Scott Learns New Words: Confide, Cheese

After Saturday night’s “cheesse” debacle, we really thought Scott couldn’t out-do himself in the wonderful world of elementary vocab. But lo! Last night provided brand new lexical challenges to our simian houseguest. Poor Scott was confounded by “confide”, a relatively arcane and obscure word that is rarely put to use in Modern English. And by arcane and obscure, I mean common and basic. Scott, whose induction into Reality Idiot Hall of Fame has been a focal point of this summer, continues to amaze with his unwavering density. It’s no wonder therefore that he, Jase, and Holly have forged a trifecta of mental vacancy that threatens to destroy anything and everything in its path. God bless Big Brother.Aside from the “confide” incident, Scott kept his idiocy at normal Scott levels – which really meant that in between bubble baths with Jase and late night ball scratchings, he spent most of his time sauntering around shirtless, babbling about who knows what. His moment of glory came when he and Jase, who had previously hugged and kissed Drew in a show of support, beat up on the Head of Household for his nominations. Turns out the two guys were not so happy about Holly going up on the chopping block. For those not paying attention, Holly is Jase’s cuddle buddy, and on Saturday she became the apple of Scott’s eye too, but methinks he just wants to get with her because it will bring him closer to Jase.

Nevertheless, Jase and Scott full on bullied Drew about the picks, causing the poor kid to burst into tears. Drew explained that Holly was getting in the way of the Horsemen, a theory that was swiftly shot down by Jase and Scott. Yeah, Holly’s completely not interfering with the Horseman’s strategy. It’s not like she’s causing them to turn on each other or, you know, break into tears or stuff like that.

For her part, Holly spent the past few days moping around the house. She endeavored to have a heart to heart with Drew where she whined “You have this conception of me that is wrong”. I think she meant “misconception” or maybe even “perception”, unless of course Drew somehow conceived Holly. Hey, Project DNA…

When Holly wasn’t laying down the malapropisms, she was curled up in an empty bathtub. It wasn’t the strategy I would have adopted, but you know, claiming that bathtub is pretty impressive given the number of Jase/Scott bubble baths that go down. I guess those guys need to relax their tired muscles after a long day of pretending to be younger than 30. In case you missed the soundbyte, Scott commented that he is only 25 and Jase is 28 – a questionable fact that Karen so amusingly pointed out last week. I guess Jase’s crowsfeet and Scott’s thinning, graying hair may have led me to believe they were both over three decades old. No worries though.

I guess age isn’t always a bad thing. Some of pop culture’s most beautiful people are getting up there, like 40 year old Brad Pitt – aka Jase’s disturbingly intense man-crush. Jase’s CBS.com questionaire noted that he was a fan of Mr. Pitt’s, but to what extent I was unaware. I mean, this guy talks about Brad Pitt nonstop. Even when he’s hooking up with Holly he talks about him. The saddest part is that Jase actually thinks he looks like Brad. I guess he’s sort of right: I mean, they’re both white and have arms and legs. Marvin had the most amusing comment about this topic when he noted that Jase looked more like an arm pit than Brad Pitt. It was nice punnage, and I respected it.

The entire household seemed to mock Jase behind his back about his Brad Pitt fixation, including Diane, who’s never been shy about her resentment towards the Four Horsemen. Later in the episode, after she had lost the veto, Holly asked Diane why she didn’t give her a pity hug. Diane, taken aback by the startlingly dumb question, uttered some lame excuse, and I won’t go into the details, but the incident exploded into a fullscale battle of the dunces. Diane, thankfully, has what appears to be a head on her shoulders and she quickly reminded Holly that Scott and Jase go around hugging each other for any minor victory, whether it be for Head of Household or because they opened a can of tuna. Nevertheless, when Diane dared to mention something about the different sides in the house, Jase and Scott played dumb, or, uh, dumber.

The Four Horsemen defensively rejected the accusation that they had any sort of alliance and insisted there were no sides in the house. Yeah, just because the Four Horsemen lock themselves in the Head of Household room, share clothing (and baths), and embrace at any possible moment doesn’t mean they’re actually in an “alliance”, whatever that is. Jase tried to turn everything on its side with a little “I know you are but what am I?” logic by saying that Diane had just revealed HER side. Diane was unphased by this, so she finally left the logic vacuum that was the conversation and returned to her friends outside.

Jase was determined to rattle everyone though, so he poked his head out the screen door and revealed Diane’s alliance to… her alliance!!!! The alliance took the news about its existence pretty well, and inside, Jase cackled with a self-satisfied air. Was it me, or was this incident the equivalent of Jase going up to a woman and saying “Ah ha! You’re a woman!”

I guess I can’t expect too much out of Jase. After all, this is the man who would rather waltz around the house wrapped up in a comforter than ever deign to put on a sleeved shirt. With tomorrow’s vote threatening to be a close tie, my only hope is that Marvin comes to his senses and drops out of his lamely titled “Santa Monica Van Boys” alliance and votes off the one he’s despised all along: Holly.