Breaking Amish Minicap

Recaps

By Sugarbush | Monday, October 29, 2012 | 2:55 pm | 7 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Breaking Amish, Recaps

 

This week on Breaking Amish, everything is explained in clear, sense-making detail!

Hahahahaha!!!  Juuuuuuust kidding!!

I may actually be more confused this week than I have been in previous weeks.  This show is like the Benjamin Button of reality TV.  I now know less about these people than I did when watching the premier.  

This week, everyone returns home to face the wrath of their communities.  Jeremiah returns to his fiancee?  Girlfriend?  Wife?  Ex-wife?  Whoooo?????  I have no clue.  She was his fiance in the premier, but since then we’ve learned that Jeremiah was once married, joined the church when he was 16, and that the Amish do not believe in divorce.  Therefore, I have no fucking clue what’s going on.

Kate returns to a father and mother who want nothing to do with her.  She returns to New York to begin her sure-to-be-a-lifelong career of modeling, since she has a CONTRACT!  A contract for 30 days.  She still doesn’t seem to understand what “probation period” means.  She moves into the model apartment and learns that life as a budding model sucks ballz.  She attends her first two auditions and is told to lose yet another 5 lbs, because 110 lbs on a 5’10″ frame is just too damn heavy.  I guess she could just get on ANTM so that Tyra can tell her she’s too fat and then chastise her for losing weight and becoming anorexic.

Rebecca comes home to an empty house.  She heads out to the phone outhouse and learns that she has Amish friends how answer the phone on the first ring and that her family up and moved while she was away.  They even took her stuff.  Nice.  Abe’s mom, being the only cool one on the show, still loves her son but tells him he’s got to go so she doesn’t get shunned, too.  So, our happy little couple has no family left.  What does a down-and-out couple with no loved ones do?  Why, they plan an expensive traditional English wedding, of course!!  $25K sounds like a good spend for a wedding with 5 total guests, including the bride and groom.

Sabrina says she’s going back to the Mennonite community, but I’m confused because she still dresses English and whines a lot.  Her story really didn’t blossom on this episode, so I’m not sure what’s going on.  I do, however, understand that she’s still living in Lancaster.  Because their only “friend” is living in Lancaster, Abe and Rebecca plan to move there to host their pointless wedding.  

Sabrina is going to be the Maid of Honor (or Matron, because she was once married…or is still married?) and Jeremiah is going to be the best man, because frankly Abe has no other friends and Satan was too busy.  

I’ll have the full cap up shortly, but I can’t promise that I’ll know more at that time than I know right now.  Maybe if I get drunk FIRST, I’ll be able to grasp more…?  Maybe??

Pages: 1 2
Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

7 Comments

  1. 1
    alice
    Posted October 29, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    theses people on fakeing amish need to get better writers..now after Rebecca talks to abe on the phone did abe get to her so quickly..was it magic..and is abe’s family real..at lest since rebeccas family moved out and left a empty home..INSTANT HOME FOR REB AND ABE AND GHOST CHILD THATS HIDEING SOME WHERE..
    this people are tossing money around like paris hilton…should’nt they be saving?
    shame on you TLC ..!!!

  2. 2
    mirabelle gingerbread
    Posted October 30, 2012 at 12:22 am

    what I didn’t get was why rebecca kept saying in the first half of the episode “no family, no friends, no abe” “I’ve lost everything, even abe” “wherefore art thou abe?” over & over again like they had a big break-up (which they didn’t in the last episode, didn’t he just get pissed off at her & there was no real resolution to the whole thing??) then she calls abe in the phone house & he’s there and he’s like, “okay, we’re gonna get married now” without rebecca seeming relieved or ANY talk of “let’s get back together”??!?

    this show is very confusing yet I’m oddly addicted to it & rebecca’s slurred voice. also, my name is rebecca too & last week your message in the sand had me screaming with laughter!

    I keep thinking that reality tv has reached new lows & then a show like “breaking amish” comes on the air. these yokels are the yokeliest I’ve ever encountered. there are hardly any brain cells between the 5 of them, abe, jeremiah & poor rebecca can’t even put proper sentences together without looking like they’re about to have a stroke. they make honey boo boo & her family seem like the new think tank for NASA.

  3. 3
    mere2142
    Posted October 30, 2012 at 6:20 am

    I was thinking the same thing – who the hell is coming to their wedding?

    And Sabrina dropping her marriage bomb – confusing – is she married or not? Jeremiah’s exgf/wife/fiancee just picked up and moved? Along with Ree-becca’s whole family? Man this show sucks….YET I CAN’T STOP WATCHING!!

  4. 4
    labowner
    Posted October 30, 2012 at 9:56 am

    This train wreck reminds me of Mellie and family from MBFAGW. So looking forward to the reunions where they clear every thing up for us.

  5. 5
    Helena Handbasket
    Posted October 30, 2012 at 9:56 am

    I know it is really pointless to ask these questions…but why did Rebecca, Sabrina, and Jeremiah even worry about being shunned if they went to New York – shouldn’t they have been shunned already for having gotten divorces??

  6. 6
    Pyper
    Posted October 30, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    I am convinced these peeps are all wanna be actors.. Notice when Jeramiah went to see Ivy the girlfriend/fiance/wanna be model too – a freaking AC unit in the window – seriously do they make those gas powered nowadays ? I was sad we didn’t get a glimpse again of Abe’s hot sister…

  7. 7
    Rebecca
    Posted October 31, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    or the power outlet in Rebecca’s abandoned house?

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.