The Biggest Loser: The Weighting Game

Greetings, Gasmii! We’re back for yet another season of The Biggest Loser! This is my first time watching the series, and I couldn’t be more delighted. Already these folks are the biggest thing in my life. Join me as we embark on the two hour premiere!

We open to Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper shouting at us. Jillian asks if we’re ready to listen or if we want to get fatter and sicker. I’m opting for the latter this year, so this conversation is awkward. They carry on anyway, explaining that this year’s cast is full of people who need a second chance at life.

First we meet Allen, an obese firefighter. He worries he won’t be able to haul his fat ass around in the event of an emergency, which seems like something the fire department should be concerned about as well. How is this man passing performance reviews? Surely there’s some kind of physical exam required to be a fireman, right? Fortunately there’s no fitness test for competitive eating, so his castmate Shay is in luck.

Shay wants to change her life so she can live, but being able to walk would be a pretty good perk too. She and other cast members yammer about their second chances, but the biggest opportunity comes for a returning guest. If you watched last season (which I did not, so this means nothing to me), Daniel’s back! He made history as the fattest contestant ever at 454 pounds, and now he’s back to finish what he’s started! If this means making us laugh, he’s well on his way to success.

We’re treated to a montage of boo-hooing, and then we’re on the cast bus, where I haven’t seen this many fat people since I last went to Golden Corral. Everyone claps and cheers for season eight, especially Dina. She’s a 28-year-old custodian and she’s just so pleased to be in a vehicle that weighs more than her, she can’t even find the words. Sean, a youth pastor, tells us he’s competing for his kids. He’s only 29 but has his third child on the way, so basically his speech just serves to tell us he’s Mormon.

Alexandra, a college student, need not be on this show. Girl’s totally flawless.

She’s been overweight her whole life, which means she shouldn’t necessarily be surprised she can’t fit behind a desk at school, but surprised she is! This shock didn’t stop her from filming it for her audition tape, however. Also surprised by his size is Danny, a former rock star. Luckily he’s now a celebrity at the local China Buffet.

Liz, a 49-year-old grandmother, wants to get healthy so she can see her grandchildren grow up. She looks the healthiest out of all the cast, although that’s not exactly an accomplishment. Our next contestant is Coach Mo, a grandfather and former athlete. Mo’s mind thinks he’s still spry, but his body won’t let him keep up. His mind is also puzzled when it realizes he’s not part of The Next Alzheimer’s Star.

Tracey is a homemaker, which is kind of adorable because it’s a total TV profession. When do you ever hear that career outside of 80′s game shows? Love it! Tracey is a military wife, so she spends most days eating alone. She gained 100 pounds during her first pregnancy, but half of that is just hair.

The bus pulls up to a scenic overlook, and everyone loses their shit accordingly, like they’re the kind of people who go out in nature. Host Alison Sweeney greets them and openly cackles as they all disembark the bus. There’s so much jiggling, who can blame her! Everyone is totally joyful about being there, but they put their serious faces on when Alison says they need to talk.

She reminds them that not many people get to do this, so they should feel fortunate to be here. They’re standing along the path where last season’s cast ran a marathon. Those people started off just as unhealthy as these folks, so they’re living proof anything is possible! The marathon’s finishing point is one mile from the bus stop, so to really follow in last season’s footsteps, our cast will run that last mile.

This marks the first challenge of the season! The race winner will get an amazing reward: immunity at this week’s weigh-in. If the winner can’t have an entire turkey dinner, immunity is the next best thing. Additionally, the winner will get to choose their partner for the season. Tina Yothers cannot believe this luck!

Both the winner and his or her partner will have immunity, so there’s a lot at stake. Sean hasn’t run in over 15 years but he’s determined to lose weight, so he needs to win today. Logic says he’s bound to sweat off a couple of pounds, so fret not, Sean!

Alison moves to start the race, but then remembers she has one more surprise. She tells the cast to look behind them, where a town car approaches. This is supposed to be a really dramatic reveal, like, who could possibly be arriving?!, but we already knew this shit 15 minutes ago. Lame! After a commercial break, Daniel finds the strength to disembark the vehicle. There is much rejoicing! Antoine, a health insurance agent who’s received zero camera time thus far, tells us The Biggest Loser is constantly full of surprises. Personally I’m surprised this man even got interviewed.

Daniel jogs over to the cast, immediately showing more physical prowess than all of them combined. Ah, the joys of only weighing 312 pounds! Alison welcomes him to the cast and reminds us of his journey. He’s lost 142 pounds but still has a long way to go, which is a bit of an understatement. He tells us he’s excited to be here, and a nursing student named Amanda echoes his sentiments. Apparently she was voted America’s Choice Player last season, so even though she’s nervous about this challenge, she knows America believes in her. It’s 20 minutes into the show and this is the first we’ve heard about this, so I’m guessing America’s faith wavered over the summer.

With that, everyone takes off running! It’s a slow trot at best, but bless their hearts. Amanda takes off in the lead, but Tracey pushes ahead, literally sprinting past everyone. The only person who can keep up is Daniel, to whom she shouts, “I’m going to beat your ass! I’m gonna go.” She may not be healthy, but at least she has a healthy sense of competition! Her comment is successful in making Daniel feel like shit. He claims he’s exercised four hours a day for six months, so when Tracey’s big ass passes him, he feels like the biggest loser indeed.

In the back of the pack, things go poorly. Coach Mo hunkers over in defeat, and Humpty Dumpty Sean can barely stand on his own two feet.

Up front, Tracey reaches the top of the hill and promptly slows down. Everyone knows downhill runs are the hardest! While she flounders, Daniel catches up. She responds by cursing him out, but he still offers her words of encouragement, which means he’s a bigger person in every way. It should be noted that Shay is bringing up the rear, wheezing all the way. She tells us she’s a size 32, and she really can’t wear a bigger size than that. Literally, that is the biggest size made in any store.

Amidst everyone’s huffing and puffing, Daniel crosses the finish line! His time is 14:17, which is legitimately impressive. He’s appropriately proud, as is the second place finisher, Allen. You might be wondering where Tracey wound up; she wonders the same thing as she topples to the ground. Amanda jobs by and halfheartedly mumbles, “You okay?” Way to look out, nursing student! Tracey stands and then collapses again, where she’s left to pass away.

At the finish line, however, things are going great! Amanda comes in third, followed by Tina Yothers and Dina. Literally feet away, Tracey is nearly dead. Liz finally stops to ask if she might desire some assistance, but nope, Tracey’s good on her own. She’s also speaking in tongues. Coach Mo passes her and then passes out once he crosses the finish line. Sad day! EMTs hook him up to oxygen tanks and decide to take him to the hospital. It seems wise to take Tracey as well, since she’s prostrate on the ground, looking towards a bright white light.

When a medic approaches, she jerks away and screeches that she’s not hurt. She literally jumps faster than she’s moved in the entire race. Maybe he’s the motivation she needs in her life! In the meantime, everyone else completes the race. Even Shay finishes and she probably ate a hot dog along the way. With things going so dismally, the cast decides to help Tracey as a group.

Tina Yothers, whose real name is apparently Rebecca, tells us Tracey’s legs were Jello. Even with twenty people lifting her up, she’s unable to stand. Y’all, the woman is legally dead. The cast hauls her body into a standing position and helps her cross the finish line…at which point they promptly drop her to the ground.

Amanda is clearly the best nurse ever, what with all the attention she’s giving Tracey! Medics surround Tracey’s body and ask her to sit, but she’s beyond the grave. Her eyes roll back into her head, despite demands from Amanda to “open your eyes for your kids.” She’ll have to watch her kids from above because things have clearly come to an end here.

It’s seriously unfortunate, especially when the cast keeps hassling her to speak even though she basically has a tracheostomy tube in place. Tracey has seen better days, to say the least. When she falls completely unresponsive, the EMTs call for backup. A helicopter arrives to medevac her to a hospital, although that’s partially because she couldn’t fit into an ambulance. The cast weeps and rends their garments, but then it’s time to pick partners, so…see ya, Tracey! Fortunately Alison tells us Coach Mo and Tracey will remain part of the competition.

To pick partners, the cast will spend an hour getting to know each other. That means we get to know more about them too! Allen tells us he was in excruciating pain when he finished the race, which clearly makes him a prime candidate for a partner. He says he couldn’t help Tracey because of his own poor condition, and in his career, that’s a no-go. This man should be on the unemployment line, I’m just sayin’.

An engineer named Rudy talks about his former life as a football player, which necessitated heavy eating and workouts. Unfortunately the football and workouts dropped off along the way, but God bless, the man can eat. Tina Yothers tells us she weighed 235 pounds by age 14, and she’s tired of just being the girl with the pretty face. This sounds very tragic until Shay explains she was homeless and her mom was a heroin addict. I’m betting Tina Yothers can deal with her pretty face now!

Julio, another person we’ve never seen before, says he gained 100 pounds after meeting his wife. That must make her feel special. He and his wife promised their kids they’d change their lives when they turned 40, so he needs to keep that promise. It’s all about the kids, after all! On that note, it’s time to meet Abby. Two-and-a-half years ago, she had the perfect life: husband, daughter, son. Then they were all killed in a car accident. The entire cast doubles over and bursts into tears, and Julio successfully feels really uncomfortable.

Abby believes she’s here for something bigger, and she thinks this is her second chance to make a difference. I’d say she’s making a difference just by virtue of hanging in there after that kind of tragedy. Humpty Dumpty agrees, saying Abby’s story punched him in the face. He already irritates me, so I wish she’d do it herself.

Once everyone dries their eyes, it’s time to pick partners. Since Daniel won, he gets to go first and pick his co-pilot for the Orange Team. He speaks of a girl who touched his heart, and that girl is Shay. On Abby’s behalf, I’d like to say: damn! Imagine losing your entire family and you still can’t get picked first. Like shit needs to be worse for Abby, you know? Daniel interviews that he picked Shay because she’s so enormously fat, and he can stand alongside her.

Allen goes next and picks Abby, yay! They’ll make up the Green Team. Amanda chooses Tina Yothers to join the Pink Team, and Rudy takes Dina for Blue. Antoine picks Humpty Dumpty for the Red Team. The Brown Team will be Liz and Danny, and that leaves Alexandra to choose her partner. Julio is the only person left standing, but she can choose Coach Mo or Tracey as well. Considering those folks are in traction, Alexandra hedges her bets and picks Julio. He’s delighted to be slightly less useless than people who are unconscious! They’ll make up the Black Team, meaning Coach Mo and Tracey will be the Purple Team.

Alison recognizes it’s been a tough day for the cast, but it’s not over yet. Time for the first weigh-in! She leads the cast to the Biggest Loser gym, but those treadmills aren’t their most important resources. Those would be Jillian and Bob, who stand on a platform in all their skinny glory.

The cast swarms the trainers for hugs, and Jillian awkwardly asks, “Who is everybody?” I love that this bitch couldn’t look at a fact sheet, couldn’t glance over a bio ahead of time. So professional! After these heartfelt introductions, it’s time for the Pink Team to lead the weigh-in. Tina Yothers is worried about America seeing her weight, especially since she doesn’t know it herself. She weighs in at 279 pounds, while Amanda weighs an even 250.

Tina Yothers bursts into tears, and since she’s wearing a sports bra and jostling all over the place, she holds her stomach down as she cries. That’s how you know things are bleak, y’all. The Green Team takes the scales next. Allen weighs 325 pounds, while Abby brings up the rear with 247 pounds. She says this number surprises her but doesn’t define her, officially making her too sweet and endearing to mock.

On the Black Team, Alexandra comes in at 309 and Julio is 407. For Team Blue, Rudy and Dina weigh 442 pounds and 253 pounds respectively. Next up is the Brown Team. Liz weighs 267 pounds and Danny represents with 430 pounds. This inspires Coach Bob to shake his head and blanch in disgust, which is basically the best thing ever. Don’t hide your feelings, Bob.

The Red Team boards the scales, weighing in with a total of 811 pounds. Antoine makes up 367 of that, with Humpty Dumpty taking over the other 444. Jillian considers this a downward slope in the health of America. Also on a downward slope: Humpty Dumpty’s nipples.

Last but not least, there’s the Orange Team. Shay is nervous for everyone to see the bad choices she’s made, but admittedly we could see that by looking at her. Daniel weighs in at 312 pounds, as we knew, but Shay rocks the house with 476 pounds. She’s officially the heaviest contestant ever, and officially in contention to play Ralphie May’s body double.

Bob is simultaneously horrified and delighted. He tries to pass his grin off as encouragement, telling Shay she has the perfect teammate, but we know she’s totally sustaining his paycheck. With the weigh-ins complete, Alison explains they have a week to get their asses in gear. Then they’ll return and weigh in as a team.

Exhausted by climbing the steps to the scale, the cast retires. They meet Jillian and Bob at the gym the next morning. Bob says they’ll need to wear their “body bugs,” which sounds contagious, but apparently this is provided by 24 Hour Fitness to monitor calorie loss. Every night the contestants will enter their calorie intake into a computer as well, leading to some fancy maths.

Next, Bob and Jillian reveal they’ll both be training the cast this season, which means nothing to me. The contestants clap so hard they cough up organs though, which is fitting since Jillian analyzes the season by saying, “I think there’s gonna be a lot of blood.” She’s gotta get her rocks off somehow, I guess.

Training starts off with immediate yelling and weeping, so it’s a success! Jillian hopes to teach America how to take tragedies and turn them into opportunities. Bob is already good at taking opportunities to berate people, so he hones his skill by mocking Amanda’s lazy ass. Hopefully he never needs any medical care, because…well, she can’t provide any either way.

As Tina Yothers sweats and cries, Bob quizzes her on how much she weighs. In case you forgot, she is fat! Shay’s in a similar boat. Jillian tethers her to a motorized ladder, which Shay is predictably poor at, and then insults her. I get the idea behind it, but for reals, Shay is almost 500 pounds. Girl is not adept at climbing! She falls off the machine and without missing a beat, Jillian bends over and screams, “Shay, get the fuck up!” Jillian should write for TVgasm.

She ties Shay to the machine again, since that worked so well the first time, and then says she’s bored. She says she’s not going to “cosign Shay’s bullcrap,” which is not an actual phrase, for the record. Fortunately for all of us, Shay cosigns with herself. She hops off the machine and says she’s done. If she was trying to spice up Jillian’s life, she’s a hit! Jillian goes batshit, but Bob convinces Shay to mount the ladder one more time. Were it not for him, I imagine Jillian would’ve just stabbed her.

Shay kicks the ladder lamely, but it’s enough of an effort for Jillian to calm down. She tells Shay this program is a choice; if she chooses against it, no one can help her. Unfortunately, Shay chooses to quit. Daniel tries to convince her otherwise, but he’s tethered to the climbing machine too, so he’s busy hyperventilating. Left all alone, Shay gives up and leaves.

Back inside the gym, Bob asks what’s going on. I love that Jillian throws a shitfit so fucking often, he can’t even be assed to listen to the details. She explains the situation and says they need to give Shay some space. Shay’s received a lot of attention, so now they need to see what happens when she’s flying solo. Jillian wants to give her a day of rest, to which Bob is like, “Are you fucking retarded?” He chooses ten minutes of rest instead, but they compromise on 30 minutes. 30 minutes, 24 hours, same dif.

Outside, Shay weeps. Supposedly she’s never quit anything in her life, but she appears to be awfully good at it. After a little while she realizes if she stops now, her life will never change, so she sacks up and goes back to the gym. She’s greeted by Jillian shouting in her face, which means she’s basically back where she started. She cries over being ashamed, causing Jillian and her sparkly gold nail polish to aggressively grab Shay’s shirt. Jillian does realize she’s 40, right? Should one of us go notify her?

Jillian says there’s nothing to be ashamed of, although really, she must be unaware of that nail polish situation. She tells Shay she won’t accept less than 100%, and then it’s back to the ladder. This time Shay manages to pull it off! As a reward, Jillian knocks her unconscious.

Back at the contestants’ house that evening, Coach Mo returns! When he was hospitalized, he was dehydrated and had low blood sugar and low blood pressure. Basically he was a hot mess of ills. You’d think this would make him compassionate towards Tracey, but when he finds out she’s his partner, he totally sneers. Way to go, Coach Mo! Tracey is still hospitalized until further notice, so he’s on his own. That’s karma for him being so sassy.

The next day, the contestants travel to the California Health and Longevity Institute. They’re met by Dr. Huizenga, the Associate Clinical Professor of Medicine at UCLA, and he explains they’re all about to die. Comforting! I’m surprised he can focus on this at all, what with his mullet blowing in the breeze.

Each contestant went through physical exams before the show, but since they’re all ridiculously obese, Dr. Huizenga wants to study them further. It’s like he’s discovered a new species, Folksus Overweightica. Outside of a surgical setting, there have never been results like those on The Biggest Loser, so the cast will shape the world through research, etc. These platitudes will mean very little when someone’s ass gets stuck inside an MRI machine.

The cast files in to meet with doctors. Danny’s results show he’s too large for this earth, so his doctor rockets him into space.

Watching people undergo medical exams is not as exciting as it looks on The Discovery Channel, but Humpty Dumpty eats this shit up. He talks about how spectacular it is to be a research specimen, but his excitement wanes when Dr. Huizenga is like, “You wrote down you have no medical problems. Have you looked in a mirror, sir?” Clearly not. Humpty Dumpty proudly states that it’s not like he has diabetes or something, but uh…he totally does. That’s what you get for showboating!

Coach Mo sits down with the doctor next, and he’s promptly berated for his hospitalization. He’s 55, but his exams show his body is 69 years old. This is bleak, but things are bleaker for Shay, who’s actually 29 but physically 45. Admittedly things are always bleaker for Shay. She confesses that her mom died at age 48, so this is a huge wake-up call.

After everyone is successfully embarrassed, the cast returns to the gym for their Last Chance Workout. It’s basically the same as every other workout, except Bob and Jillian scream, “Last chance, bitch!” at every turn. The biggest challenge comes for Coach Mo, who’s still alone since Tracey is still intubated. Bob hollers, “Purple Team’s not gonna be the first team to go home, right?” and Coach Mo replies, “Not the first, no.” They’ll be eliminated, sure, but they can wait a week or so!

While Coach Mo pushes himself to the limit, Julio pushes himself straight to the ground. Seriously, dude couldn’t stand up if his life depended on it. We’re treated to a montage of him falling and Jillian heckling. When he collapses for the fifth or sixth or hundredth time, Jillian trills, “Anytime you lay down, I’m going to think: dead father!” That motivates him to get up and kiss her on the mouth, which means mayhaps he’s had an aneurysm.

Bob says this group has a lot of baggage, and he’s not even setting up a punchline about being weighed down. He seems like he might genuinely care for these people, whereas Jillian just finds them comical. Clearly I can’t blame her, but still. Bob sits down with a weepy Humpty Dumpty, who finally admits he has type 2 diabetes. Bob’s response is “Yeah, I know,” which is a little anticlimactic, but he sweetly promises not to abandon Humpty. Then he walks away, so…there’s that.

Alexandra and Jillian meet for one-on-one time, which is a nice reminder that Alexandra is a contestant. She drags her feet during her workout, so that’s Jillian’s opportunity to call her a loser. Alexandra maintains she’s been through some heavy shit, but Jillian refuses to believe it until Alexandra screams her entire life story. It’s basically just “I was fat.” As always, Jillian is completely phased.

Finally it’s time for the first weigh-in! The cast is universally determined to do well, which is pretty impressive. I guess there isn’t really any pussyfooting about this challenge: they’re either fat or less fat, end of story. Each team will weigh in, and their weight loss percentage will show up in a list. The pair with the least amount lost will fall below a yellow line, and that marks the team that’s up for elimination. One person from the losing team will be sent home.

Since Daniel won the race challenge, the Orange Team has immunity but still needs to step on the scales. After one week, Daniel has lost 12 pounds and Shay lost 17. They’re down 29 pounds total, or 3.68% body weight! Alison reminds Daniel of how revolting he used to be, and they celebrate his upcoming entrance into having a weight in the 200′s. Meanwhile the floor creaks beneath Shay, who still weighs more than Daniel ever did.

The Pink Team is the first to weigh in for real. As they step on the scales, the monitor behind them immediately says they’ve lost a total of 24 pounds, but no one seems to notice this. Yay, poor editing! Shockingly, the gals weigh in less 24 pounds, or 4.54% of their weight. Tina Yothers lost 18 and Amanda lost six, making her completely incompetent in every arena, not just nursing! She cries and says she couldn’t have pushed harder, but it sounds like she could’ve pushed herself up the stairs once or twice and seen better results.

The Blue Team is next. They need to lose more than 31 pounds to make sure they stay above the yellow line, but Rudy can essentially go to the toilet and take care of that number. Sure enough, he loses 28 pounds and Dina loses eight, bringing them to 36 pounds and 5.18% lost! They’re guaranteed safety for at least one more week. The Red Team takes the next turn, and they totally win this round.

Antoine loses 18 pounds and Humpty Dumpty loses 22, bringing them to a total of 40 pounds lost. This inspires them to do a victory dance, to which Bob rolls his eyes and mutters, “Oh, Lord.” No one can blame him; there’s a whole lot of shaking going on. Antoine says he’s never lost this much weight in one week, concluding you can do anything through this program. Alison thanks him for this compliment as though she had anything to do with it. The Red Team lost 4.93% of their weight, so that’s enough to outdo Pink.

The Brown Team must lose at least 31 pounds to beat the Pink Team. It’s a close one, but they come in with a loss of 34! Liz makes up ten pounds of that number, with Danny bringing home the rest. The two of them are totally ecstatic about this. Danny feels like he’s broken a chain off his leg, and Liz says it’s always taken her a year to lose ten pounds. Together they’re unstoppable! The Brown Team lost 4.88%, sliding in just above the Pink Team.

For the Green Team to ensure their safety, they’ll have to lose 25 pounds or more. Fortunately they’ve lost 34 pounds, so our girl Abby is safe! She’s down 15 and Allen is down 19, bringing them to a percentage of 5.94. Everyone’s thrilled! Except for the Pink Team, of course. Allen reminds us he’s doing this for his family because he’s afraid to die, which makes everyone shift uncomfortably. Abby says her experience is totally different. That’ll happen when you officially have no family left. Abby says death doesn’t scare her; getting up every day is what’s terrifying.

The more Abby talks, the more Jillian loses her shit. For once this doesn’t involve yelling or projectile-vomiting pea soup, but she totally bursts into tears. Abby says she wants her life to be the best it can be, no matter the odds. Jillian replies that she’s never been able to rationalize losing someone she loves. Her plan has always been to kill herself if faced with that situation, but after meeting Abby, she knows she can be stronger. There’s totally nothing to mock here – that is cute and sweet and everything good in the world. Abby seriously better win this mess! Either way, she’s got another week on the ranch.

There are two teams left to weigh in, Black and Purple. Black is up first, and they need to lose more than 32 pounds to be safe. Alexandra drops 13 and Julio drops 13, and…that totals 26. They didn’t pull it off! They only lost 3.63% of their weight, and this means the Pink Team is officially safe. Alexandra immediately says Julio should’ve lost more poundage, which is probably true but still totally bitchy to say in front of everyone. Let’s hope she sticks around!

With Tracey still in a medically induced coma, Coach Mo will weigh in solo for the Purple Team. He needs to lose at least 12 pounds. Everyone holds their breath as he climbs on the scale, and miraculously he weighs in less 19 pounds!

He’s totally cute about his accomplishments, saying he can’t wait for Tracey to come back and enjoy the win. Should she be resurrected, it’ll be a grand day indeed. Coach Mo’s weight loss equals 5.35%, putting the Purple Team in second place for the week! The Black Team is officially up for eviction. The contestants have one hour to talk about the nominees, and then Alison will meet them in the elimination room.

The cast gathers to hear Julio and Alexandra’s speeches. Julio feels blessed to have Alexandra as his partner and thinks she’s super deserving, but he deserves just as much. He reminds everyone he made a promise to his children, and that means he really needs to stay in the competition. Meanwhile, Alexandra came here because she’s always been overweight. If she goes home now, she’ll continue to struggle. Staying on the ranch means she’ll have another chance to fight.

The Black Team leaves the room so the cast can deliberate. Humpty Dumpty says they should vote based on pounds lost, and that means Julio needs to go home. Allen says it’s not fair to look at someone as a number though. It seems Allen has missed the central conceit of this show, but so be it!

It’s time for the eviction ceremony. Each team enters the room with a platter that lists their evictee. The Purple Team votes first, and Coach Mo bases his vote on the person he knows best. That means he wants Alexandra to go. Tina Yothers speaks for the Pink Team, stating they just couldn’t send Alexandra home. That means there’s one vote for Alexandra, one vote for Julio.

Humpty Dumpty thinks one of the nominees could go home and finish what they started. That means the Red Team voted for Julio to leave. Daniel agrees, choosing to vote for Julio because Alexandra’s never had a chance to be thin. Julio had that chance and squandered it, so sayonara! If Julio gets one more vote, he’ll be sent home.

The Brown Team identifies with one nominee more than the other, so they want Alexandra to leave. The Blue Team thinks their nominee will be able to lose weight at home, so they also want Alexandra eliminated. That means the final vote comes down to the Green Team. Each candidate left a great impression on the Greens, but ultimately one person can finish their weight loss journey solo. That person is Alexandra.

With that, she’s sent packing! She tells everyone what a great time she had, but it’s totally obvious she’s lying. All she cares about is clocking Julio in the mouth, but in lieu of that, she hugs everyone and goes on her way. She is not the Biggest Loser, except she went home first, so…she kind of is. She promises that success is not determined by the number of days spent on the ranch. Success is determination! Success is putting down the Ho Hos!

Sure enough, we cut to Alexandra in present day and she looks amazing!

She’s lost 60 pounds so far, which is seriously awesome. She’s also gained confidence in her daily life. Not only can she fit behind a desk now, she’s realized she can talk to guys. Apparently she had a crush during her whopping seven days on the ranch, and now that she’s marginally thin, he’s willing to give her the time of day. Sounds like a match made in heaven!

What say you? Are you rooting for anyone so far? Who gets on your nerves? Leave your thoughts!