Scott: Stoopider Than Previously Thought

Watch out Mensa. Three candidates are coming your way: Scott, Jase, and Holly. Sure, they may not be – what’s the word? Oh yes – smart, but they THINK they’re smart, and isn’t that what really matters?

Okay, maybe Scott, Jase, and Holly are more likely to join a gym than an intellectual society, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy watching our trio of great thinkers plot and scheme their way through the veritable anti-Mensa that is Big Brother. Last night’s episode featured some wonderfully inane babbling from the Ambiguously Gay Duo and their pet bubble, Holly, and while their brain cells squeezed out words, sentences and occasionally concepts, other members of the house descended on pliable Drew in an effort to change the course of the game. Amazingly, it worked. Sort of.Drew shocked everyone with his nominations of Holly and Jennifer – aka Nakomis. For an hour, the producers dangled various potential nominees such as Marvin, Diane, Holly, and even Adria; so when Nakomis made her way back to the chopping block, it felt somewhat out of left field. Apparently it was – at least for Scott and Jase – who looked so angry you would have thought their bandanas had been confiscated.

Drew’s choice of Holly seemed illogical in the context of the Four Horsemen, but perhaps this was his way of jockeying for post-Jase dominance with the girls. I’d like to think Drew was that savvy, but mostly I think he was overwhelmed by the pressure of the situation. He’s clearly in over his head. Early in the game, he became completely intoxicated by the hyper-machismo (read: gay) allure of Jase and Scott, and now his ties to them are at conflict with his need to be a good boy. With all the input coming at him from aggressive strategizers like Jase and passive aggressive schemers like Diane, I fully expected his head to explode into a million pieces, especially after he commented “[It] takes me forever to think about things.” Not an encouraging sign.

Luckily, Drew did have his co-Horsemen to help him make his decision. Scott kindly noted that he, Jase, and Michael were there to serve as “advisors”. Well, not Michael. When Cowboy suggested that Marvin should go, Jase quickly nixed the idea with a dismissive tone that seemed to say “Speak when spoken to, and if spoken to, genuflect me”. Of course, later on Jase did insist that Marvin should go, but that’s neither here nor there.

With all this nomination stress going on, it was a great relief to Drew that he received all sorts of personal artifacts from home. Adria in particular took a liking to Drew’s pillow from home. I think she’d be happier to clutch onto it a few more minutes than to win the $500,000. Meanwhile, Scott marveled at a photo of Drew’s moderate-sized, upper middle class house, noting that the HOH was “loaded”.

Of course Scott has created an image for himself in the house that he is a football player who drives an Escalade and partakes in all activities pertaining to bling. Since none of this is true, it’s sort of bizarre watching Scott take extreme joy in discussing this fantasy life. The mere mention of said wealth causes him to flex his pecs in a gross and nauseating manner. Apparently, his strategy is to talk about all the money he has so that people don’t think he’s out for the Big Brother money. Um, so are they supposed to think he’s there for the fine Ikea interior design? You see, Scott, prior wealth isn’t always considered a plus in this game. You might remember Lorie, the girl you voted off two days ago for having already won $10,000.

Then again, I may be expecting more brainpower from Scott than he can produce. During the food competition, when contestants had to spell out items they wanted in the kitchen, Scott requested steak – after someone else had just written beef. I’m surprised the next round he didn’t simply ask for meat. Instead, he spelled out “cheesse”. I don’t know what cheesse is – maybe some unholy union between cheese and chess – but Scott wanted it. Of course, Scott’s expertise is in athletics, not first grade spelling challenges; so I really can’t demand that much from him. Meanwhile, Scott and Jase seemed to get momentarily excited when Marvin looked to be spelling “cock”. Sadly, he ultimately wrote “chicken”, dashing Scott and Jase’s hopes for a little fun times in the household.

The Atkins Friendly challenge ended with the roommates winning – among other things – beef, steak, chicken, pork, and lobster. Perhaps in the spirit of all things meaty, Jase’s facial hair has blossomed into full-fledged lamb chops from hell. Granted, this isn’t his worst hygene transgression (note the pimples on his back), but it’s turning into one of the more annoying Jaseisms. You would think that someone as fastidiously image-conscious as he would reach for the razor once in a while, but maybe he’s just succumbing to the pressure of looking so damn good. Yes, it’s a curse, or at least according to Jase.

In a roundtable discussion worthy of The Newshour with Jim Lehrer, Jase, Scott and Holly shared their thoughts and feelings about being pretty and how no one sees them for who they really are – because I’m sure they don’t dismiss people based on their looks at all. While Scott scratched his balls, Holly lamented that if she had worn glasses, had black hair in a bun, and just dressed differently in general, people would have treated her better in the house. Yeah, all those ugly people with black hair and glasses really have it good. Sadly, Holly doesn’t realize the only accessory she needs is a muzzle.

Assuming the veto leaves the nominations unchanged, it looks like Holly will most likely get the boot. I do look forward to the Julie Chen/Holly interview. The combination of Holly’s beeps and chirps with Julie’s rigid mannerisms should make for the oddest conversation since R2D2 and C3PO entered pop culture.