Biggest Loser: Carry That Weight

When did Biggest Loser get more interesting than Survivor when it comes to strategy?  And when did it get better than Amazing Race when it comes to challenges?  And become sexier than Mad Men?  (Yep, went too far)  But the answer:  This season.  Now, I’ve watched this show for years and even though I’ve never really lost any weight or tried to because of the show, I did get sucked in to the personal stories, backgrounds and successes of the contestants from previous years.  I will admit the last couple of seasons did get a little repetitious and even tedious and if I missed a week, it didn’t matter—the ½ hour of “previouslies” took care of it the following week.  But there is something different about this season.  There are a number of contestants this season who are actually playing it as the game it is.  I don’t have a problem with that at all.  The longer you stay on the show, the more training you’re going to get, the more weight you lose, etc.  So, if they have to play a little to do that then I say, go for it.  And keep in mind, there is a really big cash prize at the end also.  There is a little more to it than just helping themselves physically.  Finally—people who will admit it.  It is as refreshing as a stick of Wintergreen Extra gum…

This week, the contestants gather in front of Allison who looks like she was run over by a glitter truck.

Or the disco ball finally exploded in Bob’s bedroom.  C’mon, you know those two experiment

Allison announces to the group that the five people from the cities visited in the audition round now have a chance to come back.  Whoever of the five that has lost the highest percentage of weight at home will be coming to the game.  Let’s reacquaint ourselves, shall we?  First we have Corey, the 27 year old “life coach” and yes, I will always put that job title in quotation marks.  He is also the person who wiped out a couple of times on the 1 mile run and hit the pavement hard.  He talks about how he’s done at home which isn’t very fascinating until he mentions all the healthy stuff his family buys when they go to the store for him.  Um, what?  Was he too busy sunbathing to do his own shopping?

Because he is a bronzed god.

Corey started at 391lbs and has lost 37lbs, so good for him.  Next up is Shanna, who is a breast cancer survivor.  She falls 2 lbs short of beating Corey to get back on the ranch, but she did lose 21lbs and looks really great.  Adam tells us how impressed he is with everything Shanna has accomplished.  I was impressed Adam waited a full 5 minutes before he gave his opinion to us.  JK—Adam’s not all that bad.  Yet.

But we’re watching you, Mama’s boy

Montina started at 287lbs and she fell 10lbs short of beating Corey to join the show.  She has lost 17lbs at home.  She starts crying and hilariously says this show makes people cry.  And be hungry.  And feel skinny (for a while).  She probably would have lost more if she’d chosen more subtle (and lighter) accessories.  Then they wouldn’t have dropped her off in the middle of this field.

Um, is there a taxi out here or something?

Sandy is next.  She is the person whose brother died right after he auditioned for one of the seasons.  She brought his t-shirt with her for inspiration.  She tells us she is 30 and has 4 kids (yikes), so she wants to be healthy.  With four kids, we know her girly parts are sure healthy, ifyouknowwhatimean…  She needed to lose 24lbs or more and she nails it with 25lbs, so Corey is now out of the competition.  Which makes me sad, but not in a nice way.

Bye-bye, “life coach”…we hope you don’t dread going back home….

And last up is Anna.  Anna is the woman who lost her young son to cancer.  Rick tells us how much he wants Anna to come back.  She needs to lose 31lbs to beat the new leader, Sandy, and holy crap, she knocks it out of the park at 39lbs.  Rick and Patrick (who were from the same audition city) get totally emotional and it is all very touching, until I notice Aaron checking her out.

Easy, big boy.  Let her unpack first.

After they kick out the two time not-losers and take back their shirts (those things aren’t cheap), Allison shows everyone the new standings.  Anna is immediately perceived as a threat, as she falls right in the middle and with absolutely no time with Bob and Jillian.  To really put her in the spotlight, Allison tells the group that they will now be playing in teams:  Blue, trained by Bob and Black, trained by Jillian and that Anna will be the one picking the teams.  She will also grant someone immunity, but can take it herself.  Jessica tells us dividing into Blue versus Black will certainly bring drama.

Something I can totally relate to

Brendan tells us that Black versus Blue has determined winners in this game.  So has weight loss, metabolism, effort and luck.  So, thanks for the update, Brendan!

And water is wet and snow is cold

The person Anna gives immunity to will join the team that loses the weigh in.  This little fact becomes very, very important later.  Anna spends a good amount of time talking to each player to get a feel on which team each wants to be on.  During every single conversation, each person urges her to take the immunity for herself.  Jesse goes so far to tell her it would moronic if she did not take the immunity.  And so, Anna has decided the teams:

Blue (Bob’s team):  Jessica, Aaron, Lisa, Mark, Jesse and Adam.  Black (Jillian’s team):  Rick, Ada, Frado, Brendan, Elizabeth and…herself.  Yep, she gave immunity to Patrick.  She just really wanted to work with Jillian.  Dumbass.  So, Brendan and Frado are happy because they’re together and the alliance can continue.  Ada is not happy because Elizabeth doesn’t pull big numbers and she’ll bring the team down.  Mark is happy someone finally remembered his name because he gets almost zero camera time.  Patrick is happy because he has immunity and can work with either or both trainers and he looks good in green for one more week.  And with that, it is off to the gym.

Jillian immediately asks Anna why she didn’t take immunity to save herself.  Anna tells her because she just really wanted to work with Jillian and that was the way to guarantee it past the first week.  Of course, if she doesn’t make it past the first week, it is all a moot point, but she’s new to the game, so we’ll cut her some slack.  A little.  Jillian is as pleased as sugar free punch, but does remind her that being mean to her is part of the process.

And I will yelt all the brown off your chubby nose.

So now let’s check in with how everyone feels with their new teams.  Jessica feels very separate from the black team.  Aaron feels like things are picking up a notch (amen!).  Bob, who apparently owns 1 shirt tells us he’s seen some crazy stuff in the house and this will be no exception.  Patrick is a huge prize to win for the team who doesn’t win the weigh in and this is our first hint that strategy may be front and center this week.

All my other pirate t’s are in the laundry

And this just gets too chilly

Jillian spends a lot of time with Anna, who feels like she is failing already.  Jillian has a heart to heart with her and learns that Anna takes all the blame for her little boy dying.  Hell, you might as well blame Ada—she’s the perfect target for family tragedy.  Jillian does a good job trying to get her focused on herself and taking her loss and turning it into something positive.  The whole scene was unbelievably touching.  Anna, aren’t reality shows fun?

Almost as sad as Jersey Shore, but not in a degrading, trashy way

And now it’s on to game play.  Brendan and Patrick discuss the obvious merits of having Patrick on their team.  He loses huge numbers and he’s also part of their 3 man alliance.  Jesse, Aaron and Adam are also talking about the importance of having Patrick with them.  Brendan and Patrick talk about getting rid of Anna and cite her stupidity at throwing away immunity as the prime reason.  Will someone throw the weigh in?  Will they?  WILL THEY?

And why does their bedroom look like a motel room where they shoot porn?

And it’s time for our Trainer Recapper tip:  Chewing your fingernails is a nasty habit.  Unless of course, you have some dried hot wing sauce staining them, then I say—chew away!

The challenge this week starts outside the Walt Disney Concert Hall.  Each team will visit five different food stations and answer a question.  If they get the answer correct, they receive a green card with directions to the next stop.  If they are incorrect, they get a red card and get thrown out of the soccer game.  No, wait.  If they get a red card, they have to complete a physical challenge before they get their next set of directions.  I think this challenge is so much better (and interesting) than the nonsense going on over at The Amazing Race this season.  Sit on a block of ice?  Put on boxing gloves?  The winning team will also win 40 weeks of the Biggest Loser food plan for each member.

I hope it’s not that crap we had at Bob’s house

Also—the winning team gets letters from home.  Since Patrick doesn’t have a team, he automatically gets the letters.  And they’re off!  First stop is “Which dish has fewer calories?”

Spoiled crab alert:  It is this one

Elizabeth picks correctly (crab cake) and Jesse gets it wrong and does the challenge, which is steps.   On to the next stop and Anna is already gasping.  Next question:  “Which has less fat?”

Dinner solved–thanks, BL!

Anna gets it right and Aaron gets it wrong.  (French fries were the correct response).  Aaron has to do 20 forward lunges.  And ouch.  Those are tough if you’re not obese.  So I’ve heard.

Next question:  “Pick an ice cream sandwich with the lowest number of calories”.  Both Frado and Adam pick incorrectly.  Correct answer was ginger and vanilla.  And yum…physical challenge:  carry a big bucket of ice cream.  Heyyyyy…I know how to make that weigh less!

Brendan and Elizabeth get this question:  “Which item has 60% of your Daily Allowed Sodium?”  Elizabeth picks correct (hot wings) and Brendan gets a red card for Calamari.  And he has to go swim a lap.

But he hilariously thought he could take the calamari

The last stop is a restaurant and they have to guess how many calories (within 100) are in a piece of meat lasagna.  They are both way off as the answer was 804.  And the last physical challenge is the whole team has to go up 21 flights of stairs.

Damn camera guys spoil my plan of attack

Everyone (except Ada) really struggles going up all those flights of stairs, but Frado has it the worst.  He’s carrying his bucket of ice cream and pushing Rick’s butt at the same time.  Elizabeth (wheezy) looks like she’s on the verge of a full blown attack, but works through it to continue.

Hell in one hand, heaven in another

The black team is the first to the roof where Allison is waiting for them.

Her:  Did you not see the elevator?  Him:  How’d you like to go face first in my bucket?

So, the black team wins the letters from home and the blue team gets no letters.  Brendan immediately forgoes his letters, so Lisa can have hers from her children.  Aww.  Ada immediately offers up her letters.  LOL, yes I guess she would.

Because letters from her parents totally suck

So even though the black team won, four of the blue team members get letters.  Now that’s just nice.  Aaron even gets a letter from—you guessed it—his son, London.

Dear Dad, please quit talking about me.

Back in the gym, Bob and Jillian are going through their whole “Last Chance Workout” attack.  Yay!  I love the last chance workout.  They yell it about a million times. Brendan turns on strategy mode and tells Jillian that Bob is telling his team that the black team is going to throw the weigh in.  Wow, that’s confusing.  Bob tells us Jillian has some serious game playing contestants and all eyes are on the prize, which is Patrick.

I feel so uuuuuuuuuused!

Bob’s plan is to just win the weigh in and not worry about people throwing or not throwing it.  Jesse tells us the winning team on the scale is the real victor.

No, Jesse, I’m the real Victor

Jillian, sensing a mutiny from her team for the sake of winning Patrick, decides to beat up on Frado and Brendan.  Unfortunately she does not mean this literally.  They are on the rowing machine and she yelts at them her own mother could row faster than that.  Which I think all of us totally believe.  She is really upset about what she believes these two are going to try and do, so she gathers the girls and tells them, if the boys decide to purposely lose the weigh in, it will be one of the girls going home, so they need to band together.  You go, girl.  Jill’s got some strategy up her non-existent sleeves too.  Jillian then goes to Brendan and Frado and tries to play the whole “You need to do this for Anna” card.  Brendan and Frado promise to play it straight, but I don’t think anyone’s really buying it.  Anna tells us if they do not play it straight, then karma is a bitch.  If you think karma is a bitch—wait until you see Jillian if they do not do what she asked.

And now it is time to face the scale.  And Allison, who just recently rolled a motorcycle dude for his chains.

My neck is now badass

First up—Adam is asked if he wants to use his 2lb advantage (held over from the 1lb advantage last week).  He decides his team is confident enough and he will not be using it.  Patrick, who has immunity, is the first one to weigh in.  He lost 10lbs.  Good job, Patrick!  After him, it is time for the blue team to weigh in:

Jessica:            6lbs

Mark:                 9lbs

Lisa:                  8lbs (and she’s negative AGAIN about it and of course, Bob digs into her about it)

Adam:               11lbs

Would that cross look normal-size on a non-obese person?

Aaron:               12lbs

Jesse:               16lbs

And with that, the black team needs to beat 62 pounds total.  Anna will be up first, but before she steps on the scale there’s more jabbing between Jillian and Frado about throwing the weigh in and Frado still thinks it is good game play, pissing off Jillian.  So…let’s see what they did.

Anna:                5lbs

Elizabeth:          5lbs (at this point, Ada reminds us Wheezy always puts up little numbers, so she’s a target)

Frado:               Jillian asked him to play it straight.  Did he?  DID HE???  He loses 9lbs, which is respectable.

Ada:                 9lbs (damn, girl is throwing up some good numbers for one of the smaller people)

Brendan takes a break from his masterminding to tell us all the girls need to do whatever Ada is doing.  Thanks, not-Jillian.

Mastermind and expert trainer

And he weighs in at 315lbs.  He lost a total of 2lbs.  For a guy that big, that’s a bowel movement.  Well, almost.  Adam tells us his jaw hit the ground (not yet, sweetie—it’s still hitting your stomach).  Allison confronts Brendan, but he denies, denies, denies.  I really don’t think anyone believes him.  So, the blue team wins and oddly, Adam is the only one excited about it.  Everyone else on the team was bummed they didn’t get Patrick.  Damn—he must be really good at throwing down the numbers or he’s doing something with the other contestants the cameras don’t want us to know about.  (like smuggling in Papa John’s or something—Patrick’s in the House!).  Patrick immediately tells us Anna is a target to be ousted.  He’s been on the team for 10 seconds and he’s already figured that out.  Brilliant!  Ada has the highest percentage of weight on the black team, so she is safe.  Everyone else is, you guessed it, fair game.  Because this is a game after all.  In case that wasn’t mentioned enough in this episode!

Brendan swears on his godchild he didn’t throw it.  Wheezy knows she’s a target because of her low numbers and because, well, she’s wheezy.  She tells the group she just hit the sweet spot.  Which is good for her, but not sure what it has to do with this particular show.  HA!  Frado wants people to think of him and his motivating attitude.  He tells us that the person going down has no idea what is going to hit him.  And yes, he did say “him”….hmmm…And now, yay!!!  The curio cabinets are back:

Mine would have beer and wings and pizza and chicken and steak and mashed potatoes and more beer

Anna votes for Elizabeth.  Elizabeth votes for Rick.  Rick votes for Elizabeth.  Ada votes for Rick.  Brendan votes for Rick, claiming Rick is the biggest threat so…more thinking ahead for him.  And Frado’s vote is also for Rick.  He explains when Patrick joins their team, he won’t vote for Rick, so he had to get him out now.  Wow—now, that’s some serious thinking.  And so, Rick is gone.  I did not see that coming at all.

What did you think?  Was it wise to give up one of their big guys when they still have to beat the other team?  Did Brendan throw it?  (hell, yeah)  Did Frado know that he was going to?  (Hell, yeah).  Did Anna totally dodge a bullet by not taking the immunity herself?  Next week, it looks like Brendan gets a smackdown for what he supposedly didn’t do this week…His poor godchild is screwed…