Boardwalk Empire: ProhiWHAAAT?

Welcome to “Boardwalk Empire,” Friends.  Believe the hype.

The credits roll to a familiar Scorsese, classic rock theme, and Steve Buscemi – Nucky Thompson – walks to water’s edge at the beach.  He stares at the ocean, and the clouds start moving faster.  He pulls out a cigarette, and the daylight starts to fade.  Then the first bottle of Canadian Club Whiskey washes ashore.  Then another, then another.  Then the sea is filled with them as the boss watches, and hundreds of them wash ashore.  Satisfied, Thompson turns around and heads back to the Atlantic City Boardwalk and into the sunset.

First shot is a tight one on a ticking watch.  It’s late night on a cloudy ocean as a sailor unloads crate upon crate of Canadian Club Whiskey to a smaller boat.  Shifty-looking men in overcoats nab the stash and pack it into a stockcar.  The second leg of the journey is on.  The cars are headed to New York City, on their way to making sure a desperate population can kick off the Roaring Twenties appropriately – with the clink of a million ice cubes.  Mais, qu’est-ce que c’est?

They’re so gonna fall for it.

The men hop out to investigate, and when they discover the man’s still alive, humanely decide to push him out of the way as opposed to just running him over.  Lucky man.  But as soon as they move Mr. SONotDead out of the road, two men in masks with Tommy Guns jump out of the woods and score the booze!  The accident was a fake!  The man getting robbed threatens the two men – do they have any idea who’s load this is?  All he gets for his trouble is a, “Pretty fuckin’ obvious now, ain’t it!” and a gun butt to the head.  Never argue with someone who’s a) already got your shit and b) is pointing a big gun at your head.

As I understand it, this is usually what happens.

THREE NIGHTS EARLIER.  Ah, another one of the moments in history I sincerely wish I could have crashed, preferably whilst stoned.  It’s a women’s temperance meeting!  In Atlantic City!  Hosted by Dana Ivey!  Oh, it’s lovely – velvet hats, hobble skirts and all the big, long, curly hair you could ask for.  Also, the heavy stench of judgment.  Not everything Old Tymey is quaint and fun.

I simultaneously want to wear their clothes and punch them.

Mrs. McGarry is reading this awesome poem against the evils of drinking (which will be published at the end of this recap because it is NOT to be missed), and when she finishes, she introduces Enoch Thompson, Atlantic City Treasurer – so happy to have such a pillar of the community come speak to them.  He steps to the podium and greets the ladies, already in his thrall.  He tells a story about a young boy I can tell is bullshit from the minute he opens his mouth, but I’m hooked by the first word anyway.  This guy is good.  The young boy lived through the Blizzard of ’88.  Not with the help of his drunken father, though.  Nope, that asshole had vanished into the ether as his son he crawled through snow chest high, paper wrapped around his feet and stuffed in his jacket to the trainyard.  Where he searched for help, but found only rats… for dinner.  In case you were wondering, the women are practically apoplectic at this point – especially Kelly McDonald, who receives several close-ups throughout the speech.

This means she’s important.  Also soulful.  Possibly tortured.

Of course that young boy grew up to be the man speaking to the women today, and if there were one or two stragglers in the audience who weren’t quite convinced that Nucky Johnson was the second coming, he tosses in his support for Women’s Suffrage.  Hook, line and sinker.  Before starts commanding the women to get together and form a giant Charleston flash mob, Michael Pitt (henchman) walks through the auditorium, letting Nucky know it’s time to take his leave.  I think the most amazing thing about this scene is that it’s the first time in my 15 year relationship with Buscemi (starting with “Fargo”) that I have ever found him attractive.

I think it’s the suit.  And his mad public speaking skills.  It’s definitely not his nickname…

As the two men walk out to Nucky’s powder blue Rolls (baller!), Jimmy Darmody, aforementioned henchman, balks at the idea of his tailored boss feeding on rats.  Nucky rolls his eyes and quotes the first rule of politics – never let the truth get in the way of a good story.  Then he whips out a flask, takes a swig and heads out to party for the last night of legal drinking.  Fuck temperance!

And God bless Martin Scorsese for understanding pace.  I have a feeling one of the stars of this show is going to be Atlantic City herself.  All bright lights, pastel paint and ocean views.  We’re at minute 10 already, and all we’ve gotten in the way of a scene being set is a peek at the Boardwalk skyline.  Until now, until the big reveal, until the… girly show!  A man in a straw hat and a brown suit calls for folks to “Step right up and see the girls who put the ‘oh’ in ‘oh la la!’”  And there are children in the audience!  Awesome!  The emcee good-naturedly shoos the children away to activities that are more age-appropriate, and we meet up with Nucky again, this time in white tie as he walks through his kingdom.

This is another moment in history I’d like to crash, but I don’t think I’d need a flask.

The scene’s about what you’d expect for a night that amounts to what would happen if four different New Year’s Eves banded together to create some kind of super-subspecies of drinking night.  People are simultaneously drinking their faces off and stocking up on booze.  There are baby carriages full of champagne wheeled around, people are messily dumping out potato bushels to fill the baskets with whatever alcohol they can score before midnight.  There’s even a blackface band holding a New Orleans style funeral for a giant bottle of whiskey.  Nucky walks though all of this, cool as a cucumber, even telling a few people to calm down on his way, because if there’s one thing he won’t have to worry about, it’s an available liquor stockpile.

He and Darmody head to Babette’s Supper Club and are greeted by the lady herself – dressed in a tuxedo that matches Johnson’s.  I want to be friends with her.  Nucky asks if his brother’s upstairs and she confirms yes, they all are.  Hmm, who’s they?

The scene inside Babbete’s is much the same as it is outside, but slightly better dressed.

“They” just so happen to be Atlantic City’s Powers That Be, and Nucky holds court over all of them.  There’s the mayor, the entire city council and the sheriff (Nucky’s brother Elias).  In less than two hours, he announces, Prohibition will go into effect.  But no one seems particularly unhappy about this prospect.  Mostly because not only does Nucky promise to make it seem like Prohibition never existed in Atlantic City, the prices for the alcohol he’ll be providing will increase “twentyfold,” and they are all going to be very, very rich men.  He’s supremely confident that people will pay considering it’s either that or… stay sober.  I think we’ve all been faced with that prospect before, and I know exactly what I’ve routinely chosen.

Someone raises the point about the fact that yes, this is technically illegal, and Sheriff Elias (the drunk, obnoxious sheriff Elias), bellows that they have nothing to worry about so long as he’s in office.  But what about the Feds – specifically the Prohies?  Oh.  That’s not Probies after all.  My bad!  Nucky compares them to nothing more than dogcatchers that aren’t worth worrying about.  Let’s get down to business – how shall we organize this crime?  Everyone at the table is a ward boss.  They will take orders from restaurants, hotels, etc. and then relay those orders to the sheriff, who will supervise delivery.

It really is pretty organized.

Lastly, for some personnel changes.  Some skinny dude named Patty Ryan is getting promoted to Clerk of Ward Four, but he’s not nearly as important as Jimmy Darmody’s reaction to the promotion.  Jimmy Darmody – Michael Pitt – who just got home a month ago from The Great War and probably expected a bit more than what he got – is to be Ryan’s Man Friday.  Don’t blame him, really.  It’s cool to be a Girl Friday, but Man Friday?  Lame.

Cut to two hours later back down on the dance floor at Babette’s.   A countdown starts, and then it’s midnight.  A blowsy trombone wails taps to a silent crowd until someone cheers, “Prohibition!” and black balloons descend from the ceiling and drunken wails and cheers mourn the era of government sanctioned tippling.  Babette pops champagne and Nucky dances with a girl for whom the term “floozy” was coined.  Darmody stands off to the side, a soaking wet blanket, obviously with more on his mind than the end of an era, and eventually just bolts.  He gives Nucky an excuse about his stomach hurting and heads out while everyone continues to revel.

See, f-l-o-o-z-y.

The next morning, Darmody sits at home, waiting on his wife to finish making his breakfast.  His son attempts to put oatmeal everywhere but his mouth and Darmody bemoans Jack Dempsey for dodging the draft.  Angela, his wife, says she believes the man’s innocent, but Jimmy contests that there’s no way Dempsey would’ve given up all the opportunities of his life as a boxer to hop the pond and sit in a trench.  That’s pretty much exactly what Jimmy did, though, as we learn with one pointed look from his wife that he dodged Princeton in favor of going overseas.  And since there isn’t a GI bill yet, going back isn’t really a possibility with a wife and son to support.  When Angela tries to look on the bright side mentioning that he could learn a lot working for Patty Ryan, Jimmy calls her screwy for thinking he’d work for a sap like Ryan.  Boy, Michael Pitt is a great actor, but he is choo-choo chewing this early century dialect.  Skeezix and screwy and sap don’t sound right coming out of his mouth and he knows it.

Anyway, his plan is to talk to Nucky.  About what, he doesn’t say, but he does mention that two years killing Jerries didn’t prepare him for much else.  Darmody definitely fits the bill of a man forced into a criminal agenda, even if he’s the one doing the forcing.  He actually reminds me a little bit of Tony Blundetto in this moment, but without the will to try and start up his own massage parlor.  I like his family, though.   Angela’s an artist and his son is effing cute.

CUTE.

There is one thing Darmody might be good at, but probably isn’t in his future, is joining the ranks of the newly formed Prohibition Agents.  There’s a series of shots that look like a cross between boot camp and FBI training exhibiting a bunch of burly men jumping over hurdles, shooting guns and jogging.  At the end of the montage, there’s a graduation ceremony.  The speech given highlights several important characteristics of federal agents – most important: good character.  Hilarious.

Around 2:30 in the afternoon, we head to Nucky’s.  He’s asleep next to Lucy the Floozy, much to the chagrin of his manservant, who’s desperately trying to wake him.  Interesting contrast with the picture of his late wife on the dresser and the loose lady in bed.  Looks like Nucky’s stopped trying to find women who measure up.  Apparently it’s now unavoidable that Nucky get up because not only is his schedule pretty full, there’s a pregnant girl.  A pregnant girl who was at the temperance meeting?

You bet!

Thompson’s wasting no time in getting a plan in the works to distribute as much illegal booze as possible throughout the country, and to that end, mafiosos from both Chicago and New York arrive at the Ritz that day.  They’re watched closely by one of the Prohibition Agents that was onstage during the graduation.

Back to the charitable portion of our show this evening: Margaret Schroeder.  She’s Irish… I think, and married to a German named Hans who likey the drink (and the gambling {and the beating}).  Also, that aforementioned pregnancy?  Her third.  Nucky is incredibly kind and solicitous to her.  It’s really sincere – to the point where Margaret can’t quite believe someone’s behaving this well toward her, but that might just be the lifestyle she’s used to.  She can barely get the words out when it comes time to tell Nucky how he can help her, but she does manage to reveal her husband’s vile nature in so many words.  And just when you thought things couldn’t get more uncomfortable for Margaret, just as she’s commenting on how lovely Nucky’s late wife is, Lucy half stumbles out, giving us an example of an early 20th century walk of shame.

Nuck, have you seen my phone?

Margaret finally manages to get past all of the awkwardness to ask Nucky to find a job for her husband – he’s a baker’s helper, you see, and only works through the tourist season.  Nucky doesn’t have anything at the moment, it seems, but he does pull out a wad of cash right then and there to get Margaret through winter.  When she tries to refuse, he insists, and once again insists that she accept a ride home from him.  Margaret’s so moved that someone isn’t treating her like garbage that she offers to name her child after Nucky, a move he promptly and wisely detours her from.

Nucky walks Margaret out and hands her off to Jimmy, who’s to drive her home.  Man Friday takes the opportunity to inform Nucky about the arrivals of Chicago and New York, and Nucky confirms they’re all set for 8pm.  Jimmy also mentions that there’s something he needs to talk to Nucky about, but he’s brushed off and told to meet his boss down by the pier after he’s seen Margaret home.
We follow Nucky on a walk through the sunny, blustery boardwalk and I got the strongest sense memory from this moment:

I grew up in the Midwest and one of the biggest differences in the weather between there and SoCal is that it’s pretty rare in the latter that you get a sunny day that involves a wintercoat and a scarf.  Associating the sun with severe, biting cold is just one of those niggling regional differences that no one ever talks about, but that strikes me hard every once in awhile.

Nucky walks along the boardwalk and stops to windowshop at a baby incubator… exhibit?  I don’t really know what one would call a storefront that announces you can look at tiny babies for a price.  Nucky watches, entranced, as a nurse takes a tiny premee from out of the window display unit in places the child in one of their state-of-the-art incubators.  He’s very sad in this moment, and I assume it’s because he is truly moved by the plights of the less fortunate, and not because this entire scene is so motherfucking creepy it’s making me afraid of babies.  Nucky turns around and smokes a cigarette staring at the ocean, like he’s waiting for something.

Jimmy’s driving Margaret home to the Townie side of town, but she stops him before he actually gets to her house.  It’s better he leave her there, and she needs no help inside.  Being seen with Jimmy=time with the whoopin’ stick.  He watches walk into her house, “welcomed” by her jackass husband, and does not like what he sees.

If there’s one thing I like in a burgeoning criminal, it’s a strong sense of family values.  Makes for good contrast.

Back at the pier, Nucky’s meeting a fisherman named McCoy as they watch the Catch of the Day come in.  The two men mince words a bit about McCoy’s recent trip up north and his return with souvenirs, then finally start speaking a language 21st century Americans will catch onto a bit faster.  McCoy’s expecting a shipment of 500 crates of Canadian Club Whiskey tonight (brief flashback to the stonefaced fisherman from the episode’s opening, in case you needed something spelled out for you).  The crates are going for 100 bucks each, and Nucky balks a bit at the price.  But it’s not too high, as Nucky offers him $30 grand for the whole shipment and makes it a once a week arrangement.  McCoy agrees and makes some bad joke about loaves, fishes and the whiskey business and Nucky pretends to find it funny.  The two men strike the deal and Nucky walks off.  McCoy protests that they were supposed to get a drink, but Nucky fires back that he’s already got what he wanted so what the fuck would they talk about?  I think at some point Nucky’s disdain for the people he’s forced to work with is going to bite him in the ass.  Or shoot him in the ass.  Either one.  
Jimmy follows Nucky off the pier and once again tries to bend the other man’s ear.  Once again, it’s to no avail.

Next stop: funeral home!  Jimmy and Nucky walk through a viewing in progress, and the mother of the deceased is awed to discover that Nucky Thompson knew her husband!  Of course – last month they spoke.  The widow whispers something about a laryngectomy to her friend, but Nucky’s off to his actual business before they can investigate.  Downstairs there’s what used to be a beautiful girl lying on a slab, post-autopsy.  And thank God that’s just a pit stop on the way to the real location because I thought this show was gonna get very “Maria Full of Grace” on me for a minute.

I literally said to myself, “I didn’t know they used girls to transport booze during prohibition!  This hideous custom needs to die!”

There’s another guy for Nucky to measure his self-worth against hanging out.  His name’s Mickey, and he makes an off-color joke about the girl that I won’t repeat here.  Not because it’s gross – it’s just not very funny and I can’t really remember it.  Nucky moves Mickey along to show him what they came for, and the back wall is revealed to be a fake, leading into an underground distillery.  Nucky’s fighting the fight on all fronts, it seems.  Smart man.  Mickey proudly explains the process they use to make potato liquor into various incarnations of booze.  Essentially they take one part of booze they already have, add eight parts water to stretch it, then some potato liquor and food coloring to create different “flavors.”  Jimmy asks if they can make scotch, and Mickey confirms.  Even gives him some to try, which he promptly spits up.  Mickey jokes that that’s the formaldehyde they add, and this quip earns him a broken glass to the head.  A bit of an overreaction on Jimmy’s part, but I wasn’t sorry to see it.

Mickey’s a douche.

A fight ensues, a gun goes off shooting through the viewing upstairs, and Nucky throws Jimmy out.  He goes, but not before getting one more slap in the face into Mickey.  Kind of a bitch move, but it reeks of awesome.  Nucky busts Mickey’s balls for making stupid jokes and calls him on his “bohunk” bullshit.  Mickey objects to the stereotypical and racist term, and informs Nucky that he’s changed his name to Doyle.  No more bohunk crap for him.  Nucky asks why “Doyle” and chooses not to point out that dude might as well have named himself Mick Paddy for all the good “Doyle’s” gonna do him.  Mickey explains that it sounds better, and Nucky comments that a rose by any other name…  Mickey’s obviously not heard this quote and eats a “Read a fucking book!” from Nucky as the boss heads out, disgusted.

Now he’s got to deal with Darmody, who’s kind of confusing at the moment.  Nucky’s so far beyond someone like Mickey that he has a hard time why Jimmy would let himself get so upset to the point of fucking with business.  Apparently Jimmy’s got a bug up his ass about more than drinking maybe poisonous booze.  He wants a better job.  One that is not clerking for a “mick” he could run circles around.  Nucky’s impressed at Darmody’s balls in asking for a prime position without his own years of kissing ass behind him.  Jimmy counters with the fact that he did, in fact, Nucky’s own ass from the time he was 12, and Nucky fires back that then he went away for three years.  Oh.  He went away and left his girl and his son – did he consider how that might have made them feel?  I think the real question is if Jimmy thought about how that would make his surrogate father feel, but we’re in the world of men and they won’t be speaking of those things until one of them’s about to die.

Jimmy mumbles that he was serving his country, but in the corner of Nucky’s heart that’s pretty cynical, only rubes die for their country.  Jimmy could have done better with those years.  If he’d stayed in school, things would have been different.  As it stands now, he needs to slow down and get the lay of the land.  Jimmy disagrees, but Nucky won’t budge.  Neither will, Jimmy, though – he even refuses $1000 in cash from Nucky’s pocket because he doesn’t want money – he wants an opportunity.  Then Nucky utters the words that he’ll regret in a day or so – “This is America, right?  Who the fuck’s stoppin’ ya?”

Two words: Tacit Permission.

Speaking of needing an opportunity, it’s back to Margaret.  It’s dinner time, and I notice that when she’s cutting bread, she’s not wearing a wedding ring.  Hmm… did she sell it or were they just never married?  Her husband stumbles in, hungover (and I when I say hungover, I mean in the sense that he’s been drinking all day to cure the previous night’s hangover), and asks her once again about how she came to ride home in a motorcar that day.  Nervously she repeats that she felt faint in front of church, Mr. Thompson saw her, and generously allowed her the use of his car home.  Hans walks over to her and beckons her to come around the table to him.  Margaret puts the bread knife down – nervously, because she’s afraid to face her husband without a weapon.  He makes to tenderly brush the side of her face and then roughly grabs her hair, demanding to know where the cash under the mattress came from.  Oh, crap Margaret.  You’re husband’s a violent, gambling, alcoholic and you don’t know where to hide the money, yet?  She tries to explain that it was charity and the money is for the children, but needless to say, her husband beats her, calls her a whore, makes the children cry and sits down to eat.  Oh, and pockets the cash.

I wonder who will kill him?  Nucky or Jimmy?  Maybe they’ll just contract it out.

It’s 8pm and time for the Mafia!  Nucky returns to the Ritz Carlton and is immediately pulled into one of those bear/slap on the back hugs Italian gangsters are so fond of.  A man named Johnny Torrio introduces him to a native Italian in a rabbit coat named Big Jim Colosimo, and the men head inside.  How do I know these names, you ask?  Well, remember that Prohy that got the close up onstage at the graduation, then wound up at the Ritz earlier this morning?

Yeah, that’s him.

Well, he’s in a phone booth, observing the lobby introductions between Thompson and his guests.  Not only is there already a language/culture barrier between Thompson and his new friends, there appears to be one between the two agents getting down the details of the meet.  For ease of reading, these agents will be referred to as SmartAgent (guy from the graduation) and AgentSmart (in homage to our favorite bumbling secret agent).

Arnold Rothstein and Lucky Luciano arrive, and they’re translated fairly well, but when SmartAgent describes Big Jim as the man in the Hamberg, AgentSmart doesn’t understand the phrase.  Then Big Jim takes off the hat and it’s not relevant.  Another large man in a nice suit walks up to the gladhanders and AgentSmart asks who the new arrival is.  “The Concierge,” SmartAgent answers.  “Sierge?”  “He’s the manager.  He works here.”  The cold rage disguised as patience in this scene on the part of SmartAgent is true artistry.  AgentSmart tries to confirm that the man in the red tie (Arnold Rothstein) is Big Jim, and then refers to Lucky Luciano as Nucky Luciano (which, actually, kind of an easy mistake).  It’s a massive shitstorm of incompetence and all SmartAgent can do is gently put the phone down in frustration as the five men he can identify in his sleep walk past a fellow agent who can’t get their name’s right.  Oh yeah, the Prohies are definitely fighting an uphill battle, and that is, as of yet, no fault of their targets.

Bet you’re wishing you could have a drink now, hmm?

Thankfully, it’s time to look in on another organized crime dinner.  Nucky’s holding court once more, and despite some cultural differences like clams being slang for dollars totally confounding Big Jim, everyone appears to be getting along.  Rothstein reveals himself as a teetotaler – he likes to stay sharp at the tables.  He’s a professional gambler who cleared two million on last year’s world series alone.  Nucky’s impressed, and I’m wary.  Always be wary of people who know more about getting money for free than you do.  Colisimo appears to get along with everyone, offering to host Nucky at his restaurant/whorehouse in Chicago.  A man with both of those things to offer probably would get along with everyone.  Obviously he likes people to be comfortable and satisfied – the mark of a true host!

It’s Torrio who gets down to the business at hand – how do they get booze from the open gates of Atlantic City to New York, Chicago and surrounding environs?  Thompson is more than willing to play ball, but before he can ease his way into it, Luciano’s bullheaded nature puts a damper on the evening.  He wants to know how much Nucky can supply and whether or not they can have all of it.  Nucky’s put off by Luciano’s lack of respect and naked ambition (he’s had enough of young upstarts bullying their way to the top for the night), and says as much.  Luciano leaves the table to cool off, and Rothstein, far savvier thus far than his partner, smoothes out the wrinkles and apologzies for his young friend.  Nucky’s not entirely won over, but when Rothstein offers him an opportunity to unload his shipment of Canadian Club for $60,000, he doesn’t refuse.  The meeting ends with a handshake, and a promise to settle up in cash the next day.  Oh, also a stipulation put forth by Nucky that Rothstein use his own men to make the pickup.

Oh, so YOU’RE getting screwed in two days!

Outisde, the drivers are waiting on their masters and Darmody strikes up a conversation with Torrio’s man.  Jimmy asks how much Rothstein and Luciano are worth, and the numbers aren’t small.  To the tune of ten million on Rothstein’s part and half a million on Luciano’s.  And Luciano’s only 23 or so.  Jimmy marvels at how such wealth can be achieved at such a young age, and Torrio’s man reveals Luciano’s got his hand in a lot of pots – gambling, hijacking, even drugs.  He did six months for heroin a while back, but bought a judge to shorten the sentence.  You can practically see the stars in Jimmy’s eyes as a whole new world of possibility opens up to him.  Jimmy asks if Torrio and Chicago are gonna get into liquor running, too, and the other driver confesses that Colosimo isn’t interested in the risk.  Apparently our Italian friend is convinced there’s enough money in whorehouses to sustain Chicago through the upcoming dry spell.  Who wants to have sex with a hooker sober, I ask?  Then the masters reappear and it’s time to head back to work.  The two men say their goodbyes and introduce themselves – it’s Al Capone!  Awesome!  I love surprise reveals!

The next day, Jimmy and his wife spend a day on the boardwalk with their son, who’s name shall be Skeesix for now because he has been given no other.  They hit a silent movie, avoid saltwater taffy (why?  So good!) and contemplate getting a picture.  The day seems perfect until the feds show up.  SmartAgent introduces himself as an Special Agent Van Alden of the Bureau of Internal Revenue, and he’d like to see Jimmy for awhile.  Angela immediately wants to know what it’s all about, but Jimmy puts her off (early gangster wife training), and tells her he’ll meet her at home later.

Get used to it…

The feds pull the usual workup of threats and compliments in trying to simultaneously get Darmody to turn on his boss and accept a new job as a Prohy.  Van Alden’s there, playing a bit of a bad cop.  It’s clear he’s got some sort of particular vendetta against Nucky, and maybe some sort of crazy right-wing Christian tendencies.  While the other, older agent bills the Bureau position as an honorable one, Van Alden refers to it, dangerously, as a godly one.

I hate people who say “godly” when their faces say “deadly.”

It appears Nucky did want to see Lucy later as we cut to his room that day while she’s bouncing up and down on top of him crying, “Giddyap, Cowboy!  Giddyap!”  The funniest part about this scene is not what she’s saying, it’s Nucky’s insistence that she shut the fuck up so he can concentrate.  He also seems totally at a loss for why she would be acting in such a way, but that doesn’t exactly make him get out from under her.  I think one of the things that’s the most charming about Thompson’s character is that he’s so supremely confident in some areas, and so utterly at a loss in others.  It’s especially funny when those areas are crime and crazy sex – two you’d expect to overlap.

Then it all gets even better when Nucky’s manservant, Eddie, interrupts again, this time because he heard screaming – is everything all right?  Lucy hops off in frustration, and Eddie begs entrance – a casino manager is on the phone and it’s important.  Just as Nucky picks up the phone, Lucy screams at the door, “Screaming??!  We were fucking, Eddie!  Fucking!”  Love her.  Love.  Her.

Nucky gets on the phone with Lolly, his casino man, and is informed that Rothstein’s been at the tables for 16 hours straight and has taken them for $90,000.  That asshole!  Apparently the casino’s not that flush at the moment, so Nucky’s gotta get down there.  And he would, if Lucy hadn’t locked him out of the bathroom and refused to let him in.  It’s a good thing Lucy isn’t right in front of him at the moment, because Nucky has a shitfit of epic proportions and he and Eddie try to break down the door.  Hilarious!  It is mightily apparent that Nucky does not like to take it in the backside in any way shape or form – especially if one of those forms costs him money.  Oh, and Darmody’s out sick all of a sudden, FYI.

I love Lucy.

Nucky heads to the casino to confront Rothstein and is greeted by Lolly.  The manager accuses Rothstein of being a cheater, but being who he is, is pretty much impervious to getting the shit kicked out him the way he deserves.  Arnold and Lucky are all smiles when Nucky comes to cut them off.  I give them both the finger because in this movie, I am so not on their team.  The house just isn’t big enough to handle Rothstein’s game, is all.  Rothstein slyly suggests a line of credit, and Nucky suggests, coldly that they get to know each other a bit better.  Lucky does NOT react well to this snub at all and almost hauls off and throws down with Nucky right then and there.  He’s calmed by Rothstein, for the moment, as the calmer man quietly tallies up what Nucky owes him.  $93,000 minus $60,000 from the liquor deal is $33,000.  Nucky’s been had.  By upstarts.  But all he can do at the moment is cash’em out and walk away.

Actually, I spoke too soon.  There is something Nucky can do.  He can beat the shit out of Margaret’s husband when the other man shows up at the casino gambling Nucky’s charity away.

And then it’s a midget fight!!!  I can’t believe Chelsea Handler didn’t request a walk-on just to be present and a part of this scene.  Capone’s up front laughing his ass off and Darmody – NOT SICK – approaches from behind.  The two men shoot the shit for a few seconds before Jimmy asks what Al knows about Rothstein’s shipment coming in that night.  Hmmm…  I think we’ve identified our masked men, ladies and gentlemen.

Are you there, Chelsea?  It’s me, Nugget.

There’s a montage that follows – a vaudeville show Nucky’s attending with Lucy interspersed with masked men setting up a fake accident, Prohies, specifically Van Alden, praying before they head into what looks like battle, and finally, Rothstein’s men load up their whiskey and head out.  It’s officially  three nights later, Ladies and Gents.

The Prohies stalk through the woods, just near the accident site.  Capone and Darmody have Rothstein’s men in their crosshairs and the two sides lobby threats back and forth until a few twigs break.  Capone nearly loses his shit right then and there, but Darmody calms him down.  The Prohies creep closer, until finally… a deer emerges from the woods!  Capone really does lose his shit this time and starts shooting.  It’s a pretty spectacular bloodbath ending in the death of all of Rothstein’s men, one in a particularly gruesome way at the hand of Jimmy’s shotgun.  He really did change Over There.

Oh, and the Prohies were never anywhere near the accident.  They bust poor Mickey Doyle’s distillery, and what Jimmy really did with the Feds that afternoon suddenly becomes a lot more genius.  Hey, kid was off to Princeton.

Margaret’s not having such a good night, though.  Music plays over the sound of screaming, crying and broken glass.  Her husband stumbles out of the house and we peek in the window to find Margaret on the floor, her face bloodied and her baby in distress.

Think it’s time for the incubator.

Nucky’s out with Lucy at Babette’s when he receives word of both the raid and the theft.  He and his brother go over the body count and they’re both a little squeamish at how brutal the truck robbery was.  Better get over that, Gentlemen.  You’re in the vice business, now.  Elias brings up the strange coincidence that while the Feds were busy raiding the funeral home, the robbery was happening less than three miles away.  Is there a traitor in their midst using the Feds to his advantage?  Elias doesn’t want to point it out, but Jimmy has gone mysteriously missing all of a sudden.  Nucky starts at that, but allows Elias to go look for the driver and bring him in for some questions.

But when Elias heads to Jimmy’s apartment, he’s not there.  Angela is, though.  And in her confusion about her husband’s whereabouts, she accidentally reveals Jimmy’s meeting with the Feds earlier that day.  That pretty much clinches it for Elias, and he’s on a rampage in Nucky’s office the next day about Jimmy’s greed and disloyalty.  Nucky’s still not convinced that Jimmy had purely selfish motives at heart.  He’s probably remembering Jimmy’s fervent assertions that he’d changed overseas – really changed.  Nucky heads out to get some air and away from his brother’s smothering rage and meets Dana Ivey right outside.  She was just coming to see him!  Coincidence!  Probably the very last person on God’s good green Earth Nucky wanted to see is the person who’s standing in front of him.

I feel like those are the character Dana Ivey does best.  People who think everyone is happy and lucky to seethem, and are always, always wrong.  I work with a number of people like that.

He tries to brush her off, but she just wanted to drop a package off to him before she heads to the hospital.  Nucky hopes it’s not serious, but it’s nothing to do with Mrs. McGarry herself, rather one of the members of her temperance group – Mrs. Schroeder.  She’s got Nucky’s attention now.  Apparently Mrs. Schroeder suffered an injury and lost her baby.  Nucky nervously inquires as to the nature of the injury, but Mrs. McGarry, subtle for the first time this episode, admits she’s not at liberty to say.  She hands him the package and trots off the opposite way down the boardwalk.  Troubled, Nucky takes a moment and finally opens the brown paper package.  It’s a framed rendering of the ridiculous poem McGarry recited during her Temperance meeting at the beginning of the episode.  And now, for your reading pleasure:

That’s “Owed to Liquor,” Folks.  Fridge material if you ask me.

Disgusted, he tosses the poem in the trash and stalks off.

And now it’s finally time to meet Nucky’s boss – the elusive commodore.  He’s an older gentleman in a plush room, reading by the fire.  A servant announces Nucky’s presence and he gruffly orders her to show him in.  The commodore, he does not stand on ceremony.  The two men discuss Nucky’s current mess and Rothstein’s dead men at the accident scene.  The commodore doesn’t approve of Nucky’s involvement with New York, and Nucky brushes it off as a favor to Chicago.  Besides, Rothstein gave him a good offer on the booze.  Until, the commodore snaps back, “he buggered you the next day.”  True.  “Fucking Rothstein,” the commodore mutters, and hands Nucky The International Jew: The World’s Foremost Problem, by Henry Ford.  Ah, a shining moment in the history of our country’s captains of industry.  Uncomfortable, Nucky politely puts the book aside and comments that his problems are bigger than international finance.  Aww, Nuck.  Momma said there’d be days like this.

It’s seven years to the day of Mabel, his late wife’s death.  The commodore’d just gone to jail.  Not a day goes by in which Nucky doesn’t think about her.  The commodore sadly mutters that maybe she’s better off.  Ouch.  Pouring himself a drink, Nucky bemoans that he can’t already have Feds wandering around the city looking for trouble.  He has to give them an arrest, the commodore says.  At least, that’s the tune he’s singing until Nucky reveals that it was Jimmy who pulled off the heist and left Nucky holding the bag.  At that point, all the commodore can do is marvel to Nucky and the dog on his lap that Jimmy Darmody has some balls.  I think Nucky’s finally got the idea.

Good timing, too, because Jimmy’s waiting outside for him.  Shocked and pissed to see him (but not murderously so), Nucky throws a lit cigarette at his driver and asks what in the name of liquor, women and all that his holy he was thinking.  Jimmy tries to calm him down, explaining that the robbery didn’t go down like it was supposed to (no worries, Jimmy.  None of the important ones do.  That’s why we have mobster movies!), and Nucky wonders how that’s gonna sound when Rothstein’s giving Jimmy either his first or second circumcision.  He also wonders why Jimmy went down the road in the first place when Nucky tried to set him up with some money and a job, and Jimmy again protests that he’s not a kid anymore.  Nucky stares at him for a minute and asks him if killing and larceny make him a man.

Oh, I cannot tell you how much I loved that moment.  I have watched myself many a mobster flick and show, my friends, and with that line right there, this one’s become different.  Yes, it’s a pretty familiar storyline to have a man who’s already sacrificed his own soul try to save a younger man from making the same mistake, but something in the Steve Buscemi’s delivery, not to mention Nucky’s obvious guilt at what happened to Margaret, makes me think that Nucky’s not aware he’s given up anything just yet.  Maybe that’s his journey ruling the empire.

But poor Jimmy might not have anything left give up, which is kind of what he’s been telling Nucky for the entire episode.  The war changed him, and he really believes he’s already going to hell.  Since that’s true, he wants suits, diamonds and lots of fucking money before he goes.  Nucky warns him not to underestimate him – he could have Jimmy killed.  But he won’t, Jimmy knows.  And since that’s the truth, Nucky doesn’t have much more to say.  Jimmy shoves an envelope in his hand and tells Nucky the times are over when a man could be half a gangster.  And Jimmy’s there to help do the things Nucky’s not ready to face.  Nucky asks what’s in the envelope and of course, it’s his share of the take from the night before.  Nucky protests he didn’t ask for it, but Jimmy reaffirms his loyalty to his boss by telling him he didn’t have to.

Take that, Elias!

And now, Cats and Kittens, time for the closing montage set to “I Left My Love in Avalon”.  Capone drives back to the welcoming arms of Chicago and Torrio who might have awesomely planned the whole thing.  Capone drives off to Chicago, his future awaiting him.

Also in Chicago?  Big Jim Colosimo’s corpse, shot dead in his restaurant for refusing to see the future.

As for Nucky, he peeks into a palmistry shop to get a strange look from the reader.  He heads home, gets a shave, and heads back out to a florist.

Finally, if anyone bet Hans Schroeder was going to see the light of the second episode, you have a thing or two to learn from Rothstein.  The cops pick him up outside his house, drive him to the harbor where Elias his waiting for him in a boat.  They head out to sea, all the while Hans getting the living shit kicked out of his no-good, wife-beating, Nucky-insulting ass, and then finally killed and tossed overboard.  And if that weren’t payback enough, his body is found in the catch of the day, and subsequently framed for the murder of Rothstein’s men at the robbery.  If that’s not 360 management on Nucky’s part, I don’t know what is.

Before we close for the week, the music changes to a ballad (I know because they announced it).  Nucky heads to the hospital with flowers for Margaret.  She opens her swollen eyes and can’t believe what she sees.  Nucky gently sits down on her bed to visit, and the two get a short break from the ugliness of the day.

The End