Wow.

Big Brother

By B-Side | Friday, August 25, 2006 | 10:30 am | 51 Comments

hoh082506 Forget who got voted out tonight. Forget who won HOH. Forget pretty much any relevant development inside the Big Brother house. Tonight’s live eviction was about one thing and one thing only: BUT FIRST. Yes, what started out as a dorky observation between J-Unit and me four years ago has blossomed into a full-fledged entry in the Big Brother history books. It’s days like this when being a blogger no longer feels like the silliest occupation at the cocktail party. We’re shaping pop culture, dammit, and now the indelible mark of TVgasm has made its way onto primetime television. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, don’t worry. I’ll explain all. In the meantime, I’ve been writing this opening paragraph with restrained prose in an attempt to sound collected and perhaps even academic. Screw that. We all know what I really want to say:

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT.

OMG OMG OMG OMG

RANDOM LETTERS! asdlkfja;sdiufa;elskja;sldfja;lsdkjf!~!!!!

EXCITEMENT!!!

Okay, I’ve contained myself. For now. Let’s not put the cart in front of the horse. Before we can get to the HOH competition, we have to start back in the beginning of the hour and relive all the glory that was tonight’s eviction episode. Things started off on a puffy, metallic note as the Chenbot came to us wearing what seemed to be parachute pants made from a tin foil/nylon mixture. I didn’t know what was up with the pants except that they were wide, flappy, and probably not the most flattering things we’ve seen on poor Julie. Basically, it was like some Project Runway experiment gone wrong and shiny.

Julie wasn’t the only one suffering from sartorial malaise. The normally sharp Janelle appeared to be wearing an astroturf cravate. Or perhaps it was some sort of bib made from overgrown moss. Either way, she looked like the bizarre love child of a femme-bot and a topiary. Poor choice.

Of course, rounding out the night’s fashion missteps was Chicken George, who again was sporting his dumb sombrero and chicken necklace. Then again, saying George has a fashion faux-pas is kind of like announcing that a fish can swim. Some things are just expected. Perhaps the biggest surprise of the night was that Boogie was looking quite dapper in his outfit. Gone were the arm bands and wrist bands and orange hats and silly props that had previously caused our eyes to burn like a thousand pyres. Instead, he wore a classy black button down with an accompanying blazer. He looked almost…. normal!

But enough about the clothes. We had business to attend to, starting off with Julie who spoke her first “But First!” of the night. Yay! Little did we know that this was the beginning of something spectacular tonight. The Chenbot then noted that James was trusting Boogie and Will to get him through tonight. “Is James about to become another Howie?” she then asked. Um, without even seeing the rest of the episode, we knew the answer: YES. And he was gonna be such a bitch about it too. I couldn’t wait.

We then returned to the house just after the veto ceremony as Chicken George and James reacted to their nominations. “I’m not going to run around here and campaign for votes,” George said. “What I’m going to do is run around here and be my normal everday self!” So basically, he was gonna nap on the couches, emit slop farts, and spend the rest of the time trying to create a homemade decongestant.

Meanwhile, James got to work securing his stay in the house. His biggest ally, Danielle, was nervous that Chill Town might be wavering. She just had a sense; so she headed outside and talked to Will. The good doctor said he was worried about James and his allegiances. “I just think we need to keep the lines of communication open,” Will said. This of course made me laugh because if there was anyone who was keeping the household in the dark, it was Chill Town. Ah, irony. Why are you such a delicious beast?

Will then told Danielle that he thought James was “double-dipping” with the alliances, and almost as if on command, out stepped James, ready to BBQ up some food. It seemed like a benign move on his part, but it should be noted that later, James encountered a flare up on the grill, which resulted in him spending the next three hours trying to get the barbecue evicted.

Luckily, Danielle was starting to see the writing on the wall with Will. She knew that this whole discussion about the double dipping was his “way of giving me a hint that he may do something to change the game. If Boogie and Will pull something, and James walks out the door, God help them.” This was gonna turn so nasty. I couldn’t wait.

Danielle then talked with Erika about their choices, and unsurprisingly Erika was not so hot on James. But then again, she told us, “It’s very scary keeping George in the game because you don’t know what he’s going to do.” But aren’t you supposed to be in an alliance with him? Oh, that’s right. Everyone made a phony deal with George last week. And he ousted the one guy who was sincere with him. Funny how this game works.

Later, we found Danielle and Janelle sitting outside, and already, I was incredibly excited. I knew both women were unhappy with Chill Town, and if they were to join forces — the two sharpest, strongest women in Big Brother history — then they would be a dynamo to be reckoned with. Sure enough, Danielle asked, “So Janelle, do you want to call a truce?” Yes! Yes! Yes! The women agreed on a one week truce, and Janelle told us, “If I’ve learned anything in this game, it’s like, you know, be honeset to the people that are trying to be honest with you, and lie to the enemy.” This is in strict opposition to Kaysar’s previously reigning plan: be honest with the enemy, and lie with the people who are trying to be honest with you. Oh, and pretend the biggest threat in the house isn’t a threat at all.

For her part, Danielle said that if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. She then told Janelle that she knows who the real floaters are in the house, which was kind of her way of saying she wanted to go after Chill Town. I never really thought of it before, but truthfully, after all this talk about going after floaters, who were the biggest floaters of all? Chill Town! Ugh. I can’t even think back to when season six had power. It hurts my brain. Thank goodness our old Janey is back and in fine form (I think).

Anyway, Danielle ominously told Janelle, “I’ll take care of some things when I’m HOH, and you’ll take care of some things when you’re HOH.” And yes, I was loving this. At this point, these two should have simply made a pact to take each other to the end: the most unlikely allies.

Later, James approached Janelle while she was uncharacteristically reading the bible. They talked about how there’s always a rift between them (that’ll happen when you both back stab each other!), and then they got down to business. Janelle said that she was gonna vote to keep James, which was nice and all, but we all remember Tuesday’s episode. She was ready to kick him out. Ever since Janey found out from George that James had been gunning for her, she’d been looking for quiet revenge.

Outside, James approached Will to make sure that he was indeed protected by the Legion of Doom. “So everything’s still going? I’m not going to be a Howie?” James asked. Yeah, you probably will be Howie 2.0. I mean, no, you’re safe! Totally safe!

Of course, Will said yes yes, James was safe, but then he went up to Danielle and told her he wasn’t sure about James. “Listen, I’m not going to do something we don’t discuss,” he said, lying happily through his pearly whites. Meanwhile, in the diary room, a teary-eyed, messy Danielle insisted, “He cannot walk out this door!” CBS was so setting us up for a massive James debacle, and I loved it.

After all this lying and scheming, Will then returned to the HOH room where he checked in with his loyal sidekick, Boogie. The doctor noted that after tonight, there was no turning back. They had to get rid of James because if he stayed, he was coming after them next. On the flip side, he knew that Danielle had to be okay with this, otherwise she was gonna come after them. Looks like the Legion Of Doom was about to get real nasty, real quickly. Just the way we like it.

At this point, Julie returned to us and began talking to the house guests. She asked Boogie about Howie’s grandiose departure, and he replied, “If I sold light sabers for a living, I’d be angry too.” Well played! It’s amazing how funny someone can be once you take off their thirty-five arm bands and oversized basketball jerseys.

We then went to commercial, and when we returned, it was time for our first visit to the sequester house this season. Yay! And when I say “sequester house,” I mean “beautiful, palatial, heavenly sequester house.” That is, unless you’re Marcellas, in which case the house may as well have been a condemned tenement in Spanish Harlem. The man was not happy in surroundings. “Welcome to my banishment,” he said. “My own personal hell. This is the worst experience of my life.” He then walked by a gorgeous infinity pool, and just as I was vicariously gushing over it from my couch, he scoffed, “I can only imagine how annoying these idiots are going to be with an infinity pool.” Now here’s a little TVgasm inside track information (don’t get too excited. I didn’t say this was useful info, just inside). As avid readers may remember, just prior to the beginning of this season, I actually ran into Marcellas, and he told me that the one thing he dreaded was being in the sequester house, especially if he were to be the first one in. The prospect of pointless, endless weeks without the creature comforts of a phone and internet was understandably his worst nightmare. So, yeah, sucks that it came true. Hahaha (sorry Marcellas. But it is funny).

The good news was that Marcellas was going to try to embrace his surroundings, and he even said he was looking forward to spending an entire week alone. His only hope was that Howie would not be the next person to enter the house. “Howie walking through this door a week from today would be my absolute nightmare,” he said. Well, Howie joining him in seven days from now was the absolute nightmare, how did he feel about Howie joining him in twenty-four hours instead? Because that’s what happened. This odd couple was begrudgingly reunited (I believe Marcellas’s exact words upon hearing Howie’s voice were, “NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!”), and soon the fun times were rollin’.

Talk about bad housecalls…

“As much as I ripped on him, threatened him, hated him, trashed him, bashed him, and evicted his fat ass last week, Marcy’s not a bad guy at all,” Howie said. Well, he’s no Busto. That’s for sure. The two then cozied up with a DVD of the latest action (good to see they’ve upgraded from the standard VHS tape), and Marcellas watched in shock as George nominated James and Erika. Howie, meanwhile, took this time to eviscerate his fellow cast members. “Erika, she is disgusting looking on television. Will is the ugliest guy I’ve ever seen,” he said before Marcellas chided him for being a bully and attacking people based solely on their physical descriptions. Of course, I’m sure Howie wouldn’t like to hear the kind words we here on the internet have been saying about his impressive physique this summer. I think the words “manboobs” and “human beanbag” may or may not have been used.

Marcellas then balked during the Veto Ceremony when George replaced James with Howie. “Everybody’s been playing stupid all season. This is just another example of that,” Marcellas said. And don’t we know it, Marcellas. At least you had the power to effect change in people’s games (theoretically). We just have to sit here and watch one mistake after another, week after week. It’s torture, I tell you! Torture!

Anyway, we then watched as Howie babbled inane comments and the producers ran the same footage of Marcellas turning his head and glaring over and over and over again. Eventually, Marcellas barked, “Stop calling me Marcy. I don’t like it. We’re not in the house anymore. I don’t have to be nice to you. My name is Marcellas.” To which Howie replied, “Sorry, Marjealous.” When did Big Brother turn into a cheesy ’80s sitcom? I half expected some canned laughter to play on the soundtrack, followed by Kristy McNichol storming in with flour all over her face and saying, “Don’t even ask!!!”

After the commercial, we then watched a segment about Chill Town and their women, which meant we got to see the highly disturbing image of Boogie and Erika swapping spit in the bathtub. I don’t know if anyone’s ever seen the movie Microcosmos, but there’s a scene in there that shows two snails having sex. It’s gross, slimy, and generally awful. This was worse.

Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ewww.

Meanwhile, Janelle and Will were getting pretty close as they engaged in their highly effective cardio routine: walking-across-the-lawn-and-then-back-again. It was almost as amusing as my other favorite Big Brother fitness effort: swimming laps in the kiddie pool. Anyway, with both guys growing close to these ladies, a strategy needed to be formed. “You’re gonna showmance Erika. I’m gonna showmance Janelle,” Will said, thus introducing the use of “showmance” as a verb. The real question for Chill Town was which showmance-target should come into the fold? Boogie trusted Erika, Will trusted Janelle, and neither trusted each other’s girls. But seriously. Did Boogie really think he could bring his woman into Chill Town over Will’s? He’s the sidekick! The second fiddle! The Corolla to Will’s Camry! No sidekick can ever outrank the Master.

Still, that didn’t stop Boogie from having major doubts. “It is very possible that Janelle is setting up a master play to come after Chill Town,” he said, adding, “If she touches one of my headbands, I’ll kill her! I’ll fucking KILL HER!!!”

Will, meanwhile, returned to his Beatles analogy and told Boogie, “We’re the Beatles. You’re John Lennon. I’m Paul McCartney. This week, we’re bringing Yoko into the Beatles. We just have to figure out who Yoko is.” He then went on to call James Ringo Star and Chicken George, well, some wayward member of the Monkeys. So where did this leave Danielle? I’d like to think she was Jefferson Airplane, specifically, Grace Slick.

We then returned to the studio where the Chenbot questioned Mike in his HOH room. She wanted to know where he stood with the ladies, and he replied, “Will and I launched Operation Double Date with Erika and Janelle.” He then went on to say that he was going to keep Janelle in the house a little longer, if only to make sure her target outshines theirs. Julie then asked Boogie if Will felt the same way, and he guffawed excitedly, “OH YEAH! It was Will’s idea!” REALLY??? He then added, “I love being his sidekick! Isn’t he so dreamy, Julie?”

Ah, but not everything was perfect in Chill Town paradise. Mike noted that in season two, Will chose money over their friendship, and Boogie was willing to return the favor this time around also. However, he did want both of them to make it to the top (seriously, no sidekick can ever truly sell out his Master like that).

After the interview, the Chenbot dazzled us with another “BUT FIRST!”, and then we headed into the diary room where the house guests contemplated who to send home. Most notable was Erika who looked like she’d just spent the past three days sleeping on Hollywood Boulevard.

Danielle, meanwhile, was about to lose all her marbles about James. She threatened Chill Town, saying, “Do not do this to me because I will get rid of them one by one. Mark my words!!!” There’s nothing better than a player scorned, and I could only hope this episode would wind up with Danielle on a tear for vengeance.

When we returned from the next commercial break, Julie told the house guests that the secret power had expired (much like her 30 Day Trial Period of Adobe Chenbotshop v.3.0.1). We then had some final words from our nominees, starting with James who said, “Some people are here to play so that America will like them. Some people are here to play for their votes in sequester. I’m here to play the game.” Huh? What does that even mean? Everyone’s there to play the game. I don’t think you eat slop for sixty days for fun.

George, on the other hand, had a shorter, sillier speech. “Cool beans!” he said, blatantly cribbing Nakomis’s hokey catch phrase. Well, with that out of the way, it was time to vote. I’ll make this quick: Erika and Will voted to evict James, but then Danielle voted to evict George. With only Janelle left, would she stick by her old ally, therefore causing the tie and forcing Mike Boogie to cast the final, decisive vote? Nope. She voted James’s ass out. Payback’s a bitch…

Julie then read the results, and of course, George’s jaw went completely slack. James, on the other hand, was a real class act. I thought he’d be bitching and moaning and lashing out with little passive-aggressive comments. Instead, he hugged everyone with his matronly smile and even told them all “Good luck.” In response, Boogie patronizingly said, “You played a great game, James. You’re a great player.” Everyone then applauded him, but I’m surprised no one started it off with the slow-clap. It really would have been perfect. It could have been more emotional than the end of Cool Runnings.

James then navigated his way into Julie’s lair of awkward conversation, and as he sat down, he joked, “It’s not nice to see you again!” Don’t bash the Chenbot, yo! Back in the house, Danielle was crying, of course, and Erika whispered to her, “C’mon. Let’s go get an HOH.” It sounded like they were almost working together, but weren’t Erika’s loyalties to Chill Town? George, meanwhile, sat despondently at the kitchen counter, acting as if he were shocked and devastated by what had just gone down. Oh be quiet, George. Don’t act like you were gunning for James just five days ago.

Back in the studio, Julie asked James how he was feeling, knowing that his alliance screwed him over. “It’s All-Stars. I got beat by the best,” he said, as if that really meant anything (which it didn’t). He then confessed that he played the game way too seriously in the beginning (or “too serious” as he said, becoming the latest reality star to join the adverbally-challenged). This then led to Julie doing her weekly recitation of dirty words as she read some of James’s quote about Janelle: “Dumb. Stupid bitch. A whore. And an Anna Nicole Smith wannabe.” Man, I’d love to see Julie on Wild in Out.

Don’t worry, James. There’s always custard modeling.

James told us that he was mad at Janelle because she had sold him out the very first week over the Mr. and Mrs. Smith alliance or something like that. We then saw the goodbye messages, which featured one from Erika saying, “There can be only one great floater, and that has to be me!” Oh SLAM! In your face, second-to-best floater!!!

Will, meanwhile, took full responsibility for the ouster, saying he felt threatened by James. “The teacher never teaches the student all the tricks, and I had to keep this one last trick up the sleeve,” Will said. Of course, he was speaking theoretically because we have yet to see a true sleeve all season long from him. (His black polo does not count).

Danielle then provided another tearful, vengeful comment as she seethed, “If you’re out there for some reason, then Chill Town has not seen the bad side of me yet. I will take care of them. I guarantee it.” Dunh dunh DUNH!

As for final thoughts, James said, “Getting to work with Danielle and Will, I mean, that was — that’s an amazing accomplishment!” Okay, he’s gotta relax. It wasn’t an accomplishment at all. It was just Big Brother. It’s not like he got to play basketball with Michael Jordan or fly into space.

Anyway, we then went to commercial, and when we came back, it was time for the Head of Household competition. Or as I like to call it, THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER!!! Everything seemed fine and normal until Julie said, “This evening’s competition is called ‘But First.’” Oh. My. God. TVGASM HAS INFILTRATED BIG BROTHER. It was crazy when Julie Chen talked about it in Entertainment Weekly. It was downright awesome when she demonstrated who to say it on The Early Show. But now incorporating it into a Big Brother challenge?? Consider my head BLOWN!

Sadly, TVgasm got no credit or shout-out, but that’s okay because the mere thrill of seeing our But First joke in primetime was wonderful enough. You know, there’s been a lot of press about how Snakes on the Plane was influenced greatly by the internet. How about a little love for Big Brother and this here blog?

Okay, enough self-aggrandizement. Let’s get to the competition. Julie told the house guests, “We’ll start the game in just a few moments, BUT FIRST here’s how it works.” Wow. I was definitely having a TVgasm.

Hey look! That piñata is wearing sunglasses!

Basically, the rules were that Julie would tell the order of two events that the house guests had all witnessed. If they thought the sequence was true, they would step up (they were all on tiny staircases). If they thought the order was false, they’d step down. Let the games begin!

“Howie called Mike a punk before walking out the door, BUT FIRST gnomes threw pies in the house guests faces,” Julie stated. By the way, could this be a more confusing game? Actually, it’s not that hard, but when the first statement as a “before” and a “but first,” I could imagine being slightly puzzled. That being said, everyone answered false, which was correct.

Next true or false: “The houseguests got dolled up for prom night, BUT FIRST the grim reaper made an ominous appearance.” Okay, that was a better statement. Much less ambiguity. The answer was true, but unfortunately, Janelle and George both answered false and were eliminated.

This left Will, Danielle, and Erika. I was really hoping for Danielle to win, just to see her exact revenge, but I definitely didn’t want to see an Erika victory, only because I figured she’d do whatever Chill Town wanted her to do, which would be pretty boring. As for Will, I knew he’d throw the competition; so I really wasn’t too concerned about him. Anyway, Chenbot then said, “True or false: Jase refused to walk Nakomis to the door after eviction, BUT FIRST Kaysar became a human blueberry.” Well, Danielle and Will both said it was true, and Erika, well, she didn’t know what to do. She stood on the middle step, teetering towards true until Julie barked, “ANSWERS PLEASE!!!” Erika then stepped down to false, and it turned out she was correct. My worst case scenario came true, and Erika won HOH. Blast. With any luck, she’ll defy my expectations and surprise us all, and truth is that afterwards, she shared an awfully long hug with Danielle, which had me thinking that maybe she’s not such lapdog for Chill Town. The real question will be if Janelle and Danielle can convince her that Dr. Will and Boogie need to be broken up. I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

As the segment came to a close, Will looked super pissed, as if he didn’t understand the directions. Everyone tried to explain them to him, but I’m sure this was just an act on his part. Didn’t the house guests remember? He full-on admitted he’d be throwing every HOH and Veto competition back in week three. Anyway, after the break, Julie killed some time by talking with the house guests. She told George that she had fried chicken and beer waiting for him in case he was evicted. However, he thought she was saying she was gonna actually give him fried chicken and beer right now, and as a result, he sprung up from his chair triumphantly, a look of pure glee on his face. Sadly, the Chenbot had to shatter his dreams by saying, “Would you rather be out here with the food? Or still in the game?” And with that, his face totally collapsed, and Chicken George looked as if he had just lost all faith in humanity.

Shock!

Joy!

Triumph!

Total, all-consuming euphoria!

Mid-orgasm!

Confusion…

Aaaand life sucks again.

We then learned that George had lost a whopping twenty-pounds on the slop diet (and honestly, it was starting to show), and then here’s a shocker: Danielle missed her family. Before things could get too teary, Julie left the house guests and then revealed to us that next week’s live show would be… a double elimination! We were going to have an HOH competition, nominations, a veto competition, and an eviction all live and all in one hour! Holy Canoli! I love when Big Brother pulls these stunts, but I always fear that it will yield chaos in a bad way. There’s something to be said for playing things out, letting intense scheming work its magic. But then again, when the season finale date has been bumped up a week and there are more houseguests than ever, I guess they gotta amp up the eviction pace.

What did you think about this episode? And were you as excited as we are about the But First competition?

Comments (51)
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51 Comments

1

Lauren

Posted August 25, 2006 at 10:33 am

I must say, I was half distracted, then when Julie said, “We call this competition ‘But First’” I leapt over to stand in front of the tv–and I’m pregnant–so you know I was super excited. Congratulations guys!
2

PiePantsC

Posted August 25, 2006 at 10:45 am

I, too, leapt out of my chair when Julie announced the But First”. I may have even shed a tear. Congrats, tvgasm!
3

Mark

Posted August 25, 2006 at 11:05 am

I think it would have been smart for Janelle to vote out George. That way, it would’ve been a tie-breaker, and Boogie would’ve voted out James. Danielle would be seething to see Boogie openly betray the alliance, and she would’ve realized that with Erika tight with Boogie, Janey was the one who voted to keep James…

Oh, how I wish Dani would align with Janey. I mean, they’re each other’s worst enemies, and what better way to surprise everyone than to form a new alliance?
4

Tabby Lavalamp

Posted August 25, 2006 at 11:07 am

My only cheer was for Janelle losing HoH, but I did perk up and think of you guys when the name of the game was announced.
5

sweetblondie

Posted August 25, 2006 at 11:08 am

i’ve been wanting Danielle and Janelle to team up since their mothers suggested it! they would be unbeatable.

I guess the question is, who’s better to take with you to the final two?

now, i suck at reality tv strategy, but at first I thought it’d be better for ANYONE to take Will to the finals thinking nobody would vote for him to win again…but now i’m wondering if Will were to make it to the finals, maybe people would vote for him out of respect for his game.

I’m hoping Danielle can convince Erika to nominate CT, but it looks as if Boogies got her convinced. Didn’t Boogie’s mother discuss how these two are friends outside of this game? if this is true, Boogie’s is an even bigger scuz than I thought.

i LOVE seeing the happs in the sequester …er, estate as well. can’t wait until Boogie is in there with Howie!
6

lalia

Posted August 25, 2006 at 11:10 am

am i the only one who thinks that will DIDN’T throw this HOH comp?? i was yelling at him to not step back up when he was on the right step(before erika stepped back down). erika winning HOH was the worst.thing.ever. god i love BB! oh and i think i hate howie now
7

needrealitytv

Posted August 25, 2006 at 11:20 am

Congrats congrats congrats to TVGASM…BUT FIRST,

I saw the long hug and a little whisper from Erika when she was talking with Danielle. Erika also had a little whisper to George…wonder what that’s all about.

Also, does anyone else agree that Boogie is completely free-loading on Will? He lets Will make the decisions about the direction of Chill Town (he basically said so in his HOH interview with the Chenbot.) And, Boogie thinks that he is THE SHIT! And, all the while it is Will that is the mastermind and orchestrator of it all. You’ve got to agree…Will is a great player. Does anyone agree?

Again, TVgasm…CONGRATS! What’s next…the Chenbot in a TVgasm shirt? I have two…does she have one?
8

America's Next Top Fan

Posted August 25, 2006 at 11:22 am

Hey, Typekey worked!!!

Best episode of the season so far. Overall BB7 has been pretty good despite the stupidity of the HG’s and Producers. Action. Action. More Action. I’m lovin’ it!

James will never learn. Even though I was almost convinced by a fellow blogger on here that James was a good person he goes off and calls Danny a Crackhead in a drunken stuper. WTF!?! Yes, the truth serum called alcohol always make people speak their true feelings.

A FloatHerder as HOH. My jaw dropped. And I am completely in the dark about who The Lady From The Dead is going to nominate.

IT’S ALIVE…IT’S ALIVE!! Feed it before it blow drys again!

This is why I LOVE HOWIE. He just says and does some funny shit. I was ROTF LMAO when he called Marci Marjealous. BTW… Doesn’t Marjealous remind anyone of Jennifer from the Nerd Herd? Always rolling her/his eyes in the sequester house. I bet Marci gives better blow jobs though.

They miss Howie too!!!

Yep, it’s true. Boogie did break the rules when he told Will of the power but The Producers only warned him. They didn’t take the power away. I say, you break the rules you pay the price. Their inaction changed the game in CT’s favor. Phooey on the Producers.

Is it me or did Will and Janey throw the HOH. What was whispered between Boogie and Janey in the workout room right before the HOH competition?

Go Janey and Danny

Fie on CT and CG!
9

Tony A.

Posted August 25, 2006 at 11:26 am

Congratulations! All your blogging and our comments seem to be read by BB and the “But First!” competition acknowledges the power of TVG. All hail the faithful writers and readers!

My favorite part? Danielle vowing revenge against CT. Now it’s going to be interesting, beginning with her truce with Janelle.

Loved the fact that Marcellas’ worst nightmare came true. Love Howie for getting in one last shot and calling Marci “Marjealous” Absolutely perfect snark from the dumbest house guest.

It makes me wonder what all the bitching’s about (the half million notwithstanding) when these people get to enjoy being paid $2500 a week for being in the house and then spending a few weeks in a tropical paradise. Someone needs a reality check! Wonder if Howie’s going to hit on Marcellas?

Janelle played fine last night and it’s obvious she can play Will if she keeps her head in the game. Even the cynical Evil Dr. is feeling his hormones and is being played just a little by buxom Janelle. It’s going to be interesting!

Erika HoH. Hmmm. She can really break free from CT’s influence by making a bold play. She, Danielle and Janelle stand a better chance of getting POV than the smart but weak CT guys. Boogie could get the snot beat out of him by Janelle or Danielle any day. He’s better get to steppin’ real soon, now that he and Will have been exposed. For ourselves, let’s just hope the blonde bombshell sees the light and allies herself with the (no longer) floaters and goes for CT’s throat. What do you think, jack and ANTF?
10

Lubin Odana

Posted August 25, 2006 at 11:33 am

I couldn’t pay attention to the HOH game, I was laughing so much at all the Butt firsts. She’s getting so self-aware these days that at the end of the series, the Blue Fairy may turn her into a real human television announcer.

Nice to see that we’re getting down to the best ever players in Big Brother history. And Chicken George (this year’s Cowboy). No wonder Erika is now the super-floater. It explains why she’s so thin – throw her in the pool and she’ll always rise to the surface. But please lady, EAT SOMETHING!

Mike Boogie’s face offends me.
11

America's Next Top Fan

Posted August 25, 2006 at 11:37 am

needrealitytv

I would love to the see the Chenbot in a TVGasm shirt holding a Chenbot mug while B-Side & J-Unit liveblogged BB7 in the monitor over her shoulder.
12

SaWeeeet

Posted August 25, 2006 at 11:38 am

Allow me to join the chorus of praise and congratulation on your “But First” triumph!

B-Side, I must say I’m shocked and amazed that everyone’s favorite grammar fascist (that’s you) failed to comment on CG’s shirt:

“Anyone For A Alliance”

Come on Georgie, it’s ‘An Alliance’ AN!!!
13

chronic

Posted August 25, 2006 at 11:41 am

Obviously the tvgasm crew is to be commended for turning “but first” into the phenomenon that it has become.

But I HATED that HOH comp. I was so put off by the obvious pandering of that game, which was needlessly confusing. Is our approval that easily won…. um, I suppose it is.

But the only thing the Chenbot had going for it was its lack of self-awareness. I’m reminded of that tragic scientist in Terminator 2, who unwittingly sets in motion the chain of events that makes SkyNet self-aware. TvGasm, you have do undo what you’ve done.
14

ajkc

Posted August 25, 2006 at 11:45 am

Talk about the ultimate TVGasm!!!!

Usually whenever Chenbot says “But first” I think of B-side and J-unit and smile.

Tonight, I spat my beer out and fell off the couch!

Way to go guys!!!

Congratulations!
15

Exarius

Posted August 25, 2006 at 11:48 am

James’ Early Show interview with the Chenbot…
16

c-rock

Posted August 25, 2006 at 11:54 am

Hey! I thought of all (us) tvgasm fans last night when the HoH competition was announced!
I loved Howie in Sequester. His comments were so, so super funny.
17

GenevieveG

Posted August 25, 2006 at 11:59 am

I suck, I use to post on here all the time & now I don’t anymore at all. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still read you guys. And I still have a crush on B-Side of course. Who doesn’t.
Anyway, I just wanted to congratulate you guys on having a game named after your observation of what Julie says. You know they totally got it from here. And the first thing I thought of when she said that was Tvgasm. Keep up the great work!!!!
18

GenevieveG

Posted August 25, 2006 at 12:03 pm

Oh, one other thing that me & my gf were discussing last night. Ok, so….Erika has a secret alliance with Boogie and Janella has a secret alliance with Boogie. And Will didn’t throw that HOH. And Will will be voted out next. Cause Boogie has to get rid of him eventually. So really Boogie is with the hotties and Will is unaware. Eh? Anyone agree?
19

MrsC

Posted August 25, 2006 at 12:07 pm

Congrats TVgasm! I was hooting and hawlering when I heard the “But First” too!

Kudos to Julie Chen! She obviously has an awesome sense of humor. We can even forgive the bad pants.

Erika HOH? Can I quote Marcellas? “NOOOOOooooooo!” How did that happen?! Man, I wanted to see Danielle get it and go after Will and Boogie.
20

soflat

Posted August 25, 2006 at 12:09 pm

I missed it on the show, but that CG photo sequence is hilarious!

Anyways, is the show basically over now with CT’s Erica reigning HoH? If she puts up Danielle and Janelle, then they’d have to rely on George to win the veto.
21

America's Next Top Fan

Posted August 25, 2006 at 12:13 pm

Exarius #15

I love the end of that when James is babbling on and the Chen cuts him off with a nice unsincere robotic “thanks James”. Beautiful execution and so heartfelt.

Tony A. What happened? You’re always first to post!
22

Pamsey

Posted August 25, 2006 at 12:20 pm

A But First HoH competition! I had multiple TVGasms, and then a cigarette.
The Chenbot pants look like something stoner Bradley (formerly of Project Runway) would have thrown together.
I think Erica’s haggard look came from having to pretend to like Boogie and let him kiss her, ewwwww.
ANTF (#8), I too would like to know what Janey & Boogie were whispering about right before the HoH comp?
23

B-Side

Posted August 25, 2006 at 12:21 pm

Genevieve returns!
24

sparky

Posted August 25, 2006 at 12:31 pm

Most of us are wondering how Janelle is going to get herself out of this one. Because Erika was not just the last person she wanted to see HoH but the one person who has a reason to target her directly. But I was forgetting that Danielle really wants to win this, and she has an agenda right now that puts aside this obsession to rid the house of Janelle. This week the game depends on Danielle and what she can talk Erika into doing. As far as I’m concerned all eyes are on her.
25

jack

Posted August 25, 2006 at 12:32 pm

yep. HOLY SHIT pretty much sums it up. for a second after the chenbot announced that the comp was called ‘but first’ i thought i was experiencing an acid flashback hallucination. AWESOME, boys. once again, you made my night. i could feel the communal tvgasms all across the country. and many thanks to grodner/shapiro and the chenbot for the shout-out to tvgasm, which is no doubt doing a lot to hold up interest in a slumping season.

mercifully, things should start to get interesting again. erika is a lame HOH, but with janelle and danielle both simultaneously scheming with and sharpening their knives against the chill-town boys, we should be in for some fun.

i was glad to see james go, though he sort of blew it for me by being such a good sport about being blind-sided. he knew it was a possibility, but i still think he was expecting to stay. aside from refusing to retract his cruel words about janelle, he took it like a man (although if he really believes will was intimidated by him, he’s an even bigger idiot than he’s already proven himself to be). i heard they showed him the ‘dolly-gate’ playback on the early show this morning and he tried to play it off like he was just glad to see what really happened and was relieved to know he hadn’t been cheated out of the veto. either way, good riddance. he wasn’t much fun to watch this summer.

will, on the other hand, has been pretty much holding the whole thing together, though he and janelle have been pushing the ‘showmance’ thing a little too far. worst of all, however, was the boogie/erika snail-fug scene, which according to the feed-watchers, included fairly explicit evidence of erika polishing boogie’s knob underwater in the tub. BL-ECH. nobody wants to watch a crypt-keeper with fake tits sucking face with the bastard son of eddie haskell and vanilla ice.
26

Shoe-In

Posted August 25, 2006 at 12:36 pm

From the front of those pants, Julie looked like she was wearing one of my daughter’s Pampers Cruisers.

I am no fan of Howie but I must admit him saying that Erika looked gross was of the best things to come out of his mouth. Making out with Boogie — she truly has no shame. I am still unable to comprehend that America voted her back in.
27

dredge

Posted August 25, 2006 at 12:46 pm

A.N.T.F.:
maybe it should read:

Chen cuts him off with a nice unsincere robotic “thanks James”. Beautiful execution and so heartLESS.

i mean..she IS Chenbot. no teras from this tinwoman.
28

dredge

Posted August 25, 2006 at 12:48 pm

um…that’s TEARS..
29

HicksPub

Posted August 25, 2006 at 1:02 pm

Wow is right! TVgasm’s quest for global domination is right on track. MuhamuhahmuHAHAHAHA!!!!!

But first…Janey and Boogie in the workout room: she was asking him if he came in last in the diving for rats/slop competition early in the season. Jedi Janey was just reviewing her BB facts (re: cramming)before the HoH comp.

Next…here is my prediction for how the double-eviction will go down next week: whoever is on the block is going home. No vote. That’ll make players think twice before using any “pawn” strategy in the future. I don’t know shit, but it’s a fun notion to think about.
30

LagunaBeached

Posted August 25, 2006 at 1:11 pm

BUT FIRST!! Ha I laughed when I heard her say it was the name of the comp. Grrr Damn it that ugly hobo Erika won! I wanted to see Danielle attack Chill-town!
31

America's Next Top Fan

Posted August 25, 2006 at 1:15 pm

HicksPub

OMG, you’re amazing. If it went down like that the days of pawning people are over. Plus it would be a great change to see.
32

KatiesHole

Posted August 25, 2006 at 1:20 pm

Congratulations boys on your achievement. I was also thrilled to see a ‘but first’ game!

Chilltown is going to win, sadly.

KH
33

Bauer's Sweetheart

Posted August 25, 2006 at 1:30 pm

Just watched an old episode of “Little House on the Prairie” (it’s a wonderful guilty pleasure) and I just realized – I think that Albert Ingalls must have grown up to become Dr. Will!
34

Pamsey

Posted August 25, 2006 at 1:38 pm

Thanks for the info on the whisper HicksPub.
35

james_woods_rules

Posted August 25, 2006 at 1:51 pm

Wouldn’t James technically be Stuart Sutcliffe in that Beatles scenario?

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JAMES IS GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
36

Craig C

Posted August 25, 2006 at 2:06 pm

Not to piss on anyones picnic but maybe CBS realizes that without TVgasm a huge percentage of their ratings would probably disappear. You guys make this show far more entertaining than it really has been this season. Kudos for that.
37

juxtapoeser

Posted August 25, 2006 at 2:11 pm

Will really looked pissed or confused after the HOH. I think maybe he really did try this time.

I think Janelle and Boogie were going over the order of stuff in the gym beforehand. I heard something like x was before something. (Captions weren’t working for it)

There were definitely whispers going on between James and Danielle when he and maybe one other person, I can’t remember know. And it was even more obvious after Erika won HOH. Seems like she had little birds in her ears from all sides.

Can’t wait until next Thursday!!!
38

evilprincess

Posted August 25, 2006 at 2:24 pm

I LOVED the segment with Howie and Marcellas; I would go so far as to say it was the funniest thing I’ve seen all season. Am I the only one who’d rather watch a live feed of those two in the sequester house than the constant whining and boredom of the remaining players?

A couple of things I read on the live feed recaps:

Will definitely threw the HOH comp. He and Boogie planned it all out, including their fake angry reactions. They wanted Janelle to win it.

CT has made final 3 deals with both Erika and Janelle. I think part of it has to do with their disagreement over who is the better choice, but I also think they were just keeping options open in case one of the girls leaves next week. They are trying to make deals to split the money 3 ways. Another part of the Beatles analogy that they didn’t show was Will saying Janelle is Heather Mills because she’s going to take the money and divorce him!

In my opinion, the only good thing about Anorexika winning HOH is that she’ll finally have to piss someone off. The only person who doesn’t believe she is in a strong alliance w/Erika is Janelle. Boogie has told Erika he would take her to the final two over Will, but I think he was lying. If Erika is concerned about his loyalty, she should put up Will with Janelle (under the guise of being a pawn) and then boot him out. You know Dani would be happy to help!
39

HoneyBunny

Posted August 25, 2006 at 2:39 pm

“From the front of those pants, Julie looked like she was wearing one of my daughter’s Pampers Cruisers.”
Shoe-In #26

As Michael Kors would say “That crotch is INSANE!”

JamesWhine is now making Marjealous and Big Boy unhappy…too bad BB doesn’t do live feeds from the sequester house!

J-unit and B-side…you two must be busting your buttons over the BUT FIRST being used as an HOH comp game. From a joke that the two of you had together to the BB fans who found a home here at the gasm because of the clipgasm to the Chenbot introducing it on the live show last night. Milestone~~

hb
40

Redhead

Posted August 25, 2006 at 2:55 pm

Last night I experienced a double TVGasm (oh, yeah¦it was goooood) with the “But First” competition, and news of the all-live double eviction show.

I can’t wait for next Thursday “ it is going to be monumental. I am even attending a Super Bowl sized Big Brother viewing party and BBQ to mark the occasion. Of course, I’ll be sporting my Chenbot t-shirt (thanks Dr. Snark!), while hoping against hope that we won’t see Julie interviewing Jedi Janie. It doesn’t look good for her at this point, but you can never count out a buxom blonde.

Shout out to that little minx, Julie Chen! OK, if she’s not reading this, you just know that her minions are, and are preparing a memo to update her on the joy in TVGasmland following the HOH competition last night. Hi Minions!
41

beachbound

Posted August 25, 2006 at 3:05 pm

That hug between Danielle and Erika after the HoH was as long as it was only because Danielle kept it going…you can tell Erika kept trying to release. I think Danielle was just playing up to Erika, knowing full well that Erika would probably put her up for eviction.

I personally think Howie’s remarks in sequester were rude and childish…I’m glad Marcellas called him out on it. On the other hand, Marcellas is one BIG whiner. So bitter!

Live feed at the sequester house: Hmmmm. Now THAT’s a great idea!

I didn’t really like James until he was voted out, showing himself to be a pretty good guy.
42

BigMax

Posted August 25, 2006 at 3:15 pm

James_Woods — Either Stuart Sutcliffe or Pete Best would work… Sutcliffe might be the best choice because he was kicked out more than a year before the band became successful. Anyone kicked out right before the final round would be Pete Best.
43

mistichristi

Posted August 25, 2006 at 3:33 pm

Yea TVGasm!! I have been saying from the beginning it’ll be a Will/Janey final. Boogie and Erika really freak me out, yikes! Erika, I think will put up Janey and George because she is so gutless, but we will see. Im still in awe of Will, say what you will but you have to give the guy respect for being so honest about being dishonest and yet still everyone goes for it. How can you not love him?
44

tikilights

Posted August 25, 2006 at 3:41 pm

screw the big brother house, I want a camera in the sequester house.
45

mck

Posted August 25, 2006 at 3:57 pm

Loved the But First…that was awsome! I totally agree with tikilights, but a camera in the sequester house. That would be awesome.
46

Will_Work_For_Gossip

Posted August 25, 2006 at 5:43 pm

I am so proud of TVgasm! J-Unit – I Love you!! B-side – Will you marry me?

I love Janelle, but I have to admit Will grows on me more and more each episode. He is utterly charming! I still can’t believe everyone falls for it though!

ANTF – I would like to see Julie in nothing more than a TVgasm apron! Sexy!!!

Again, congrats guys!!!!
47

lynnenyc

Posted August 25, 2006 at 6:55 pm

Congrats, guys! of course I was thinking of you last night – well done, as always!
48

c-wise

Posted August 25, 2006 at 10:34 pm

Apparently CT told Danielle that James was leaving, and then of course she went and told James before the live show. I guess that explains his mild reaction.

I wish they would’ve blindsided him like they did Howie.
49

PoopsMcgee

Posted August 26, 2006 at 11:27 am

Congratulations, TVgasm! It is so awesome how you infiltrated the show that we all know and love, and practically worship in all of its B-budget glory.

It was definitely a very proud day for TVgasm.
50

lostyand

Posted February 16, 2008 at 5:38 am
51

lostyand

Posted February 16, 2008 at 5:38 am