Revenge of the Nerds

There really wasn’t much suspense in tonight’s episode of Big Brother, but that’s okay. I was happy to sit idly by my television and watch clueless Jase slowly realize that he had been played for a fool. After weeks of bandana domination, the Jasean Empire has finally crumbled. Turns out that Jase’s headstrong strategy of bullying his followers and mocking his adversaries only worked when he was in power, which he assumed would last forever. Of course any good player should never rely on winning Head of Household every single week because, well, that’s just idiotic ” especially when so many of those competitions rely on brain matter and guessing, not styling gel and flexing. Jase’s cocky ways irked everyone – from the viewers to the contestants ” which is why it’s been sweet revenge watching him squirm under the reign of Nakomis, and tonight, the brilliant “Six Finger Plan” executed one of the best blindsides in recent reality TV history by finally ensuring Jase’s nomination for Thusday’s live show. If all goes well, Jase will be the next houseguest evicted and first sequestered in the Jury House, which means one less noxious personality to clutter the airwaves. Normally, I’d be reluctant to keep a volunteer firefighter from the frontlines, but apparently in Jase’s case, being a fireman means showing up as a gay extra on Will & Grace and Arrested Development, so I don’t really feel so bad anymore.Poor Jase. He never thought anyone could be as smart as he was, but leave it to Nakomis and company to hatch a highly choreographed scheme that only people who have been bullied for five weeks have the vengeance to pull off. Call him a patsy, a mark, a punter, a rube, or a lame duck, but whatever you do, don’t call him stain free. Jase may have been playing it cool in the house this week, but if those underarms are any indication, the guy’s been sweating, and sweating hard. No shirt, tank top, or piece of fabric was safe from Jase’s underarm perspiration. When he showed up later in the episode with his spikes surprisingly flat, I couldn’t help wondering if maybe his pit stains had spread up to his noggin, rendering all Kyan Douglas endorsed hair product useless. Some people sweat bullets. This guy sweats cannonballs.

I suppose that’s to be expected when your only ally is a goofy cowboy whose breakdancing skills make epileptic seizures look artful. During one of those lighthearted segments the producers throw in to fill time, we learned that Michael has a penchant for “freak dancing” which apparently is flopping onto the ground with an arrhythmic thud. My inclination is to say that he’s a B-Boy gone bad, very bad, but since this whole “freak dance” concept is new to me, who am I to say if he’s doing it right or wrong? I guess when you’re locked in a house with nothing to do for six weeks, you start doing crazy things. Just ask Karen who seems to be turning into her own personal Gollum. Instead of focusing her energy on productive things like updating her hairstyle (with so many metrosexuals running around, you’d think one of them would give her some help), Karen shimmies up against walls and doorknobs or chats with herself in the backyard. It’s a strange habit, and it’s amazing these psychotic tendencies translate into such pedestrian artwork , but at least her cycle of emotional chaos ends with a batch of cookies. Hell, I’d keep a trainwreck of a woman around if it meant she’d bake me cookies once a day.

When Karen wasn’t regaling herself with stories about herself, she was joining the increasingly tiresome “Oh my God, they’re twins!” discussion that occurred over and over tonight. Seriously people, how many times do we have to talk about Adria and Natalie? They’re twins! We get it! I guess if you’re like Will and you’ve never been friends with identical twins, it’s exciting. Actually, no. It’s not exciting. Please CBS, no more educational segments about the burdens of being a twin. We already saw more than enough of Natalie bawling about her plight. Besides, I couldn’t really understand what she was saying anyway with all her sobs getting in the way. Something about identity and sitting across the table from Jase and blah blah blah. Let’s just have Marvin tell jokes instead.

All this stuff was well and good, but it really detracted from the best part of the episode which was watching cocky Jase parade around the house as if his charming personality and slick lines had saved him yet again. Eventually, he woke up to the plan and pouted around the veto competition in his black shades, which were probably donned not to hide his tears but his crows feet instead. For a moment I was a little bummed that we wouldn’t see Jase’s self-satisfied mug register complete shock at the veto ceremony, but then again, I didn’t realize the Six Finger Plan featured a subtle dick move designed to really stick it to Jase. Apparently, the whole crew designated Drew to be the winner of the competition so that Jase would actually think he’d have a chance to influence the veto, and of course, the sweaty one thought just that. Choirboy Drew felt mildly tormented about lying to Jase, but then he probably remembered how Jase had reduced him to tears on national television and all those reservations melted away.

At the veto ceremony, Drew and Diane had a difficult time keeping their poker faces on as they awkwardly smiled through the entire proceeding. Unlike the usual solemn pleas to the veto holder, Diane and Marvin rattled off funny, lighthearted speeches ” with Diane sneaking in a lovely dis at Jase’s expense. Everyone chuckled at the proceedings except Jase, whose stony face indicated he knew it was all over. You know, he has a right to be upset. Marvin and Diane were making a total mockery of the hallowed veto ceremony, and they really should have had more respect for Jase who will have to face the hardship of being nominated. They might as well have just dressed up in stupid costumes and strutted their power around the room, you know, like Scott and Jase did… a week ago. Funny how perspectives can change.

Well, Jase will show them all, starting with Drew who he did NOT fistbump. That’s right. Drew has been dropped from the exclusive fist bump inner circle of Jase’s life, but somehow I get the feeling that Drew and the roomies care less about bumping Jase’s fist and more about kicking his butt to the curb. I guess the downside to all this is that Thursday’s live episode could be on the dull side. Still, with Julie Chen around, I’m sure bizarre moments will abound. I do wonder though if Jase will fist bump the Chenbot. That might be the most awkward moment in television history.