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It’s been a little while since I’ve weighed in on Big Brother, and by “little while”, I mean two episodes. That’s a lot in the world of TVgasm. Nevertheless, I’m back, and I’m highly entertained. Watching the female alliance implode has been a delightful summer activity, and last night the chaos escalated as Adria toppled off the nomination block and the rest of the houseguests scampered for cover. Unfortunately for Cowboy, he was the only one who didn’t nab a seat at the musical chairs-esque selection process for nominations and wound up sitting pretty with a peeved Natalie on the chopping block. With any luck, Michael’s consolation prize will be a trip to Young and the Restless, but I guess we’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out about that.I suppose it’s a little fitting that Michael and Natalie will be the focus of Julie Chen’s appositive marathon this week (“Michael, the security guard from Oklahoma, and Natalie, the fitness professional from Alabama…”). After all, these two did almost deprive the household from a few gifts in this week’s luxury challenge. The group had to climb through a web of bungee chords, grab giant, lettered balls and spell a word with them (“internet”). If completed under three minutes, the group would win a shopping spree at Amazon.com. For every thirty seconds over the deadline, the houseguests would have one less item to buy. Leave it to the crack spelling mastery of Cowboy and Natalie to spell out “intenret”. It wasn’t as bad as “Cheesse”, but it did cost the team precious time, which resulted in a smaller shopping spree.
Luckily, the team optimized its time on Amazon.com by buying… steaks? Whaa? Don’t these people have a chance to win gourmet food every week? I mean, they’ve got lobster tail, filet mignon, and shrimp. Why would they want mail order beef? Karen pushed for a fire pit, which was nice in theory, but in practice, I wonder about it’s longtime usefulness. Then again, those summer nights in the San Fernando valley are so extremely cold. Good thinking, houseguests.
The group did put the fire pit to one novel use. They toasted Holly’s plastic kitty in a low rent exorcism of Jase’s presence. I think the best route would have been to incinerate Jase’s camo hat which seems to have found a new home on Drew’s head. Nevertheless, the group was fairly satisfied with the feline torching, and apparently the sickening fumes were worth it (we here at the TVgasm offices once drunkenly torched a George Foreman Grill, and let me tell you something: it didn’t smell good. Burning plastic just isn’t as nice as burning mesquite).
Well, life wasn’t all chuckles around the fire pit. It was also chuckles around the nomination table, at least for Natalie and Adria. The two dialed up their twin defense mechanisms and laughed at the nominations as if they so didn’t mind. They didn’t mind so much that they then went on a rampage through the house trying to rally supporters to win the veto for them. Adria bullied Diane and Drew to the point where Drew finally said he’d use the veto if he won it. Of course, he told that to Jase too, and we know how that went.
Diane meanwhile has become the master of flakiness. About the only thing she can commit to is a good five hours under the sun a day. Ultimately she couldn’t give the twins her word that she’d use the veto because she was still upset about Will. Was she upset that Will left or that she wasn’t getting credit for suggesting him as a nominee? I can’t figure it out.
Well, all this veto posturing was moot because Adria handily won the competition, which was a bizarre exercise in photoshop horrors. Taking a page from Conan O’Brien, the producers set out to haunt our nightmares with images of three house guests composited into one, and players had to guess which three guests were in each composite. I liked this because I could play at home, which I did. And then I felt lame. I just want to know why I was able to figure out all three faces in the two seconds CBS showed us the images whereas Michael took fifteen minutes? I would have rocked that challenge. The only minor quibble I had was the lack of any CBS reality all-star hosting composite. I think we’d all like to see the love child of Julie Chen, Phil Koegan, and Jeff Probst.
Well, Adria predictably took herself off the block after faking out her sister for a second. After almost two months of this show, I think we can conclude that Adria delivers the very worst speeches. They’re long, rambling, and full of righteous undertones that simultaneously annoy and bore me. Nakomis was not very happy with this turn of events. After all, she wanted to exact revenge on Adria for breaking that damn pinky swear, and if there’s anything we know, it’s that a pinky swear is a legally binding contract. At least that’s what I’d assume based on the weight these people are giving their pinkies. Well, in the spirit of breaking promises, Nakomis put up her half-brother Cowboy as the pawn. I don’t know how he feels about it, but I’m sure it’s very “nervousing”.
Did Nakomis make the right move?