spouting off the answers to riddles in a decent Barry White imitation and the goal is to search the nasty swamp for rubber rats with the corresponding riddles attached. Every time I describe the game of a Veto Competition, I have to stop and stare at the computer for a moment to make sure I typed what I just typed. Dead fish Barry White rubber rat. Check. Moving on.

The first answer is Dustin. The players scurry to find the rat that says “STDs, bruised up knees, handlebars and dirty tees.” Jess is the last one to find her rat, and it turns out she didn’t understand the riddle. Aw. You’re out. The next answer is “slop”. Jameka finds her rat before Amber, but lets her friend win so she can be responsible for saving her own ass.

Ucomin

You comin’?

The third answer is “Nick”. Daniele is the last player to find the rat that says “Pomade Helmet Mowhawk, Dicklet led him by the cock”. Fitting. Jen is the next answer, and Zach and Eric race each other to the finish line. Eric gets there first but falls off. Zack steps right up on the stump. Eric tries to get back on, but Zach stays firm.

Buttrape

You can’t just do what you did to that banana without expecting to get slammed.

Doesn’t matter. Eric touched base and he’s safe. Amber is nervous now. She’s convinced that she’s gonna win and her vision that didn’t pan out last week will materialize today. Nope! Eric finds his “veto” rat first. He reads “For this the Amber swallows pride, always bridesmaid never bride.” He wins, and Dicklet isn’t very happy when he hugs Zach. WTF?

Later, on the patio, she mopes until her brother asks what’s wrong. Duh, Eric and Zach have a deal! Dick says no way, Eric wouldn’t take away Jessica’s security. Unless they had it planned all along. As usual, he believes exactly what he hears and comes to the conclusion that they have to get Jess out. Oh, man. Please let these two get theirs this week!

America’s Dork Challenge is for Eric to kiss an HG of their choice. Zach? Jameka? Nope. Jessica! Way to make the game more interesting, dumdums. Maybe next week you can challenge him to needlessly shout everything he says or pierce his nipples. Amber corners him in the HOH suite and plops down on the bed to cry like she owns the place. Between Jameka’s snot and Amber’s crotch print on the pillow, Jessica has one uncomfortable bed waiting for her.

Amhooch

Hooch of Household

Amber stutters and spews “I don’t care but please like what can I like I mean you know my word is like for real and I wouldn’t ask you to but should I everyone’s afraid of being against me in the final two but like please don’t should I be worried? I’m awesome and pretty and everyone’s jealous so like whatever please I’ll do anything I like your eyebrows and you have a big one.” Eric tells her that his choice depends entirely on Jess, who walks in and interrupts. Amber doesn’t want to have to repeat the brilliance, so she leaves them alone.

Jess tells Eric that trusting the Dicks was probably the dumbest thing they could have done. Eric says for better or worse, they made a promise. She doesn’t care. They made a promise to Dustin too, and the only reason he’s not back at Payless Shoes is because he’s in the sequester house. Eric tries to talk her into sticking with their alliance, which sets off alarm bells. He said he’d do what she wanted him to and he’s clearly trying to talk her out of her decision. She tells us that she wouldn’t doubt it if Eric was untrustworthy and had some shady deals going on. Thank God. She’s not as dumb as she looks. Well, not quite as dumb as she looks.

Ericbjagain

Now’s not the time, Eric.

Eric takes a long moment to stare at the wall of pictures and contort his face into as many poses as possible. After convening the houseguests and listening to vanilla ass closing arguments from the two nominees, he gives a speech about making bold moves and changing the game. And then he announces that he won’t be using the veto. Bold. Wuss. He chose the prize money over the boobies. Zach can’t believe that Eric would be dumb enough to let the Dicklets control him. Dude, haven’t you been watching? Eric’s a boner, Amber and Jameka pray a lot, and you have a tiny one.

Amber tells us that Eric’s a greedy Jew bastard and other sweet Christian things, and Jess says that she isn’t happy with Eric’s decision, but she’s not about to lose her closest ally in the game by letting him know that. Zach could be the one evicted on Thursday, but something tells me that this time, my vision will be true and Amber will be in the sequester house real soon learning Spanish from Jenius.

Flipit
About

Currently, Flipit's writing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps, which you can find here. You can also find him doing a gossip segment twice a week called BS of the Day and video recaps of Project Runway All Stars, as well as spoof ReDubs of the coming soon trailers at the end of RHOBH!

Ronnie Karam has been with TVgasm since 2006 , which has given him the opportunity to make fun of hundreds of TV's most loved and hated reality whores. His plan in life was to be Julia Roberts but that plan was stolen by, well, Julia Roberts. He'll get you one day, JULIA ROBERTS!! When not making himself giggle for the gasm, Ronnie performs improv and sketch comedy at IO West in Hollywood a couple of times weekly while using the lovely California days to audition for commercial roles such as "ADORABLE MEXICAN UNCLE". Seriously. He would like to thank Jesus, Buddha and Xenu for the blessings they've bestowed. The writers here are the best around, and he's honored to be associated with them. Find video archives at CankleTV.com, or follow on Twitter @flipit

47 Comments

  1. 1
    Lime23
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 5:24 am

    Oh my goodness, I needed that laugh. Brilliant recap, Flipit.

  2. 2
    Faker
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 5:56 am

    I signed up to this site, just to tell you your blog is brilliant, and you are a Jenius!!!

  3. 3
    Faker
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 5:58 am

    I signed up to this site, simply to tell you that your blog is AMAZING, and that you are a Jenius!!

    Enjoy your ego boost!!

  4. 4
    wed19844
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 6:12 am

    I have gotten the live feeds for years. This is the first year I am embarrassed to watch. This AP twist is a joke. It is all for the D&D fans to get them to the end. That “horrible person Amber” said if she won money on POT she would give it to her mom. Dicklet said she wanted a car cause she is poor, uh huh. If she hadn’t spent 20,000 on that boob job maybe she could have gotten that car. And then when she didn’t go far on POT she announced to the live feeds late one night that if anyone wanted to buy her a car they could. and Jen is the shallow one?!?!?
    Yesterday Dick had a hair dryer bag on his head. Will CBS show that with condescending music on tomorrows show? He looked like an idiot while telling Amber what a joke he thought she was. But CBS will never vilify that man!! Yet, they seem to enjoy making fun of Jem praying with background organ music. Somehow a Christian praying is funnier to CBS than Kaysar doing his prayers 5 times a day the last two seasons.
    I have canceled my live feeds. God help us when we make people like the Donatos heroes.

  5. 5
    cajah
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 6:37 am

    I’m still rooting for Eric, but what a boneheaded move!!!! He had a golden opportunity to get rid of Daniele and blew it. This will come back to haunt him.

  6. 6
    ATallicachick99
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 7:28 am

    hysterical!!!. right on the money.

  7. 7
    Pierce
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 7:59 am

    OK Flipit, that was hands down the funniest recap I’ve read all season. Scrootnie, Amber’s like “God” and Jameka’s all “The Lord”, telenovela captions, and Mirriam Webster – well done. Very well done.

    I am seriously hoping that Amber gets the boot this week. Can you imagine being laughed at on national television for not knowing a word that’s probably on most 6th grade vocabulary tests? (Wait, what does “vocabulary” mean?) Maybe she’ll show greater aptitude with Spanish . . .

    And yes, CBS is inexplicably editing Dick in a good light. Maybe they know what they’re doing as the ratings are up this year, but I still hate to see it. It’s kind of like MTV turning The Real World into a booze-fueled orgy show instead of the fairly interesting “young people from different backgrounds living together” experiment that was the first couple of seasons.

    As to the matter of CBS “making fun” of the Christians : I think that most people generally dislike hypocrites (I know I do). Big Brother has a history of showing that even though you may be wearing a cross or holding a Bible, it doesn’t automatically make you a honest or even decent person. In fact the opposite is often the case. Some of the most reviled people on the show have considered themselves the “best” thanks to their faith.

    Why didn’t they show Kaysar’s praying in a negative light? Well gee, maybe it was because he never asked Allah to help him win the POV, never told Allah to bless himself, he never wanted to “taste” Allah (still very weird), and never said that Allah had pre-ordained him to get to the final two. I guess maybe the producers have respect for people who simply have faith instead of making a show of it.

    Anyway, so I’ve got this saucepan . . . . . .

  8. 8
    Pegster
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 8:32 am

    I love that posts #2 and 3 lauding you for your brilliance were posted by “faker”. Ha ha.

    Don’t worry – the rest of us think you’re extremely adequate!!

    LOVE

  9. 9
    sweetblondie
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 8:49 am

    Awsome recap Flipit!! I agree it’s one of the funniest this year.

    Jessica prophesized (is that a word?) that her and Eric will feel mighty stupid when they’re sitting on the block next week. And she’s right poor thing. She’s the only one left I can stand.

    And there MUST be a reason why CBS is whitewashing Dick. Does anyone have a theory? I’m at a loss…

    And still nothing about Dicklets Homely Boyfriend eh?

    Pierce, let me tell you what you can do with that saucepan… :-P

  10. 10
    kensrus
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 9:11 am

    Oooooh! Fun with saucepans!

  11. 11
    karen
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 9:41 am

    Erik was such a tool with veto speech…so over dramatic. can this guy be for real? And I agree with sweetblondie up there, poor Danille boyfriend. Here the girl is crying on national TV because she didnt get to see Nick, and why big brother, why send Nick and not the boyfriend? poor guy.

  12. 12
    bitchristine
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 9:54 am

    “HONESTLY, I DON’T KNOW WHAT SCRUTINIZE MEANS”.

    What a knob! What an absolute and utter fool. Yes, Eric should have put up Danile, but I will be very happy to see that fucking ignoramus leave.

  13. 13
    Lime23
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 9:55 am

    Kris-watch update (since PDS refuses to help): Pierce, I hope I’m not speaking out of turn, but I believe Dani has just commented recently that Kris “probably” has broken up w/ her by now.

    Re: strategy: I think Eric resolved to keep his commitment to D&D for the following reasons: (1) he may not entirely trust D&D, but he certainly doesn’t trust Amber or Zack either (he knows that Amber is actively trying to turn Jess against him, and that Zack has made the same kind of proposals to D&D about getting out E/J, etc.); (2) he knows America hates Amber & LOVES Dick (& by extension his Dicklet), and that America will likely get into Nick-levels of rage if Eric goes against America’s wishes yet again (& will seek to screw him again & again, instead of just intermittently); and, finally, (3) he also knows that if he, say, takes off Zack or Amber & then Jess puts up Daniele/Dick, that America will nevertheless force him to vote to KEEP Daniele/Dick, and then everyone in the house will know it’s him with the hinky vote YET AGAIN, and he will be left with zero allies and zero credibility. His current play is really the only viable one he has, I think.

  14. 14
    CheriesTake
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 10:08 am

    Thanks for the acknowledgement Flipit,it made my day, but I really feel for Wamber’s kid. She’s probably wearing a wig and sunglasses today. Hey Lexie, was that your Mom on Tv last night?
    Me a no a speak a engleesshh, por favor, please to call DFACS,Si Senior, someone a call a Angelina Jolie………….

  15. 15
    bitchristine
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 10:11 am

    “HONESTLY, I DON’T KNOW WHAT SCRUTINIZE MEANS”.

    What a knob! What an absolute and utter fool. Yes, Eric should have put up Danile, but I will be very happy to see that fucking ignoramus leave.

  16. 16
    bitchristine
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 10:14 am

    “HONESTLY, I DON’T KNOW WHAT SCRUTINIZE MEANS”.

    What a knob! What an absolute and utter fool. Yes, Eric should have put up Danile, but I will be very happy to see that fucking ignoramus leave.

  17. 17
    Anon E. Mouse
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 10:27 am

    Amazingly funny recap! You made my Wednesday, thank you!

  18. 18
    bitchristine
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 10:38 am

    “HONESTLY, I DON’T KNOW WHAT SCRUTINIZE MEANS”.

    What a knob! What an absolute and utter fool. Yes, Eric should have put up Danile, but I will be very happy to see that fucking ignoramus leave.

  19. 19
    Tony A.
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 10:58 am

    All right, bitchchristine (# 12, 15, 16, 18) we get it!

    I discovered what Wamber’s necklace is! Look at the snippet from POT and you’ll see her speak into it. It’s her personal communicator to God. Either that, or a microphone. God bless you, God.

  20. 20
    Corri2
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 11:07 am

    I have to agree with others, one of the funniest posts ever. As soon as I pulled it up and saw the first screencap it took me 10 minutes to catch my breath from laughing. When I finally (thought) I’d regained my composure I called a friend to tell her about it and it took me almost 5 minutes to spit it out because I couldn’t stop laughing. My other fave screencap in this recap is Hooch of Household. That’s some funny shit, Flipit.

    I have decided I am going to root for Jessica (since Jen is gone) and I have a very bad feeling about next week. The Dicks are going to flip on her and Eric so fast their heads will spin. And if Zach stays this week, he’s pissed so he will vote however the Dicks tell him to. I am so ready for Daniele to go home. I can’t stand her whiny voice any longer.

  21. 21
    Tony A.
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 11:12 am

    America’s seriously fucked up by cheering on the Donatos. What despicable, shallow and selfish people they are. I do hope Daniele wins it, if only to see her dump Dick the dick. How cruel of her to dump poor earnest boyfriend at home for a failed European US football ex-player. Hell, even Dustin probably has a better job than Nick has.

    What does Eric do for a living? I think Jess is a good actress, feigning all that affection for Eric just to keep him on her side. Whoever commented on Eric being helpless at the moment because if he tries to oust the Dicks would provoke a reaction from America has it right. He has to get while the getting’s good and there’s a chance he can end up in the final two with Jess, where I would hope she’ll pull a Charla on him. Wonder how much money he’s made so far?

    Zach’s got no room to bitch. Amber’ll probably be sent home and I recall his breaking his word a couple of times when it cane time to vote. He, too, had a chance to promote ousting Dick when he (Dick) was at his peak but chose instead to keep him.

    I have the feeling Eric is also playing Jess for the alliance, but he won’t stand a chance against her if they should be final two. But, he’s beginning to set off my gaydar. Should I take it in for repairs or does anyone else think that?

  22. 22
    TexasK
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 11:31 am

    I haven’t commented here in over a year, but Flipit, that recap was pure brilliance. Thanks ” brought back memories of the good ‘ol days of B-Side.

    I think Dick is being edited well because he makes for good ratings. He’s a complete fucktard, but honestly: Would any of us be watching if he wasn’t around? Laughing at Amber crying is a helluva lot of fun, but it loses a bit of its luster each time. So if CBS edits him any differently, we’d all probably have tried to have him ousted by America’s Eyebrows by now. That would be a boner financial move by the network.

    One more thing to consider: Dick is awful, no doubt. But he makes a lot of the same observations that our beloved recappers do. Amber is a fucking Jesus freak moron who equates her dog with her daughter, for instance. He’s got a level of common sense and plain-spokenness in the DR (and sometimes outside of it) that I admire. But yes, he’s a total asshole and every time I realize his whiny daughter is going to break his heart all over again when this show is done I get a good chuckle. It’s his achilles-heel blindspot, and it’s awesome.

  23. 23
    Corri2
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 11:38 am

    I have a question and a comment/theory. First my question. What is the Charla reference about? I watched TAR and I assume it is in regard to Scmirna. But what’s the story? Can anyone please explain? Thanks in advance.

    Now my comment/theory. Does anyone else wonder if maybe Daniele’s boyfriend was asked to be on POT but declined??? THAT would be hilarious. And justice.

  24. 24
    sweetblondie
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 12:07 pm

    oooooo Corri2! Love the Homley Boyfriend theory and I can only hope that’s true!! (but I doubt it)

  25. 25
    cajah
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 12:52 pm

    Tony A., I don’t think either Jess or Eric are playing each other, simply because they would be talking about it in the diary room. Remember Erika and Boogie?

    *shudder*

    Who knows if it would last outside of BB, (not likely is my guess) but at least in the house it seems a real showmance.

  26. 26
    mspeaay
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 1:05 pm

    Flipit,
    It is very clear from your comments that you don’t have a personal relationship with God or any knowledge of Him. I pray that before you leave this earth you receive Him.
    However, in the meantime,it would be in your best interest not to put down things you do not understand or know. Less to repent later on. Capece(sp)?

  27. 27
    nerrawllehctim
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 1:30 pm

    I’m thinking that Nick is a stalker. All I’ve seen from him since his eviction is how he obsesses over Daniele.

  28. 28
    Lime23
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 2:29 pm

    Cajah –

    I don’t think Jess or Eric are playing each other either, but — hang on to your bandanas & your saucepans — Eric’s former(?) current(?) unclosured (?) girlfriend is going to be on tomorrow’s show & she says “it’s just strategy.” Oh my.

    Doesn’t she know the wedding (& the post show reality show “we’re not in kansas anymore”) has already been fully planned?

    In other news, California’s version of NOW is trying to get Dick kicked out of the house. HahaHA. LIKE CBS is going to let THAT happen.

  29. 29
    Pierce
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 2:56 pm

    All right. Gotta say something about the mspeaay comment.

    With all due respect to your beliefs : One of the reasons that some people grow weary of religious folks is because of the doctrine of proselytizing and their general disdain for those who dare disagree with them.

    I mean really, to come on a board dealing with reality TV and telling someone you’ve never met what is in their “best interest.” That’s pretty freaking arrogant.

    I think by now you probably have a pretty good idea of the tone of the recaps here at TVGasm and if they’re not to your liking it may be in your best interest (sarcasm people) to not keep reading them. Less to complain about later on. Capisce? (correct spelling)

  30. 30
    Wondermutt
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 3:47 pm

    Pierce…WORD!!!

    Flpt…totally bitchin’ recap!!!!

  31. 31
    nerrawllehctim
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 6:17 pm

    This has become the most religious season we ever had. Three cheers for the Bible!

  32. 32
    Flipit
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 6:33 pm

    HOLLA
    Thanks so much for the props, gasmii! You gave me a great day!! xo

    As far as my relationship with God…Meemaw is that you?

    I would like to think that God is as annoyed as me that people are using him as (as saff from abfab put it) some sort of cosmic cash machine in the sky.

    I can remember being a kid and suffering through my tortuous first week at Catholic school where I was told I was going to Hell for everything from getting caught with a Liza cassette (I swear that is no lie) to wearing thick glasses (also true. Beware of Catholic School).

    Finally, after a week of being beaten up, made fun of, and judged by a bunch of devils in white robes, I cried my eyes out and railed against God. He must be a real jerk if He wanted his people to act like that. It was that afternoon that my father gave me this beautiful piece of advice that I carry to this day:

    “Flipit, don’t blame Christ, blame the fakers who call themselves Christians. They’re the real assholes.” Amen.

    Peace

  33. 33
    FLAPELE
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 6:48 pm

    Flipit that was not Amber’s sister on POT it was her cousin from Ohio. I wonder why they didn’t bring her sister or her mom? Or Dani’s grandma? Weird choices for both girls. I am over food competitions and wish they still had to compete to get the padlock removed from the jacuzzi & weights and stuff like past seasons!!!

  34. 34
    tvjunkie
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 7:38 pm

    Props to Flipit for the MOST excellent recap – funniest of the season. I was so looking forward to your screencaps & snarky comments b/c I just knew 3 would be on here —- Eric with the banana in his mouth in the gym, Amber’s lady-like pose on the HOH bed & Eric and Zach simultaneously landing on the tree post during the veto…all 3 screencaps were great!

    Whoever posted all 3 reasons why Eric didn’t use the veto — I totally agree with what you saying but only to a certain extent. I don’t know if Eric is smart enough to think of all that while weighing his options. I kinda wonder if he didn’t put up Daniele b/c he’s so flippin’ scared of Dickster coming after him making his life a living hell. I don’t know – just a thought.

    Also, does anyone know why we haven’t seen the HGs in the sequester house yet? Every season, they showed their arrival and everyone already there craning their necks to see who was walking down the path. What up with that?

  35. 35
    JasonR
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 7:39 pm

    Flipit, that was fucking brilliant. Maybe your best ever.
    -JR

  36. 36
    KikiC
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 7:47 pm

    Flipit,

    My mom grew up Catholic and was told that if her friends weren’t Catholic, they weren’t going to Heaven. Can you imagine a little girl thinking that?

    Then when I was going to Sunday school a nun made a big deal about my father being “Not Catholic????!!!”

    I totally know where you are coming from.

    Hypocrites in religion are everywhere….AND ridiculous (and I consider myself a Christian)

    People who get on their high horses to belittle those who don’t conform to THEIR beliefs need to get a life.

    MY God, isn’t that uptight.

    GREAT recap!!!! Not only one of the best, but also so fast.

    Keep up the good/SNARKY work. :)

  37. 37
    mspeaay
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 8:56 pm

    I certainly do not mean to offend or sound arrogant, I apologize if I did. Flipit your father was right, christians are not perfect people. Christian simply means you have accepted Christ as your Lord and Saviour. It in no way means you automatically become perfect. I do not intend to proselytize but you make a lot of comments that can be construed as being anti-christian and I dont see any one standing up for that, so I did and I stand by it and God Bless You.

  38. 38
    CWJ
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 9:42 pm

    I think Eric figured out that America is tired of Amber. If he used the power of veto even on Zach, and put up D or D, and then his America’s vote was to get Amber out, he’d have to go around the house campaigning for them to keep the D. It wouldn’t make sense for him to use it at all! He would look dumb for using the veto and then trying to get people to keep the newly nominated person. He’s not as dumb as we give him credit for!

  39. 39
    geewits
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 10:14 pm

    I LOVED your “riddles!” Awesome! I guess everyone forgot that 1) Eric is America’s player and they voted to get Amber out and 2) Eric only had power of veto. He had NO say in who would be put up.

  40. 40
    schoonie
    Posted August 29, 2007 at 10:31 pm

    “Also, does anyone know why we haven’t seen the HGs in the sequester house yet? Every season, they showed their arrival and everyone already there craning their necks to see who was walking down the path. What up with that?”

    Well, the reason for this would be…math. It is a bitter enemy, no doubt. No one has showed up for them to tape yet, if you think about it. They only show the sequester house on Thursdays, and until last Thursday, only Dustin was there and they would have had to show him by himself, but Dick’s burning ass took up all the screentime. I’m sure tomorrow we’ll see Jen arrive tomorrow (with tape detailing her eviction week in hand) and Dustin will act all surprised.

  41. 41
    Tony A.
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 4:50 am

    OK, the Charla I refer to was a totally useless piece of fluff from the Fox show “Paradise Hotel”, a show with people so despicable it was hard to stomach. Charla was an even bigger mess than Amber, always whining and crying in her room. This nice Jewish boy (ugly as sin, though) from new York fell in love with her and literally carried her all the way to the finals, even giving up his chance to win so she could. As I recall, there were two other winners, a well-liked couple. The winner in that couple shared the prize money 50-50 with the partner. Charla opted to keep all the money and not share with the poor nebbish. Thus, she earned the “Most Selfish Bitch” award in reality TV history.

    That show also featured the universally hated big mouth Toni Ferrari who became some sort of reality-show queen, making the circuit in various shows. Damn, I miss the good old days of truly awful reality doings!

  42. 42
    Corri2
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 7:03 am

    Tony A – Thanks for the clarification. I did not watch Paradise Hotel so I was clueless.

    Hi Schoonie! Are you excited for Survivor yet?

  43. 43
    CheriesTake
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 11:34 am

    To mspeaay,
    When you have people on a show using God as an excuse to do whatever the hell they want and claim it’s because “I had a vision from God” or Jameka who keeps thanking God for being her lover and apparently wanting to taste him or have him taste her, that’s not naking fun of Christianity. That’s making fun of 2 people who obviously have issues with reality. I’m not an expert on the bible, but I am a Christian and I am not the least bit offened by anything flipit has said about these 2 hypocrit nut jobs. These 2 are easy targets because, well they are retarded and they give us all lots of usable material. If these things are offensive to you maybe you should A. Lighten the crap up or B. Go to Billy Graham’s website.
    Oh wait I’m getting a call.
    Ok, I’m back. That was God, he said unclench the butt cheeks because he loves Flipit and thinks he’s funnier than the time Jesus blew out a flip-flop and went ass over tea kettle into a pile of angel poo.
    Now go forth and prosper….

  44. 44
    sweetblondie
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 12:09 pm

    CheriesTake,

    That was almost as funny as Flipit’s post. Well said! (and thanks for the visual of Jesus tripping over his flip flops! hahaahah)

  45. 45
    sweetblondie
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 12:17 pm

    CheriesTake,

    That was almost as funny as Flipit’s post.
    Well said! (and thanks for the visual of Jesus tripping over his flip flops! hahaahah)

  46. 46
    mspeaay
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 5:17 pm

    CheriesTake,
    Yeah, that was hilar. I’m sure HE appreciated that.

  47. 47
    CheriesTake
    Posted August 30, 2007 at 7:36 pm

    mspeaay,
    I would like to offer you an apology. You see HE just called back and he let me know that I told the story all wrong. It wasn’t a flip-flop,silly me, it was a pair of strappy high heels and he didn’t fall into angel poo,that was another story, I got confused, he fell on what was supposed to be your sense of humor. Crushed it to bits. So I forgive you for not loving me, after all, It’s What Jesus Would Do!

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